《Leave Bad Enough Alone》020. Lizard Lounge
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“So where do we go now?” Clancy asked. There were unexplored passages to the left and right, plus two doors in nearby walls.
“I think I’ve had enough of doors for a while,” Miles offered. “Let’s look through the open passages. Maybe come up with a plan.”
Noninja perked up. “Wow, Miles…that’s actually a good idea.” The others concurred.
“Really?” Miles trilled. “I just thought I was sick of doors and their hidden surprises.”
Noninja pointed to their two choices. “So which corridor?”
“The one that’s as far away from that last room as possible,” Miles declared as he took the one on the right. The others snickered as they followed him.
They passed a door on their right, and as they approached a passage veering away to the right, saw another door coming up on their left. They stopped in the intersection. “Wow, cool!” Miles gawked. To their side was a short passage leading to an arched doorway; beyond it lay some sort of colorful garden.
They drew closer to it. “Stop!” Clancy suddenly yelled.
Miles groaned. “What now?”
Clancy looked irritated. “Look around you. What do you see?”
“I see thick vines blocking entry to the room. But I’m sure I can cut through them in no time.”
“Please don’t,” Clancy pleaded. “What else do you see?”
Miles scanned the area, peering intently. “A large wooden pole with a V-shaped top.”
“And where is it?” Clancy asked.
“Why are you tormenting me like this?” Miles snarled. “Just tell me the answer!”
“Don’t you get it?” Clancy chided. “I’m trying to teach you how to be a better adventurer! I admire your strength and toughness, but if you don’t start thinking through problems, you’re going to get yourself killed, and maybe us too!”
“Fine,” he seethed. “The pole is near the door.”
“And how tall is it?” Clancy probed, looking hopeful.
“It’s…slightly less long than the archway is high.” His eyes lit up. “Oh! We use it to move the vines out of the way!”
“And we do that because…”
“Because it’s probably part of his defenses!” A beaming smile suddenly washed over his face.
“Great work, buddy!” Clancy trilled. “Would you like to do the honors?”
Miles snatched the stick. “I’d be happy to.” He caught the vines gently in its V-shaped top, and slowly lifted them up. They resisted with some tension, but before long, he was able to stand up the pole. They waited breathlessly; nothing happened. The lizards inside the room, some on the ground, some up in trees, eyed them warily.
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“So is that it?” Miles asked. “It’s not, is it? What’s the next step? To see if the vines really disarmed a trap?”
“Good idea!” Clancy trilled. “Noninja, want to take this one?”
He nodded. “Sounds like it’s up my alley.” Noninja approached the archway, then suddenly stopped. “Miles, has that been there the whole time?”
“What?” Miles peered into the room. “The other vine? The one reaching into the air?”
“Yes,” Noninja said quietly. “That looks like an assassin vine.”
Miles threw his hands in the air in frustration. “So now, you’re a big expert on plants too?”
“No, not specifically,” Noninja clarified. “Just the ones related to assassins. That’s kind of my thing.” He crept closer; the vine didn’t move. “Either it’s sick, it’s not an assassin vine, or…somehow, we’re not one of its targets.”
“What should we do?” Lorarona asked.
“It’s pretty small; it might be a juvenile,” Noninja explained. “I say, just be careful around it, and if it attacks, be ready to cut it to shreds.” The other members of the team shrugged uneasily.
Noninja smiled stoically and crept through the archway; the assassin vine wavered a little but, but didn’t attack. He disappeared from view. “Yep, just as we thought,” he revealed. “Moving the vines disarmed a scything-blade trap. One moment.” Some quiet metal-clinking sounds could be heard. “OK, the safety is on. Everyone can come in now.”
The team slowly entered and fanned out. The room was filled with plants and trees, and teemed with lizards of various sizes, but none were longer than a foot. A murky pond was set into the ground to the right. The ceiling was a series of open flaps that let in air and light from outside; they were presently open. A metal mesh covered the ceiling.
The assassin vine moved its tentacles closer to each team member as they walked by, undulating uncertainly, but didn’t attack. “I’m glad we’re not on its list,” Clancy cheered. “But who is?”
“Maybe it’s here to protect the lizards?” Miles offered.
