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Edited on --, 2021.

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So tired! Very exhausted till she doesn’t even want to open her eyes, just wanting to continue sleeping in this way.

But she feels hurt in some parts of her body, the pain just making her wants to shout out, but the voice that comes out is the coarse voice.

Ears, vaguely only heard Jue Qing voices, he has speak about misfortune… then speak what he what. She wants to hear clearer, but nothing she able to hear clearly…

Until her pain slowly by slowly vanished, the sounds that she heard more and more. But there is no Jue Qing voice anymore.

“Doctor, you see, Lady Chu moves her eyelids!”

“Perhaps Lady Chu might gain her sense again?”

“Doctor, hurried examines it!”

There are nonstop voices inside the room, the noises crack up her head.

“Ng…” her dried lips moan, Chu Zhu Yu uses all her strength to open her eyes.

Entering the room with the familiar design curve, this room is… in general residence! When she came back to Luo Yang, shouldn’t she in Cong Zhou this time? “How could I be here?”

“Lady Chu, you are wake up! You have been here for several days!” one of the maid said.

The doctor help Chu Zhu Yu to examine the pulse, write out prescription so the maid can prepare the prescription of the Chinese herbal medicine.

Chu Zhu Yu feels that even to get down from bed, she needs to use so much strength and times, “What happen to me? I feel so tired, how long I had slept for?”

“Heard from the doctor said, Lady Chu has been poison, now it had been antidote but still need to drink medicine so it will recover faster.”

“Being poison?” when she had been poison? She only remembered that her nose bleeding after looking at Jue Qing.

“My Lady you are awake now, nothing need to be worry.” The maid afraid that Chu Zhu Yu would think too much about the poison might not completely being purged out.

“Oh ya, where is general?” She asked.

“The general, all the time he is inside the forbidden courtyard, others than Zen Master Hui Wu, no one ever get into that place.”

“Inside of the forbidden courtyard?” does the general residence have that kind of place? Why she doesn’t even has any impression.

“Yes, couple days after the general came back to the residence, he making the inner courtyard garden as the forbidden place, forbid anyone to entering the place.” The maid said.

How could it be? What was going on recently, how could the courtyard changed to be forbidden place? Why jue Qing didn’t come to see me? She has too many question to ask, but don’t know where to start!

That time Chu Zhu Yu was standing in front of the forbidden place, she only could see wall with one entrance and being guarded by the soldier.

“Lady Chu, General has instruct, if there is no his command, no one could enter inside.” The soldier said, stopped her to the outside of the garden.

“So, I am also can’t get inside?” she thought that if she is coming to here, they will let her in.

“Yes, including Lady Chu.”

She stopped, “So where is the Zen Master of Hui Wu?” she remembered the maid ever told her, the Zen Master of Hui Wu has access to get inside.

“The Zen Master of Hui Wu and the general are having Dhamma (Buddhist teaching) talk, afraid it will take much time until he goes out.” The soldier answered.

“Lady Chu, the winds strong in here, how about if we going back and taking a rest.” The maid who came with her suggested and helped to support her body.

Chu Zhu Yu shook her head, she feels the insecure in her heart is getting bigger and more expanding, she really wants to make everything clear, what is happening actually, why after she awakens, there are many things that odd?

“Lady Chu!” the maid panicking, “If you get the cold, it…”

“I want to wait in here, if I couldn’t wait for the general to come out, at least I should wait for the Liu military officer to meet me!” that weak body is stay firm standing on windy weather, her face blows by the wind and her facial change to death white (pale).

Time is slowly passing away, Chu Zhu Yu feels her body is getting numb, her body lifeblood as if being stopped flowing, finally when she sees the white mustache of the Zen Master, dressed in dark blue robe comes out from the garden.

“Zen Master.” She called.

The foot step stopped for moment, that pair of bead eyes even can see thoroughly every matters, blink by blink after looking at her. Chu Zhu Yu uses all the energy that she has, not letting herself to faint. Perhaps if she really faint now, her body will be at ease little bit, but… she has too many questions to ask, she has too many things that she fail to understand.

Pairs of eyes looking at each others, her eyes filled with uncertain feeling, while the Zen Master Hui Wu is clearly understood.

