He recalled the first time he ever noticed Ryle s feelings.

( Three months ago)

Herim helps Ryle when he assesses quality for the book, like checking which books are still usable or need to be replaced . He does it occasionally especially when he doesn't have rounds delivering food or doing homework

Ryle was working on the lower shelves while Herim was upstairs.

Periodically Herim would stick out his hand so that Ryle would tell him if the book is still usable but a huge portion of the book he assessed on his own without consulting Ryle.

" Xiong'Ry, this book looks old and is outdated. Should I..",he spoke without turning pulling the book out of the shelf with one hand while the other held the place for the book

"Xiong'Ry", he called louder while shaking the book.

He turned after getting no response and then he walked to banister and he looked over and that is when he saw Joln standing at the check-out desk near the wall of the room.

Joln had brought three very thick books and some papers . These books appeared unrelated , like they were discussing the same topics because of their differing sizes.

'The library is closed today so what is he doing here.', Herim wondered and he stared at Joln as he was just waiting there. At this moment as he was leering at Joln his heart was already drumming on his throat and he felt there was no circulation going to his feet

In the next seconds, Ryle emerged from under the stairs and walked towards Joln .

He strode so happily and then proceeded to run for a bit nearing Joln. As he did that, he had his arms behind his back.

Upon reaching Joln , he outstretched his hands out as if asking for a hug however Joln turned back to the side.

And instead of Ryle feeling disappointed he started to play with Joln by peaking over him.

When Joln turned his head to the left, Ryle peaked to the left and when he turned it to the right, Ryle did the same thing.

" Stop it", Joln screamed. His prompt showed that he is not in the mood for jokes however his voice was telling a different story

And that difference was noticed by none other than Qiu Herim. He could almost feel Joln s change in everything all the way from where he is standing. But the only emotion he felt was disqualification. Not the kind of being invalid but the kind of feeling unworthy

He felt so overwhelmed like how can nature allow for Joln and Ryle to become like this? How can fate make him witness Joln display such kind of emotions to Ryle? How can he make Joln hate him so much yet make him look at him being so happy? How can fate allow for Joln to come infront of Herim knowing he can never tell him his feelings ?

" Okay then look at me", Ryle plead , skeptical that Joln will abide. And surprisingly he did causing Ryle to arrest his playfulness

Joln explained what he wanted to ask Ryle and it was something about chemical cultivation . Ryle answered and then he responded that he has a book that he thinks would help. Furthermore he left to go towards the shelves and Joln followed him.

" Did Gao mention why this plant is dried by heating instead of air like most plants", Ryle asked while he walked there

" No but it's probably due to that it's very reactive with air. It being a pedigree and grown in a glass is pretty supportive of that", Joln added while he stood looking at Ryle searching the shelf.

Ryle searched high and low through the entire shelf but he didn't find anything .. he started to wonder loudly about the location of the book but then Joln said that Ryle is the only one who would know the location of the books here . He proceeded to murmur to Ryle who seemed to be paying very little attention.

Ryle called Herim to come help him find the books as he now picked the books individually from the shelf.

The said Herim was too much enthralled about what he just witnessed.

He didn't know that Ryle and Joln are so close. It hurt so awfully bad that he doubted the realness of this scene.

As much as he felt saddened seeing their display, he didn't want to cry. He should not cry as this is not the time or the place. But despite this , his tears had a different plan

Herim lacked all the energy but he didn't want descale his drainage as he also didn't want to explain it. He descended the stairs and as he moved closer to Joln and Ryle , he started to wear his mask of glee . He shifted and twisted the knots in his heart and mind and painted them into rainbows and stardust.

Though his eyes showed so much weight, he tried to lightened it by pretending to happy, though happiness is far from accurate to what he is feeling.

" Heeellloo, JoJo. You look so marvelous as always. To what do we owe the pleasure?", He asked playing and smiling like he was called while having his birthday party. He masked his sadness so well that the tiny quiver from holding back his tears was invisible

" Xiao, may you check the other shelf for a book with a green collar and is titled heat plants", Ryle interrupted Herim , causing Herim to turn to him . After hearing his order, Herim nodded and he then held out the book in his hand

" Xiong'Ry, this book is a little old, should I.. ", he tried to speak while acting cute and childish

"Go check the book", Joln commanded startling Herim. Herim stood froze for two seconds and he turned to the shelf he was sent . Without a word he skipped like a deer over fine grass .

