The wedding was in full swing, and by swing I mean the groom was swinging from the chandelier. And not on purpose.

It was a rich, thick-aired kind of wedding, with designer dresses and punch fountains. The fountains weren’t punching people, but their shadows were. Just like the shadow of the chandelier had the groom by the ankles, his face red from screaming and upside-downness. Just like the shadows under the tables had yanked the chairs from under people in one accord.

Just like their queen, the Shadow Queen, had told them to.

She was a petite girl. That was all you could tell from her darkness-swathed form. But she stood in the middle of the hotel ballroom with the confidence of a hurricane.

“Why are you doing this?” a man asked, gasping for breath as he grabbed at the shadow around his waist.

“It’s all a conspiracy!” the Shadow Queen replied.

He gaped at her as if she were insane.

Perhaps, she thought to herself, I am.

“Brief us.” Ninja looked down her nose at the loud man.

He scowled. “I am.”

Ninja smirked. She loved giving him sass.

“Oh, are we starting?” Glass popped into visibility. “I was going to make a shopping run, but this is cool too.”

The loud man sighed. Loudly. Being loud was what he was good at, after all. “There will be no shopping runs. How many times have I told you, Agent G—”

Glass scrunched up her nose. “Gross.”

“-- that this is strictly bureau time. Work.”

Ninja cleared her throat. “I thought you said you were briefing us.” She could have read his mind, but this way was more fun.

The loud man took a breath, preparing for another loud sigh, but Glass interrupted him.

“Are we chasing another alien? Because I am so down for that.”

“What? There aren’t any aliens. At least not any documented ones.”

Glass thought for a minute. “Oh, yeah… right.”

Ninja snickered. He wouldn’t believe in aliens if one hit him over the head.

With a sledgehammer? Glass replied.

Especially then, as he’d be too unconscious to see it.

The loud man glared at them. “Why are you suddenly so quiet?”

Ninja smiled. She knew that, deep down, the loud man actually enjoyed their little exchanges.

He huffed, turned to his powerpoint. He liked powerpoints. They waited while it powered up.

Glass examined her nails. They really needed cutting. Although when they were short they couldn’t be driven into the flesh of her enemies, when they were long they were really inconvenient.

Ninja counted the tiles in the ceiling and wondered about lunch. Glass had offered to buy ice cream during her shopping run... Now she wanted Taco Time.

The loud man just felt poignantly awkward. He was a sensitive soul. Then he realized his first slide was black and it had already been on for five minutes. He did wish powerpoints were less electronic.

He turned to the next slide. There was an image of what might have been the most perfect wedding scene ever, were it not for the overturned tables, burning garlands, and the bride in an immortalized scream as she stared upward at her fiancé, who was dangling ten feet up from what looked like a dark veil attached to his ankle. The other end of the veil seemed to be hanging onto the pristine chandelier above, at the same time thrashing around it, sending a rain of glass shards over everyone below or within an eleven-foot radius.

“As you can see,” he began, waving his hand vaguely at the picture. “Chaos, terrorism—”

“Bombs!” Glass shouted.

“No bombs,” the loud man said.

Glass pouted into invisibility.

“In any case,” the loud man continued, “For the last eight months or so, shadows have been attacking weddings.”

Ninja tipped her head to one side. “And a person is responsible for this?”

“Good guess!” It wasn’t a guess. “This shadow lady— this queen of shadows, has been targeting seemingly random weddings in the San Tanoga area. Does she have a vendetta against romance? Is she being paid?” The loud man always had such exciting briefings. He had a knack for it. “We don’t know.”

Glass flushed into visibility, raising her hand.

“Agent—”

“Glass. It’s just Glass.”

“In any case, you don’t need to raise your hand.”

“Oh. Well, do you think she’s part of a cult? It could be cult warfare.”

“Cult…?”

“Just keeping an open mind.”

He squinted at his slide. “Sounds like a conspiracy to me.”

“Guys, guys,” Ninja said, “Let’s gather the facts first. She’s controlling the shadows, right? How is she doing that?”

“It’s unclear.” He switched to the next slide. It was covered in Batman paraphernalia. He quickly went to the next one. AlorFred had gotten into his dad’s computer again.

The real slide had a map of all the locations that had been attacked, labelled with dates and times. Every attack was within about a thirty mile radius, and had been within the last six months.

“It seems relatively rece—” Ninja began.

The door burst open, Alorfred racing in. He put his hands on his knees, panting.

The loud man frowned at him. “What is it, Al?”

“It’s Chuck!” he said.

“The guy in charge?” Glass asked.

“Chuck! Chuck! Heart attack!” He ran around the room, arms flapping like a chicken.

“No!” Glass cried. “Not the guy in charge!”

“Has someone called an ambulance?” Ninja asked.

“Oh,” Alorfred said, “AMBULANCE!”

“Glass call an—” Glass didn’t have a phone. “I’ll call an ambulance.”