Long, finally Zen Master Hui Wu softly takes a long breathe: “ After all, it has been destined (decreed by fate).”

“This little girl doesn’t understand, requesting the Zen Master to explain it!” she kneeling, but still staring at the Zen Master Hui Wu.

“You are his misfortune, while he is your important person, now you really don’t need to understand anything.” Master Hui Wu simply said.

Misfortune? Important person? What all of these words mean?

“I want to meet Jue Qing, begging Zen Master Hui Wu to bring me to see him!”

“Since he doesn’t want to see you, why you are insisting to see him.” After he said, he didn’t look at Chu Zhu Yu and turned his back, leaving her.

Insist? Is this called as insist? Chu Zhu Yu dumbfounded looking at herself kneeling. That time… the man who were spoke out loud not letting her to leave his side, but now that man didn’t want to meet her but hiding.

Why heart feels so empty? That kind of indescribable grieved, thereby where it come from?

For her, this is only the matter of open and shut eyes moment, but how could… the world change so fast?

Her eyes so hot, something dripping down. Her ears only heard the shocking maid called out : “My Lady, why are you crying!”

Crying? Is she crying?”

So, only because he didn’t meet her, she even so easier to dropping her tears.

The delicate small body, only in this way, she stood outside the garden, never once she moved.

The maid who next to her was so worried, but also knew that she couldn’t help her. While Liu Shan and the Zhi head of house keeper are hurried arrived, only wishes they could help to insist and persuade Chu Zhu Yu to take a rest to her room.

“Lady Chu, this won’t help and benefit for you to recuperate.” Liu Shan said. Even though he wanted to tell all the matter which kept on his heart to Chu Zhu Yu, but re-thought what the general said to him that night, he wanting to said but finally he swallow it back.

“Yes, if the general sees you in such situation, he will be so worried.” The Xiao head of house keeper straightly said.

Chu Zhu Yu still looking at the only entrance of the garden, “A day he doesn’t meet me, I will stand here a day, if he doesn’t meet me for ten days, I will stand here for ten days, I will wait for him till the days he will meet me.” She only wants an answered, that answer only him who could give her.

“Lady Chu, why you should make things harder… just to think if the general is disappointed you.” Liu Shan took deep breathe.

“So that, let him to come and say it to me…” her head more and more dizzy, her body is exhausted, earlier hard to bear, numb till she might faint at anytime. Chu Zhu Yu struggling hard to support her body by using her nail which pierce into her palm, on this way she will feel the pain and makes herself stay awake.

Her nail piercing into her palm, the fresh blood dripping, slowly it’s spreading all over her palm.

“My Lady, your hand!” the maid who standing next to her just realized the condition, surprised shouted.

Xiao Ren and Liu Shan shocked when they saw the fresh blood were dripping from her hands, they quickly asking someone to take the cotton, even called the doctor.

“Don’t wrap! I still want to feel the hurt, otherwise, I afraid I might faint and won’t wake up.” Chu Zhu Yu calmly said.

“How could we be allowed? If the general knows, he will blame on us!”

“If he really doesn’t care about me, why should he blame on you guys?” at the point of death, even her palm tapped break, but her head even more feel dizzy and intense. Chu Zhu Yu body swayed, her head swayed, she tried harder not to close her eyes. Is the pain still not enough? If she added the pain and ache, will it keep her awake?

“Oh yeah, how could I don’t think of it?” She murmured, on everyone witness, she pull out her hairpin from her hair, then she fiercely stabbed it into her wrist…

Five slender fingers, firmly knead with the finger, the black shadow of figure, don’t know when it has come suddenly just stand beside her, the low tone voice which sounded helplessly : “Why should you injured yourself?”

“General!” all the people in that place kneeling.

Chu Zhu Yu raised her head, she sees his black hair from her pair of eyes, he wears black robe that show how he is thinner than before, his face is pale no pinkish color, his dark circle under his eyes is deeper.

His breathe spreading to her nose, that kind of warmth, she won’t let it go.

“Jue Qing?” She burst out the two words, which actually she is not certain.

“It’s me.” On Xiao Zhi eyesight, he looking at the person who almost faint, the hands covered with blood, and also the swelling and red eyes, at the end still he is the one who hurt her.

