I opened my eyes - not my blood shot astigmatic old oglers from earth either. These badass steel colored babies saw the world in hyper crisp resolution. In the real world everything seemed drab and fuzzy. If earth looked like it was a set thrown together by a middle school theater club then EG was Broadway.

I was in my bed in the master suite of my favorite permanent EG home - not the island. I do love that place but it’s inconvenient. My real home was the entire top floor of a skyscraper in EG’s largest city. The bed I was sitting up in was bigger than a king sized bed and more comfortable than anything earth could ever offer. The three thousand thread count abyss moth silk sheets I had splurged on made sure of that. I slid them aside and put my feet flat on the cool marble floor.

I was wearing nothing but a pair of white boxers and as I stood up I looked into a full length mirror with a fancy carved wooden frame depicting swans, roses, and feathers. A piece of furniture like that would cost ten grand easily in real life and it was damn expensive in game currency too. It was worth every last gold to me, I was a vain son of a bitch here after all.

Exiled Gods recorded the basic looks of a player like height and hair color. That was where the resemblance ended. In EG, my five foot nine inch frame looked like it was right out of the golden age of action movies when Arnold and Sylvester fought over my allowance every weekend. My face had a permanent three day beard, my jaw was square, my tan skin was flawless, and my nose was straight. Black, shiny hair was combed back at a diagonal angle in a classic ‘gunner’ style. I smiled a genuine smile that fully reached my bright grey eyes, exposing deep charming dimples and white perfect teeth. Real life me would hate EG me with a passion. Good thing they would never meet.

I stepped into my walk-in closet which could hold two of my real life rooms and touched a floating icon that hovered in front of one of the long racks of suits. A translucent interface appeared hovering before me at eye level and I took a second to select my base outfit.

“The patch notes said the new Abyss was solo only and fantasy themed. I’ll need to cap ele resists since fantasy always just means a shit storm of magic attacks and dragon breath. They didn’t say there was an inventory limit so I should bring that crazy pack I won for hitting 999 in the last Abyss.” I mumbled to myself as I selected several articles of clothing which appeared on my body as I tapped them. A stylish charcoal grey suit with a black collared shirt reminiscent of the outfits worn by a certain famous super spy appeared complete with golden lion head cuff links and polished black dress shoes. In my hand was a slim leather wallet that I slipped into my breast pocket. The look told one story, the stats told something else.

