Summery: a sudden change to what you believed to be the perfect relationship.

A/n: so I'm a swifty and I'm sad so here you go. Some of the lyrics don't match perfectly but this took so fucking long I don't even care 😭

Warnings: alcohol, mentions of alcoholism, neglect in a relationship, toxic relationships, swearing, gaslighting, blood, death, very very brief mentions of not eating much, a lot of angst

Word Count: 4358

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"Well here we are!" Schlatt said while walking through the door to the presidential office, turning to face me with a goofy smile on his face.

"Welcome to my office m'lady," he joked with a laugh, reaching out for my hand.

I walked through the door with you,

The air was cold.

But something about it felt like home somehow.

He pulled me over to the chair behind his desk, he threw his jacket on the back of it before taking off my scarf and going the same.

He sat down and pulled me into his lap, holding me close to his chest.

"Y'know I think this tough guy act is working, I really think I can change things around here, get Wilbur to stop causing trouble." he smiled hopefully at me and I placed a soft kiss on his cheek.

"I know you can."

And I,

Left my scarf there,

At your sisters house.

And you still got it,

In your draw.

Even now.

(Sisters house is close enough)

Schlatt's smile has always been one of my favourite things about him.

The way his dimples would suddenly show and the coldness that usually adopted his eyes would disappear was what made me so fond of him.

I always thought it was a shame only I got to admire it, since that the tough guy act hides it away from everyone else.

Oh your sweet disposition,

And my wide eyed gaze.

We usually drove up to the mountains as often as we could, I loved the trees up there and Schlatt loved the drive.

The escape away from L'manburg and the SMP's war was also a nice change.

We're singing in the car getting lost up state,

Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place.

And I can picture it,

After all these days.

"Y/n I haven't got time right now!" He yelled at me, pinching the skin between his nose as he shook his head.

"But you promised! You said you'd take me up to the mountains this week no matter what. I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks." I frowned to myself and he finally looked up to meet my eyes with a sigh.

"I'm sorry I'm just really busy, I promise we'll go soon."

I hadn't seen him smile in a while.

And I know it's long gone,

And that magics not here no more.

And I might be okay,

But I'm not fine at all.

The last time we ventured up to the mountains was a little over a month ago, just before he won the election.

He held my hand the whole way there, rambling on about the first thoughts that came to his head.

It was probably the last time we spent time together properly.

Cause there we are again,

On that little town street.

You almost ran the red,

'Cause you were looking over at me.

Wind in my hair,

I was there,

I remember it all too well.

"You almost ready to go?" He asked me with a small smile.

I nodded and pulled my bag down the stairs. "Yep, we just gotta carry these bags out to the car and we're all ready to go."

He nodded back at me and placed a small kiss on my head.

"Okay, just a quick trip to my mothers house and we can head up to the lodge in the mountains. Trust me we won't be there for long." He chuckled softly and smiled at me properly for the first time in a while.

Photo album on the counter,

Your cheeks were turning red.

You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin sized bed.

And your mothers telling stories about you on the tee-ball team,

You taught me 'bout your past thinking your future was me.

"Okay that's enough we gotta go." He grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of his old family home.

I hardly had the chance to shout a goodbye before I was pushed into the car.

He started driving off quickly, mumbling angrily to himself.

"Why did you do that for? It was rude, she was just trying to be nice." I frowned over at him, quickly doing up my seat belt as he drove alarmingly fast.

"Yeah well it wasn't very nice of her to not show up to the election. I don't know why you like her, she made it very clear she fucking hated you from the start." He rolled his eyes and kept his eyes on the road.

That was true his mum did believe he could do better than me, and she did make it clear.

"I know but I still don't wanna be rude... Schlatt!"

He stomped down on the breaks and got out the car, leaving me sat there in terror for a second.

And you were tossing me the car keys,

"Fuck the patriarchy' key chain on the ground,

We were always skipping town.

We got back in the car in silence, me driving now. Not trusting him to do so any more.

He huffed to himself, glancing out the window in silence.

We drove like that for awhile before he reached out for my hand.

"I'm sorry, I just hate the way she talks to you. Your always so nice to her and she's only putting the smile on, plus I know you want to get to the lodge not hang around in that old house." He kept his eyes on the window, squeezing my hand as he spoke.

I sighed and nodded slightly "Dont worry about it."

And I was thinkin' on the drive down,

"Any time now",

He's gonna say it's love.

You never called it what it was.

"I wish we could do this more often, your always so busy now I feel like I never see you anymore. I've missed you, I love you." I said while leaning my head onto his shoulder, looking out at the mountains infront of me.

"Well I'm so fucking sorry that me running a country is such an inconvenience to you." He said with a huff before standing up.

"Y'know what I think I should head back, I can't leave Tubbo in charge for long."

I just blinked at him for a second before letting out a scoff.

"Yeah I think that's for the best actually, I'm gonna stay here though. I hope you have a great fucking time." I rolled my eyes at him and stood up, pushing past him.

He was driving away ten minutes later.

