I had just reached the lunch line when Lucifer pulled himself out of his own ass and appeared beside me.

“Jesus!” I said, scaring the lunch lady.

“A-are you alright, honey?” She said, her grandma face squeezing even more with worry.

“Yeah, sorry I thought I saw something.”

She placed her hand on her chest the way all old women do.

“Oh, no.” Then she turned to look behind her with the speed of a sloth ODing on xannies. “Where?” She croaked.

I sighed. “Miss, it’s fine, I wasn’t paying attention.”

The poor thing kept looking. “Are you sure? Sometimes I hear sounds but-”

“Miss, I-I swear there’s nothing there.”

“One time a raccoon snuck in.”

“And I’m very sorry about that, but-”

“Can you believe it? A raccoon! You know they look like thieves, right? Such naughty animals!”

“That is absolutely fantastic, but really, it-”

“And another time a squirrel came in!”

“A-again, there are no words to describe how incredibly invested I am in the squirrels and raccoons, but-”

“It had wings!”

“…Ma’am, I just-”

“Wings! It flew!”

I sighed. “Are you serious? That’s crazy.”

“Isn’t it?! It flew all around the kitchen until Mr.Brown helped us catch it!”

“Wow, that’s-”

A finger tapped on my shoulder.

I looked back and my heart fell into my intestines when I saw Liz Williams, staring at me with what I’m sure she thought was a neutral expression.

“Hey Liz,” I said, my heart picking up speed. I don’t know what I expected, considering we hadn’t talked in over a year. “H-how you been?”

“Excuse me, you’re holding up the line.” She said, like I was a stranger in line at the deli.

I blinked. “D-did you not see me trying to get her to-”

“Dude, hurry the fuck up!” Some asshole several people behind us yelled.

The line collectively made sounds of agreement, and I turned back to Liz, who was clearly riding on the wave of support.

My stomach boiled, and the blood vessels in my face pressed against my skin until it began to sizzle. I gulped and turned back around, grabbing a tiny bottle of milk and a white chip cookie from the basket before walking away. I heard sounds behind me, but my head remained pointed at the ground. I didn’t even like their stupid burgers, anyway.

“Uh, young man, your lunch-” The lady said, but by then I was already thirteen steps from the exit. I had long since stopped looking for a spot to sit in the cafeteria, and threw away the stupid plate on my way out.

8 steps left.

7.

6.

5. Don’t do it.

4. Don’t!

3. I couldn’t help it. I always tried to fight it, and I always failed. On the third step, I looked back to my old table, just for a moment. My gaze met Jacob and Frankie’s, but as short as it may have been for, I couldn’t take the heat. I broke the gaze and left.

2.

And 1.

And then I was out of the cafeteria.

I still don’t know why I looked at them everyday, you’d think by then I’d have conjured up the balls to try apologizing again, or to just cut them of completely. But while for the most part I had cut contact, but the problem was that I was too much of coward to say goodbye, and too much of a coward to say hello.

I headed to my spot, past their ghosts in the hallways, and their ghosts in the fields. I went to the basketball court, and sat under the bleachers. I peeled open my cookie, and started munching.

“Aaah!” I shouted, shaking my body. It was something I had been doing for the past few months. I still can’t exactly pinpoint why I was doing it, I think it might have been just my way of reminding myself I was alive, as corny as that sounds. My “ah” echoed off the empty gymnasium and bounced back to my ears. I sipped my milk. It wasn’t enough. Being by myself had a way of making me feel like I wasn’t real. Like I was the only one who knew I existed. Like I could be dead and only I would know. I wanted to go back home. To mom eating my Pop Tarts, and whatever the hell Chima was trying to tell me that morning. I hated school back then, but I was too scared to do anything about it.

“Aaaaaahhh!!” I yelled, before taking another bite of my cookie.

“Are you okay?”

“FUCK!” I said, dropping my cookie on the floor and spilling my milk all over myself.

“Oops. Sorry.”

