INNOCENT ANALOGY

Fezco and Lulu were gone, leaving Zahia, Ashtray and Faye alone in the house. The two sisters had been staying over for a few days now and the cohabitation was going smoothly.

Still, it was a little weird for Zahia to know that the house where she had all of her memories was next door and that it was now too dangerous for her to live in it. Sometimes, she would recall the few moments where both of her parents were still together, wondering how things could have gone downhill so quickly.

She wondered if her parents ever thought of her and Lulu, if they regretted leaving them and never turning back. And she wondered if she would ever see them again.

Faye was smoking a joint on the opposite couch and Zahia extended her arm to get the stick. Faye couldn't be bothered and handed her the joint, Ashtray was quick to react, slapping Zahia's hand, "Ow, what was that for?"

"The fuck you doing?" Ashtray asked, glaring at her.

"What's the matter with you? You sell that shit for a living."

"I don't give a fuck," Ashtray replied, "You ain't touching that shit."

Zahia sat back, sighing in annoyance. She knew Ashtray was right and that she shouldn't do drugs. Ever. She knew how easily people became addicted to things like that. She had witnessed it firsthand with Rue —since she used to spend her life at their place, and then she had seen her sister drowning herself in alcohol.

In a sense, Zahia could understand why some people fell into addiction. She would never say it was an easy way out, quite the contrary actually. Even she had wondered if she could have fallen for a trap like this after what her parents had put her through.

But Lulu had saved her. She had been there for her when she was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ADHD, she would always make sure that Zahia would take her pills on time and would often drive her to her therapy sessions. And, most importantly, she had really been a stable emotional support for her through the years, even though she was going through the same life events.

Zahia's heart crushed in her chest when she realized that the person who had been there for her the most, was also the one who had developed an addiction because she probably hadn't received the support and help she actually needed to cope in an healthy way.

"You ever... think about your parents?" Zahia asked, playing with her fingernails nervously, "Like... who they are and... why they left?"

Ashtray was taken aback, definitely not expecting Zahia to mention his parents. He had noticed how her eyes would linger on her house here and there —most certainly losing herself in past memories, how she would sometimes scroll through the pictures on her phone and stare at the childhood ones she had saved in a hidden album.

They had this habit they never talked about where, every night, they would lay on his bed and watch tv shows until they would both fall asleep next to each other. And Ashtray couldn't count how many times she would wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat and panting in fear, as if she had experienced the most terrifying nightmare ever.

So Ashtray knew this question was really a way for her not to feel alone, "I mean... I guess... but ion know shit about them so... there isn't much to think about."

Zahia silently nodded, wondering what it felt like not knowing anything about your parents. It was one thing to discover a whole new side of them after years but having no information at all most certainly was another level of pain. That could explain how difficult it was for Ashtray to open up in the slightest of ways.

"D'you think your parents would've liked me?" Ashtray questioned, "Like... I know your mom wasn' a big fan of us but like... your dad?"

Zahia grimaced before facing him with a finger pointed at his face, "I don't think the face tats would've helped your case..." she stared at him for a few seconds, Ashtray suddenly feeling small under her gaze, before she cleared her throat, "I... I mean, I like them, they're really cool but... he probably would've hated you."

Ashtray chuckled, trying not to pay too much attention to Zahia's words about his tattoos, "So, like, you should've snuck out to hang wit' me and, like, me knockin' at your window at night and shit?"

Zahia's face lit up, taking every little demonstration of affection she could take out of the boy sitting next to her. It was simple, almost innocent and naive, and she started feeling her heart beating in her ears as she pictured Ashtray knocking on her window at night just to spend some time with her.

She shrugged, wondering if he could tell her cheeks were burning up, "I don't know... I guess we'll never find out."

Faye hummed at the sweet exchange, "Aw, ya'll are like Romeo and Juliet, that's so fuckin' cute."

Zahia had grown to like the girl. She was weird and high most of the time but she thought she was cool. But, at this exact moment, she wanted to slap her for comparing them to Romeo and Juliet, making the whole thing even more embarrassing than it already was for her.

"Hm... I don't see what's cute... they, like, die at the end..." Zahia grumbled.

"Yeah but they're so in love," Faye grinned, blowing out some smoke, "They don't care 'bout anything else..."

