"I think it's best if Lucy doesn't know." I tell the caseworker quietly as Gabe looks over the paper she handed us to sign

"And why is that?" She asks.

I sigh slowly, sitting back in my wheelchair.

"I am aware I have a rough background." I say. "But that was something I was thrown into and something I fought like hell to get out of. But I am also aware that your people may not see it that way. If it does not work out, I do not want her to be heartbroken."

She nods slowly.

"Our kids are happy." Nathan adds. "They're good kids. They like Lucy. Lucy likes us. Just try not to judge us based on our past."

Gabe hands me back the paper and just nods. I look down at it and sigh.

How am I going to sign it with my left hand?

I hold the one awkwardly and very slowly sign it. I cringe at the messy Odeletta Reed.

"Sorry." I tell the women after Nathan signs it and hands it to her. "I'm right handed."

"It's okay." She says. "We will be in touch and somebody will be by next week to see your house."

Fuck.

"Okay." I smile.

"Now let's go get Lucy." She frowns.

Nathan wheels me back into the hospital room and Dr. Gray and Gabe follow.

Lucy sits up when we all come in.

"Do I have to go now?" She asks.

"Yes." The women says.

Lucy bounds up to me and climbs into my wheelchair. I give her a big hug with my good arm.

"It was nice to meet you Odeletta. Thank you for helping me with my math homework."

"You're welcome sweetie." I say softly. Nathan picks her up and gives her a big hug, squeezing her tight enough to make her groan quietly and giggle. He laughs and sets her on her feet.

"You be good, okay Lucy?"

"Okay." She smiles.

"Wait." Caroline says. Lucy looks at her. She walks over and hands her the pack of colored pencils. "So you can color."

"Thank you." Lucy hugs her legs.

"You're welcome."

I frown as the women takes Lucy's hand that isn't in a cast and walks her out of the room.

The moment she's gone, Raylen stands up.

"Are you guys adopting her? She's a cute kid and I think you should."

"Yeah Mama." Noemie nods. "The four of us decided we want to keep her please."

"We're trying." I say.

"If you don't mind Nathan, I need to steal your wife."

Nathan laughs.

"When you put it like that, I mind." He smiles. "But I know what you're doing so go ahead." He leans down and kisses my head. "Good luck amour."

_____

"You're going to saw it off?" I ask, flicking at the sight of the razor thing in Dr. Grey's hand.

"It won't cut into your skin." He says.

And then he turns the thing on, presses it against the top of my cast, and starts cutting, I watch, cringing, and grip Nathan's right hand with my left. The kids all watching, intrigued, as he cuts all the way down my left leg. He does the same thing to the bottom and then shuts the saw off, handing it to a nurse.

"So if I get this thing off and I can walk, can I go home?"

He looks at me.

"Is that all you care about?"

"Yes." I say. "Because my house is covered in blood and glass and I have somebody coming by in a week to check my house to see if it's suited for a six year old."

"She needs to prepare for my new grandbaby." Maman says.

When they found out we were going to adopt and that I might be going home today, they all raced to the hospital and now we're watching Dr. Grey cut a piece of wrapping at the top of the cast.

"I don't know Odeletta, you're one of my favorite patients." He says. I scoff.

"Please, you hate me."

"I did hate you." He laughs. "But I like you now."

"I want to go home." I say.

"Alright, alright, I'm promises. I can't let you go home until I see how you walk." He eyes arm arm. "And I want to take a look at your arm. The X-Ray looked good for that too, so many we can get you out of that sling. I'm not saying you can go back to lifting crazy things, but you can lift small things, like your phone or your drink or something. We will ease you into it."

He cuts some more stuff at the top of my cast, and then he sets the scissors between my legs and grabs the edge of the cast, lifting. The top of it comes off easily, revealing a lot of white cotton. He reaches down and starts pulling the cotton apart, revealing a gauze wrapped around my whole leg. He pulls the cotton all the way off.

"Any pain?" He asks.

"No." I say.

"Don't lie." He adds. "Because I know you would."

"I'm not lying."

He cuts the gauze off all the way, revealing my leg. He grabs my ankle and lifts my leg, pulling out the bottom of the cast the nurse takes the whole thing away.

"I need to shave." I say, looking at the hair on my leg. Nathan starts laughing quietly.

"Let's see you stand up." He says, nodding to Nathan. I sit up and throw my legs over the edge of the bed. It feels so weird to bend my leg. It actually kind of hurts, but it doesn't hurt like broken let pain, it hurts like stiff leg pain.

"Any pain?" He asks, watching my face carefully.

"It's stiff." I say, bending and unbending my leg.

"That's normal." He says. "How about you try and stand up?"

"What if I cannot walk?"