She dazing looking at him, looked him so careful, pair of his weary eyes is so perfectly clear.

Jue Qing, will he tell her the answer?

Jue Qing, why you won’t to meet her?

Jue Qing, if you really disappointed her, why at last you still come out?

On the day she unconscious, actually what was happen?

“Why don’t you come and meet me?” she murmured asked.

“I don’t want to.” He closes his eyelids, forcing himself not to have looked at her face. He afraid, once he sees her, it will ruin all his determination.

“And what the reason you don’t want to meet me?”

“Because I’m tired of you already, that’s it.” His voice heard not stabilized, ups and downs and also kind of hesitated, as if speaking in front of stranger.

She clearly understand that he is lying, but her tears still dropping down, dropping… dropping, dropping until it fall on her injured hand, also dropping in his five slender fingers that clutching her wrist. Heart, it as if being pierce by countless needles, so close and numerous of ache, the tears of her pain just blurred her vision.

As if her tears is burned him, he suddenly draw back his hand.

On her ears, he spoke coldly— “If you understand, in the future don’t come here.”

Understand? Yes, she understands, for the beginning she has understood! Chu Zhu Yu staring at Xiao Zhi, open her mouth and slowly by slowly said words by words clearly : “Even though I experienced thousands of misfortune caused by the karma that ripe, waiting till the chance of the cause to encounter and bearing what is deserve of self.”

His tall body suddenly startled, his hands unconsciously changed become fist grip.

Chu Zhu Yu continue said : “You are the person who study Buddhism, this words, you are naturally understand.” It right, that words, was the words that he told her last time, “All is based on the fate, it has cause and effect, today encounter, whether it fortune or misfortune, all are because the past deed, today action and attitude, regardless good or bad, all will be reported afterlife time! Zen Master Hui Wu said, I am your misfortune and you are my important person, so the deed is ripe, because of the past life action, but I still do not want because of this ripen deed, causing today life being lock up and perish. I still want to continue to walk down, sharing that ripen deed together with you for the entire of my life time. Don’t you because of this, telling me those words, do you?”

She crying even harder, “I just believe that time when you told me those words, only on that time, you were looking right into my eyes, so I knew you were not lying.”

His body staggered, as if hiding something, or as if suppressing something, “So, if I see into your eyes and say to you, you will trust me more!”

Chu Zhu Yu stupefied looking at Xiao Zhi, he slowly raise his eyelids up, that kind of black pair eyes bead looked at her. But—- he only gazing into the distance, as if the stagnant lifeless soul, no slightest emotion.

“Toward you, I have felt tired, so then, you really don’t need to look for me.” The voice is so clear, but it similar to the freezing ice.

“So then, tell me that you are not loving me anymore.” Even her body is weak, but at this moment she is so straight forward.

He makes a fist from his hand, looking at her for such long time, gritting his teeth even he biting his mouth.

“You can’t say it out loud, right?” She gave him same eyesight, her eyes expressed she won’t move back.

“I am Xiao Zhi—” he takes a deep breath, he clearly understand this is his last step, he clearly understand he should cut off the ties completely with this woman, a woman that he ever wanted so much in his life, sacrifice anything for her, he clearly understand his strength and capability to suppress and control the poison only in a month, after a month, his seven apertures will be bleeding until he death. So that, he should cut off this relationship, perhaps on this way, later on in the future she might live better off. But… on her eyesight, he realized, to say “I don’t love you” is really hard.

Her lips tightly shut her mouth, the stubborn and sad expression.

“Today won’t love…” his voice little bit spreading by the winds. Xiao Zhi tries to use all the energy he has, struggling to say out the last three words, “Chu…” his blood energy unstopping roll over and over, even using his internal energy, still uncontrollable.

Argh!

A fresh blood burst out from Xiao Zhi mouth, some burst into Chu Zhu Yu face.

The bloody smells shrouded all the body, on her face, neck, all is his blood!

Then, she only could see that his tall body falling on her. On the time he closed to fall down, he still able to fold over his body, protecting her in his arms.

He felt on the ground, while she is falling on his embraced.

She knows, he still loves her, it never changed before. Even he told many lies but actually he still loves her.

