I walk over to my oldest, dropping the keys to the Cadillac Escalade in his lap. It's around five on the first Wednesday back to school. All the kids are home, with the bus dropping them off in front of the house. Dr. Grey still hasn't approved me to go back to work, and the word bored is an understatement.

I wake up to get the kids ready for school and then I sit around the house. Nathan works from nine to six, sometimes later, which means I'm home alone until the kids come home.

I haven't left the house since the 29th, which was last Wednesday. It's January third and I've been home a week. A full week.

"What are these for?" Raylen asks, peeking over the screen of his phone.

"We're going out." I say.

"You can't drive." He says, confused.

"And you have a learners permit." I clap my hands together. "So you can drive."

"I've never driven before." He says. "And you and Daddy said you weren't going to let me drive the Cadillac or the truck."

I wave him off.

"Let's go."

"All of us?" Noemie asks, her eyes wide.

"Yes."

"Mama, I'm not comfortable with this." Raylen says.

"Neither was I when I started driving. Let's go Raylen, now."

All the kids stand up. I grab my purse off the coffee table and go wandering out to the Cadillac. I get in the passenger seat as all five kids pile in the car, Raylen in the front seat.

This is wonderful. I can just sit back and enjoy the ride.

I pull my phone out and put on my seatbelt, twisting as I see all four kids put on their seatbelt. I look at Raylen and see him sitting there staring at the steering wheel, his eyebrows creased.

"Well?" I ask. "What do you do first?"

"Erm..." he shoves the key in the ignition.

"Wrong." I say. He looks at me.

"What do I do?"

"You passed the permit test. You tell me."

He frowns, and then he puts on his seatbelt. He grabs the key in the ignition and looks at me. I nod once, and he starts the car. The engine roars to life. He reaches to the side to adjust the seat, moving it where he wants it. He tests the pedals with his right foot, and then he puts his foot on the break and throws the car in reverse. We start to roll back.

"Raylen, stop the car." I say. He presses the break and we come to a steady halt.

"Yes Mama?"

"Did you adjust your mirrors? Did you open the garage door?"

"Oh right."

He puts the car in park and adjusts his mirrors, and then he presses the button on the visor. The garage door slides open and he puts the car back in reverse, twisting in his seat. He puts his left hand on the back of my seat and backs out carefully, slamming on the breaks to stop the car.

It's snowing out as he puts the car in drive and carefully pulls to the end of the driveway.

"Where are we going?" He asks.

"The mall." I say.

"All the way in Columbus?" He asks.

"Yes."

_____

Raylen pulls onto the interstate, his voice shaking. I keep my eyes on his every move as he carefully gets over and slams down on the gas. The whole car lurches forward and we go flying down the interstate. I see the speed limit is 70, but he's going 80.

"Raylen Reed, you are going ten over. Slow down."

He slows down carefully. I watch the road as he drives. I see cars in front of us stopped, the Toyota in front of us has no break lights, but Raylen isn't slowing down.

"Raylen!" I yell. He looks up and slams on the breaks. The tires squeal loudly. I clench every single muscle in my body as the giant SUV goes roaring down the middle lane towards the tiny Toyota Camry in front of us.

The Cadillac slows down enough, and then slams into the Camry. The airbags in the Cadillac go off, and the Camry rolls forward, into the Hyundai Santa Fe in front of it, a medium sized SUV.

The Santa Fe rolls forward into the Ford F-150.

"Oh my god. Oh my god." Raylen says. My heart is pounding in my chest.

"Is everyone okay?" I ask the kids, whipping around. All four of them have wide eyes as they nod. I hit the airbag in front of me until it deflates. I can already hear sirens in the distance. Raylen's chest is rising and falling rapidly.

People around us are getting out of the car so we do too, and people from other lanes are moving around to check on the other people. Everyone seems fine, but their bodies could be in shock. I can already hear sirens. The guy with the Camry turns around.

