In my 18 years of life, I'd never kissed anyone before. Tragic, I know. It wasn't as if I never talked to guys or went on dates, but nothing had ever come out of it. The closest I had gotten to having a boyfriend was last summer with a boy from my school. I was really hopeful about that one, but he couldn't handle a long-distance relationship. We had talked all summer, but after I left to film Julie and the Phantoms in Canada, he backed out. It took me a couple of months to get over him since I really liked him. But Owen, Jeremy, and Charlie helped me get through it. Rumor has it, there's a picture of said boy in Charlie's trailer mounted on to a heavily used dartboard.

After the second season was aired, the boys and I went on tour. Between touring and working on my debut album, there was no time for boyfriends. As a result, when the third season came around following my 18th birthday, I was faced with a unique challenge. This would be the season that Julie and Luke kissed, which meant that Charlie and I - I don't even want to think about it. My first kiss was quite literally about to be filmed in front of all of my friends and family.

I couldn't help but feel insurmountable dread about the whole situation. Whenever I thought about the last scene of the final episode of the season, I felt queasy. I wasn't sure which part I was dreading more: having to kiss one of my best friends or having my first kiss on camera. What if I was bad at it? What if I looked like a fool on camera? What if the fans hated it? I tried to push those negative thoughts out of my head as we began filming, but each episode seemed to hint at the inevitable kiss. It was as if the universe wouldn't let me forget that I would soon be embarrassing herself in front of the entire cast and crew, and worse, MY DAD.

I had successfully avoided talking to Charlie about the kiss for the first month of filming, and he seemed to feel the same way, both of us not wanting to make things awkward before it has to be. But as another month went by and our kissing scene was only a few weeks away, the unspoken conversation loomed heavily over us.

After many excuses of being tired or feeling sick, I eventually was cornered into practicing my lines for episode 9 with Charlie. We were sitting on a park table just across from the filming site, scripts in our hands running through the episode together. I felt anxiety bubble up into my chest as we neared the end of the script.

"Julie, I know this could never work with me being a ghost and you being alive. B-but I don't care. You've made me feel more alive than I ever felt when I was actually living. I-I love you Jules, and I want to be with you." Charlie acted out his lines, his intense gaze burning through me, tears brimming in his hazel eyes.

I had to remind myself that we were acting and suppressed the urge to comfort my friend who looked absolutely wrecked over his feelings. Charlie's talent never failed to amaze me.

"I love you, Luke" I responded, putting as much emotion and meaning into my words as possible.

I smiled wide and gave Charlie my best "heart eyes" as he would call it. This was the end of the episode, the part where Luke and Julie kissed. My heart dropped as Charlie leaned towards me. I was about to move back but I could tell he was still in character. His face entered my proximity and I felt a blush rise to my cheeks as his eyes fell on my lips. My heart was nearly beating out of my chest at this point, and I was frozen in equal parts anticipation and fear.

It was then that he scrunched up his face and stuck his tung out, making a "blaaaugh" sound as if he was pretending to throw up on me. That was our thing when we had to film a romantic scene together, it helped ease the tension and became a running joke between us. He then retreated back to where he was originally sitting back on the bench and flashed me a cheeky smile.

I just laughed it off, hoping that it sounded authentic enough to cover the fact that I definitely thought he was about to kiss me. I was so incredibly embarrassed that I made up a quick excuse to go back to my trailer and breathe.

After that "incident", I avoided Charlie like the plague which proved to be very difficult considering almost all of our scenes were together. But between takes I retreated straight to my trailer, sometimes making plans to hang out with Jadah or Jeremy in an effort to make it less obvious.

After a couple of days holding up my charade, Charlie had grown suspicious of my behavior.

"Mads, are you avoiding me?" He asked me directly as I reached the door to my trailer.

We had all walked back from filming a scene for the 8th episode together, but Owen and Jeremy had already gone to their respective trailers.

I stared back at him like a deer caught in headlights.

"What? Psh, no! My dad's just been super on me about-" I stopped mid-sentence, unsure of what my dad would be strict about to make it so I couldn't hang out.

Charlie's eyebrows shot up, both confusion and amusement playing his features. He rocked on his heels, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Alright, well if you're not avoiding me, do you want to work on our song?" He asked and I mentally slapped myself.

I had completely forgotten that Charlie and I had been working on a new song together. We were hoping to release it as a bonus track on the third album. I'd gotten so wrapped up in my feelings that I forgot that we were both really excited about writing another song.

"Yeah, of course." I forced out, knowing that we needed to finish the song if we wanted to be able to record it in time for the album release.

I watched as utter joy stretched across Charlie's face, his eyes squinting as he gave me his best "sunshine" smile.

"Great! Meet in my trailer in 5?" He asked and I took a deep breath, giving him what I hoped was my most convincing smile.

"Sounds good! See you soon." I responded before entering my trailer to change out of my Julie clothes and I made sure to grab our songbook on my way out.

There's no avoiding him now.