italics — rues narration

people are always telling me about great tv shows. how i just have to watch this show. but the truth is, i don't want good tv. i don't want a novel, or some slow burn, or anything that feels like work. that's why i love reality tv. it's funny, it's dramatic, and i can focus on it. it's pure, effortless entertainment.

i want to lay down one moment and then look around the next and realize i have watched 22 straight hours of love island over a two-day period and yearn for more. some people may find that depressing. i don't. it is, however, a good way to measure depression.

because when reality tv begins to feel like work, like, final season of mad men work, you know you're depressed. like, haven't got out of bed to pee in 24 hours depressed.

the only thing making me feel better at the time was athena. she came to check in on me every hour, bringing me anything i needed from the kitchen and sometimes she would even lay with me in bed and watch love island. i loved athena, she was the only one i could actually tolerate when i was depressed and didn't want to leave my room.

at first, i didn't have a problem with leaving my room to pee or eat. but then my mom started bringing rick, her new boyfriend, home for dinner and stuff. he makes me mad, his presence and a lot of other things were making me angry.

plus. the thought of having to stand up, exert 172 muscles each step for 35 feet, just so i can sit on cold porcelain and piss out toxins over and over again for the rest of my life makes the whole concept of living feel like one long, sadistic joke. but the absolute worst part of depression is that even though you know you're depressed, you're unable to stop yourself from getting worse.

but i wasn't the only one feeling down.

i still hadn't heard from jules, going on almost two full weeks now. and to be honest i had completely forgotten the fact that i asked fez to scare nate because of her. he didn't forget, though.

fez watched intensely as nate made his way over to the fridges, getting a mango la croix, probably for maddy. then he made his way to the register, where fez made sure to keep his hard exterior. he placed the can down on the counter, fez ringing it up quickly to get nate out of there. "what's up, fez?" he asked, but fez didn't respond back. "anything else?" fez asked. "yo, can i get, uh, two of the rolling papers, too, bruh?" he pointed behind fez to the cherry rolling papers.

fez nodded and turned around to grab them, scanning them and placing them into the bag with his can of la croix. before he gave nate the bag, fez had to make something clear.

something in him was telling him to shut up and play it cool, but he just couldn't do it.

"yo, man. i don't know what's been going on with you, rue, and jules and shit. but you should know, i really do care about her." he started. nate chuckled, an amused look on his face. "aren't you, like, her drug dealer?" he asked. "nah, man." nate raised a brow, "what, are you in a relationship?" he asked. "nah, bruh, that's like, my family." he said. "so it's platonic."

fez felt anger rise inside him as nate kept playing it like a joke, even though fez was completely serious. "look, man, all i'm saying is, leave her and her friends alone." fez said. "or what?" nate tested him. "we're not gonna be having this conversation."

"fezco, let's get this straight. you're, like, half a retard. you dropped out of school at 20, and now... you're a gangster. what are you, like, fucking tony montana? what's the plan? you gonna be living in a mansion, fuckin' pet tigers and shit? go fuck yourself." nate laughed.

although the words cut into fez, he shook it off. "listen, bruh. all i'm sayin', you keep fuckin' with rue and her friends, and i'mma kill you. it's gonna be $5.75, playboy." nate handed him six bucks, not even bothering to get his change back as he grabbed his bag and walked out of the store quickly.

fez scoffed once he walked out, pulling his phone out to text athena before he got back to stocking stuff in the fridge.

miss u

see u soon

🖤

miss u even more