'Till we were dead and gone and buried,

Check the pulse and come back swearing it's the same.

After three months in the grave.

Three months.

He called me again after three fucking months.

"Y/n I'm sorry, I miss you. I love you too. I'm so fucking sorry." I heard his voice say through the phone, his speech slurred from alcohol.

I just stood there listening to him ramble apologies before hanging up, not responding.

And then you wondered where it went too,

As I reached for you.

But all I felt was shame,

As you held my lifeless frame.

The knocking at my door was what startled me, and seeing him stood there was what shocked me even more.

"I don't deserve you I know, I'm so sorry. Please just give me another chance, I won't do it ever again. I was just so stressed-"

I cut off his words by wrapping my arms around him, I knew something had changed but I had missed him too much to even care any more.

And I know it's long gone,

And there's nothing else I could do.

And I forget about you long enough,

To forget why I needed too.

"No your doing it wrong!" I said with a giggle nudging him out of the way and taking the rolling pin from his hands.

"How?! It's cookie dough! How can I possibly be doing it wrong?" He responded with a laugh, hugging me from behind.

"You didn't put flour down first, the doughs gonna stick now." I said while looking up at him with a small shake of my head.

He'd stayed up in the mountains with me for a little over a week now, we were planning on heading back to L'manburg the next morning.

Cause here we are again,

In the middle of the night.

We're dancin' 'round the kitchen,

In the refrigerator light.

"Is it bad I kinda don't wanna leave?" I asked him as we swayed back and forth in the kitchen, the burnt cookies sat in the fridge next to us.

Schlatt shook his head, continuing to slowly move to the music "No, this place is such a good escape. Just you and me. No worries. A part of me doesn't want to go back either,"

Down the stairs,

I was there.

I remember it,

All too well.

"So those two over there are Ted and Charlie." Schlatt said with a smile, pointing over to two guys who were talking in his living room.

He walked in without me, leaving me to trail behind him awkwardly.

They all hugged and greeted each other before the two strangers looked over to me in confusion.

"Hey I'm Y/n, it's great to finally meet you guys."

"Hey!" The shorter one said with a smile, waving at me slightly.

Ted raised an eyebrow at me "How do you know Schlatt? I don't recognise your name."

"Oh.. I'm his girlfriend." Everyone went quiet for a second, I reached out for Schlatt's hand to comfort myself but he quickly dropped mine and gestured it off, coming up with a new conversation topic swiftly.

And there we are again,

When nobody had to know.

You kept me like a secret,

But I kept you like an oath.

Sacred prayer and we'd swear to remember it,

All too well.

He rolled his eyes at me as I paced around his office, angrily glaring at him.

"I don't get why your even angry. What did I even do?" He said with a roll of his eyes

"You dropped my fucking hand! What am I supposed to do with that? That was fucking awful! They were both so much older than me and they didn't even know who I fucking was and then you dropped my hand! I needed you and you dropped my fucking hand."

I shook my head at him, trying desperately to blink back my tears.

Our age gap never really bothered me before, he was only 26 and I was 20 so it wasn't bad. It just seemed so uncomfortable when him and all his friends are towering over me. I felt like a child.

"Your over reacting! I didn't even notice! Your so dramatic!"

Maybe we got lost in translation,

Maybe I asked for too much.

Or maybe this thing was a masterpiece,

Till you tore it all up.

I wiped the tear from under my eye as quick as I could, not wanting him to see me cry over this.

He sighed and stood up quickly, coming up behind me to pull me into an embrace.

"Hey hey hey, don't cry. I'm sorry, I didn't even realise. I won't do it again. I love you." He said while pressing a kiss to my cheek, hiding his face in the crook of my neck after.

I took a deep breath and nodded, my crying subsiding at his words "I'm sorry I'm overreacting, I love you too."

Runnin' scared,

I was there,

I remember it,

All too well.

"Hey Y/n!" Schlatt's slurred voiced said over the phone causing me to frown.

"Schlatt where are you?-"

"I know we're supposed to be out right now but Fudy invited me out and you know how it is-" I could hear the sound of a bottle smashing in the faint background and a girl giggling loudly close to the phone.

"Schlatt please-"

He cut me off again before I had a chance to explain how upset I was, this was the third time he stood me up this week.

"Thanks baby I'll make it up to you!" And then the line went dead.

At least he had the audacity to call this time.

And you call me up again,

Just to break me like a promise.

So causally cruel,

In the name of being honest.

I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here,

And I remember it,

All, all, all.

"Schlatt I don't want to go to this fucking party." I said with a sigh as I did up the strap of my heels.

"I don't get why?! It's a small party with all my friends, why don't you wanna go?" He responded with a sigh as he adjusted his tie.

"Because I don't know them well, you'll get drunk and I'll end up sat on the sofa alone or attempting to talk to one of them. They all look at me like I'm a child." I walked over to him and adjusted his tie properly for him since he was making it worse.

"All I want is for you to stand by my side and look pretty so they'll see you as the adult you are, yet once again you have a problem with that. Maybe this age gap is more of a problem than we thought. Your acting like a fucking child and I'm sick of it." He rolled his eyes at me and pushed me away.

