monday

9:15 pm

my summer vacation has started.

i kinda stopped taking my meds and i just take them when i feel like it or something. on reddit people were saying that its going to make me end up back in inpatient but oops. i got my study books for my proficiency exam so i can leave high school next school year. and apparently TIL i have shitty grammar and verb tense.

i keep sh-ing and i bought blades which is even more bad bc i havent even ran out. im feeling worthless and like im regressing to pre hospital me. i dont like being dependent on medicine.

STUPID FUCKING ILLNESS I HATE DEPRESSION shit im crying now

ive been crying a lot more often lately which is like an even bigger sign that i regressing or whatever. its starting to hurt again being alive

i dont want to be able to feel

i hate this

fuck.