"Vana..." I'm not that near to him, but I read on his lips what he whispered.

Bigla niyang inalis sa akin ang tingin niya at tumalikod. Naglakad agad ako palapit nang makitang pasimple niyang pinunasan ang mga luha niya.

Napalingon ako sa pwesto niya at nakita ang ilang chichirya na nakabukas lang pero parang hindi pa gaano nabubuksan. Beside that, naramdaman ko ang kaunting panlalabo ng mata ko sa nabasa.

Brandon Jero A. Tuazon

July 18 1998 — July 17 2017

He died before he can even celebrate his 19th birthday?

"How did you know I'm here?" His voice changed a bit. I realized he's been crying for so long earlier.

"Yhael told me," I replied.

His eyes went wide a bit but bowed his head after. Nang iaangat ko sana ang ulo niya, bigla siyang tumingala at tumalikod. He's breathing slowly at mukhang kinakalma niya ang sarili niya.

"Sorry, I didn't know," Mahinang sambit ko.

We were just like that for I don't know how many minutes. I just let him be. Me, Rhui who's impatient never did complain kahit nangangalay na ako. I was surprised na natiis ko, para lang hintayin siyang kalmahin ang sarili niya.

Bigla akong hindi napakali nang kaunti nang bigla siyang gumalaw na at humarap na sa gawi ko.

"You don't need to be sorry, Vana. Ako dapat iyon," he said as he now looked back at me.

Nang magkatinginan na, doon ko tinignan kung gaano ako naninibago na makita siya sa ganitong lagay. I'm used seeing him too bright at hindi 'yong ganito na parang nasa dilim siya.

He sighed and tried to smile at me a bit. I nodded my head lightly as I smiled back at him to assure him. Umupo na rin kami muna.

He sighed deeply.

"Kuya Bran was already sick ever since he was born. Siya 'yong laging may bawal sa lahat sa aming dalawa kahit siya ang pinakamatanda. We grew up close kahit na ganoon. I can also still remember when he already can go to school. Basta't lagi niya lang din tatandaan ang mga huwag niyang dapat gawin. Kampante naman ako dahil lagi lagi ko rin siyang tinatanong."

"Few months since the first day of our class, we met a girl. She was bubbly, easy to be with, pretty, kind, kaya hindi rin malabong magkagusto sa kaniya si Kuya."

I didn't say anything and just listened to whatever he's saying. I held his hand to let him feel that I'm just here for him. He held it back too and played with it.

"Ako una niyang nakilala kaya lagi niya akong tinatawag. To the point that we're always together and sometimes, people assumed that we're already official. Kahit naman nagkakasama rin sila ng kapatid ko."

"Magkaklase kami kaya mas nagkakasama kaming dalawa. Dahil doon, hindi ko na napagtuunan ng pansin ang kapatid ko. Realization hits me when suddenly, Kuya Bran fainted. He stayed at the hospital for months at doon ko nalamang tinitiis niya lang pala 'yong nararamdaman niya para sa kaniya dahil akala niya gusto ko 'yong tao."

"Kuya Bran never skipped his meals, from what I know. Hindi naman niya pinapagod ang sarili niya. Nalaman ko lang din na umabot sa punto na sobrang kumirot ang puso niya, because of dealing and enduring all of it nang walang sinasabi kahit kanino. Kahit sa akin."

"I realized that we're already growing apart dahil sa akin. Dahil sa babae, kinalimutan ko 'yong nararamdaman ng Kuya ko. Nagpakampante ako na kakayanin niya lahat. Nakalimutan ko 'yong mga posibilidad na puwedeng may kirot o sakit siya na bigla niyang maramdaman sa kahit na anong oras. Napakawala kong kwentang kapatid, 'di ba?"

"All he did was to support and be with me everytime. Tapos ako 'tong hindi makagawa? Ako rin 'yong laging nakukuha lahat ng gusto ko nung bata, pero siya... bakit mas pinili niya pa ring isantabi 'yong nararamdaman niya? Tell me, Vana... does someone who's so selfless doesn't deserve to live normal? Bakit siya pa 'yong nagkasakit?"

I shook my head and didn't stop myself to hugged him so tight. I let him cry quietly on my shoulder. Bigla akong naiyak nang maisip ko na sa likod ng masayahin at maloko niyang pagkatao, nakatago 'yong kirot na pilit niyang isinasantabi.

At ngayon na napuno, wala siyang nagawa kundi ilabas na lang lahat. But even though this is not a good scenario, I'm thankful that I can be with him this time, when he's not the Brydon that we used to know.