I looked up from my wet crotch to see Belinda Mensah smiling at me.

“Why were you yelling?” She was crouched forward, and her shirt sagged. I bit my lip and pulled my eyes out of her boobs.

“I… was… making sure of something?” I said, or asked, I guess.

She seemed to buy it.

“I kinda don’t wanna know. Can I sit?”

I nodded, and she sat.

To avoid having to acknowledge the silence, I tried cleaning up the milk with my hoodie sleeve. It was unsuccessful.

“So,” I said, giving up, “why are you here?”

Belinda looked at me for a few seconds, then she shrugged. For a moment, my mind conjured up a narrative where she actually came here for me, and she’d been watching me for the past year and was simply yearning to aerial somersault her way into my pants. Who knows, maybe that was why she bought the car, maybe she connected with my dad behind my back and-

“Okay, fine.” She said, “but only ‘cuz you won’t say shit and it’s getting awkward.”

“Well-”

“I went off at my friends, okay?” She said. “I yelled at my friends during homeroom, everyone saw, and now it’s too awkward for me to go sit with them. How do you not know about this shit yet? Literally everyone’s talking about it.”

I couldn’t help it. I laughed.

Belinda’s “what’s so funny” only made me laugh harder, and then, somehow, she joined in.

“It’s pretty fucking stupid isn’t it?” She asked in between laughs. I nodded and pinched the bridge of my nose, clutching my side.

“Oh fuck,” she said, after we calmed down, “I’m in stitches, bruh.”

“Ah, same.” I said. “but also, like, same. I did the same thing to my friends, and now I’m hiding out here.”

Belinda said nothing for a moment, and then we burst right back into laughter. Lucifer tried to tell me something, probably about how I did a lot worse than just yell, but I was laughing too loud, and he must have given up and disappeared eventually.

When we calmed down, Belinda shifted forward and laid on the floor. I wanted to do the same, but then she would have thought I was getting too attached too quickly, which is exactly what I was doing, but-

“Yo,” she said, “my next class is with those friends so I’m gonna skip. You down?”

I gulped. Every word she said had a death grip on me. Talking to Belinda Mensah made me feel like an adult.

I nodded, and she smiled.

“Say less.” she said, pulling out her phone out of her pocket. Her back pocket. I gulped again, wishing I was her phone.

“Put your number in.” She said, handing me the device.

“I-phone,” I said, shaking my head, “typical Ghanian.”

She snorted. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“An inferior device for an inferior nation, you hate to see it.”

Her cackle was the perfect kind of symphony. “Inferior nation? Nigga you say that like we don’t have power 24/7!”

“Nice try.” I said. “Only ‘cuz we gave it to you.”

“And now ya’ll ain’t got shit left. Dumbasses. Every last one of y’all.”

“Shit.” I said. She knew her stuff.

Belinda cackled again as she got up into a crouch.

“See ya,” she said. And then I watched her lips say “Naija Boy” and all but added to the milk in my pants.

“Gross.” Lucifer said, reappearing beside me.

“Fuck!” I said, jumping.

Belinda had just got out from under the bleachers. When I cussed she started slightly before turning back to look at me quizzically.

“Uh…” I said, “love you?”

She rolled her eyes. “Okay, buddy.”

And then she walked away. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I stared at her ass as she left. Lucifer blew into my ear and startled me again. The sound I made caused her to look back at me, our eyes met, and she shook her head. I had been caught.

“Nigerians are all the same!” She yelled, before walking away with significantly less sway in her waist.

I rested my back on the wall behind me, an uncontrollable grin splitting my face. Lucifer sat next me.

“What’re you gonna do if she decides to date you?” He asked. His voice was still. His voice had been still a lot more around that time.

“That’s a stupid question.” I replied.

“Why?”

“What you mean, ‘why’, we just met!”

“So? What’ll you do if you guys spend more time together and then she wants to date you?”

“I-I mean I’ll say ‘yeah’, of course! What am I, stupid?”

Lucifer said nothing in response.