Feeling exposed by the most disconnected from reality yet precisely accurate person in the room, Zahia scratched her throat in discomfort, looking for a way out as she caught glimpses of Ashtray shooting her a few looks.

In a second, she was on her feet, "Okay, hm, Imma take a shower and, like, go to bed."

She sprinted out of the room and took a quick shower, putting on the clothes that she was now shamelessly taking out of Ashtray's wardrobe to sleep in. She hopped on his bed, internally smiling as she always ended up on the left side of it, as if it was now her bed as well.

Ashtray silently walked in the bedroom a few moments later, already changed in his pajamas and his hair slightly wet. She figured he had taken a shower right after her and she locked her phone, putting it on the nightstand.

Ashtray brought his laptop on the bed, playing a random episode of The Office, but Zahia couldn't stop thinking about Faye's words. What if their fate wasn't to die but to be separated? Maybe, in a few months, she would have to leave town and go live with her grandparents in New York. And, maybe they would stop talking because of the distance.

Her heart clenched at the thought and she turned to look at him, "Are you still gonna talk to me if I have to leave?"

Ashtray didn't budge for a few seconds and Zahia wondered if she had actually spoken out loud. But her breath caught in her throat when he made eye contact with her, "What're you talking about?"

She had felt the hesitation in his tone, as if he had been asking himself the exact same question but hadn't dared to ask her. She gulped nervously, "You know what I'm talking about, Ash."

And he did know. He was never going to admit it out loud but the thought of Zahia leaving town was scaring him. He didn't have many people that were approximately his age in his close circle. In fact, the only people he had were Fezco, his grandmother and the Jenson sisters.

He also knew that his own circle would never really grow much. He might make friends here and there, that was a possibility. But never like Zahia would. She didn't really know it but, in a way, she was growing to be just like Lulu. A real magnet. Her own circle wasn't huge but she definitely had more chances to be surrounded by people over time than him.

He was still young but he knew that he had already found his people for life. And he was scared to lose one of them because how could Zahia still want him in her life if she was ever forced to leave this place?

"You ain't gonna leave," Ashtray replied, looking away.

Zahia sighed, feeling like he was avoiding the question, "What if I do?"

Slowly, Ashtray turned his head, staring at her eyes strongly, "Do you wanna leave?"

"What? No!" Zahia snapped, suddenly realizing the way he was looking at her, "Do... do you want me to leave?"

"No."

The boy hadn't hesitated for one second. It had come out instinctively, as if it was yet another way to show her that she meant a lot to him. She didn't mean to be hypnotized by him but the way he was looking at her wasn't something she had ever experienced before.

She couldn't deny how attached she was to him. She had been hanging out with him for years, introducing him to all of her friends even though he didn't seem to care for any of them. She recalled how they would always end up together, just like at the New Years' party she had thrown at her house.

She remembered all of her friends raging about what Max and Casey had done and, as if it was meant to happen, she had spent the rest of the night with Ashtray up until it was just the two of them and that they talked to each other until they fell asleep.

And Zahia smiled as she realized that it had always been like this between them.

When Zahia looked back at Ashtray, he was still looking at her. She didn't really know why —or maybe she did but refused to admit it, but she wanted to kiss him.

So she did.

The kiss was chaste, it was more of a small peck quickly dropped on his lips, an act of pure awkwardness that caused her entire face to burn from the inside once she pulled away.

When she looked at him, he had his eyes opened wide and had definitely stopped breathing. She wanted to go hide in a closet and disappear for hours, "Hm... I, uh, well... uh, I—I'm sorry—"

But Ashtray kissed her back clumsily, pressing a hand on her face before pulling away as quickly as possible, somehow surprised by his own action.

They stared at one another for longing seconds before they both grinned from ear to ear, Zahia chuckling, "Okay, okay, I get it, I'll make sure I stay," and she winked at him.

"Oh, shut up," Ashtray spluttered, focusing his attention back on his laptop.

Zahia stared at him a little longer before she snuggled a little closer to him and placed her head on his shoulder softly.

... ... ...

, i literally wrote an interlude that's longer than most of my chapters but what can i say i just LOVE writing about zahia and ashtray

soooooo i wanna know EVERYTHING! did you guys like it? what was your favorite part? what do you think will happen next? what do you think will happen to the sisters and everyone else in the upcoming chapters???? what are your theories (esp about lulu/zahia etc)

again, thank you soooo much for the support and all the love, it means everything to me