《Tender in the Night | A Lizkook AU》12.
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Jungkook sat with a blank stare at the notepad on his desk. There are scratches on the dribbles of what used to be the lyrics to the song he'd been working on. It's just no use! Nothing works, nothing sounds right! His body is aching again, tired from all the pressure he'd put himself in. It's now the third week without Lisa, and he'd been on active-mode for the past one week – pushing himself to train, even on his own, whenever he gets the chance. It's the only way to keep his mind off her.
But after the near pass-out incident yesterday, he was forced by Namjoon to take a rest. Basically, he'd been banned from the dance studio for one week. Namjoon advised him to write everything down, whatever he's bottling up inside.
'It might inspire you, you always said you wanted to try song-writing,' The words rang in his ears.
The thing is, it's not like he doesn't know what to write. He knew exactly what's on his mind. He could hear them loud and clear. All the things he wanted to say to Lisa, the things he wanted to ask her. He just doesn't know where to start. There are a few times in a day where he's just angry at her. Even if she doesn't feel the same way for him, how could she just bail on him like this? There's literally nothing – no clue or closure – of the state of them both! Does she not care about how he felt?
But the days always went by the same. He'd ended up missing her. Everything about her – her soft voice and her high-pitched laugh, her goofiness, her excited cheer, her pout, her teasing, her face – just overall, her. And he doesn't know how to cope with it. He still sends her text messages every night, hoping she'd reply.
He groaned loudly. What's wrong with him? Nothing even happened between them, how could he be so bothered like this?
It's because you're whipped for her, that's why! Jungkook felt like slapping himself across the face. If only he could pick her out of his brain and throw her out of his life –
No, she's just too precious to be thrown out!
He has to do something, try harder. But he needs help.
...
It hadn't sunk in her mind - did she miss him that much, that she's starting to imagine things?
"Kook, glad you made it!" Lisa looked sharply at her friend, already thinking of the many ways to get her revenge. Why did he invite Jungkook here? What was he thinking? No wonder he'd been bugging her since evening to have dinner tonight!
"Can I join you guys?" Jungkook asked politely. Lisa finds herself fidgeting upon hearing his voice. She dares not to look up to his eyes.
"Well, good thing you asked! Lisa just ordered, but I have to run,"
"Bam!" Lisa can't help her nerves.
"What, I have practice okay? Kook'll keep you company," He winks at her. The cheek of this guy! I swear when I get the chance, I'll kick your ass so hard you won't be able to sit longer than you can say 'Blackpink in your area'!!
"No, Bam –"
"It's alright. I'll accompany you. I'm hungry myself,"
"That's really not necess –"
"Yeah? Great! Both of you, enjoy your dinner!" Bambam got up and grabbed his coat from the back of the chair, while Jungkook prepared to take his seat.
"I'm just gonna pack it to go," Lisa made a move to stand but was stopped when Jungkook held her wrist.
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"Lisa, please," His pleading eyes pinned on her nervous ones. "Please sit,"
She contemplates for a while, staring at his hand on hers. The firm grip soon turned loose, and he slowly let go.
"Please," His voice knocked off the wall in her heart, the still-very-thin one she had slowly built since that night at the event. She sighed softly and sat back down.
The doorbell rang, and she knew Bambam had left the restaurant now, leaving her here to face her fears. Only now she regretted not telling him the truth. He had asked before, but she only shrugged it off – perhaps it would make a difference if she did. Would it though, Lili? Knowing Bambam, he'd probably set this up way earlier than now. That cow!
"How are you?" Jungkook's soft voice melts her heart, the one she'd been wanting to hear night by night for the past four weeks.
"I'm well sunbaenim, thank you for asking,"
"What's this? What's with the formalities all of a sudden?" His anxious tone is not lost on her, but she just shrugged, pretending to not understand what he meant.
"What's going on really? Why didn't you reply my texts? Or answer my calls? I waited for you that night, why didn't you come?"
Lisa kept her silence. What could she answer to that? I couldn't cus it will be embarrassing – or I don't want to be your friend anymore – or I'm scared I'll fall for you even more than I already am and I know I'll be left with a heartbreak that I've never even felt before so I know it would be the first-ever painful thing, I could already feel so much of it? No, Lisa knew better than to humiliate herself...again.
"What did I do – please tell me, it's driving me crazy –"
Lisa can't help but let out a sarcastic sigh and a smirk, shaking her head while still looking down to her fingers on her lap.
"What? Why are you so angry at me –"
"Sunbaenim," If she wasn't angry before, she is now. She looked up to him deadpan, her eyes blazing with pain and regret. "Please don't cross any lines,"
"Lines – what lines?" Lisa looks away bitterly.
As much as she blames herself for the whole thing, he hadn't been a hundred percent innocent as well! He could've walked away immediately and stopped being sweet all the time – texting and calling her every day – any girl would've gotten the wrong idea over it, not just her! It's even more upsetting that he could still appear so damn attractive in her eyes after everything.
"Lisa, please talk to me. I really have no idea what's going on,"
"What's going on, sunbaenim," She emphasizes. "Is that while I thought –" She stopped herself immediately and sighed down again. Don't say it, Lili! Damn this moral conscience of mine! "You know what, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't go and meet you last time, no – I'm sorry I was there the night of your break-up. I don't know how many times I have to keep saying this for you to understand, it wasn't my intention and I told you I won't say anything and you don't have to feel bad –"
"Wait, what are you talking about?" He leaned forward.
