Barra da Tijuca, Rio de Janeiro

Barra da Tijuca, 11 a.m., Tuesday. For most students, Tuesday doesn't represent much. It is not yet the middle of the week, but it is not the beginning either. Math, physics, chemistry, or language classes. The difference is negligible. But for the students at Enzo and Vini's school, Tuesday was a day for...

- Teacher Ricci's day. - Enzo finished his line.

- Stop your nonsense, you idiot. - Vini quickly scolded him.

- Oh, come on, Vini. Look at her. A real beauty.

- Yes, I know very well. And so do you.

- Don't mention it. I miss her legs, her face, her mouth, her breasts... - Enzo began to daydream. - Oh boy, the breasts.

- Enzo, quit acting like a moron! You look like an idiot!

But Enzo no longer looked like such an idiot when Amanda, or Miss Ricci, came into the classroom, wearing a short white dress and sandals.

- Oh, dear Lord. - Vini's eyes widened.

- Oh. good grief. - Enzo smiled.

- Amanda has lost her shame, or else she's really trying to be on one of those TV police shows.

- Or option three. She wants me to notice her very, very short clothes.

- I'm sure that's it. - Vini answered, ironically.

Among the - practically - all the students madly in love with their Portuguese teacher Amanda Ricci, Enzo was the only one who managed to get past first base, or to simply get to any base with her. Although he had not told anyone about his little adventure, Vini eventually found out, and promised to keep it a secret.

- Hey, are you doing anything today? - Enzo asked.

- Actually, yes.

- What?

- I have a date with Belgium.

- Oh, really? Well, so do I.

- No kidding. I'm surprised.

- Why are you surprised? You thought I'd never have a date again.

- Is it a " legal" date this time?

- What is that supposed to mean?

- The chance of you going to bed after the date is better than going to the precinct.

Enzo smiled. But he didn't have a ready answer. All he could say in response to that teasing was:

- Bite me.

In the middle of the day, after school, Enzo and Vini went home with Julio. They did not wait more than twenty minutes outside, because Julio, as he always does, sent a message to Vini's cell phone asking if they needed a ride. As the answer was "yes", Julio sent his location, so that the two of them would be at the bus stop. Upon spotting them, the driver stopped the bus and opened the right front door.

- How are you today? - Julio greeted them.

- Fine. - Vini answered. - We have dates.

- Not to each other. - Enzo clarified.

- Did you need to clarify? It's kind of obvious. Redundant.

- Shut up, Vini!

- By the way, you haven't so far opened your mouth about the person you're going to meet.

- It's none of your business.

- Maybe it isn't, but if the feds knock on my door in the middle of the night, understand that I will rat you out.

- You're bluffing. You wouldn't have the balls.

- Am I, Enzo? - Vini approached him. - Am I really?

- Besides, it's not anybody you know.

- Just another reason to tell me. After all, if it really is someone I don't know, the chances of me getting my ass shot off decrease. However, the chances of you ruining the life of a random person increase considerably.

- Ha, ha, you are pathetic.

- Vini, if Enzo doesn't want to talk, let him not talk. - Julio was reasonable.

- Thank you, Julio. See, Vini? That's the way a decent person should act.

- In what world are you more decent than me?

It was then that Vini began to wonder on his own. His brain began to process random information, like a computer. His mind reached its peak as soon as Julio made a right turn at Prefeito Dulcídio Cardoso Avenue.

- Are you going out with the teacher?

Enzo's eyes widened.

- What?

- Oh my God! Are you going out with Miss Ricci?

- Vini, what kind of crazy theory is this?

Even Julio knew. But Enzo tried to deny it. Until he finally gave up.

- Look, it's just dinner. No reason to be alarmed.

That's what he said. But if history has shown us anything, it is that nothing good happens after Enzo says there is no reason to be concerned.

With that in mind, Vini got ready for his date. He hot-ironed a nice pink long-sleeved outfit with stripes. He set his watch to ring so he wouldn't miss the clock. He then heard knocking at the door. It could only mean two things. The Albanian Mafia or Enzo.

- Enzo? What is he doing here?

Would it be too late to call the mafia?

- Could I borrow your perfume?

Vini couldn't believe his ears.

- Are you serious?