"What the hell man?" He walks up to Raylen and shoves his chest. I rush around to the other side of the car.

"He's a new driver, do not push him." I say. Noemie, Caroline, and Lucy are crying, probably from shock.

The guy in the Camry storms off to check on the guy in the Santa Fe. People are rushing over to check on us and I force myself to remain calm, when really I'm freaking out.

Are they going to take him to jail? Who gets the points on their license? Me? Because I'm the one monitoring him? Or Raylen, because he was the one driving? I feel like I'm about to freak out. Are they going to take my son to jail?

I hear Noemie talking quickly in French into the phone, a habit all my kids acquired. When they get angry or anxious or something, they speak French. I've been doing it since I learned English. Lucy doesn't know French yet because we've only had her for a little while, but she will soon. I've been teaching her.

I tune out Noemie's words and walk over to Lucy, who is sobbing into Caroline's leg, who is also sobbing. I pick Lucy up and hold her with my left arm. I wrap my other arm around Caroline, putting my hand on the back of her head. Her hands fists the back of my shirt in hers and I can feel her shaking.

After a few minutes I pull away, pulling Noemie into a hug, and then Noah, and then Raylen.

"Est-ce que je vais en prison?" Raylen whispers in my ear. I shake my head against his shoulder. He asked if he's going to jail.

There is no reason for him to go to jail.

The officer finishes talking to the other people and the witnesses and walks over to us.

"Who was driving?" He asks. Raylen raises his hand anxiously. "How old are you?"

"Seventeen." He says, his hands shaking.

"Can I see your license and registration please?"

"Yes sir." Raylen says. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his wallet, handing it to him. He gets the registration from the glove box.

"And I assume you're Mom?" The officer asks me. I nod my head. "I need your license too, sweetheart."

Sweetheart.

I suck in a breath and lean into the car, getting my license from my purse, along with the insurance card.

He takes my license, Raylen's license, the registration, and the insurance to his car.

A moment later he comes back.

"Now sport, how about you tell me what happened?" He looks at Raylen.

Raylen looks like he's going to throw up.

"I-I was j-just driving and I remember looking down at something." He says. "And then my Mama yelled my name and I looked up and the car was stopped, so I slammed on my breaks! And then I hit him and the airbags went off."

The office nods, writing down every single word that leaves Raylen's mouth. The officer looks at me.

"How about you Mom, what's your take in this?"

"I was watching the road and noticed the Toyota in front of us had no break lights. He's a new driver officer, I'm sure that's why he didn't realize the cars were stopped. I yelled his name and he slammed on the breaks. The airbags went off we got out, and then the driver of the Toyota walked up to my son and shoved him." I say shakily, running my fingers through my brown hair. It's snowing harder outside and I wouldn't be surprised if they cancel school tomorrow.

He nods, writing down what I'm saying, and then he looks at Raylen.

"He shoved you?" He asks.

"Yes sir."

"Would you like to press charges?" He asks me.

I bet he thinks I would. People assume that when you have money, you want to press charges.

I'd rather not deal with the law. I've had enough with the law after Nathan nearly went to prison and my parents were in prison. I don't like messing with it.

So yes, I drive a sixty thousand dollar car.

Does that mean I want to press charges?

No, because I don't want to deal with the legalities of this situation.

"No sir, how about you buddy?"

"No, thank you." Raylen moves closer to me and I can tell he's scared.

I notice a fluid running from under the Cadillac and I see the front end is smashed. People are in their cars all over us, watching.

Noemie is clinging to Caroline and Lucy's hands, and I see Caroline grab Noah's.

They all look terrified.

The officers just nods his head and walks off to his car. The group of six different police cars start talking to one another. A paramedic walks over to us.

"Are you guys injured?" He asks.

"No." I shake my head.

"Are all of them under the stage of eighteen?"

"Yes sir." I nod my head.

"Do you or any of your children need to be taken to the hospital?"

