CHAPTER SIX

The Kiss that Broke Heaven

The next day was hot and I went into the library to cool down. The first thing I was going to do involved hitting the switch to turn on the overhead fans, but as I came in I saw they were already going. I put on some music. Not loudly, but loud enough that I could still hear it through my headgear. I slid my headphones over my ears and began sweeping the room for bugs with my wand.

I checked a few of the tables before I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. Looking up, I saw Christian, perfectly still, sleeping on a sofa. I hadn't woken him. As stealthily as I could, I prowled around until I was leaning against an end table behind his head.

“Darling,” I said softly, mimicking the way he always called me darling. It was his way of putting space between us, by making me sound young and reminding me I was under his care. “Darling, darling,” I whispered. “Sometimes I think you want me to grow up so I won’t be your problem anymore, and sometimes I think you want me to grow up so you can kiss me without censure. Will sleepy Christian tell me which one it is?”

“How did you do looking for the bugs? Did you find any more?” he muttered through set sleepy teeth.

“I found three more, but they were in completely different places than where we found the first batch,” I affirmed when he opened his eyes. “Whoever is watching us is a real sicko. Have you figured out who it is?”

“It's hard to tell, darling.”

I dropped down a bit and whispered in his ear, “Do you think my dorm room has cameras installed in it too?”

He looked up into my eyes, giving me an upside-down view of his face. “It's a possibility.”

I lightly smacked the side of his head with my palm. “Why didn't you say something sooner?”

“I check it every chance I get.”

“You could have told me and let me make sure it’s safe, since you’re not around very often,” I retorted.

“Be calm. It's better if you live your life without suspecting they're there, and up until now, that was possible. Lend me your wand,” he ordered. “Let's see how good a job you did finding the little beasties.”

I passed him my equipment and he took it in hand.

“There are superior places to make records from in the room. It’s always wise to check those first.” He gave the room a scan, checking the tables and the entryways. “Looks good, except you missed a second camera over the bookshelf there.” He pointed.

“Then it's not good. I missed one.”

“Yes, but that one is very high up and you would have to be... I don't know, at least six inches taller to have put it in range of the meter. I'd say you did a good job.”

“Do you think we should find another place to live because there are still so many bugs?” I asked, discouraged that I couldn’t get all of them.

He didn’t answer me. Instead, he commented, “This is a new camera. I know this wasn’t here when I did my sweep of the library last week. I’m going to have to start from scratch and do the whole house over again.” He took it over to the sounding block and crushed it with a little more rage than before.

“Christian,” I suddenly said, putting my hand on his tan forearm. “What kind of conversation are they trying to hear? What are they trying to find out?”

He looked at me like I was stupid.

I stared back at him and momentarily pursed my lips in frustration. “Are you and I likely to have a conversation they would want to listen to?”

“Beth, I’m not sure how to react to finding a new piece of surveillance. If there’s a new piece, then I do know who put it here. If it was them, then on second thought, I’m not sure if it’s worth it to scan for new bugs and remove them. As long as we keep your closet clean, so they aren't getting a free peep show, it might be better just to be ourselves. As long as you and I are what we usually are, then there won’t be a problem for the rest of the summer.”

“Isn’t there a place we can talk for a minute?” I asked, feeling blocked.

He turned and led me into a conservatory. “This is a bad room for recording information,” he said, pointing to a noisy fountain that was always running. Immediately, he began sweeping the room with the wand again anyway. “Seems okay,” he said after a couple of minutes.

He pulled the headset off and joined me on the couch close to the fountain. “Is there something on your mind particularly?”

I glanced around the room nervously. “Would it be better to go out? Should we just go out for lunch?”

“Sometimes that makes it easier for people to spy on you. For this moment, I think we're safe. Go ahead.”

I had been doing a lot of thinking, and I had decided to assert my independence. I was seventeen and only had a few months left before my birthday. He would never give me what I wanted if I didn’t tell him what I wanted.

“I don’t want you to be my guardian anymore,” I said slowly, shyly meeting his eyes.

His expression was wounded, but only momentarily. His face immediately took on the mask of good-natured tolerance he sometimes used. “Only two weeks of this and you have already decided that this isn’t the kind of ‘home’ you want? Well, I can’t blame you,” he said, averting his eyes and straightening the cuffs of his shirt.