*Equipped: Sightless Titan’s Soul Pyre-Chest Armor

(Item Score 812) Skin: Midnight Silk Shirt

+272 Endurance

+1,000 Degrees Heat Resistance

+500 Degrees Heat Resistance Capacity

Indestructible

Physical Nullification Tier 3

Soul Linked: LainTrain90-Can’t be Traded

*Equipped: Pillars of Valor- Leg Armor

(Item Score 730) Skin: Charcoal Slacks

+120 Strength

+120 Endurance

Indestructible

Unstoppable Tier 2

Soul Linked: LainTrain90-Can’t be Traded

*Equipped: Prismatic Veil-Cloak

(Item Score 888) Skin: Charcoal Blazer

+1,000 Degrees Cold Resistance

+1,000 Degrees Heat Resistance

Indestructible

Energy Nullification Tier 5

Active Camouflage Tier 5

Soul Linked: LainTrain90-Can’t be Traded

*Equipped: Beast Titan’s Claws- Hand Armor

(Item Score 806) Skin: Golden Lion Cuff-links

+200 Strength

+100 Agility

Indestructible

Pierce Armor Tier 6

Hand Speed Tier 6

*Equipped: Exodus Waltz-Foot Armor

(Item Score 812) Skin: Black Dress Shoes

+225 Agility

+100 Leaping

Triple Jump

Silent Steps

Soul Linked: LainTrain90-Can’t be Traded

*Equipped: Crown of The Shattered Empire-Helmet

(Item Score: 820) Skin: Vanishing Dye

+150 Endurance

Indestructible

Spatial Cognition Tier 7

Soul Linked: LainTrain90-Can’t be Traded

*Equipped: Astral Vault-Backpack (Item Score 999) Skin: Black Wallet

+999 Inventory Slots

Soul Linked: LainTrain90-Can’t be Traded

Outfit secured, I tapped another icon and the clothing rack faded away to be replaced by the largest weapon collection in the game. Swords of every conceivable shape and size, massive axes, daggers, maces, halberds, and other melee weapons dominated the right side. The left side held firearms. Revolvers, semiautomatic pistols, shotguns, sniper rifles, and even some energy weapons right out of a sci-fi movie were all hanging there. Every last one had been looted from the various and many themed Abyss raids that frequently opened. Abysses were the absolute hardest content in EG and always closed after a month, meaning that whatever loot was obtained might never be seen again thanks to the unique way they were generated.

“Feels weird bringing some of this to a fantasy world, but whatever.” I muttered as I tapped two .50 heavy semiautomatic pistols and a magnetic rail rifle. Each disappeared and was added to my inventory. Next I moved to the melee weapons and selected a few of my favorites.

“Charon’s Call is a given, Ethereal Katana for the weird stuff, the buggy dagger if I get cornered, and Grief Reaper in case I need to scare the shit out of some peasants.”

A spear wrapped with a black shawl, a white katana hilt with no visible blade, a rather plain looking dagger, and a comically oversized and wicked looking grim reaper scythe all disappeared from the rack.

“That leaves just over a thousand slots to fill with food, potions, and supplies. Feels like cheating.” I continued to talk to myself as I left the closet and walked over to an ornate trunk at the foot of my bed. I waved a hand at my bedroom door as I walked and grinned as it glowed green for a brief second.

I scanned the massive list of items in the chest and quickly tapped on everything that looked even remotely useful. This part used to be a huge pain in the ass, a player’s basic inventory was only ten slots. A slot could hold around ten pounds and item weights were fairly realistic. Even my previous backpack which was about the best a player could normally achieve was only fifty slots. The Astral Vault was just plain insane. If it weren’t Spirit Linked I knew a few whales (rich players that preferred to buy power rather than earn it) that would give me a literal irl fortune for it. I still had a hundred slots left after clearing out every useful item in the chest. As I closed the console, a loud thump followed by an irritated curse sounded from the door.

“The fuck was that!? Lain did you really Earth Ward your door!?” An offended low voice from outside made me smile.

“That’s what you get for ditching me to bang Serena on the seven hundredth layer.” I retorted loudly to the closed door. “Come on in.”

“Not my fault.” The speaker said, opening the door. “She bought that plaid skirt skin. I’m only human Lain.”

I chuckled as I gave my friend a sidelong glance. His name was Paul Gresham, a firefighter from my hometown in Ohio. He had been my best friend since elementary school when we had gotten into a scrap during P.E. After which we became inseparable until I had to move away. We stayed connected through video games and thanks to EG we were once again inseparable. He was a big guy, the real definition of corn fed farm boy. He wasn’t as muscular looking as me here, since one’s physique was derived directly from stats but he was still built like a bull. His hair was long and blonde and he didn’t use item skins meaning his armor was horribly mismatched and silly looking. Dark plate chest armor, a spiked skull cap, shiny silver leg armor, and high leather boots with faint spectral wings on the sides made him look like a shop had just puked on him.

“How is she by the way?” I asked in a more serious tone.

“She’s got her hands full with her mom’s dementia and constant falls but she’ll be okay. We’ll be down a healer for awhile longer though.” Paul answered, plopping down heavily onto a delicate looking love seat that didn’t so much as creak under his bulk.

Paul’s wife Serena had started playing with us the previous spring and thanks to me rushing them through the low Abyss layers had geared up into a pretty decent healer.

“Ah well screw it, I’m on my off rotation so I can hang with you to at least the high eight hundreds this time.” Paul said trying to pick the mood back up.

“Do you ever read patch notes?” I asked rhetorically. “Solo Fantasy, dork.”

“Oof, guess I’m gonna hit the Bullshit Wall at six hundred again. You gonna break the thousand barrier finally?” Paul asked.

“I hope so. I barely hit nine ninety nine and I was grinding literally twenty three hours a day for the entire cycle last time.” I answered.