He reached the shelf and immediately after turning around it and concealing himself, he spread open the book and he sort of buried his face inside.

He cried

He tried not to sob too so that these two don't hear him so he bit his lips between his teeth and the tears set command onto his face.

Joln is so mean everyday and everytime. Doesn't Joln realize that that his unnecessary hate for Herim is so much more painful and racking than anything that Herim has ever felt? Doesn't he know that Herim is defaulted to overthink every thing that he says and does ? Why is he so blind to the pain that he thoughtlessly plants within Herim?

" Xiao, check the middle shelf", Ryle suggested while looking at the books and was now individually paging while simultaneously answering cultivation questions that Joln was posing.

" No problem ", Herim paused his crying and answered Ryle.. This time the hollow in his voice was really unmissable but that only applies to those who bother to care.

Ryle mumbled something and Joln agreed.

Herim closed the book ,placed it onto of the other line of books. He then moved closer to the shelf and as he pulled the books, he could partially see Joln over them. He looked so focused on what Ryle was saying.And he seemed mesmerized

Herim turned back and he laid his head on the books and his tears fell while he kept quiet

" Are you even looking ?", Joln sarcastically asked and Herim replied that he is.

" He is not looking", Joln told Ryle . His voice and statement echoed so much judgement. Herim instantly and tearfully replied that it would be a lot faster if Joln helped instead of narrated.

"Found it!", Ryle answered and Joln walked to the back of the shelf to look at the book.

Herim saw this and he looked at Joln staring into the book while Ryle paged yet focused on Joln.

Joln was not too close to Ryle but if Ryle moved his head closer he would be an inch from Joln s temple.

As he was thinking this, Ryle moved his head to look at the book but Herim misread his intentions and that caused him to overact.

" Gracious, am hungry. ", He screamed and when Joln raised his head to look at him, Ryle had also turned to him and was confused

They looked to each other in bewilderment but when Herim turned to look at them he found them as if locked in each other s gaze.

He run fast, opened the door and zoomed outside

Joln tore away from Ryle and he looked to the door after it had closed.

" Hold this, I think there is another book where he was standing", he spoke and left Joln standing there .

"Look at this", Ryle called Joln a few seconds later. Joln walked to where Ryle was.

A wolf howl broke out in a distance and compelled Herim to move out of his dreaming awake.

He had fallen asleep while thinking and instead dreamed his thoughts as usual.

Traditionally after he cries, he falls asleep deeply but it's so cold and uncomfortable to do that on the floor so he stood up to go to his room.

He felt too tired to carry his body and he could already feel like vision changing because he is becoming wolf. Nonetheless he walked to the door, opened it and he straddled in the dark

Immediately after standing outside , he yawned and he shook his body like a wolf. He walked towards his room..

Thirty minutes later he reached his residence

He held the handle and he tried to open the doors but they refused. He pulled again but still no budge. They were locked.

Anyone in their right state of mind would have the doors locked at a few minutes before midnight but roommates would be a little lenient to leave the doors unlocked if one roommate hasn't come back.

But knowing Ryle s roommate he probably locked the doors way before ten pm because he knew Herim wasn't home yet.

His defenses would be that he didn't know and he tried to knock at Herim s door but got no response and thought that Herim was sleeping . he would not enter Herim s room to check if Herim is there.

All of these are lies.He opens Herim s room like nobody s business whether or not Herim is there .

Herim let go of the handle and felt a little disheartened. It was already cold, he was hungry and tired.

" I should have ran to the kitchen",he spoke out loud and surrender to this bad luck.

He will just sit here as there is literally know where left to go..He decided to wait on the door step, in the painful cold and bare it until morning.

He can't go back to the classroom because the classes are inspected from midnight to check if there are any wolves that have transformed and hid there from the cold by mistake.

He sat down and assumed fetal position again because he would lose heat less quicker that way.

'besides there is only six hours until sunrise. The conditions are treacherous, my mood is tattered and body feels like it is crumbling but I will bare it. I have to '