Izzy sat at the breakfast table, watching her father and brother fight over the last waffle. She could very well just get up and make some more for the boys, but she chose to entertain herself rather than see them happy.

"Hey." Eric said. "Leggo my Eggo."

"Hey." Red responded. "Leggo my foot in your ass." Red took the waffle, leaving Eric frowning.

Izzy laughed. "Eric, you want me to make more?"

"No." He sighed dramatically. "It's okay."

Kitty then came through the kitchen door, returning from her early shift at the hospital. "Good morning! Ooh, Eric, Isabelle, I brought you two some things back from the hospital." She paused and fished around in her purse, pulling out a grape lollipop and an orange one. "Lollipops!"

Eric took the grape one and, scowling, said, "Mom, we're... seventeen years old."

Izzy nodded. "Yeah!" She leaned over to her brother and whispered, "Can I have the grape?"

"Yeah, here ya go."

"Thanks."

"Course."

Kitty turned back to her purse. "And, I also bought you two-" she pulled out two baggies. "Condoms!"

Izzy's eyes widened. "Mama!"

"Mom!"

"Now, see, we had a teenage mom come in today. And it's just... well, I worry about you two."

"That I'll get pregnant?" Eric asked.

Izzy nodded. "I don't plan on getting any girls pregnant."

"Mom, you're not a very good nurse."

"Now don't be porky mouths! Oh, here-" She pulled out two booklets. "Sexual health pamphlets."

"Mama! Ew!"

"I just want you two to know that intercourse is a responsibility, not just a right."

Eric turned to Izzy and lowered his voice. "Have you and Hyde..."

"No! You're still single, right?"

"Yes!" Eric stood up from the table. "Okay, Mom. Well. This couldn't be more uncomfortable-"

"You forgot your condoms."

"I was wrong!" Eric and Izzy quickly grabbed the bags and rushed out of the room.

-

"Hey, Izzy Bee." Hyde said, leaving his room to see his girlfriend, along with Kelso and Eric, hanging out in the basement. "Your dad's been spot-checking my room again. I can't believe he still doesn't trust me. You know, that really hurts." He turned to Eric, who was sitting on the back of the couch. "Forman, I'm gonna need you to hide my stash."

Eric shrugged and took the brown bag. "Sure. I'll put it in my dresser under my Hong Kong Phooey socks. He can protect anything because he's faster than the human eye!" He faked karate chops at Hyde, who laughed and did them back.

Izzy shook her head. "You guys are idiots. Anyway, shouldn't I take it? Daddy's less likely to suspect me-"

"Isabelle, Isabelle, Isabelle." Kelso said, clapping a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't call me that."

"Isabelle, Isabelle, Isabelle." Eric said, clapping a hand on her other shoulder. "Leave the dirty work to us... manly men."

Kelso giggled. "Yeah! Manly men!"

"You guys!" Donna said exciting, coming into the basement with Jackie dragging her feet behind her. "The funniest thing just happened to Jackie!"

Jackie walked up to Kelso and pouted. "Michael, the most horrible thing just happened to me! My father found out we're back together, and... if we don't break up..." Jackie sniffled. "He'll never give me money ever again."

"Wait." Hyde said. "If you break up with Kelso, you'll be rich? Pfft, talk about your win-win."

"Steven!" Izzy scolded. "How would you feel if I had to make that decision?"

"I'd tell you to take the money."

"Steven!"

"So you wouldn't have to choose for yourself and stress out."

Eric grinned. "Aww, does wittle Hyde- ow! That hurt!" He rubbed the spots on his arm where both Izzy and Hyde had punched him.

"Hold on." Kelso said. "You dad didn't know we're dating?"

"Here comes the best part!" Donna said excitedly. Jackie and Kelso shot her a look, and she quickly stopped smiling. "I- I mean the worst part."

"Michael, my dad thinks you're a bad influence on me. So I kept our love a secret. And now, I have to decide between you and money."

"Gosh," Izzy sighed. "It's like Sophie's Choice."

"But for morons." Eric said.

Donna laughed. "Let's take a poll! Who thinks Sophie should pick Kelso?" Izzy started to raise her hand, but Hyde took her hand in his to hold it down. "The money?" Eric, Hyde, and Donna quickly raised their hands. Hyde lifted Izzy's hands, making her agree with the majority.

"You guys, this isn't a joke!" Jackie whined.

"But it's funny like a joke." Hyde said.

Jackie sighed. "How do I choose between something that makes my whole life complete... and you?"