"You don't have to feel bad or feel like you owe me something. I've said this before. Like I said, it's not my story to tell and I kept everything to myself all this while – it's been months already! I haven't even said anything to Bam! You can ask him -"
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"Lisa, wait – I'm really lost here," The hell with it!
"I heard you! I heard you at Arirang studio," A frown appeared on Jungkook's forehead. "All this while, I thought you genuinely wanted to be friends – asking all these questions, pretending like you even cared –"
"I do care, it wasn't pretend –"
"I didn't know that it's cus you felt bad. So what, the gift was to repay me for not telling anyone? Honestly, you can keep it. I don't want it, I don't want anything from you, and I don't want anything to do with –"
"Lisa, stop –"
"Oh, and your ex came to me as well, thanking me for not telling anyone and being there for you during your 'bad days'," She emphasized the last part. "I didn't even know that the past three months – whenever we're talking – had been 'bad days' for you and I was just there to what – entertain you? Cheer you up? You've never even spoken about Yeri to me, and suddenly I heard it all from her? So what, you feel like you owe it to me for keeping you company to eventually discuss it with your ex –"
"It wasn't like that –"
"Then what is it? Am I a tool to make your ex jealous and come back to you, is that it?" She can't stop the words overflowing out of the frustrations she's been suppressing inside.
"No! God, no – how could you even think that?"
Lisa takes a deep breath and looks back down at her fingers. The anger had turned to sadness, and what she feared to happen is now at the tip of her eyes. She shuts them both, and a tear fell. Before she could raise her hand, his fingers reached her cheek, wiping the tear away. She froze at the warmth of his palm.
"Don't cry, please. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry you heard that, okay? Please believe me,"
His pleading voice resonates with her agony for the past weeks, recalling the pain and anxiety every time she saw his name appearing on her mobile screen, stopping herself from answering back. She gathered herself and slowly pushed his hand away. Stop being so freaking sweet to me!
"Sunbaenim,"
"Don't –" He sighed, looking down. The strands of his hair fell across his frown and it almost seemed like he's in pain as well.
"Sunbaenim, if you're really thankful to me, I hope you can do me this one favor,"
"No, don't, please." He shakes his head.
"Please leave me alone. Focus on Yeri," Her voice cracked as she tried her best to say it as softly as possible. "I don't know about you, but I'm grateful all this while when I thought we were friends. I appreciate your encouraging words. So for that, I just want you to know that I'll be happy if you're happy. And I do respect that you guys are getting back together, so I think –"
"What? No!" His sudden change in tone stopped her from saying further. "Is that what she told you? We're not getting back together, no!"
"Sunbaenim,"
"No!" His hands are now in his hair, clearly exasperated over the entire thing. "Why would you think that?"
"She mentioned that you guys are sorting things out, and you did mention that your 'good news' is about a certain girl –"
...
Jungkook froze for a few seconds, then smiled in his own frustration when she pouts her pink lips while looking down to her lap.
"Aishh, you –" He cups his face with both of his hands, trying hard not to just launch himself at her and kiss her senseless for being adorable like this. Even in such serious conversation, she could look so damn attractive – is she even aware of how cute she is right now? "Honestly – God! I thought –"
He sighed, hanging his head with his eyes shut and his lips curved into a smile. How could she not get it? Everything he'd been thinking – that she might not feel the same way as him – he'd been so wrong! She never even knew!
"Is this a joke to you –"
"It was about you! I thought you knew and –" He sighed, looking at her confused frown. "You're the girl. It wasn't Yeri! Okay, yes, she called me the day before the event. She wanted to apologize. That's the first time I spoke to her since the break-up. She asked me how I was, and I said I'm fine. Yes, we spoke about that night, so I told her you were there,"
"She got worried – I told her you didn't and won't say anything and I trust you so she should too. That's when she asked me how well I know you, so I told her about us. About how we've been friends and how amazing you are – do you know why I never mentioned her to you? It's cus she never mattered enough for me to talk about whenever I'm talking to you. I never felt like bringing her into any of our conversations cus - I don't know, I never even thought about her! But I wanted to tell her about you – I wanted to tell the whole world about you!" His hands are now in the air.
"And maybe I'm still shy with my hyungs cus I wanna make sure," He groaned. "I wanna make sure that you're really mine to be able to tell them cus I know they're gonna be concerned, just as Bambam did! They're gonna say that it's too soon, they're gonna be worried that it might be a rebound and I might hurt you, but it's not – I'm telling you that it's not! I know how I feel about you – my heart's just –" Jungkook clutched the shirt on his chest.
"My heart beats the same way every time I read your messages or every time I hear your voice – or every time I look at your pictures even – and I can't stop it! Please, tell me how to stop it then fine, I'll leave you alone!"
"What are you saying?" He could see her trembling lips as she looks up.
"I'm saying that I like you. I like you so much...I can't even measure it to tell you exactly –"
...
Lisa's heart beats fast, processing his admission. She had never been confessed to like this before. It's a shock to her that he just painted the same thing as what she'd been feeling towards him. She took a moment to study his sincerity.
His shoulders are hunched in defeat. He's looking down with one hand still on his chest and the other rests at the back of his neck, the elbow leaning on the table. Only now Lisa noticed the tension across his jawline, the bags, and creases underneath his eyes. Had he not been sleeping well?
Carefully, she braves herself to reach for his hand. He looked up - the doe, round eyes seemed hypnotized by her actions. He took her hand in his and place it firmly on his chest. She can feel it thudding fast and hard.
"Please don't ask me to leave you..not now, please. I'm not perfect. I may be selfish and coward at times, but please give me chance. I promise I'll do my best to make you happy, the way you made me happy. Please,"
...
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