"Oh, hey, you guys, guess what part of my body I nicknamed 'Pink Floyd'?" Kelso asked with a big grin when Donna and Eric entered the basement.

"Shut up!" Donna said, sitting on the couch alongside her boyfriend.

"Well Jackie thought it was cute!"

"Well Jackie's not here anymore." Eric said.

Donna looked over at Izzy, who was sitting in Hyde's chair. "Izzy and I were over at Jackie's this morning."

Izzy's eyes widened. "Oh my god, yeah. She's so down, I feel so bad for her."

"She's taking the breakup pretty hard, huh?" Kelso asked. "Cool."

Hyde left his room to join everyone. "Shut up, man. You cried like a baby." He said, sitting at Izzy's feet. When she saw him leave his room, she started to get up, but he just set a hand on her shoulder in a silent Stay in the chair, it's okay.

"Woah! I did not cry! I had something in my eye."

"For a week?"

"I have allergies, alright?" Kelso looked around at everyone staring, unconvinced, at him. "Is it so wrong to feel?!"

"Anyway, Jackie's in, like, really bad shape." Donna said.

Fez stood up. "So Kelso, now that you and Jackie are no longer an item, I can ask her out, right?"

"What?! No! Since when did you like Jackie, Fez?"

"Fez, I don't think that's a good idea." Izzy said quietly. She put her legs on the arm of the chair, sitting sideways so Hyde could put his sunglasses on her.

"Yeah Fez, man, that's a bad idea. Jackie's on the rebound right now, just give her a break."

"What?! Since when do you like Jackie, Hyde?! Alright, does everybody here now like Jackie?!"

Eric slowly raised his hand. "I still don't."

"Thank you!"

"Fez, I just think Jackie's really vulnerable right now." Izzy continued, playing with the sunglasses.

"Yes, so I must move fast before she gets her self-esteem back."

"No!" Izzy yelled, taking her empty soda can off the ground and chucking it at Fez, who let out a small, "Ay!" and ducked.

"Yeah, can't blame her for being down. After all, I did dump her."

Eric furrowed his brow. "Actually she dumped you."

"I don't wanna get into specifics."

"Nothing will stop me from asking Jackie on a date! Not even ninjas." Fez said, striking a pose.

"Go ahead, Fez. Ask Jackie out. She won't say yes, because you're foreign, but ask her." Kelso instigated.

"Damn right I will!"

-

In the kitchen, Laurie was rummaging through Kitty's purse until Kitty came into the kitchen and ran to stop her. "No, Laurie! I am not giving you fifteen dollars for new hot rollers!"

Izzy, who was sitting in one of the barstools, laughed. "Laurie, straight hair is not the end of the world. I have straight hair, and I'm pretty hot."

"Oh shut up! You've only ever had one boyfriend, what do you know about being hot?"

"At least I don't get a new one every hour."

"Girls! Girls!" Kitty yelled.

"Actually Mom," Eric said. "Laurie's world is much smaller and much more shallow than the average person's."

Laurie scowled. "Come on, Mom! Curls are important for your self esteem!"

"You know what else might be good for your self esteem?" Eric asked. "Not being the village whore."

"Are you trying to start something with me, little boy? Because while you go to work, all I have to do is sit around and think of ways to hurt you!" Izzy just opened a chip bag and leaned on the counter, watching with amusement as her siblings went back and forth.

"Oh, I dunno. I'd think, as the village whore, your day's all filled up."

"Shut up!"

"Ha! I win!"

Red came into the living room, a scowl on his face. "You're both wrong, so can it!"

"You're dead." Laurie whispered.

"Ooh, I'm- I'm so scared!"

"Kitty," Red said, walking up to his wife. "Do you remember that little French restaurant downtown?"

Kitty gasped. "Frenchie's?"

"The one and only! I made reservations for tonight, Forman, party of two."

"Well now, this is so spontaneous of you, Red! You haven't been reading my Cosmo, have you?"

"Come on Kitty, we'll get all dressed up, you can even wear my mother's necklace!"

"Oh! The necklace! Yay!"

Red kissed Kitty on the cheek as he and Eric went off to work at PriceMart. Kitty turned around, wringing her hands with worry.

Izzy swiveled the barstool to look at her. "You okay, Mama?"

"Oh, this is awful."

Laurie laughed. "Come on, Mom, French food isn't that bad."

Izzy nodded. "Yeah, just order coq au vin. You'd like that."

"Nerd." Laurie mumbled under her breath.

"No honey, the necklace. I don't have it anymore."

Izzy's eyes widened. "What'd you do with it?"

"Nothing! I said nothing."

"Mom, did you gamble the necklace away?" Laurie asked.

"Okay stop it, Laurie, or I'll make you get a job!" Kitty warned, and Laurie quickly rushed out of the room. Kitty turned to Izzy. "We never spoke of the necklace."

"What necklace?"

