God works in mysterious ways,

At least that's what my priest always says

And though it's hard to surrender,

We Catholics stand firm in the belief

That everything happens for a reason.

Now that I've made a promise to God

To attend church for this past month,

It brings Rick and me closer than ever.

My favorite time is the Sign of Peace,

When he wraps his arms around me.

We've been good. And by good I mean

Both civil and not breaking God's law.

We keep our hands off each other,

Apart from hugs and chaste kisses.

Perhaps finding my way back to Jesus

Has helped to renew my spiritual power.

Now it's almost spring break, and

Acceptance letters are pouring in.

I've placed all my eggs in one basket

Because I don't have the money for

Grad school and I don't want more loans.

I have a confession to make,

One that I haven't told anyone.

Not Rick. Not Katie. Not even my family.

I don't want to suffer the humiliation

When I lose and everyone else wins.

Before we'd broken off our engagement,

I applied to the Fulbright program twice.

The committee has chosen me to teach,

Saying my eyes lit up in the interview.

They're right. It's my lifelong dream.

But it's a long shot. They have an average

Twenty-five percent acceptance rate,

And my grades are far from perfect,

Not like Rick with his summa cum laude

Locked and loaded for graduation.

With his nearly perfect grades

And astronomical LSAT scores

Rick has gotten into Harvard, Cornell,

And Boston University. We're having

A candlelight dinner tonight to celebrate.

It's a shame I can't share any great news

Of my own, but I'm proud as hell of him!

Meanwhile I'll keep my secret squirreled

Away until I receive a thin envelope.

Even then I probably won't say a word.

When I open my mailbox, there it is.

A thin envelope from Fulbright.

Oh, boy! Here we go.

When I tear it open with a heavy sigh,

I scan the acceptance letter, and...

Lo and behold! There it stands in

Black and white: Accepted for the

2002–2003 Academic Year to Germany!

With an info packet and forms arriving.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

My dreams are finally coming true!

What started as a shot in the dark

Has turned into a wonderful chance

Not only to travel to Europe for free,

But also to receive a decent stipend

To teach English to German students!

Holy heck!

I literally do a happy dance until

People start giving me funny looks.

Even though I want to tell Rick,

I need to be careful not to rock the boat.

Things have been going so well

Between us, so I decide to focus

On his success and keep mine for later.

When Rick picks me up at six for dinner,

He's dressed in his best Christmas suit,

Not the black tie or white tie tuxedo,

But some very fancy label or other

To celebrate his amazing achievement.

I've decided to dress to the nines as well

With a black cocktail dress, black nylons,

And a sensible pair of medium heels.

It's one of three dresses I own because

I'm so dang poor, I can't afford any more.

He gives me half a dozen yellow roses,

A safe bet so as to keep our friendship

Strong without the added pressure.

"You look beautiful as always," says Rick,

Handing me the flowers with a blush.

"I hope you like them?"

"I love them, thank you." We embrace,

Friendly and warm but chaste.

"I'm so very proud of you, Rick."

"Thank you." He nestles against my

Neck, as passionate as we allow now.

And he plants a chaste kiss in the crook.

He extends his elbow, and I interlock

My arm in his, giving him a broad smile.

"I'm so happy all the hard work paid off."

I gaze up at him with a friendly nudge.

"I always knew you would succeed."

He beams.

After having the most delicious steak

Cooked rare like it should be along with

Steak fries, fried onions, and salad,

We sip our red wine--he drinks one glass

On special occasions--and discuss all of

The options, deciding on the best one.

"I think you should go with BU," I say.

"Great reputation, a full ride, closeby.

I mean, what's not to like, right?"

He hums in thought. "But Harvard...?"

"Will cost a fortune in loans..."

"That I'll pay off once I graduate."

I slip into thoughtful silence

And take a sip of my wine

As I do, he gives me that

Intense stare that seeps

Into the core of me.

"Either way, I'll be near my friends,"

He says, reaching his hand halfway

Across the table to meet me. And I

Place my hand over his with a wistful

Smile that makes him narrow his eyes.

"What's wrong, Tala? Tell me..."

Tell him. For God's sake, tell him.

"Let's focus on you first."

"No," he insists. "Tell me."

I drink the rest of my wine

In a single frantic guzzle,

Liquid courage to help me

Impart the most exciting

And frightening news

Of my life.

"We've talked a lot about having a life

Together recently," I said, "and this

Changes absolutely nothing, all right?

I still want to renew our engagement

Later when the dust has settled. Okay?"

"Of course!" He squeezes my hand.

"Thank you for having the courage to

Bring this up now. I've been thinking,

But I didn't want to pressure you or

Raise it until you mentioned it first."

He pauses and my heart thuds.

"Tala, I want to share my life with you.

Now that we've rebuilt our friendship,

And I've been accepted to law school,

I'll be able to provide for you as a

Proper traditionalist man should."

"Yes, but..."

"Three years," he says in a firm tone.

"Give me three years and we can start

A family of our own whenever you wish."

"It's not that I want to rush things..."

"You want a sign of my commitment?"

He asks with a knowing smile. "You're

A great woman, Tala. You know what

You want, and you deserve nothing less."

Please! Please just let me speak!

Rick reaches into his coat pocket and

Pulls out a velvet case that holds our

Ring, the symbol of our love, and I gasp.

Not from joy, but horror, because this

Is going in the totally wrong direction.

In public.

As Rick opens the velvet case,

Holding my engagement ring,

I can't let him go any further

Before he knows the truth.

"Rick, please!"

He blanches and falls silent.

"I have news of my own."

His eyes widen.

"I got a Fulbright fellowship."

When Rick pulls his hand from mine,

He knocks over the wine glass and

Curses softly under his breath,

Mopping up the mess with a cloth napkin.

I try to help him, but he shoos me away.

"Where?" he asks in a sharp tone.

"Germany."

"How long?"

"Nine months..."

His voice falls even, harsh, calculated

Like the fall of a judge's gavel.

"The deadline for Fulbright is

September."

His words make my stomach jittery,

And not in a good way. I know his

Argument before he says a word.

"We broke up in October," he says.

"Which means not only did you hide

Your true plans from me, but you also

Lied while we planned our wedding day."

"I didn't lie!" I insist. "I never expected

To even get accepted!"

"You lied by omission," he hisses.

"And you played me for a fool.

This the real reason you broke up, huh?

Not because of politics. Or our faith.

But because you wanted freedom."

He pauses.

"It all makes so much more sense now,"

Rick sneers. "You wanted to leave me.

You needed freedom from me...

Freedom from our commitment,

Only you didn't have the guts..."

Silence falls.

Bullshit!

I cross my arms. "It isn't good for anyone

To put all their hopes and dreams onto

One person. It's too much of a burden.

Anything can happen, and I wanted to

Secure a Plan B for myself. Just in case."

"Exactly!"

"What?"

"If you had put your true faith in me

As your future husband, you would

Have told me openly, not hidden it away

Like some dirty secret to be revealed

During our next raging argument."

By now half the restaurant is staring

And a waiter approaches our table.

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you

And your lady friend to leave."

"Oh, don't worry." He slams his napkin

And stands ramrod straight. "We're leaving."