《diagnosed》june 25, 2019
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tuesday
10:16 pm
TODAY FUCKING SUCKED
as always, blah blah my morning was fine
my middle sister (kri) and iwent out to redeem something but before we left she realized we forgot stuff at home so we turned back, no bug deal were in no rush. the vapes i ordered had come in yesterday and i knew that my sister would be lowk down and keep it a secret w me lol so i brought it to tell her.
since she made me get down twice i was kinda like aight yk ill just leave it on the carseat i was planning to tell you anyways lol
but when i came back she was laughing at me and taking snaps about finding my out and telling all her friends. i told her to delete because this was genuinely something i wasnt cool w people knowing bc it should be my decision yo tell that to people especially to strangers aka her friend that most of them ive never had a conversation or even exchanged his in person.
ive never done anything bad like illegal or spontaneous n generic teen shit so this was honestly such a first for me getting caught in a way
like all ive done is just depressed teen stuff like this journal or whatever and self harm and go to a mental hospital and fucking wet the bed for as long as i can remember bc i physically cant control it.
it was this last year that brought me out of my shell and learn to find who i want to be as a person and i realized im a reckless clumsy person. i just want to have fun and i really really hate arguments. i have a dumb sense of humor and i dont want to be a burden to people. in my family my parents favor me because im the youngest and least social and maybe ive learned from my sisters mistakes so i often get off scotch free in comparison to what my sisters went through. im manipulative when im emotional and i sometimes think things through but if i purposefully want to make someones blood boil i know what to do to tip them over the edge. i ruin everything but for some reason i dont get the blame even when i know for fucking sure i should. im too lucky i hate it because i truly dont deserve love and i know it. i get jealous and
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