-

That evening, after work, Izzy came through the sliding glass door to see Hyde and Laurie eating dinner. "Hey guys."

"Hey, Izzy Bee. You wanna know something cool? Laurie's a great cook. She made hot dogs, which must be her favorite meal, cause she ate it so quickly and didn't even chew it!" Hyde said sarcastically, giving Laurie a shit-eating grin.

Izzy stifled a laugh, but Laurie just scowled. "Oh, hey Hyde, Father's Day is coming up. Shouldn't you be practicing how to say 'Hi, are you my daddy?'"

"Ooh, by the way, Laurie, the sergeant general called, he wanted you to stop hoarding all the penicillin."

"You know, when you're in prison, your bad table manners will probably be a turn on for some guy named Tank."

"Hey, maybe when you're there for a conjugal visit, you can ask him to take it easy on me."

Laurie stood up. "Oh yeah? Well... nice hair!"

"Oh, Laurie. You all out of put-downs?" Hyde said, standing up as well.

"Yeah, I guess I'm having an off day."

Izzy went up to Hyde and let him put his arm around her shoulder. "Even Eric burned her earlier."

"Eric burned you?! You are totally lame."

"I know! Isn't that pathetic?" She shuddered. "Eric."

Just then, Eric came in through the sliding glass door, hearing Laurie say his name. "What about me?"

"Speaking of the spindly-armed devil!" Laurie sneered.

"What's so pathetic?"

"Nothing! At least nothing we can share with you. Gomer."

"Oh yeah? Well... nice hair!" Immediately, Izzy, Laurie, and Hyde all broke out into laughter. Izzy hid her face in Hyde's arm to hide her giggles, but Eric just scowled. "What?!"

-

"So what happened? Did you kiss her? Cause I'll kill you if you kissed her." Kelso said. It was the next day, and Fez had gone out to dinner with Jackie the night before.

"No, I didn't want to kiss her. I wanted to give her a napkin. There was not a moment where she did not have a face full of food. I was disgusted."

"Oh. Well then hey, all's forgiven, buddy."

Eric burst through the basement door, pointing at Hyde and Izzy. "Alright, fine! You two don't wanna tell me what Laurie said about me? I'm fine with that."

"Eric, she didn't say anything." Izzy said.

"Right. Because, I mean, that's what Laurie's known for. Not saying bitchy things."

"Hey, what'd Laurie say about Eric?" Kelso whispered.

Hyde grinned. "I'll tell you later, man, it's so bad! Funny, but bad."

"You got nothing." Eric said.

"Huh? Oh, yeah yeah. I got nothin'."

Hyde turned and winked at Izzy, which made Eric sigh. "Okay, fine. I don't care. She told you about summer camp, right? Fine, they called me Dr. Pee Pee. I couldn't sleep on the top bunk, and I was ten, so... You know, who cares? I'm Dr. Pee Pee." The rest of them all just stared at Eric in amusement, watching as he dug his own grave.

Kelso snickered. "Dr. Pee Pee! You are so Dr. Pee Pee!"

"Oh, really? Big Chief Brown-Bottom."

Kelso gasped, then got really quiet as he said, "I'm sorry man, I'm sorry. Just... everyone shut up."

-

"Then, after all I finished putting all my pictures of Michael in my special Michael Box," Jackie said to Donna and Izzy. The three of them were sitting on the Formans' back porch, and Jackie was eating jerky and rambling about her night. "I realized that I'm so totally over him!"

"You liar." Donna said. "Look at yourself!"

Izzy nodded. "Jackie, as your friend I need to tell you this now. If you keep stuffing your face like this, you're gonna get-"

"Don't you dare say it, you bitch."

"Fat!"

Jackie gasped. "No!" She rushed to eat more of her jerky worriedly. "Oh my god, I'm scared, I have to control myself!"

Donna nodded. "Okay. Let's start with you handing Donna the jerky."

Donna reached her hands out to take the bag, but Jackie slapped them away. "Back off, you Amazon! I just need more time."

"Okay, you slapping Donna's hand while trying to take your jerky is something a fat girl would do."

"Shut up, Goldilocks."

-

Eric ran into the basement to see Laurie and Izzy sitting on the couch. Hyde and Fez were standing behind them, having a conversation of their own as the girls watched TV.

"Okay Laurie, I know what you told Hyde."

"What are you talking about, loser?" Laurie asked, standing up.

"The camp story? Dr. Pee Pee? You're dead!"

Izzy stood next to her sister. "Eric, I told you. She didn't say anything."

"What's going on?" Fez whispered.

Hyde handed him a popsicle. "Ssh! Pretend it's TV."

"Oh, okay."

"Well," Eric said, "I know some pretty horrible things about you two, too." He turned to the boys. "Fellas. Laurie here waxes her lips, legs, eyebrows, toes, and shoulders!"

Laurie scowled. "In the fifth grade, Eric sent away for the Charles Atlas kit, cause a girl kicked sand in his face!"