“Don’t kill yourself at it, you’re only racing yourself at this point. Ariel’s been hard stopped at seven ninety nine on the solo ladder forever and I don’t see her catching up anytime soon.” Paul advised thoughtfully.

“Yeah well I don’t have anything else going...” I started but suddenly trailed off as the imagery around me flickered and a screeching sound made me flinch.

Everything including Paul was suddenly frozen in stasis and bereft of color, like an old black and white picture. A presence behind me made me spin. There, sitting on my bed was... me. My irl self, the fat slob I had just left farting into a beat up office chair was sitting on my bed staring at me with a smirk.

“Boy did you ever let this body go. This isn’t like you old friend.” The voice was mine but the words and tone certainly were not. It was sly and cheerful. “This is good though. Perfect in fact. You sacrificed this sack of fat to gain that wonderful form. We couldn’t be happier!”

“What is this? Who are you?” I felt a weird cold sensation creeping up my left leg, and I couldn’t help feel like I recognized the man’s mannerisms from somewhere.

“Umm in short, you’re about to die. I know I know right on patch day and your birthday to boot. Aw shucks! A blood clot formed in your leg and is about to hit your lungs-Oh! Speak of the devil!” The fat me pointed as a gout of blood suddenly erupted from my in game mouth. “As for me, I’m one of the developers of EG, and also a bit a god. I liked watching you play so much! Also a HUGE fan of the way you’ve been cheating your way through life. Your back was fine after six months but you just kept playing along. Four exploratory surgeries, fake physical therapy, all so you could keep being a bum. That said, hitting nine ninety nine is something that even we haven’t managed without console commands. So in honor of all the entertainment you’ve given us, I cleared it with my boss and he agreed that I could send you to one of my sister’s projects as a reward! Pretty badass right? I’m even gonna send all the stuff you have on you too.”

“Wait... this can’t be...” A hacking cough sent another spray of blood out of my mouth interrupting me and showering my irl self. I wanted to deny this asshole, my back wasn’t fine! Was it? What the fuck!?

“Oh you’ll be fine. Ariel’s planet is way more fun than earth. It’s even fantasy themed like the Abyss you’re missing out on. Time’s up! Good luck, champ!” With those final words echoing in my thoughts, I collapsed and slipped into darkness.

“Must be some rush of brain chemicals cooking up a delusion so I can cope with dying.” My disembodied thoughts drifted through a black ether. “This sure is taking forever though. If this is the afterlife I’m gonna be pissed. Bored. Boredom. Boring Death. Wonder what Paul saw when I croaked? Aw well he’ll handle it fine. Wonder how long it’ll take those kids to find out I’m dead. My rent is on direct deposit and no one ever sees me anyways. The pizza place’ll probably send a search party first.” The thought made my spirit chuckle. “At least I got a few World First titles in EG, that was pretty awesome. If only that fantasy trip at the end was actually real. What a cruel joke to play on myself.”

My train of random postmortem musings was cut short by an odd buzzing pulse that I could feel throughout my entire spirit.

“The hell is that?”

Each pulse now came with a flash of strange imagery that I could somehow see. White glowing veins of light were rapidly spreading all around me in every direction in erratic pulses. With each pulse more was revealed. Cells divided, neurons formed and began firing pulses of energy to one another. The pulses grew more steady, and I recognized it for what it was. A heartbeat. My heartbeat...

LainTrain90

Level: 120

XP To Next Level: 40%

Body Age: 29

Life: 1664/1664

Soul Energy: 12/12

Strength: 500

Endurance: 832

Soul: 6

Agility: 506

Skills:

Melee Mastery (100/100)

Ranged Mastery (97/100)

Heat Resistance +1,500 Degrees

Cold Resistance +1,000 Degress

Grand Conqueror Aura

Legion of One

Pain Nullifcation (10/10)

Spell Dodge (50%)

Missile Dodge (75%)

Physical Nullification (3/10)

Energy Nullifcation (5/10)

Spatial Cognition (7/10)

Silent Steps

Triple Jump

Pierce Armor (6/10)

Hand Speed (6/10)

Active Camouflage (5/10)

Unstoppable (2/10)

Earth Ward (10/10)

Life Bind (10/10)