Being free with him scares the shit out of me, yet I want to be free with him. I let myself go and had a delightful time bouncing on the bed. I laid under the Christmas tree with him just minutes ago and felt mother and father's love. Why am I holding back when what I have experienced with this beautiful man has been wonderful?

"You are something else, Taehyung. I want to be free with you, but I-I just feel a resistance. My brain tells me I'm being silly and irresponsible." I nervously chuckle and lower my head as I am unable to look into his eyes. I know that my eyes will reveal my every fear and vulnerability. There is silence and I am certain that he is judging me. I then feel him move next to me. He does the unexpected. He gently lays his head on my shoulder. I immediately startle and he stays with me. He does not back away. We are quiet and then he starts to speak in a soft and slow voice.

"I understand Jungkook. Of course, it feels silly. After all are adults. Jumping on beds and laying under Christmas trees are considered for children. Also, our society tells us whether Korean or American that as males it is most inappropriate. We should be strong, powerful, aggressive, and much more. But how did you feel doing those things once you let go?"

I close my eyes and pull in a deep breath that I slowly release as one word comes to mind clearly and powerfully.

"Free." I whisper and feel a lightness in my chest.

"Teehee." Taehyung releases the sweetest little giggle that restores those darn butterflies. But I welcome them because they are special and given to me by him. Taehyung who I am now realizing, I have a deepening affection for.

"Jungkook, you know what I say to societal norms?"

I sit up as he removes his head from my shoulder and look into his eyes that are kind and nonjudgmental.

"What, Taehyung?"

"I say fuck societal norms and anyone who doesn't like it can kiss my ass?"

I feel my smile rise from the core of my being.

"Taehyung, you do mean, the crack of your ass, right?"

He laughs and it is as if the sun has fully risen within me.

"Bahahaha! That's right Jungkook! If they say something I'll kick them in their naughty parts!" We sit on the floor by our tree and burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter.

"Okay, Taehyung lets be free. Together. But I will need your help."

He sits back a bit as he gives me a subtle smile and repeatedly taps his jaw with a few fingers as he ponders something while I patiently wait.

"Jungkook you must call me Tae. We have been through a lot together and it is only those I feel comfortable and safe with that I give that honor to. Jungkook, is a powerful name and it reminds me of the business part of you. We have had a shared experience so I will give you a name that is endearing and warm. I now know that Yea was right about you." He wiggles his finger at me and squints his eye. "There is kindness in you. I certainly did not believe that at the time given our first encounter." He grimaces and rolls his eyes. It is very funny, and I immediately laugh. Just that quickly he disarms me, and I lower my walls. Walls meant to keep others out. But not him. Not Tae.

"Okay, Tae. What shall my name be?" I say with levity and anticipation as I pull my knees forward and wrap my arms around them.

"I will call you Kookie. Yes, Kookie. That is the opposite of the harsh and very serious side of Jungkook.

Tae then pouts like a little kid and speaks in a childlike voice. It is surprising, and delightful. Only one as free as Tae would do so.

"Jungkook is not very much fun. He is smart yet cold and he doesn't play well with other. Those are not good qualities for someone who is free. Kookie is smart, clever, and fun. It is a perfect name for a sweet little bunny. He is also warm and can be playful. Yes, Kookie it is," Tae says with a big smile as my jaw slacks, and I freeze.

"What is it Kookie. You don't like it."

"M-My mother called me her little bunny Tae." My lip starts to tremble as I feel a wall of sadness come down on me. I want to run into the bathroom, but it is too late. I let out a soft sob. I do all within my power to push it away. I will not do this in front of him. I am not weak. Whatever he is doing to me I don't like it. Unexpectedly Tae take my hand and just holds it and suddenly I know I am safe and that I'm okay. He starts to talk with a quiet and caring voice.

"You remind me of my father, Mr. Choi. My mother described him as being kind and loving when they met, but business and his drive for success changed him. His priorities that were once her, family and love were replaced by money and power. They were not married, and she returned to her family in the US. She was pregnant with me at the time, and he did not learn of me until I was 10 years old. My mother wanted nothing from him. She knew that if she stayed with him in South Korea, he would take me away from her and make me a copy of him." Tae then giggle in what starts out as a sad story. But not Tae.