"Both of you stuffed in middle school!"

"So did you!"

Izzy laughed. "You've seen Grandma. I was not stuffing."

Laurie's eyes widened. "Yes, you were! It was seventh grade."

"I've been like this since I was seven."

Laurie made a face. "Ew!"

Eric turned to the boys. "You know, Izzy's afraid of balloons! Oh, ohhh. And last year, Laurie used all of her birthday money to buy a back massager."

Izzy scoffed. "Which isn't fooling anyone, by the way."

"Well, that's not as bad as when I walked in on Eric in bed with his Dorothy Hamill poster, and he were all-"

"Laurie was born with a tail!" Eric yelled, pointing at Laurie. The boys' jaws dropped immediately, and Eric nodded. "Yeah! Laurie was born with a tail!"

"I hate you!" Laurie yelled, tears running down her eyes. She turned and ran up the stairs, leaving the rest of the company standing there in silence.

Izzy slowly walked over to Eric, holding her hand out. "Truce?"

"Truce."

-

Later on, in the driveway, Eric and Fez were playing basketball as Izzy and Hyde filled Kelso in on what had happened.

"So what you're saying is... I slept with the devil?"

Hyde nodded. "Exactly."

"She told me it was a birthmark."

"Well, it is a birthmark." Izzy said.

Hyde nodded. "From where they cut off her tail at birth!"

Eric walked towards the group. "You know, I'm starting to feel bad about all this."

"Yes, it is not right to reveal other people's secrets." Fez said. "I'm going to have to agree with Dr. Pee Pee on this one."

Jackie walked up to the group, smiling cheerfully. "Hello, boys! And how are you, Michael?"

"Well, not so good. I just got some very disturbing news."

"Well I hope you're very unhappy. Fez? Can I talk to you?" He nodded, and Jackie pulled him away to the group to, as she told Izzy later, "Apologize and keep him on a short leash." They sealed their conversation with a small peck on the lips, and then she left.

When Fez returned to the group, Kelso's face was bright red. "Alright, that's it! You're dead!" Fez struck a ninja post, then turned and ran in the opposite direction.

Hyde leaned up against the Vista Cruiser next to Izzy. "You're really afraid of balloons?" He snickered.

"Shut up! They're scary!"

"They're plastic and air."

"They can pop!"

He chuckled and put an arm around her shoulders. "I'm gonna get you so many balloons on your birthday next year."

She wriggled out of his arms and pointed at him. "If you do, I'll kill you. Right where you stand."

"No you won't."

-

"Okay. Love you too. Bye." Izzy hung up the phone and sat back down on her bed, across from Donna and a squealing Jackie.

"Aw, you guys are saying the L word?! That is so cute!"

Izzy chuckled. "Yeah, we're freakin' adorable."

Donna looked at Izzy's shirt. "Is that Nick's?"

Izzy looked down, realizing she was wearing the shirt she took from Hyde's room after they all went skinny dipping. "No, I think it's Hyde's."

"Oh. Is Nick, uh," Donna gestured with her hands, trying to pick out her words carefully. "Is he... okay with how close you and Steven are?"

Izzy shrugged and sat back against her headboard. "I think so. He's never said anything otherwise."

Jackie nodded and got up, looking at all the paintings that coated the walls. "You know, you should really paint me. I bet I'd look great on a canvas."

"Jackie, you look great no matter what."

"I know!"

Izzy sighed and looked at the phone sitting calmly on the housing. "Do you think I'm rushing into things with Nick?"

Donna looked over. "What do you mean?"

"I mean... I don't know, this doesn't feel like how I imagined a relationship. I'm not overcome with joy every time I see him, not all of his stories make me laugh until I cry, and-"

"Well that's just unrealistic." Jackie said, her eyebrows raised.

"No, Jackie." Donna chuckled, shaking her head. "I feel that way with Eric. Well, most of the time." She laughed, and Izzy just smiled sadly.

"I don't have what you and Eric have. And I want that."

"So... why don't you just break up with him?" Jackie gasped. "Then we can be single together!"

"I don't want to break up with him. I like being with him, I just-"

"Maybe you're just in love... to be in love?" Donna asked.

"What does that mean?"

"Like... okay, you love the idea of having someone, and you love that someone loves you. And maybe this isn't the real deal, but you love the idea of it." Izzy stayed quiet. Donna knew she hit some truth with that, so she backed off. "Plus, I mean, he's a cool bartender, right?"

Izzy laughed, which made Donna smile. "Yeah. He's bartending less and less because of his internship, though."

Jackie looked over. "That's why he left you at Vanstock, right? That internship."

"Yup. Him leaving didn't even matter, they gave the real job to someone else."

"Sheesh. Men, am I right? Look, Izzy. You're a woman. Use it. Quit dwelling on this one guy and bring every man you meet to his damn knees!"

Donna rolled her eyes. "Wow, Jackie. How noble."