“Well, that’s adorable and all,” Lorarona observed, “but why would anyone bother? It’s not like these species are endangered.”
“Hey, lizards can be very handy to have around,” Miles explained. “We try to encourage them to live in our camps, out in the bush. They eat bugs and spiders, plus they tend to scatter when something scares them, so they’re natural sentinels.”
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Noninja smirked. “Are you a barbarian or a ranger? You’re starting to sound like a ranger.”
Miles’ expression turned sour. “Rangers try to bend nature to their will. Barbarians seek to co-exist with it. They’re two completely different viewpoints.”
“I didn’t realize you were such a philosopher,” Lorarona beamed.
Miles gently scratched a lizard on his head; it closed its eyes and slowly flicked out its tongue. “I am when I’m in my element. You’ll learn more about that if you stick with me.” He flashed a warm smile. “As I hope I’ll learn from all of you.”
Clancy crouched near Miles. “Yep…I think this team’s going to work out.”
Air bubbles began to surface from the murky pond. The team looked at it with some alarm, but the lizards and the assassin vine paid it no heed. “Let’s take a hint here, people,” Miles recommended. “Whatever is about to surface is not a threat.”
The slimy layer at the surface parted, and a larger lizard crawled out of the water. It was about three feet long from head to tail, with green scales, a yellow underbelly, and horns protruding from several places. It stopped moving when it noticed the team members.
“Ye Gods,” Miles whispered. “That’s a shocker lizard.”
“What do you know about them?” Clancy asked.
“Not much,” Miles admitted. “I know they’re a lot of work to domesticate, so despite being really handy guard animals, that rarely happens.”
“I wonder why the inventor would have one?” Lorarona pondered.
“Not sure,” Miles revealed. “But I think I can guess why all these other lizards are here – to keep him company.”
“So he didn’t just use other shocker lizards to do that?” Noninja asked.
“They get pretty dangerous in packs,” Miles explained. He put his hand out and wiggled his fingers. “Come here, buddy,” he called out. “Are you friendly?”
The shocker lizard perused him suspiciously, then slowly started creeping toward Miles.
Miles flashed a brief smile. “Watch this trick.” He withdrew his arm slightly, continuing to wiggle his fingers. The shocker lizard approached slowly, stopping just out of range, flicking his tongue in the air. In a single smooth motion, Miles extended his arm and started scratching the lizard on the head. He jumped slightly, but made no other movement; he let Miles pet him.
“I didn’t realize you were so good at handling animals,” Lorarona gushed.
“No, not all of them,” Miles explained. “Mostly lizards.”
The shocker lizard raised its head; Miles withdrew his hand. After waving its snout in the air, it turned around and dove into the water, making a small splash.
“So what was that?” Noninja asked. “Did you just get rejected?”
“I have no idea,” Miles admitted. “What do you want from me? I just met the little guy.” He looked around. “Is there anything else in this room besides lizards, trees, and the assassin vine?”
The team members exchanged sheepish glances. “We haven’t searched yet,” Lorarona revealed. “We were watching your rapport with lizards. It was pretty fascinating, actually.”
“Well, enough of that!” Miles laughed, standing up. “Let’s see what’s in here.”
Thirty seconds of searching was all it took to make it clear there was nothing of note to be found. Although the lizards and assassin vine continued to regard them warily, they made no other moves.
A splashing sound erupted from the murky pool; all turned to watch a long shape emerge, covered in slime and moss. As that fell away, it became clear it was the shocker lizard, with something in its mouth. It skittered up to Miles, the muck dripping away slowly from it and its cargo. The lizard stopped in front of him, and deposited a jeweled crown at his feet.
“Wow!” Miles chimed, kneeling down to scratch the lizard on his head. “Thanks, little buddy!” He picked up the crown with his other hand and examined it closely. “It looks like the real thing to me, but what do I know?” He handed it to Clancy. “What do you think?”
Clancy looked at it in the light, turning it several times. “Wow,” he said quietly. “This looks completely authentic. It might be the highest-value item we’ve found here so far.”
Noninja spoke up. “I know we usually split the haul evenly, but…Miles? I think that one’s all yours. You’ve earned it.”
The others concurred. A smile slowly spread its way across his face.
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