Dear Stranger,

Times have been turbulent recently. Mind a chaos of confusion. There has just been one after stone thrown causing random yet repeatitive interference in the calm lake that signifies our relationship. I hated the last two weeks.

I have not slept well. If at all. You can see the dark circles around my eyes, or maybe the constantly tapping feet showcasing my well veiled anxiety. Perhaps you can see my unsteady hands or confused mind? I have felt like I have been going crazy.

It felt nice and comfortable and happy when we used to meet often. Now we somehow end up disagreeing over the smallest things, arguing over nothings. Then there is the long intervals where I can't see you or kiss you. I don't know how it makes you feel but I just feel like tearing everything and everyone apart when I have stay away from you too long.

I can't make you understand the importance of your presence in my life. I have tried. But, it's not been enough to truly make you realize. Words can never explain to you the mess that my inner concious is right now. Everything is happening at once. In dark nothingness. There should be patience in me. There should be calm. But now I find none of that left in me. I have overdrawn on my ability to let things be. I have dried up the well of patience. I have started becoming cold to things again. I have started to feel less again. I have begun losing my touch or care for the world or the people in it. The other day I saw an accident, people get curious, people try to help, people stop and call someone, me? I just swerved around the scene not giving it a second glance earphones still stuffed in my ears, listening and humming along to bethoven.

There is a book called "The art of not giving a fuck."..or something? I feel as if I am the muse to that one.

You see the paras above? It's all about just I, Me, Me.

This is how I get when I get numb. I become the center of my world. I become numb to outward stigmas.

I miss you. I miss being able to be around you often. I miss meeting you often. I miss kissing you randomly. I miss pulling your hairs and fucking you till your legs shake. I miss you screaming my name telling me to choke you. I miss your tongue playing with my penis, your lips taking it all in a rhythmic fashion. I miss the day you slathered cake all over your body and looked up at me shyly from the bed, baring it all for me to consume.

I miss the day we first met, so full of uncertainty yet expectant still. I miss the day you declared yourself mine. I miss the feel of your lips on mine, claiming me so unexpectedly. I miss when You and I became us.

I miss our past, I miss the present, I miss every moment I've spent with you. And expectant of all the moments that have yet to come.

I know you will have to leave me. But until then? I hope that I could have all of you to me.

PS: Got to sleeeeeep

Only yours