"Hahaha! Jungkook, could you see that. Me being all about business and in a three-piece suit every day." His eyes are radiant. "Ugg!" He shudders and I can't help but laugh at how cute he is.

"No Tae, I could not see that." How is it that in a single moment this amazing man can shift my feelings? That space that had been filled with sadness, shame and hurt have been replaced with instantaneous joy and wonder. Of course, I want to hear more of Tae's story.

'Kookie." My heart takes wings at sound of my new name as it rolls off his beautiful lips. "I had been getting to know my father for 5 years and it has not been easy. He knew of me but was too busy building his business and all of his wealth, to build a relationship with me. I'm 27 years old. He decided he wanted to be a part of my life when I was 16 years old. I was quite mature, and my mother allowed me to make my own decision about my relationship with him. I would have none of it. He wanted to send me to the schools of his choice and work at a prestigious hospital in South Korea or America where I'd have to wear one of those starchy and stiff white coats. Tae is adorable as he shudders again, and I chuckle as he continues. "He hated the way I dressed and my free thinking. He told my mother I was undisciplined and had too much of her in me. He had a near death experience 5 years ago and that experienced changed him. He is a different man today. I have never taken 1 cent of his money. My parents aren't wealthy Kookie. They work hard, are very happy and have a comfortable and good life.

He asked me to spend some time with him before Christmas under the agreement that he would fly me home in time for Christmas. Kookie, his biggest regret is that he missed out on so many years with his son, his only child, me. I cannot fix that for him. But I can share it with you in hopes that you do not miss out on something wonderful in your life that you may have given up on. Maybe with the awakening you will see it different. You may see possibilities that you had not seen before."

I clear my throat as I have calmed.

"Tae, I like that. Please call me Kookie," I say as he rapidly nods. "So, let us be free."

Kookie and I talk and learn more about each other. He shares that after his mother died his father was lost in his grief. He used work to deal with the pain. Sadly, after losing his mother, he was sent away to school. He believes his father blames him for his mother's death. He said his father who was once a kind, gentle and loving man. Kookie rarely saw him. He paid for the best schools for him and only seemed interested in his achievements. I now understand why he is so driven and why he saw such darkness. His life has been without light for so many years. I feel terribly sad for him. He is like one of my little bunnies and I just want to release him from his cage and cuddle him close. I see his eyes dance with excitement when he talks about his mother. Poor Kookie holding back all of his precious self and believing that he was unlovable and unwanted. For too long he has believed the lie that his only value was in what he could achieve. He was deeply hurt by a father I believed was sick and in of need help. He became bitter and closed himself off to tenderness, joy, compassion, and love.

"Tae when I was 15 years old my father reached out to me," he shares. "He has sent me several letters and emails saying he was sorry and that he wants to start over with me. But why after all of that time. I didn't need him. I have never needed him. Let him rot for all I care. Or at least I thought." I wait quietly allowing him time to think and share more if he would like.

"I've been thinking about him a lot. Y-you know, how we would play, and he would sit me on his lap. Tae do you believe that grief could be so traumatic and debilitating that someone could lose themselves completely and abandon their child?" His head drops for a few moments and then it rises.

"Yes Kookie, I do. I have seen it." I say softly.

"Yeah, Yeona shared her experience and I think it was then that I started thinking of him." He nods as if he is receiving an awareness that he had not had before. His face is relaxed and soft.

"Kookie, I think your dad was ill. He suffered a very deep depression. Did he say anything like that?"

Tae, I-I'm not sure. Uh, he did tell me years ago that he was seeing a doctor. I-I just got angry because I thought he was making an excuse. I pushed him away."

"Kookie you are not responsible for any of this. You were a child."

"Thanks Tae. I've never talked about this before. It was just too painful. But I feel safe with you." I smile as he takes in a deep breath.

"Okay! I'm hungry! How about you Tae?"

I nod rapidly like a hungry little puppy. "Kookie, we do have a private chef. So, what shall we eat?

Later we have our private chef order us a pizza.

"Hahaha! Did you see the look on his face Kookie when you said we wanted an extra-large pizza?"

We sit in the most beautiful setting ever dining on our pizza. After we eat, we depart to our rooms to get ready for our night out dancing. We will have fun. That is the only rule I tell him, and he has agreed.

