saturday

5:26 pm

yesterday i played tennis again, for maybe the first time in a little less than a year. i felt happy. i was happy.

i'm having another one of those moments where i'm left alone to my own thoughts and become an overdramatic lil bitch. a while back i was fairly sure that my last entries were so overdramatic and whiny and frankly just overall stupid. now i didn't read them over, but i could remember the state i was in and everything just felt so meager. i remember thinking to myself things like how there are so many people who have it worse and haven't tried to kill themselves and how most of my problems could maybe get fixed soon,

but no. i can think of several arguments against the many things i said to reassure myself. i still want to die. i wish i had the strength to die.

i will always remember that one phrase on that suicide prevention post thingy i saw online

"suicide happens when pain exceed methods of coping with pain [¿]"

lmao ok ig i don't quite remember it but something along that phrase always sticks. i guess it's just a matter of if, or shall i say when, i finally run out of matters of coping...