In hectic fury Rick rushes to pay the bill

And marches toward his pristine Beetle,

Not bothering to open the door for me

For the first time in...ever. Thankfully,

He has the common sense not to drive.

His eyes flash when they meet my gaze.

"Tell me one thing: When exactly did you

Intend to tell me about your grand plan?"

"I didn't tell anyone."

"Would it have been before or after

You had fucked me on your sofa?"

Rick has never cursed like that at me

And the little devil in me wants to

Smack him so badly my fingers tingle.

"Excuse the hell outta you?" I yell. "I'd

Never use you, so bite your dang tongue!"

"Tell me this, if you would be so kind:

Would it have been before or after

I had accepted the full ride to BU?"

"That's ridiculous!"

"Really?" He scoffs. "You have just spent

The last hour trying to convince me

To stay in Boston while you fully intend

To traipse around Europe without me."

"You broke off the engagement."

"Because you turned away from God.

You turned away from your faith, and

You turned away from me long before

We broke up, and this fucking proves it!"

"You only think that way

Because of your fanaticism."

"Excuse you?"

"You get to have freedom! Why can't I?"

"Freedom? You call this freedom?"

He scoffs and wrings the steering wheel.

"I have spent every waking moment

Studying for the LSATs and for my classes

To secure a good future career for us!"

Rick exclaims the last two words so loud

That my eardrums ring in protest before

He continues with a snide comment.

"You're very welcome to trade me nine

Months of fun for three years of hell."

I scoff. "Don't pretend like I don't

Bust my ass as well."

"You certainly did at the pub for sure."

"Seriously? That was one time."

"The pressure is on me, Tala."

"Only because you won't let me help.

Because you're so insistent on playing

The traditionalist man who earns it all."

"Are you a traditionalist or not?"

"If not for your damn ego, I could teach,

Which is compatible with having kids."

I exhale a ragged breath to calm myself.

"By the way, the Catholic Church says

Nothing against women who work."

"Because it's turned savagely liberal."

"Oh, come on!" Lava boils in me. "We all

Know the real reason why you hate

Liberals, drinking, and working women,

And why you're obsessed with rules,

Especially when it comes to practicing

Your fucking faith. Stop being so obtuse!"

Silence falls with all the

Finality of a judge's gavel.

"Really?" His Adam's apple bobs

Before his shoulders slump.

"You had to go there, huh?

For goodness' sake, Tala..."

The anger. The pain.

The hidden desire.

His eyes were a mirror

To my own anguished soul

As our chests heaved in unison.

"I'm just so frustrated," I exclaim,

Running my fingers through my waves.

Heavy silence hangs like a shroud.

"I'll drive you back," says Rick in defeat,

A dull monotone scaring me far worse

Than any shouting or raging argument.

"Rick..."

"Don't."

"Why couldn't you have been happy

For me, like a real friend?"

"And I am proud of you for winning.

Forgive me for not saying so earlier,

But I was simply stunned at dinner."

"You are?"

"Yes!"

"Then why are you being like this?"

At a red light, Rick rubs his face with

Both hands, a sure tell that he's stressed.

"Before we decided to postpone things,

You would have told me everything.

We shared these moments as friends,

We discussed and celebrated together,

But now it's like you're slipping away,

Even as my best friend...I'm worried."

Thank God he's finally discussing

The real problem instead of

Dancing around it.

He turned to face me. "Do you want me

To let you go, Tala? Is that it?"

"To Europe?"

"Of course I want you to go to Europe.

I wouldn't respect you if you didn't."

"Then what do you mean let me go?"

"As the lady I love, damn it all!

Do you want me to turn away?"

"No!"

"Then please, for the love of God,

Tell me what you want. Why did

You keep this from me if you

Want us to be together?"

Because I didn't want to set

You up for another relapse.

Because I didn't want to look

Like a failure beside your brilliance.

Because I didn't want to ruin

Our relationship when it was so good.

At least when it wasn't ruined by fear.

I exhale a heavy sigh. "I want...

To be able to go to Europe and teach.

To be able to love you without guilt.

To be able to support your goals.

To be able to tell you what matters."

Stunned silence buzzes around us.

"You can do all those things,"

Rick says in a surprised, hushed tone.

"No, I can't."

Cars honk their horns behind us

After the light turns green.

"I...don't want to lose you, Tala.

Tell me what you want me to do."

He looks as helpless as he did

As a young boy, limp in my arms,

Holding a crumpled note with his

Father's final words while his mom

Slurred at him in a drunken tirade.

It's all for the best.

Your father was nothing but

A fucking waste of space!

Just like you, you goddamn wuss!

Sitting in your room, crying!

Do something! Be something!

I didn't raise you to feel sorry

For yourself like a piece of shit.

I work sixteen hour shifts to

Give you a fucking life! Man up!

Even now he cringes when someone,

Especially a woman, swears at him.

Everyone thinks it's because he has

A pole up his butt, but I know the truth.

Rick's words draw me to the present.

"Tell me how I can fix this, Tala."

The honking grows more insistent,

With angry drivers shouting curses.

"Oh, screw you!" Rick shouts at them,

Glaring through the rear-view mirror,

Revving the engine as he drives away.

"Just...let me think, all right?" I insist.

I don't know what I'd do without you.

That's what Rick said after his last

Session of rehab, after he'd lost

So much weight, I thought he'd

Never come home alive.

That's what caused this fight: fear of loss.

That's why I haven't stormed out and

Taken the bus back to campus.

Normally I wouldn't have taken

That kind of crap from anyone.

But Rick's hurting.

He has a right to heal,

And I will fight for the man I love.

After a prolonged silence, I say:

"We both need to let go of these

Old ideas that are hurting us."

"My faith is all I have. Without my belief,

I have no strength. No fire. No purpose."

"Bullshit!"

He casts me a wary glance.

"You have law school! The chance

To help poor kids going through

The same crap you endured. That's a

Powerful and noble goal, Rick. I've

Always admired you for channeling

All your pain into a force for good."

"I can't do it but by the Grace of God.

I can't. All these rules keep me in line."

Rick wrings the steering wheel. "They

Keep me from falling into darkness.

Sometimes I feel so angry inside,

Like a crater of bubbling magma."

"Me too." I gently squeeze his thigh.

"Let's get some help together.

You and me. We're a team."

"I don't know..."

"We don't have to stop believing."

When we stop at another red light,

I reach over and plant a chaste kiss

On his cheek, and he leans into it.

"We have to stop letting it get in the way."

Rick gazes at me with a wary expression

Once we pull into the campus parking.

"We...could try talking to a priest..."

Thank the Lord!

"Would you come with me?" he asks.

"Yes, absolutely!"

"I love you, Tala." He plants a chaste

Kiss on my hand. "So damned much."

My heart performs world-class flips

At his sweet gesture. "I love you too."

"Will you forgive me?" he asks in a soft

Tone that I know is heartfelt and genuine.

I nod. "Will you forgive me too?"

When I extend my arms toward him,

Rick almost melts into my embrace

And nestles into the crook of my neck.

___