《Space: Not the Rear!》Chapter 3 - Happy Meal?
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I shudder as I think to her. ‘So how much for my meal…’ I blink as my sub thoughts start screaming. ‘(Hold the phone. A.I.? Who’s an A.I.? I’m an A.I? WTF? WTH?)’ I practically scream at L.I.V.E my composure up till now is shot to hell and back and I’m not talking about a meatloaf. ‘I’M AN A.I.?’
L.I.V.E. replies “I’m sorry your urgent request will be put on hold till the current requested comercial is finished playing. All policies and procedures can be read in your term of services in the Windox EULA. Please read it at your earliest convenience. To bypass such situations in the future please pay for the basic premium subscription.”
A crackling sound passes through my ear drum before a jingle starts playing. “Out and In. Out an In. That’s what a burger does till it comes back out.” Ding I hear a bell alarm go off then a male voice who sounds like a sarcastic talk show host from the 1980s (Yes A.D) says. “Thank you for purchasing the menu of Out and In burgers. 100 credits have been deducted from your account and a DLC has been downloaded to your food regulator. Which will allow it to simulate our menu for a price. Your current order is 12,345 credits. ERROR!!! You have insufficient funds. When proper funds are available please go to your ships food regulator to acquire your meal.
‘(....)’ silence in both my surface thoughts and my sub thoughts. ‘(I think that commercial just somehow intimated taking a dump after eating it’s burgers. What is wrong with these commercials…. Haaa…. It reminds me of one of the 90s (Yes again A.D. reference) Douche commercials “It can make you fresh.” Just makes you want to face palm over and over and over and...Wait. Forget about the damn comercial. 12k credits for a goddam hamburger. Are they High? What kind of insane inflation is that. It’s almost like the currency is based on the chinese Yuan. Not to mention they charged me 100 credits just for the menu. That’s highway robbery. That’s the most vicious malware download I’ve ever heard of. Charging for a menu. What is the universe coming to…)’
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L.I.V.E states. “Due to the previous request not being possible for completion due to incompetence and lack of funding. In addition you are still in the incubator and can’t partake of oral satisfaction in your current state ‘We’ can still sate your hunger. Implementing nutrient fillup.” As she finishes vocalizing her intent a sploshing sound can be heard from the tube going into my throat. A warm and bloated feeling starts to well up the inside of my stomach till it finishes leaving me overfull.
’( Wait screw the food and their inflated prices. What about the A.I.? As in foreign guy robot who says “I’ll be b….” Wait nononono)’ I repeat to my surface thoughts. ‘L.I.V.E WHAT ABOUT THE INFORMATION OF ME BEING AN A.I.?’
At that moment another Ding went off.
[Windox initializing 5% Windox time Remaining 1h 15m 59s.
Activating Nanites…]
And then all hell broke loose inside of me. It started somewhere down near my tailbone I think. It was like an electrical discharge slowly climbing up my back but each millimeter it climbed has it’s voltage and amperage increased.’(Oh hell no. nonononoonononon.) NOOOOOOOO!’ Both my surface and sub thoughts were inharmony for once as, not unimaginable, but very real concrete imaginable pain climbed my back and into my skull. If not for the tube down my throat my voice would be joining them as I would scream like a little girl or if I don’t want to be sexist, like a prepubescent boy whose balls haven’t dropped yet.
“Answer to your question will have to wait.” Says L.I.V.E in a neutral tone. “Your primitive mind and body can’t handle the truth right now. To further enhance your primative comprehension informational downloads can be purchased after the nanites integrate with your nervous system. Please prepare for an extreme amount of pain. Your pain threshold is about to exceed tolerable levels and you will pass out in 10, 9, 6..”
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‘(AHHH it HURTS!) Wait what happened to 7 and 8?’ I query through the pain.
“3, 2, Thank you for using windox time estimation goodbye.” L.I.V.E responds promptly.
‘I’m gonna hurl’ I think my last thoughts as I pass out from the pain.
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