- Come on, Vini! This perfume of yours is magic, a pheromone inducer.

- It costs over 400 bucks.

- Exactly.

Vini knew that Enzo would not leave him alone without a positive answer. So he accepted his request. But not before teasing him a bit.

- Are you going with that shirt? - Vini decided to tease him a little, not knowing exactly what the consequences would be.

- Why? - Enzo was worried. - Is it ugly? Don't you like it? Do you think I look too weird?

- I don't have to like it, Enzo. Your date has to endorse you. And considering she already slept with you once, it won't be a problem.

- Yes, of course. - Enzo didn't buy it. - How will you get out of here?

- Belgium will stop here. Her father will take us.

- Oh, cool.

- And you?

- Amanda's coming by.

- Wow, how progressive. It's not every day that the teacher sleeps with her student and picks him up at home for the date.

- Will you stop it?

- I just don't know what she wants with you. Enzo, honestly, do you see anything in this relationship?

Enzo didn't answer.

- Oh my God, you do see something in this relationship.

The conversation had to end early, because the intercom rang in the kitchen. One of the porters wanted to know if Belgium was waiting for him at the reception desk at Lake. He answered yes.

- Hello, darling. - Vini kissed her on the cheek. - You look lovely.

- Thank you. - Belgium smiled. - And you, Enzo? You look handsome.

- It's just that I have a date too. - Enzo replied.

- With Amanda. - Said Vini, staring at Enzo.

- Who's Amanda? - Belgium didn't understand.

- Professor Ricci.

Belgium's green eyes widened.

- You're kidding, right? You can't be serious.

- Enzo does.

- Please, Enzo! She's much older than you!

- Yes, so? It's not a Bernie Ecclestone situation.

- And it's not about the money, after all Enzo is as poor as a church mouse.

- Thanks, Vini. Always good to count on you.

- I really can't believe you're going out with Professor Ricci. It's absurd!

- It's not the end of the world.

- Oh, yeah? Try kissing her anywhere and watch the magic happen.

- Well, then it's the end of the world. But relax, it won't be a problem. I will be discreet.

- Still, the chances of it going wrong are gigantic.

- You can pretend you are mother and son.

Enzo soon became excited.

- Oh, thanks for the suggestion, I'll leave this idea on stand-by for the end of the night. But hey, don't count your chickens before they hatch.

- Ew, Enzo. You are disgusting! Vini, you have to say something! - Belgium complained.

- What do you want me to say? I'm not his father. I have no control over his dumb attitudes.

- You need to talk some sense into this boy, because he's certainly given up already.

- Look, darling, Enzo is an idiot. That's a well-known fact. He has done so many things wrong that I can't even recall. So this is just another one. Let it roll.

There was nothing more to be said. Vini and Belgium got into Mr. Banks' Volvo, which sped down the avenue until it disappeared into the darkness. Enzo waited a few more minutes before Amanda's black Peugeot 206 pulled up next to the black gate that separated Lake from the rest of the world. The teacher reached out to pull the lever under the window and open the passenger door of her vehicle. Enzo smiled at her and sat down beside her.

- You look incredible. - Enzo said.

- Thank you. - Amanda replied. - And you smell great.

Vini's perfume. It never fails.

Vini and Belgium arrived together at Restaurant S, on the Américas Avenue, a very fancy establishment, with valets, parking and people wearing suits and ties everywhere.

- Do you have a reservation, sir?

- Yes, Vinicius Valverde.

The man glanced at his tablet. And smiled.

- Table for two. Come with me.

He led them to a table for two, as Vini requested, away from the bustle in the center of the restaurant. A very well chosen place.

Amanda stopped her vehicle right at the entrance of the restaurant. One of the valets signaled for her to slow down. She stopped her car and handed over the keys.

- Hello there. Do you have a reservation?

- Yes, Vinicius Valverde.

The man returned to his tablet and did a quick check.

- Table for two. This way, sir.

Enzo didn't notice the near gaffe,

- Uh-oh. - Enzo froze when he saw Vini and Belgium for the first time. - Actually, I'd like to go to that table. - Enzo pointed.

- All right, Mr. Valverde.

Amanda was confused.

- Mr. Valverde?

- Just an inside joke I crack on Vini. Grain of salt.

Anyway, they both sat down at the table.