"No sir."

"I need you to sign this forming saying you are refusing medical attention." He says.

I look back to make sure all the kids are okay, and when I'm pleased with the outcome, I take the pen in my right hand and quickly scrawl my signature.

As far back as I look, cars are lining the interstate, completely stuck. One of the officers starts making people in the right two lanes get over. We are in the middle and the only lane left is the far left lane. I move the kids closer to the Cadillac as traffic slowly starts to move into the left lane. Cars roll by slowly. I see a firefighter come over to check on my car and then he leaves, going off to do whatever else he has to do. A familiar black truck pulls up behind me and the officer that talked to us earlier comes back to see who it is. Nathan gets out of the car in his black slacks and a white button down. He rakes his fingers through his perfectly styled hair, rushing over to us.

"Oh god, are you guys alright?!" He looks like he's about to have a heart attack and he pulls all five kids into a group hug. When they pull away, he steps back and pulls me into a bone crushing hug, pulling away to put his hands on my cheeks, his eyes searching my face.

"I was so worried when Noemie called me."

So that's who she was on the phone with.

"You must be Mr. Reed?" The officer asks.

"Yes sir." He shakes his hand. The officer nods once and walks off. Nathan kisses my forehead and walks over to the Cadillac.

"Oh god, amour." He says, looking at the fluid making a puddle on the ground. "This is the radiator, and all the airbags went off. It's fifteen thousand a pop for an airbag. We have six. How much is that?" He looks at me.

I start moving my finger in the air in front of me, thinking.

"That's nine thousand dollars."

"Not to mention the front end probably took out multiple components. I bet she's totaled."

I don't respond to him, I just look worriedly at the officer arguing back and forth.

"Mama, I'm scared." Raylen says quietly to me. Nathan looks at him.

"Why are you scared?"

"Because I was driving."

"What?" Nathan asks, and then he looks at me. "He was driving?"

"Yes..."

"Are you-" he cuts off, and I can tell he's pissed at me. "We will discuss this later."

The other drivers are staying at their cars, and the driver of the Santa Fe comes over with her two kids.

"Are you guys okay?" She asks.

"Yes, are you guys?"

"Yes." She nods, and then she just walks off. The driver of the truck looks pissed off and bored, scrolling through his phone, chomping on his gum.

_____

A half hour later, the officers go talk to everyone and then come over to us.

"Since he didn't have break lights, he got the ticket." He says, handing Raylen his permit, me my license, along with the title and the insurance. "Your car though, I called a tow truck."

"Thank you." I say quietly.

"You guys are free to go once the truck comes to take your car." He looks at Raylen. "Be more careful next time, okay?"

"Yes sir."

Daddy drives the truck in silence, me and my five siblings shoved in the back seat. Caroline sits on my lap and Lucy sits on Noemie's lap. I can tell Dad is pissed. His grip on the wheel is so tight that his knuckles are white.

The things from the Cadillac rest at Mama's feet. Dad just told them to take the car to the junk yard.

Dad will glance at Mama with a strong glare, but she pretends not to notice.

"So..." Dad hesitates. "Where were you going?"

He's trying to keep is voice even but I notice the slight shake of anger in it. Mama doesn't bat an eye though.

"The mall."

Dad's grip tightens and I the muscles in his jaw tensing. He parks the truck in the garage and shuts off the engine, hitting the button to shut the garage door. We all go into the house in silence, but I noice how Dad is slamming doors.

He's pissed.

Daddy orders pizza for dinner since it's already past eight, and then he vanishes to the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

I see Mama's shoulders slump and she rubs her temples before following Daddy to the bedroom.

The air is thick and tense as I watch Nathan change from his work clothes, violently slamming them into the hamper. He disappears into the bathroom and I hear the shower. Five minutes later her comes back, a towel around his waist. His chest and shoulders and legs are dry, his hair damp and dripping. He drops the towel and pulls on a pair of boxers, shooting me the nastiest glare I've ever gotten from him.