I find that the hair dryer in my bathroom is not working. Instead of going to the trouble of calling the housekeeper to bring me a new one I decide to ask Kookie if I can use the one in his bedroom. I knock on his door, and I am completely unprepared for what I see when his door opens. Fuck he is shirtless. Holy shit he is built, and my muscle kink sets off an alarm in my head.

"Yes Tae," He answer with a towel wrapped around his slender waist. I'm trying so hard to keep my eyes from traveling down his body. His skin just glistens and he's fuckin sparkles. He must have just dried is hair and added moisturizing lotion to his body. I wonder if he needs a hand or two with that lotion. I most certainly am available.

"I-I uh, you g-got another uh, hair thing m-my hair is uh, uh?'

"What?"

Fuck I'm a babbling idiot. Thank God I was using hand gestures and he figures out what I wanted.

"Oh, a hair dryer." He says with that hot bunny smile that sets of an alarm in my pants. As he turns to get the dryer, I crane my neck around the corner and quickly roll my eyeballs all over his tight toweled ass. Who knew he was hiding all of that under his clothes?

I look down and my temperature is not the only thing rising. Shit. Luckily, I'm holding my towel and quickly conceal my boner. I thank him without giving eye contact and make a fast retreat. As I scurry back to my room, and I tell my body to behave.

What the hell is going on? Why does he make me feel such a need? Why do I care? He has changed and I no longer doubt that he is a good man. I would have never given his rude ass a second chance. I would have been like bye-bye bitch had he tried to approach me after our first encounter no matter how hot he is.

I then have a thought so overpowering that my knees go weak and drop to the bed. I hear Yea's words. I remember what she said word for word. She told me someone special was coming, soon. Someone that I would never expect and if I didn't pay attention to the details, I will miss him. Someone that is so opposite of me. I will feel it and at the same time I will dismiss it.

Fuck, it's Jungkook!

I stand and start to pace back and forth. Am I insane? Who develops feelings for someone in less than 24 hours? I'm a risk taker but I'm not stupid. Oh God! I then think of his smile and "Teehee," I giggle. My stomach is full of fluttering butterflies. "Stop it!" I shout to my head. This is not a high school crush. This is my life. Fuck, if he is my special someone what does that mean about my work? About his work? It could never work! I try to dismiss as Yea said I would do.

We are opposites and I have been trying to deny my attraction and feelings for him. There was a reason that I did not tell Kookie about Troy. It was because I wanted him to myself. I lied and believed that was because I did not want to be alone on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Not because I had a romantic interest in him.

What if he's not interested in me? What if we get together and he leaves me like my other boyfriends? I guess if he is my special someone it will work out. I will find out tonight. I will risk my heart and my pride. I will be honest and free. I believe that his awakening is pure.

One problem. Troy!

Ugg, that idiot Troy will be sniffing around. He a fuckin ignorant dumbass jerk but he is gorgeous. What if Kookie likes him? I'm sure Troy will be ready and willing. Fuck that bitch, Troy. If he wants him let him do his own work. Make his own introduction. It's not my fault he doesn't speak Korean.

I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and close my eyes and shake my head. My fears have overtaken me. "Stop it I whisper." I have turned into a vengeful jealous bitch. This is quite petty and not my style. I'm not a jealous person. So why is Jealous Tae showing up. I don't like Jealous Tae he's irrational and lives in fear. "Go away Jealous Tae! Get out of my head!" I take in several deep breath allowing myself to calm down. I will let the night unfold and see what happens.

As far as Troy, I sigh. He is a nice guy. Still a dumbass but nice. He has done nothing deceptive. He asked me to inquire about Kookie's dating status and I said I would and did not. He clearly likes him.

I know what. I'll text Troy and tell him we are tired after all-day traveling and activities. I read about another club that is LBGTQ friendly and has great reviews. We'll go there. "Teehee." Take that Troy. Kookie and I will dance and have a great night without Troy. What a great plan. What could go wrong?

Twenty minutes later after I finish panicking, jumping to conclusions, dressing and texting Troy, I walk out to the living room where he is waiting. He is standing by the lit Christmas tree looking out into the night view of the mountains and a quiet ski sloop. The snow is the whitest white I have ever seen as it glows and is kissed by the moonlight. I see is a sight that is so beautiful and breath-taking and so is the outside view.

I lightly clear my throat as he turns around and holds me in his vision. He halts, says nothing and advances towards me.

Ary you ready to go clubbing? Two more episodes coming this weekend.