- You look magnificently beautiful.

- Oh, thank you. And you used a difficult word.

- Sometimes I read the dictionary on the sly.

Amanda began to laugh.

- Really?

- Yes. For example. Niquent doesn't have the meaning I thought it would have.

- And what did you think?

- I don't know. I didn't even know that word existed!

- You're a real catch, Enzo.

- But seriously, Amanda, you're a teacher, but you specialize in... Dictionary?

- Wait, what? No, Enzo!

On the other side of the restaurant, still unaware that Enzo had chosen the same spot for his date, Vini was enjoying a pleasant evening in very good company.

- Belgium, how have you been?

- What do you mean? We see each other every day, silly.

- Yes, that's true, but everything is so busy at school. There is not that much time to ask you about things.

- Well, my day was very good. I went out with my mom, bought a dress with my dad's card.

- Very nice.

- But not for him.

- Never is. - Vini smiled.

- And you, dear? How was your day?

- You know. It's always a mystery. It depends on the mess that Enzo will arrange and that I will have to solve.

- What do you think of him with Miss Ricci?

- Honestly? I have no idea. I really hope he knows what he's doing.

- It's Enzo, honey. He doesn't know what he's doing.

- It's like trial and error. Lots of trial and lots of screw-ups. Lots of them.

- You are right.

- But I must give credit. Every man's dream is to date a redhead, and every boy's dream is to nail the hot teacher. In a bizarre way, Enzo achieved both in a single stroke.

Belgium looked annoyed. So she quickly changed the subject.

- Hey, how about a trip?

Vini got excited.

- Where would you like to go?

- My parents have a beach house on the coast. Normally he rents it out during the vacations, but this time the house will be empty. I asked him if we could go and he said yes.

- Will Enzo be there too?

- If you want to bring him. He's an idiot, and my sisters agree with me.

- Even Albania?

- Sort of. You know, Albania likes any man who has a dick. So her opinion doesn't really matter.

- Makes sense.

Back at Enzo's table, he stared at Amanda, but in a subtle and beautiful way, as if mesmerized by her presence. There came a moment when even a blind man could notice the delighted expression he made for no reason. Or rather, for no apparent reason.

- What is wrong? - Amanda asked.

- You're stupidly beautiful. I mean, are you crazy? Your fiancé is a complete douche.

- Thank you.

- I mean it.

So is he.

- So am I.

- Enzo, I wanted to ask you something.

- Go for it.

- What do you think we'll do from now on?

- What do you mean?

- I'm your teacher, Enzo. I know we can't show ourselves to anyone. We'll have to stay hidden and be careful.

- Yes, I know. What do you say we wait until I turn 18? That won't be a problem, right?

Amanda didn't have an answer to that question.

At one point, Vini got up from his table and went to the nearest waiter to ask about something on the menu, but he got an unwelcome surprise when he saw Enzo also getting up and walking towards him. Still, it could be worse.

- Son of a bitch! - Vini yelled.

- What are you doing here? - Enzo asked, also surprised.

- What are you doing here? - Vini returned the question. - I brought Belgium here!

- And I brought Amanda!

- All right, arguing over this is pointless. But how come we chose the same restaurant?

- It's the best in the neighborhood, Vini. Of course I would go here!

- Boy, that's good thinking! - Vini had to admit. - But you better not pass by our table, you won't win many points with Belgium.

- But the bathroom is that way.

- Try to cover it up.

- That's fine.

Of course, Enzo had to be very creative. Taking advantage of a distracted waiter, Enzo took the tray and proceeded normally between tables. Vini witnessed the scene from a distance and could not believe it. The situation became worse when the other customers in the restaurant began to mistake Enzo for a waiter.

- Oh, crap. - Enzo whined.

- Waiter! - A random man at a table called out.

Enzo ignored it. After all, why would someone mistake him for a waiter? Just for holding a tray? If Enzo was wearing a Ferrari shirt would they mistake him for a racing driver too?

- Hey, waiter! - The man called him again, this time more impatiently.

Enzo ignored him once again. But he had to hurry to the bathroom. Seeing the situation from a long way away, Belgium found Enzo's performance rather hilarious and felt obliged to ask:

- Vini, why is Enzo holding a tray and pretending to be a waiter?