If I can't walk, I might lose Lucy.

"We will see." He says, gesturing for me to get up. I clutch Nathan's hand and slowly rise to my feet. I can feel his eyes watching me, ready to catch me if I fall. I still have my left leg bent, no weight on it at all.

Slowly, I place my foot on the floor and shift my weight on it. It doesn't hurt at all.

"Well?" Dr. Grey asks. "Walk to the door and back."

I release Nathan's hand and walk all the way to the door. Nathan stays right behind me, ready to catch me.

I go all the way back to the bed.

"Sit down." Dr. Grey says. I do, and he walks over to me. "Now, your arm is...it's going to hurt." He sighs. "But you shouldn't have any problems lifting a lot of things. I know you're right handed and I'm sure you can handle writing, but don't lift anything heavy. The heaviest you can probably handle is one of those big packs of toilet paper. As for your leg, you need to do exercises to get your strength back in it, but not too much. Walking will be good."

"Can I go shopping?" I ask. He laughs and nods his head.

"You can go shopping." He nods. "Don't go up the stairs without holding onto a railing. Don't go running up and down the stairs, and if you start to get sore or notice swelling, realize you need to take a break and put your leg up on elevation and ice it. I recommend sleeping elevated so you don't roll onto your arm. Do you roll in your sleep?"

"No." I say.

"Yes she does." Nathan says

"No I don't."

"Yes you do. You also talk sometimes, and you snore when you're really tired or you're sick."

"Huh. I did not know that."

"Okay, either way you roll." Dr. Grey says. "So sleep sitting up."

He reaches behind me and takes off the sling.

He has only ever removed it to check the bullet wound. This is the first time he's taking it all the way off.

The wound itself it just a very fresh scar now and it isn't bandaged anymore. He takes the sling all the way off and grabs my wrist, slowly pulling it out in front of me. It doesn't hurt at all as he does that. He has me move my hand and fingers all around, my elbow, and then the whole arm.

"It does not really hurt." I say.

"Alright." He says. He places my phone in my hand, and then removes it when I just shrug, and then he takes a weight off of his cart.

"This is one pound." He says. "This is comparable to...a can of soup or a bottle of salad dressing." He places it in my hand and I just shrug again. "If it hurts, you have to tell me."

"It does not hurt."

"Alright." He says. He takes away the one pound and hands me another one. "This is two pounds, like a small bag of rice or a carton of soy milk."

"That hurts a tiny bit but not a lot." I say. He nods and takes it away and hands me another.

"This is three pounds, like a bag or oranges."

"This hurts more." I nod.

He takes it away and hands me another.

"This is four pounds, like a medium pumpkin."

The moment he places it in my hand, I drop it, ripping my hand to my chest.

"Okay, so you can lift things as heavy as a bag of oranges, but no more. Don't strain yourself. You should come back next week...say, eleven?" He asks, looking at Nathan. He nods. "So next Friday at eleven and we'll see how you're doing."

I get to go home.

"Wait." I say. "No, the people are coming to check the house next Friday. Can we do Saturday instead?"

"Sure." He nods. "You get your things ready to leave, and if you notice anything weird, give me a call." He hesitates and looks at Nathan. "Make sure she calls."

"I'm a grown women, Dr. Grey."

"You are one of the most difficult patients I have ever had and the only person who can handle you is Nathan." He says simply. "Let me go get your papers." He hesitates. "And be careful in the shower."

I nod, and he walks out.

"I don't have the Cadillac." Nathan says.

"The four of them can squeeze into the back." I say, standing up and looking around the room. He follows me as I grab my bag, and I set the bag on my bed and start shoving my things into it with my left hand. I pick up Lucy's drawing off the floor and frown down at it.

She drew the Eiffel Tower. She even shaded it, and you can tell it was done by a child but it's still a good drawing for a six year old.

"She asked me where you're from." Raylen says. "And when I told her you were from France, you drew that."

Nathan peeks over my shoulder.

What if we don't get approved?

I shake my head and fold the page up, putting it in my bag.

I gather the rest of my things and look down at my clothes.

I have on black spandex shorts because they were the only thing I could get over my cast and a black tank top because I couldn't wear sleeves with the sling.

I step into sweatpants over my shorts and pull on one of Nathan's college sweatshirts. I put on my socks and sneakers. Dr. Grey walks back in with a ton of papers in his hands. He hands each of them to me and I sign them quickly, excited I get to write with my right hand again. I sign and Nathan signs when he tells him to.

"Can I drive?" I ask.

"No." He says. "You can't steer with both hands, so no."

"Fine." I mutter.

I never steer with both hands, so I'll just do it anyways.

I let Nathan sling my bag over his shoulder and I look around again to make sure I go everything.