Keep in mind he used to hate me.

He pulls sweatpants over his briefs and tosses his hair with the towel. He disappears into the bathroom and comes back without the towel. I have remained rooted to my spot against the bedroom door, the palms of my hand presses against the white paint. My butt rests against the back of my hands and I wait.

He rakes his fingers roughly through his hair and then turns to me, his eyes cold and hard.

"Are you going to stand there and stare?"

Last time he was this angry, Raylen was two and Noemie was a baby.

We stayed in silence for a week after that and had to go to couples therapy.

"Nathan," I start slowly. He walks into the bathroom and slams the door.

Another few minutes pass before he comes back. The doorbell rings, and he walks over to me.

Without a word, he grabs my hips and lifts me, forcing me to move out of the way, and then he walks out of the bedroom.

I follow him carefully and see five pairs of eyes in the living room waiting to see what's happening.

Nathan gets the pizzas and the soda and thanks the guy, walking into the kitchen. He throws the boxes on the counter.

"Kids, come eat." He says, and then he storms back towards me, roughly grabbing my hand and forcing me to follow him.

I'm not afraid. I know he won't ever hit me.

I am, however, petrified to see what he's going to say.

I stay rooted against the door as he paces in front of me.

And then he blows it.

"How careless can you be?" He shouts. My eyebrows shoot up that he's resorting straight to yelling, but I stay silent. "You are so fucking reckless! Are you an idiot? You put five kids in a car and let Raylen drive for the first time ever on the interstate? The damages to the Cadillac are severe! You are lucky the airbag went off! If any one of the kids didn't have their seatbelt on, they would be dead right now! You are so careless! You can't handle not being in control! Since you are so fucking impatient that you can't wait for me to get home to take you out since you can't drive, you make our son, who has never driven before, take you across the city via the interstate? What the fuck is wrong with you? You could have died! The kids could have died! You couldn't handle the fact that you can't drive! You are unbelievable! You are a fucking idiot, Odeletta! An idiot!"

"Nathan," I start carefully. "Can we just talk?"

"No!" He roars, rushing towards me and pinning me to the door. I close my eyes. "We can't talk! It's not like you're going to listen! You never give a shit! It's about you all day every day! You pulled our kid from school to make him break into a supply closet and sneak you out!"

He's screaming right in my face and I don't like it.

"Nathan, back up." I say quietly, opening my eyes to look into his. He's almost unrecognizable, his once calm brown eyes are now almost black. He backs up immediately, but his anger doesn't lessen at all.

"You are one of the most selfish people I have ever met and I'm ashamed to be your husband! It's right now that I'm wondering why I married you! You were selfish and a brat back then and you're selfish and a brat now!"

I feel like I've just been punched in the chest.

"Don't call me a brat." I hiss lowly.

"Then stop acting like one!" He shouts at me. "God, I can't fucking look at you! Every time I see your face, I get pissed off."

He looks like he wants to hit me as he advances towards me, but I don't flinch.

I turn around and storm out of the bedroom. All five kids are in the living room. Raylen is hugging Lucy who is crying, Caroline has tears in her eyes and her hands over her mouth, and the other three just look shocked.

We haven't gotten into a real fight like this since Raylen was two years old.

I'm still dressed in my outfit from earlier as I storm into the mudroom.

I don't give a shit if I can't drive. There's not a chance in hell I can stay here like this.

I shrug my leather jacket on and turn around. Nathan is standing behind me, holding out the keys to Lucia for me to take.

I look him dead in the face.

"You're a fucking dick."

I walk out of the garage door and storm over to the button. I hit it, and the garage door machine starts whirring, rolling the door up to me. I start Lucia fast, revving the engine. I completely ditch my helmet as I throw my leg over her but. I take up the kickstand and rev the engine again, peeling out of the garage.