She and his preordained fate (karma), today won’t vanish, in this lifetime, it will still continue.

She saw the blood on him, eyes, ears are slowly bleeding.

She saw him very weak lying on the bed, even she tired but she couldn’t sleep.

She saw the military officer, Liu Shan kneeling in front of her, the seventh feet man, dropping tears from his eyes told her all the matter.

She saw the Zen Master Hui Wu examine her pulse, his expression different, rare expression that showing a hint of surprised.

“Do you really want to save Jue Qing?” The Zen Master Hui Wu spoke softly to her ear.

“No matter what you tell me to do, I willing to do.” She gave her determination as answer.

“But saving him, you and the child should sacrifice at high cost.”

“The child?”

“You are pregnant for months, think about it because that time Jue Qing was trying to antidote the poison, and it makes you becoming pregnant. It because you are bearing his child, having his bloodline, so you are the only person who can help him.” The Zen Master Hui Wu said. All because of the Karma law, perhaps Jue Qing, in this life he never should have it.

Chu Zhu Yu raised her hands and touching her lower abdomen. She…is bearing Jue Qing child?!

The Zen Master Hui Wu continue said : “Initially, this poison only can be suck once. But you are having his child, so you will able to use the Xue Gu (blood insect), getting the poison to cross through your body. And this poison. Able to be divided two, half will be on you and the other half will bear by the child.”

“Couldn’t it all let me bear?” she panicking asked.

He shook his head, “If you are the person who bear all the poison, it means you send your life to death! But because of being divided into two, on the future you need to consume lots of herbal medicine, the body become weak, and easily to get sick. While the child, the fetus has carried the poison on it, afraid that it will affect the growth, will be slower than the normal babies, because of this, will you still willingly to do?”

Chu Zhu Yu biting her lower lips, while her hand touching her lower abdomen. In here, it is small life, still will be born, but it’s life will be harder compare to others, “Alright, I am willing. And this child… Jue Qing and I will work hard and give all the best we can, perhaps he (she) will be bearing the poison since He (she) is a fetus but we will make this child thousand times happier compare to the normal people!”

Her determination words, no doubt on it. The Zen Master Hui Wu staring at Chu Zhu Yu, sigh with emotions. It seems his discipline didn’t make a wrong choice, even this woman looks so weak, but she has very strong heart, something that he never thought before, “so that, I should tell you how to save Jue Qing life.”

“I had known all the matters.” Said Chu Zhu Yu who is sitting on the bed, looking at Xiao Zhi who is not able to sleep and still open his eyes widely.

He gloomy glared at her. Very long, then he gives deep sigh, “Liu Military officer had told you?”

“Yes!”

“That because I was willing to.” He doesn’t want to say anything, avoiding taking a look at her.

“You are willingly to antidote the poison, but you never thought whether I am willing or not, letting you to antidote it!” Chu Zhu Yu pairs of hands touching Xiao Zhi face, forcing him to look at her, “I tell you, there is no little bit I am willing, not a little bit I am happy on it!”

“Do you blame me because I possess your body?” He suddenly asking.

Aiya! Who is blaming about it! Chu Zhu Yu pissed off until she even gritting her teeth, “you think that after you die, my heart will at ease and living happily?”

“Don’t you think…” his eyes showed his surprised expression.

“Are you scared?” she stroking nose, ruthless said, “You the surname of Xiao, don’t you know that the detestable thing that you did to me? You were antidote the poison on me, still desperately hiding it from me, not letting me to know what is going on!”

“I…”

“What I, I! It was you the person who said that wouldn’t leave me, but at the end you are the one who desperately wanting to cut off all the ties with me!”

“I am only…”

“Are you hoping me to be window, still hoping me to taking care of our child and married to another man?” she pissed off glaring at him.

“Child?” he dumbfound alike the wood.

“It true, the Zen Master Hui Wu had examined my pulse, he said that I am pregnant.” But how long actually she has been unconscious, she didn’t even know.

His face expression keep on dumbfounded until suddenly he burst with ecstasy, then changed kind of angry, “ Damn doctor, he keeps on giving you medicine to recuperate your body but he didn’t even know and diagnosed that you are pregnant!”