"Next Saturday at eleven." Dr. Grey says.

_____

Nathan kills the engine to the truck in our driveway, and the six of us just sit there in silence, staring at our house.

It looks abandoned. Snow is all over the place, blown inside the house through the open front door. The glass on the windows are gone, resting under the snow in the grass. The house looks like it needs to be pressure washed. The guy we paid to do it one a month hasn't come because he usually did the windows.

Now there are no windows.

"We just get in, get our clothes and things and get out." I say, untucking my seatbelt. They all stay silent.

Odeletta unbuckles her seatbelt and gets out of the truck.

She's always the strongest out of everyone. I unbuckle and get out too, and the kids follow.

We reach the porch and Odeletta stops.

There's glass resting there, a few drips of something dark resting on the floor.

Dried blood.

Odette clears her throat and walks into the house, the sound of the glass crunching beneath her sneakers.

The house is trashed. The wood floor is damaged from all of the snow getting inside, and the heat is still on, but it's not doing much.

I should have shut the power off but I just never did.

Everyone kind of follows her as she steps into the living room, and all of us are silent as we stare at the puddle of dried blood on the floor, smeared from when the paramedics lifted up Jake's body. The baseball bat lies there still, but the gun was taken for evidence. There's a long streak of blood across the floor, all the way to where Odeletta ended up, and I look at the spot behind the couch where I was holding her, convinced she was going to die.

I can still picture the look in her eyes. My white button down was stained in so much blood when I wrapped it around her arm. Glass is everywhere and the house feels the same way it does outside.

I remind myself repeatedly that she's fine and standing right in front of me. She heads for the staircase and I stay close behind her as she goes up slowly.

When we reach the top, our eyes land on the outside wall of the house. She got shot from the backyard because there's blood splattered against the wall. She got shot in the middle, because in the middle of the balcony is where the blood starts, all the way to the bedroom. Odeletta turns into the room and the thick carpets are stained in blood.

She stares at the blood comforter and blows out a breath, the air puffing out in front of her.

"I loved that damn comforter."

That comforter was expensive too. She shakes her head and walks into the bathroom, coming back with a few suitcases. She hands one to me.

"Guys, just go in your rooms and pack your things. We're going to just give the house to the bank after we figure out what to do with the horses. Remember why we're doing this, okay?" She says quietly.

"For Lucy." Noemie smiles softly. "I wonder if she will let me practice on her hair."

She walks out then, and the others follow, going off to their rooms, leaving me alone with Odeletta.

I grab two of the suitcases and pack all of my clothes in silence. She does the same.

We're basically ransacking the place, taking anything and everything that isn't huge. I make sure she doesn't drag anything down the stairs and I back the truck up to the porch, opening the bed.

"What about Lucia?" Caroline asks softly.

"When is the last time Lucia was started?" Odeletta asks.

I just look at her.

"The night of Raylen's party."

She kicks the wall with her right foot and sighs.

Raylen, Noah and I load up all the bags of clothes and kitchen supplies and books and everything else we could want. We leave a space in the middle and I shut the bed, driving around to the garage.

We came here straight from the hospital because we all just wanted to get it over with.

Everyone comes through the garage by the door and I back the truck up.

Lucia sits in the corner. We all just stare at her. Odeletta walks over and picks up a piece of paper on her seat. I walk over and the kids go too, and we all read it in our heads.

Bug,

I've been starting her once a day for the last two months. I googled how to do it. Her battery is still fine and she runs like a champ

-Papa

Odeletta smiles, doing the tickle and the choke. I slam my foot down on the kickstart and Lucia roars to life. Odeletta gets that familiar spark in her eyes at the sound of her motorcycle. I grab a piece of woof and put it against the back of the truck. I roll Lucia over to it and hop into the bed of the truck. Raylen and Noah help each other push Lucia up. When she's up, I grab her handlebars and guide her into the spot between the things in the truck. I shut her off and then get ropes and tie to her to the bed. I grab my tools and things for the garage, putting them in the bed of the truck.

When the shelves are empty and the cabinets are empty in the house and there's nothing left but furniture covered in glass, I shut the bed of the truck and all of it clamber in. We drive to my parents house and all of us unload the truck. I only let Odeletta pull suitcases with her left hand. When we've loaded everything into the garage, Noah helps me put the cover back over the bed of the truck and we go into the house. Our whole family is here. I make Odette sit down.

"You better start looking for a house." Mom says. "You guys have less than a week to find one and move in."

I look at Odeletta and she sighs.

"Let's go drive around for one." She stands up again.

"I think you should rest."

"No, I'll put my foot up in the car. Please Nathan?"

What's the arm? She would be doing the same thing she is in the house in the car anyways.

"Alright. You kids stay here."

_____