𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘷𝘦, 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺.

♥️

I walked around the beach and tried to lift up my spirits but failed miserably.

Once Alex went back inside the house, he locked himself up in the office and I did not try to talk to him either.

I looked at the huge water body in front of me and wondered if everything I did today was in fact useless.

It's not important that Alex feels a good difference with me like how I feel with him, right?

I closed my eyes momentarily and shivered at the feeling of having their hands all over me, why did it feel different with Alex, and only Alex. It did not feel alarming or disturbing. It did not give me nightmares either.

If anything it was the opposite, I wanted him to hold me, i-it felt as though his touches erased the bad ones.

The unwanted ones.

Is it wrong of me to feel this way?

Mary always told me of how once you're married you have someone to look back to and hold on to forever, someone who'd want you for you.

If I feel safe with Alex it's a good thing, right?

I am his fiance.

I looked up at the stars and closed my eyes sending a small prayer.

Mom, I really need you. I don't understand theses things, these feelings.

I took a deep breath and calmed myself down, whatever will happen has to happen and it can't be changed, can it?

I walked back inside the house quietly and smiled at the maid who was about to leave the house on the way.

I closed the bedroom door and sighed.

No Alex so far.

I quickly got into the bed and closed my eyes hoping for sleep to takeover before my next encounter with Alex.

But like always, luck was not on my side because I heard the bedroom door creak open.

I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep, hoping to avoid any possible conservations.

"If you're pretending to sleep, this is the worst acting I've ever seen" Alex declared and I felt the bed dip slightly on the other side indicating that Alex sat down on the bed.

I slowly turned to his side "I'm sorry, I know its bad manners to ignore someone, Ignoring oftenb leads to irritation which leads a person to miss someone who is no longer with them. Umm, basically, I mean, I'm sorry"

Alex rubbed his face on the palm of his hands in frustration and suddenly got up, "can you just stop with this whole act? I get it, you got me for a few days there but I know who you are."

I frowned in confusion "what? I-I'm sorry. I know its a bad habit to ignore people around you."

"For fucks sake drop that act, now Sara" Alex growled and for the first time in my life, I felt scared.

Scared of Alex, he was, in the end, a man.

Just like them.

I got up from the bed and backed away towards the wall and a whimper left my mouth.

"Don't try to mess with the wrong person Sara, trust me it won't be pretty." I sucked in a deep breath and nodded.

Alex looked straight into my eyes and his eyes turned a shade darker "Remember this very well Sara If I can make the mafia leader carve to my needs with my money I can do pretty much everything. It'll take me ten seconds, only ten seconds to destroy your father just like how he deserves to be destroyed but you're not any less, are you? I now know all your dirty little secrets Sara, and trust me you don't want them to go out in public."

I gasped "Y-You want to destroy s-si-?"

"Stop stuttering Sara, what's with this whole act of you acting as though everything is new to you and as though you're the most naive person out there? I won't forget what you've been trying to do the past few years Sara -actually you know what? I'm granting you your wish. You did want to be married to me right? One week from now and your biggest daydream is going to turn into your biggest nightmare. You and your father will regret ever crossing my path." Alex screamed.

"Ale-Alex you're supposed to be s-safe" I whimpered and Alex chuckled.

"Safe? Trust me, I'll show you exactly what safe is. I'll give it to you, you fooled me for a pretty long time. I was starting to question my morals. You were starting to seem like a breath of fresh air, a whole new person but how could I forget, that you are after all Sara Vega. I won't break my dad's promise Sara, you will get what you deserve to in fact you and your father both will. Wait for the thunder to strike, anytime now darling"

With that, Alex banged the door shut and left the room leaving me in my spot.

It was all a lie, wasn't it?

IT WAS ALL A BIG LIE.

But does it matter anymore?

If not Alex then sir will kill me, he most defiantly will.

I- I've destroyed everything haven't I?

