So I was dead. Really, really dead. I felt the front of my pudgy body with remorse imaging the fabled impact of that dreaded diaper truck. I was confused however, because I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to be able to feel remorse for your own death on the account of you not existing and all. Yet, by all accounts this wasn't heaven- unless of course paradise actually means formless void, in which case spot on guys. So understandably I was a bit miffed. Obviously the soul is a thing and I was a pretty good guy so why wasn't I in heaven. Was a black plane with residual blue mist really it? I prayed for forgiveness at least twice a month and I stole stuff a lot less then other people I know, I even adopted a stray dog AND cat. So understandably, I was a bit miffed. So, like the respectable citizen I am I crossed my arms and began passively aggressively tapping my foot against the ground to fully get across the extent of the anger I felt at not only being murdered, but also ignored by whatever entity had control over this farce of an afterlife. I recognized that for the recently deceased but re-conscious this probably wasn't normal: I was unable to feel much more then I currently did however. Thankfully, after a while my assertive showcase of my disgruntlement was enough to grab somethings suggestion.

Human, rejoice!

The strangely synthetic voice spoke directly inside my mind. A shiver went down my previously shattered spine as the contrast between the silent void and the booming voice inside my head struck me. I was surrounded by silence and yet something inside me loudly spoke with suspiciously culty language. Not creepy at all!

You have been chosen for excuresia, chosen for a new existence, a new horizon, a new future, a new destiny!

Geez, not laying it on thick at all are you?

On the contrary, The system cannot express how lucky you are to have this opportunity!You will spend your new life on planet:excuresia in a new bodily form! You have the opportunity to influence the events of a whole new world. From this day forth as you acquire fame and renown and change the future of this world you bring glory and power to the system conglomerate! All actions you do for good or worse feed the system expectation and *****. These resources are collected from the emotional responses generated as a result of your actions and the energy they go on to create in response to that stimulus is also absorbed by us!

Huh. RIP law of conservation I guess. Also, WHAT THE HELL? You can speak to me?

Of course I can, Neanderthal. The system must interface with inhabitants to secure their consent before graciously placing them in a wonderful brand new existence.

Neanderthal? okay then, how new exactly is this 'secure their consent' rule?

Not relevant.

HHAHAHAHA. You got cancelled then didn't you? or at least threatened with such. Oh wow, even transcendent hive minds have fallen victim to the 2020s. As you should! Forcing people to join your cult seems very immoral to me. I don't know what forced you to add this clause but i thank them all the same.

Yes, very humorous human. Please select a class before we vaporize you.

WHAT

You have fifteen seconds to choose from the options before you.

I'm not proud to admit what I did next, which was pee myself a little. I don't even know how it was possible for me to do that as some sort of soul construct , but it happened. The voice in my head stayed silent during the process so I assumed the countdown was genuine. Unfortunately my flippant attitude was quickly flipping into a very distraught one as the residual shock or maybe even this things suppression of my post-death emotions faded.

Three figures were now arrayed before me. I took a step forward toward the shadowy silhouettes and they illuminated in unison with my foot impacting the floor. The middle figure was as close as two feet in-front of me and was dressed in an absolutely outrageous pirate outfit. A dark brown hat, brim arcing up left with one side longer than the other, a single bandoleer filled with outdated pistol ammunition and a deep purple jacket adorned with crimson red buttons, left open to reveal the delicate white ruffled shirt beneath. The pants were nothing special, nor did they need to be; The gilded handles of two pistols poking above the purple belt the thing was wearing all the flourish the bottom half needed. The silver embossing of these guns contrasting with the golden handles of the falchions belted on either side of it's waist. Surprisingly the black mist wreathed figure was bare footed with both feet and blades uncovered. Overall, in front of me stood a glamorous captain who would definitely rob you. The things face was obscured by thin grey swirling smoke but based off its body type i could tell this was some sort of alternate me. My vision was blurring as I moved to the left to get closer to the other smoke-wreathed me.

This one lacked the flamboyancy the middle option had to offer. A white dress shirt was there but with a clear pittance of frills and the belt was a simple leather. Although this possible class actually had shoes it seemed to be lacking any discernible weaponry with it's most prominent features being the monocle it was wearing and the map in its hands and maps on its belt. Unlike the rouge seafarer i saw before this one seemed to be the desk job of the pirate industry with the map in his hands detailing an island's booty and the ones on his hip(from what I could see) detailing one of this planets oceans. I took a step back from this disappointing navigator and wiped my leaking eyes. My family might as well be dead, I would never see them again. So third option!

Quickly hurrying to the last hopefully better figure I did my best to ignore the fact I would never see my friends, family and even pets ever again. This was too real to be a dream and I was entirely too lucid for a drug trip, so that meant this was real. I was dead and I couldn't get back. It felt like a massive weight dropped inside of my stomach. Dropped from higher up in my body as if it had already been there, as if it was held up inside of me before it suddenly sank down borring a pit inside. Almost as if everything I had previously held for these people, I couldn't cary anymore. All the good feelings I had felt, all the wonderful moments I had shared with people where I told them I loved them- be it family or friends alike. Finally finding a girl I could see myself sticking with forever, only for that forever to be cut so short. Even some of the serious resentments I held, and the playful grudges I fostered against those people who annoyed me in those strange endearing ways. All gone, all taken. It wasn't just, it wasn't right for me to loose everything. Equal parts grief and rage filled me. But ultimately the weight of sorrow pulled me down. I was able to take two steps toward the rightmost pirate cosplayer before my gait morphed into a shamble and my legs gave out beneath me. The blurry outline of another mist man with a large telescope to his eyes and phantom wind blowing wildly in his hair told me everything I needed to know about this pathetic class and it's attire (a carbon copy of the cartographer minus any shirt ruffles or shoes) including everything I needed to know about it's place in the ships hierarchy. I slumped from my knees, on which I had fallen, to a full sprawl on the floor. Tears streamed from my eyes and my mouth was open in a soundless gasp. There was no hope at ever going back to the life I knew, and it was suffocating. I lay there on the verge of despair as everything I had lost flitted through my mind too fast to grasp and hold onto. I was on the verge of despair, I had never realized what I had until I dropped it, how much we all hold despite our thoughts of insignificance. Even down to the fact I would never listen to music from my favorite artists or finish the book series I was reading affected me and added to the great weight crushing me into the ground.

I was too tapped to speak, but I had the strength to think. System i want to live again. I whispered the request tentatively even within the confines of my mind- desperate it could hear me. Please, I want to be reborn or whatever this is but I am not doing it this way. Give me my second chance but please, my way. Not as a fricking pirate, please. It wasn't very dignified, me a teary wreck on the floor with a slight wet patch on my soul pants begging to be sent somewhere completely alien with none of the foresight the system offered to me. I was truly at the lowest point I had ever reached, but I wasn't gone. I still existed, and even in my wrecked state I was sane enough to recognize that, sane enough to fight for another chance at living- regardless of how much like hell it could feel. My efforts weren't in vain.

Initialising transfer...

The system seemed subdued. It lacked the fervor it had previously displayed and spoke as if it didn't want me to hear. It didn't complain but only because it didn't seem to be able too. It seems I was getting my request, but soon being stuck on a stupid boat for the rest of my life would seem like a beautiful alternative: the system did not enjoy ridicule.