- I have no idea. - Vini answered. A half-truth. Or was it a half-lie?

As soon as Enzo returned from the bathroom, Amanda made a confused face, didn't say a word, while Enzo found this particularly strange.

- What, dear?

- Nothing, nothing.

- While I was in the bathroom, I had a genius idea.

- Genius?

- Yes, genius. You see, darling, the great ideas of ordinary people, like you and me, are created in the bathroom, unlike those of other intellectuals. I can't imagine Elton John composing Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters on the toilet.

- What's the thought, Enzo?

- When I finish high school, we'll run away.

- Enzo!

- I am serious! We disappear. Far away, change our identities. To a place where nobody knows who we are. What do you think?

- Enzo, you can't be serious!

- Yes, Amanda. Look, one day I was at the pool. I was going to bet on Argentinean soccer, but the Internet went down. By the way, if Carlos Slim used his own internet here in Brazil, he would sell Claro to the Chinese at the first opportunity.

- Moving on...

- Oh yeah. Then I realized how empty and dull my life is. I wanted so much to have something of my own. You know?

- And you think you won't get it? Enzo, darling, you're only 16 years old. A whole life ahead of you.

- Then why are you with me? Why are we here? Don't you see yourself in a future with me?

Amanda was silent.

- I don't know, Enzo.

There was nothing more to be said. Or there was?

- Actually, I have a better idea. - Enzo got up from his chair.

- Where are you going?

- To get the check.

- But we haven't even eaten yet.

- And we won't. We're going back home.

- Why?

- I'll explain on the way.

As it turned out, Enzo ended up not explaining his plan on the way, even though Amanda was very insistent. He asked her to return to Lake. Since Amanda was not a resident of the condo, she had to stop her Peugeot in the guest parking lot.

Still unaware of Enzo's idea, Amanda went with him to his apartment on the 11th floor.

- Okay, Enzo, what are you trying to do?

- Just watch. - That's all Enzo said.

He leaned his body forward and kissed her slowly for the first time that night. Amanda remained leaning against the wall, responding to Enzo's kiss by holding his face. They didn't even realize it, but Enzo knocked over a jar while kissing her. He didn't think there would be time to get to the bedroom, but he was wrong. There was always time. Oh, how Enzo missed it. Amanda's body, her face, her heavy breathing, the teacher allowed Enzo to explore her body. After the kisses, Enzo soon toasted her underwear as Amanda allowed Enzo in, she grimaced in pain at first, but was silent when Enzo kept with the rhythm.

- Oh, for fuck's sake! - he groaned.

- When it's time, let me know.

Uh-oh. That information was new.

- Why?

- What are you planning?

- We're having a baby.

Amanda smiled. But she denied it.

- No, dear.

- Why not? I can give you one.

- I know, darling. And it's very sweet and wonderful of you. But I can't do that with you. It wouldn't be right.

And that was it. For the first time, Enzo's Chip 'n Dale made peace, and he understood what Amanda was saying. They couldn't be together, or run off anywhere, or have a baby. Although Enzo thought otherwise, they both had responsibilities. Dropping everything was not an option at that moment. So what could they do? Well, clean themselves up, because they were not animals, and wish that night would never end.

Many kilometers away, a metallic, plate-shaped spacecraft was flying over the big blue planet, dodging meteors and inconvenient satellites. Inside the spacecraft, two extraterrestrial creatures, similar in appearance to Earthly octopuses, green and one-eyed, were discussing the events of the story, as well as holding the craft in an inert position.

- What happened? - asked one of the beings on the ship.

- That boy wanted to run away with the teacher. - The other creature answered.

- Really? What a jerk.

- Not at all. I thought it was very cute. They clearly love each other.

- You're crazy, Sheldon! It's his teacher! And he's a teenager!

- No argument there. But what do we do now?

- We blow up the earth.

- We didn't do that in the previous story.

- Another reason to do it altogether!

A huge cannon appeared from below on the giant ship. A laser beam crossed space at hundreds of thousands of kilometers per hour, hitting the center of planet Earth and causing it to explode instantly. The giant blue planet exploded into thousands of pieces until it turned into space cosmic dust, joining Sandra Bullock in Gravity - one of the worst space movies in earthly history - say the aliens.