I slipped down on the floor unconscious and sat there for what seemed like hours.

A sudden scream tore through my body and I slumped onto the bed, what is happening around me.

What am I doing, why is this happening?

I-I want out.

I want to live with Mary again, I-

I tried to take a deep breath but failed.

I tried again but I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, and I started then I started crying uncontrollably. My heart started beating fast like it wants to pop out of my chest, I got sweaty, and my mind started racing.

All of a sudden I could feel their hands all over me.

There haunted laughs to my cries.

My constant begging to be left alone,

My screams of pain which were useless.

It felt as though my life was ending.

Panic Attack

I wanted someone but I don't have anyone, do I? No mom, no dad, no sister no nothing. So at that moment, I screamed the only name I needed the same name that caused all this

"ALEX!" I screamed and struggled to breathe, I need air.

I need air.

I need Alex.

Suddenly arms wrapped around my waist and I was pulled up to a warn chest, I looked up to see Alex looking down at me.

His face white as though he had seen a ghost and he kept mumbling "All my fault, all my fault. I can't do this Sara. I can't choose. Dads important too, I can't disappoint him-"

I struggled to breathe but my eyes kept trained on Alex he seemed like a broken record, a broken vulnerable child who did not know what to do, what to choose.

I gasped at the quick hit of pain in my chest.

"No No No, don't leave me, I'm sorry I'm a very bad person. I taint everything that comes near me. I did not know what to do ok. It was getting difficult to stay around you because you were different, different from everyone else. But I promised, I promised dad, Promised to give him back everything that was his- to make his dream come true. Y-You were getting way to close, so I did what I do best. I hurt you and now look at you. I'm sorry Sara I don't know what to do everything is so dark around me I don't know what to reach for-"

I tried to calm down and it felt as though my heart would pound out of my chest but looking at Alex broke me.

I brought my shivering arm up and caressed the side of his face with my hands trying to comfort him but failing miserably.

At that moment I knew, I knew we'd be just fine.

My panic attack would eventually end, it had too.

Think Happy thoughts, Sierra, think happy thoughts.

I made up my mind at that very moment, Alex has to know before he tries to hide again he has to know.

I tried to make Alex look at me with the little strength I had but he kept on babbling.

"Alex" My voice cracked.

Alec stilled a little at my voice and finally looked down at me.

Slowly I could feel my heart going back to normal and unconsciousness coming to me, I have to do this.

"Sara I-I'm here-" Alex tried to talk to me but I placed my hand on his mouth and shut him up. I gasped for air and looked back at Alex with hope.

"Sierra, It's Sierra" I claimed in my low voice.

"what's happening Sara, what are you saying. I-I'll calls a doctor. Nothing will happen to you. I'll save you unlike dad I won't let anything happen to you" Alex mumbled looking pale with worry.

Tears slid down my face but I controlled my self "i-it'll g-go away, j-just a p-pain a-attack"

"N-No Sara-" Alex tried to talk again but I stopped him.

"m-my name - S-sierra n-not S-Sara" I tried to explain while trying to breathe my eyes started feeling heavy.

"What, Sierra?" Alex asked me looking confused, scared, and anxious all at once.

I tried to smile "I-I'll w-wake u-up in t-the mor-morning, do-don't leave m-me "

Alex looked down at me and he looked as though he had aged ten years within a few hours.

when I felt my eyes on the verge of closing, I held Alex's hand to my face and rubbed my other hand on my eyes taking the contact lenses off.

This was it.

"Sara, what is this. I'm worried, please-"

With that my consciousness left my body and I placed a quick kiss on Alex's palm welcoming darkness.

♥️

END : PART I

♥️

𝓥𝓸𝓽𝓮𝓒𝓸𝓶𝓶𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓐𝓷𝓭𝓕𝓸𝓵𝓵𝓸𝔀

𝘐𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘮- 𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘪.𝘩𝘢𝘩𝘢

what's the date and time when you're reading this?