I leaned closer to him, so his forehead and mine were almost touching. I was drawing him closer to me to make it seem like I wanted to whisper what I was going to say next in his ear. “The thing is,” I said, "being your responsibility is getting in the way of what I really want.”

“Which is?” He turned to look in my eyes accusingly.

“This,” I said, right before I kissed him.

The moment my lips touched his he needed no further encouragement. It was like the moment in the hospital room, and the moment outside my school, except better. His lips moved like he had waited forever for that moment. Like he had stayed away from me all those years to stop himself from doing exactly what I had initiated. His fingers were in my hair and the armrest bit into my ribs and thighs. There was too much between us, and I couldn’t draw breath. Christian kissed me as if he would rather kiss me than breathe.

It was everything I dreamed of.

Suddenly light broke upon us. Charles had opened the door to the conservatory. As he glared at us, it was obvious he had already seen us through the windows, and he came in to stop us. Christian broke away from me, but it was too late. The redhead had already seen me kiss Christian instead of him, and all the taboos, all the reasons Christian and I were not allowed to be in love flooded the room.

Charles sneered at us and let the door fall shut.

Christian wiped his mouth delicately with his knuckles like he could wipe our kiss away, but didn’t exactly want to. “Go pack your things,” he said firmly and regretfully before he rose and went out into the garden.

***

As I stumbled down the hallway toward my room, I thought of running after Charles and getting him to promise me that he wouldn't tell anyone what he had just seen, but I didn't change my course. Christian told me what he wanted me to do and I would do anything for him if he loved me.

Maybe he had a way to sort it out.

In my room, I threw open my suitcase and packed as hurriedly as possible. Maybe Christian had an idea of where to take me. He did say that his first instinct was to change locations. Maybe he was going to take me somewhere else for the rest of the summer. Maybe everything wasn't ruined. It was just stupid Charles who had seen us. He wasn't a big deal, right?

From my window, I saw Brandon by the stone wall. Charles was with him, striding back and forth angrily while Brandon listened and leaned on his pitchfork. Brandon saw me from the window. His expression gave away nothing.

I turned away and finished my packing, suddenly wanting every last thing Christian had put in my room. I took the jewelry and the picture from the bookcase. I ripped the fairy lights from the wall and shoved them in my case. I hauled the whole thing down the stairs and met Christian and Mable in the front hall.

Christian looked nothing at all like a ruffled gentleman as he explained. “Mable will take you to Glasgow and stay in a hotel with you tonight. Then it's off to Muskoka to spend the rest of the summer with Trinity.”

“I thought Trinity was going to Paris for August.”

“Not anymore. I just got off the phone with her aunt in Ontario and plans have changed. They're so pleased you'll be able to join her.” He actually sounded quite pleasant, like what just happened in the conservatory hadn't really happened and he wasn't reacting by sending me away.

“When will I see you again?” I breathed, suddenly terrified.

“Soon,” he said, venturing a kiss on my forehead, then stopping himself midway.

“Will you call me?” I persisted.

“Of course I will, darling.” When he said 'darling' my hope for a phone call evaporated. I couldn't even ask him why Charles seeing us together was the disaster he supposed. Wasn't Charles somehow a friend of his or Brandon’s? Someone who wouldn't want to hurt him? Then I thought of the camera Christian had found that morning in the library. He said he knew who had planted it. My face fell. It could only have been Charles. He was the only one who Christian didn’t trust who had full access.

Christian picked up my luggage and walked with Mable and me out to Mable's yellow Mercedes. He deposited my case in the back while Mable got behind the wheel.

“Can't we talk about what happened?” I whispered to Christian as he bid me farewell on the passenger side of the car.

“If things clear up, I'll be in contact. Be a good girl and let me sort this out. It may take some time.”

Brandon came up at that moment and stood wordlessly next to Christian. I waved him a little good-bye wave and he saluted me. I thought his gesture was free of sarcasm, because he didn't think what had happened was scandalous. He didn't think I was gross for having made out with the closest thing I had to a father. Abruptly, I hugged him. The gardener patted me on the head.

“You were my favorite one,” I confessed.

“Stop it, hen,” he drawled pleasantly. “Now get in the car, while I'm the last one who's cradled ye.”

I did. I watched Christian and Brandon cast glances between each other and wave to me as I drove away with Mable. The last thing I saw was Brandon scratch under his collar and tell Christian something under his breath. Unless I was mistaken, the one word I could make out was ‘sloppy’.