"Don't bother fucking coming." He walked out, slamming the door behind him.

They say alls well that ends well,

But I'm in a new hell,

Everytime you double cross my mind.

You said if we had been closer in age maybe it would've been fine.

And that made me want to die.

I started at the front door in shock after he left, silent tears streaming down my face as I started to walk away.

I glanced over at the mirror and looked at myself with a frown.

The tears had ruined the makeup I spend ages on and I ran my hand through my hair to ruin the perfectness of it.

The tightly fitting red dress and heels that Schlatt had got me to wear to this party tonight just looked wrong and awkward on me, I didn't look like myself.

I looked like a perfect First Lady.

The idea you had of me,

Who was she?

A never needy,

Ever lovely,

Jewel.

Who's shine reflects on you.

I fixed my appearance and walked to the party anyway.

I wanted him to be happy and enjoy himself. Even if I felt uncomfortable.

I didn't want to have ruined his night and upset him.

But when I walked into the room I saw him sat in the corner surrounded by people, he was joking loudly with a beer in his hand, not upset at all by our fight.

"Hey." I said as I walked over, fake smiling at him the way he liked. Wanting to be the perfect girlfriend in front of all these strangers.

"Oh you came, hey." He nodded at me slightly before turning back to his other conversation, pulling me into his side like a trophy. Completely unbothered.

Not weeping in a party bathroom,

Some actress asking me what happened.

You.

That's what happened,

You.

I excused myself to the bathroom after an hour of getting shown off and ignored.

I couldn't help but let a few tears slip out as I walked in there, expecting to be alone since I didn't see any other women around.

"Hey are you alright?" A blonde woman asked from behind me causing me to jump.

I just looked at her and let her pull me into a hug as I cried.

"I'm sorry I'm being such a bummer. I'm alright I promise I've just had a tough day." I said while pulling away from her, stopping my tears and turning to fix my makeup.

"It's alright I get it. I'm Niki by the way."

You who charmed my dad,

With self-effacing jokes.

Sipping coffee like your on a late night show.

"Just a reminder my birthday parties tomorrow evening, my whole family's gonna be there and their excited to see you again. They really love you Y'know?" I said with a smile, leaning into Schlatt's chest as he played with my hair.

"Really? I'm glad, I'm going to be spending the rest of my life with you so I'd hope they like me or that would be awkward." He chuckled and kissed my forehead with a smile.

But then he watched me watch the front door all night,

Willing you to come.

And he said,

"It's supposed to be fun,

Turning twenty-one".

I blew the candles of my cake out with a fake smile, turning to look at the door again for the one hundredth time that night. Hoping he'd walk in last minute.

He didn't fucking come.

Time won't fly,

It's like I'm paralysed by it.

I'd like to be my old self again,

But I'm still trying to find it.

After plaid shirt days,

And nights when you made me your own.

Now you mailed back my things,

And I walk home alone.

I hadn't seen him in a month.

I've stayed in my house alone since my birthday, not wanting to face the embarrassment and heartbreaking of my friends and family, never mind Schlatt.

Niki stops by often to check up on me, she tells me about his horrible ways of running the country and how her and her friends are planning a revolution.

I was intrigued by that, and appalled by the way Schlatt was treating his people. I never knew how badly Niki and other people living in L'manburg were being treated.

But you keep my old scarf,

From that very first week.

Coz it reminds you of innocence,

And it smells like me.

You can't get rid of it,

Coz you remember it all too well.

Niki introduced me to Wilbur and the rest of Pogtopia.

The one thing we all had in common was Schlatt had hurt us all in some way.

As I was waking back with her, chatting about her bakery I saw him.

He was leaning against my door with a bottle in his hands, struggling to hold himself up.

"Baby! Where've you been? I need you for the festival, you can sit next to me and I'll hold your hand. Your so pretty, I miss talking to you. I love you."

I just looked at him in silence, we all stood still for a second before Niki started yelling, pushing him away from the door with an anger that I couldn't even hear.

I just walked into my house with tears in my eyes, ignoring him as Niki said my words for me.

'Cause there we are again,

When I loved you so.

Back before you've lost,

The one real thing you've ever known.

It was rare,

I was there.

I remember it all too well.

The day of the festival came around quickly, me and Niki went around looking at stalls and playing games, laughing and smiling as we had fun.

We avoided the presidential area as we enjoyed ourselves, starting to leave as Schlatt's speech started.

I turned just as we were about to go out of eyesight to see Schlatt calling Technoblade onto stage with a laugh as a terrified Tubbo looked up at him with begging eyes.

That's not the man I loved, and that's not the smile I created all my happiest memories with.

Wind in my hair you were there,

You remember it all.

Down the stairs,

You were there,

You remember it all.

It was rare,

I was there,

I remember it all too well.

"Who was up on the stage next to Schlatt? In the seat that I was meant to be in?" I asked Niki the next day, anxiety growing in my chest as she awkwardly looked away from my eyes.