"Well... I dunno, baby. But I love you."

"Oh, Michael, I love you too! Okay, I choose love. I choose love!"

"Aw!"

"Yeah, aw!" Jackie pulled Kelso in for a kiss, then said quickly, "Okay now get a job, because I need a ton of money."

-

Later that day, Izzy was following Eric and Hyde into her twin's room, but when they opened the door, Red was rummaging through the dresser.

"Daddy?" Izzy asked slowly.

He quickly turned around, looking like an angry deer in the headlights, and the three teenagers froze.

"It's late! We'll talk about this tomorrow!" He stormed past them, rushing into his own bedroom.

Eric turned to the other two, wide-eyed. "Oh my god, my sock drawer. I'm dead! He found your stash, do you know what this means?"

Hyde nodded. "Yeah. I get your room and you get sent to military school."

Izzy threw her arms around Hyde's shoulders. "Oh, Steven! You can move in here and we can be neighbors! How romantic is that?"

Hyde chuckled. "So very."

-

"Hey!" Kelso said, coming into the basement. Jackie was pacing behind the couch, while Izzy was sitting in Hyde's seat and watching television, and Donna was flipping through a magazine.

"Michael, I'm broke!" Jackie yelled, making Kelso jump slightly. "I had to buy generic hair conditioner! And now? I have split ends."

"Well no one is gonna notice that, baby." Kelso said comfortingly. "They're all gonna be looking at that monster zit." He went and sat down next to Donna on the couch, leaving Jackie standing angrily.

"I have to ration my cover-up. So find a job already!"

"I'm trying, okay? It's tough out there! I just had an interview at that new store at the mall, the Cheese Palace."

"Where curd is the king?" Donna asked.

"The very same."

Izzy's head perked up. "They're hiring?"

"Yeah. But didn't you, like, just quit your job to focus on your art,"

"Yes, I did. Turns out paint costs more than I thought, and my parents refuse to keep giving me the money for it, so I'm looking for another job. One where my boss won't call me Little Forman all the time."

"Well yeah, they're hiring new cheese maidens. You know, to hand out the samples. But I didn't get the job cause they wanted a girl."

Donna chuckled. "You're pretty like a girl."

"Thank you!" He sighed. "Man, but the manager wants an actual girl, y'know? With boobs, and stuff."

Izzy's eyes widened. "I'm an actual girl! With boobs and stuff!"

Donna nodded. "Hey, so is Jackie."

"Oh, no no no." Jackie said quickly. "I am not getting a job. A job is for poor people. I am a rich person who doesn't have money. Big diff!"

Kelso looked up at Jackie. "Hey, is that a blackhead?"

And, before Jackie knew it, she was donning the German dress alongside Izzy, getting ready to hand cheese out to anyone who'd take it.

-

On the girls' first day of work, Izzy and Jackie were each given the options of handing out cheese and cleaning the store. Jackie, of course, refused to pick up a rag, so she was the one standing outside, holding a platter and begging for people to take the samples.

"Try the Swiss, you can't miss! Try the cheddar, it's even better!"

Just then, Kelso walked up, joined by Donna and Hyde, all of them giggling at Jackie's outfit.

"Floor's real shiny. And I see your heinie." Hyde said.

"Eugh!" Jackie shuddered, hitting Hyde on the shoulder lightly.

"Hey!" Hyde yelled in the direction of the store. "Your cheese maiden hit me! Cheese guards, seize her!"

"God, this job is awful!"

"Tell me about it." Izzy said, walking up to Jackie with a platter to exchange for her almost empty one. "I did not expect to have to dress like this."

Donna snickered. "Looks like Hyde didn't expect it, either."

"Hel-lo, milkmaid." Hyde said, taking in a sharp breath.

Izzy laughed and gave Hyde a short kiss hello. "It's cheese maiden, actually."

"Damn, Izzy!" Kelso said. "You look- ow, Jackie!"

"Hey, finish that sentence, man." Hyde said, wrapping an arm around Izzy's waist.

"Yeah, Michael!" Jackie said. "Finish it!"

Kelso looked to Donna, clearly panicked, but Donna only met his eyes and nodded, grinning. "You look... like... a cheese maiden."

Donna snickered. "Nice one."

"Look, Michael!" Jackie said. "The only reason I have this job is so that you and I can be together. All you've done for our love is sit in the basement eating Fritos!"

"Well. For your information, if I send in eighty Frito bags, I get a free remote-control car." Jackie gave him an unimpressed look. "Which! Which I was going to give to you after I played with it only a little."

Izzy giggled and leaned into Hyde's side. "Now that is love. Take notes, Steven." Hyde just scoffed, a smile on his face.

-

"The gouda's go good-a!" Izzy said, her turn to man the samples. "The Havarti's a party!"

Jackie walked up to Izzy with some refills, right as Kelso, Donna, and Hyde came up to them yet again.

"Ello, my lady!" Kelso said excitedly. "Fondue you love me?"

Donna groaned. "Stop doing that! All day with this! 'Hey, fondue me.' 'Ooh, I stepped in fon-dog doo.'"

Izzy laughed. "Steven, walk with me to get our paychecks?"

"Yeah, sure."

Izzy handed the platter to Jackie, who took her spot and continued to complain to Kelso and Donna.

"You guys get paid after your first day? Damn, maybe I should be a milkmaid."

"Cheese maiden!"

"I'm gonna be honest, I like milkmaid better."

"Har har har." Izzy paused, going behind the counter. "So, how's Eric dealing with my dad?" She asked from the back room.

Hyde leaned towards a wheel of cheese, smelled it, made a face, and slowly backed up. "Avoiding him at all costs. I think Red's avoiding Eric too, though."

Izzy laughed. "Maybe he's trying to figure out what military school to send him to." She came out of the back room, holding two envelopes and two cheese samples. She handed one to Hyde, and, when he looked at her quizzically, said, "Reject samples. Jackie cut them too big."

"Ah."

The two of them walked back over to Jackie, just as she said, "I just don't even get why people want to work!"

"Here ya go, Jackie." Izzy said, handing her the envelope.

Jackie sighed and took it, opening it up. She pulled out the piece of paper, and immediately a grin broke out on her face. "Oh my god, it's a check!"

"Yeah, that's usually when I bring when I go get the paychecks."

"And that's my name!"

"Yeah, that's usually what's on your paycheck."

"I can still be rich!"

"Yeah, that's usually-"

"Ssh. Izzy Bee. That's enough."

Jackie and Kelso were jumping up and down at this point. "Hey, let's go buy me that remote-control car!" He said excitedly.

Jackie stopped. "No, Michael. Money doesn't grow on trees." She gasped. "Money doesn't grow on trees!"

Izzy giggled. "I think having a job is changing her."

"I know, right?! Think about it! A whole new me!"

At the same time, all the others said, "That'd be great."

-

After work that evening, Izzy was sitting at the kitchen table as Kitty prepared dinner and Red was going through the day's mail. When Eric came through the kitchen door, both boys immediately tried to run out.

"Okay, enough!" Kitty yelled, stopping them in their steps. "Eric, sit."

Eric took a breath and pointed at Red. "You can't make me join the army, okay?! I'll cut off a toe!"

"What?" Red asked, confused.

"Okay, okay." Kitty grabbed Eric by the arm and ushered him towards the table. He reluctantly took the seat next to Izzy. "We are just gonna clear the air right now." Izzy started to get up, but quickly sat back down when Kitty said, "Isabelle, you're involved in this, too."

Kitty made Red sit across from the twins, and she took the seat in the middle. "Now, kids, the other night, your father and I were getting intimate..." The three others loudly groaned in disgust. "And we realized we didn't have any protection."

"For hugging!" Red said quickly. "We just... we hug."

"So, your dad went into Eric's room, looking for one of the condoms I gave you, and you two caught him. And he has just been so embarrassed ever since."

"Condoms?" Izzy asked.

"Ooh!" Eric finally realized what was happening. "Condoms!"

Red narrowed his eyes. "Yeah, condoms. What did you think it was?"

Eric and Izzy paused and shared a look. "What did you think it was?" Eric asked.

In unison, Red and Kitty both looked at the twins and said, "What did you two do?"

"What... did you do?" Izzy asked slowly.

Eric sighed. "We didn't do anything, okay? You stole condoms! Get him, Mom!"

"You two are grounded." Red said.

Kitty nodded. "For a week."

"Hyde, too. Whatever was in that drawer that you didn't want me to see, I'm sure it was his."

Eric grinned. "Fine!"

"No complaints here, thank you!" Izzy and Eric got up from their seats and headed towards the basement.

Once they were away from their parents, Eric scoffed. "Hey."

"What?"

"Nice milkmaid costume, Little Forman." Izzy took off her bonnet and hit him in the face with it. "Hey!"