Chapter 12

"Is he here yet?"

I look over at Simon. He looks sharp in his black suit. His braids are untwisted and pulled into a ponytail in his head. It was such a subtle change to his everyday attire, but it was a change I noticed. A change everyone should have noticed if we weren't all dealing with changes of our own.

Paryis stood at the end of the pew, barely standing. There are black rings underneath her eyes from lack of sleep. The nightmares of her Mama had taken a hiatus. All she saw when she closed her eyes was Jonah bleeding out on the floor. I wouldn't want to sleep either.

Mama stands next to her, holding her hand. She has black shades on so people wouldn't see her crying. It don't help though. Tears cascade down her cheeks anyway. She had spent the last week in Jonah's playroom crying herself to sleep. She said her room didn't feel the same without Jonah in the bed breathing softly next to her. She hadn't stepped foot in her room since it happened. I was the one who stepped over the blood-stained hardwood floors to get inside of her room to get her black dress from Daddy's funeral. She hadn't eaten anything in the last week so I knew she could still slide into it.

As far as me? I had spent all my waking hours texting Ace, which is something I never saw myself doing. Look how quick the tables had turned. None of my messages had delivered to him and his phone kept going straight to voicemail. At first I thought he was in jail already, but I knew Ace. He was too careful. There was no way the Feds had got the drop on him just yet. Of course, there was always the possibility that Angel had gotten to him first. But I wouldn't allow myself to think down that path. I already had one brother in a coffin. I couldn't fathom having two.

"No. He hasn't answered any of my texts either," I whisper to Simon.

"He better be dead," Simon says.

"You don't mean that."

"I don't? My baby brother--"

"Our baby brother," I stare him straight in his eye.

"Our brother is laid in a coffin right now. Look at him. Look at him Candyce," Simon says.

I don't move my head. I can feel Simon getting fired up next to me. The resentment is just oozing off of him.

"Those bullets that Jonah had to take, were meant for Ace. Jonah didn't deserve to die."

"And Ace does?! That's your brother too, nigga. I know you're upset right now but--"

"Don't tell me how I feel, Candyce," Simon says.

His eyes are burning with fire and pain. It's a scary sight to see. I want nothing more to hug all this rage out of him. I know we were all dealing with losing Jonah differently but being mad at the world wouldn't help anybody. And being mad at Ace wasn't gonna change the fact that Jonah was laying in a tiny box in front of the church. But I don't tell him none of this. His eyes move to a figure behind me.

"I'm sorry for y'all lost," Caesar coos behind me.

My body goes rigid hearing his voice so close to my ear. I didn't know if any of my brother's men would show up. That means somebody got my messages from Ace's phone. So where the fuck was he?

"Fuck you," Simon says, pushing past Caesar.

We watch him walk down the aisle and out of the church. I stand to follow him out but Caesar steps in front of me to stop me.

"Let him deal with this shit on his own Candyce," Caesar says.

I look up at him. How dare he tell me how the fuck to deal with my twin brother? And speaking of brothers where the fuck was Ace?

"Where the fuck is Ace?" I whisper at him.

Caesar's jaw locks. I wait for an answer but he doesn't seem like he's in a hurry to give me one.

"Where. Is. He?"

His fingertips move to graze my arms. I get goosebumps feeling him touch me, again. I look around the church to see if anybody was watching. Most people were crying or looking at the slideshow of Jonah that was playing above his casket. In the very back of the church, were Reese, Cam, a few of my brothers other men I met that day in the Loft but no Ace.

"He can't be seen around y'all right now."

"Fuck you mean he can't be seen around us? His little brother is dead because of him!" I say.

Some people look over at us. Caesar notices too. He leans closer to my ear.

"We not boutta do this right now. Let's just be here for Jonah, aight? He was like a lil brother--"

"Don't. Don't you dare compare our pain right now. He wasn't ya lil brother aight, Caesar? He wasn't. And I'm not ya sister and my mother ain't yours either! But you know whose little brother Jonah was? Ace. If you not gon tell me where the fuck he's at then get the fuck out my way so I can go find my brother who actually wants to be here."

Caesar stares down at me for a long while. I stare right back at him, unwavering. Finally, he drops his hands from my arms and moves out of my way. I push past him and head down the aisle. I hate to leave Mama and Paryis alone but I need to go find Simon before his rage land him in a damn jail cell somewhere.

I try to stalk past Reese and Cam but Reese catches me before I step outside of the church.

"Candyce," He calls.

I allow him to grab my arm and push me against the wall near the girl's restroom. More people are flooding inside of the church. Some people I recognize as people my father knew and others are unfamiliar. I wasn't surprised at the turnout Jonah's funeral was getting. New Orleans is really a small city. When one of us died, especially someone innocent, it's like the whole city felt it.

"What, Ty?" I say.

"How you feeling, ma? I just saw your brother run out here. I thought about stopping him but he looked like he was gonna snuff the shit out of me if I stopped him," He says.

"Reese, I don't have time for this," I try to push past him again but he pushes my shoulders back with barely any force.

"I'm sorry okay? I haven't talked to you since...you know and I wanted to check on you. You haven't been coming around though and I ain't know how to ask your brother for your number."

"Yeah I'm sure that would have went over well. Do you know where he is?"

Reese looks away from me. He tries to pull away from me but I grab him back by his black button-down shirt.

"Ty...please," I beg.

"Candyce, don't do this to me aight? I can't tell you where he at," Reese says.

I roll my eyes and push away from him. All these niggas acting like they care so much about my feelings but don't care enough to keep it real with me. I was on my way back out of the church when I felt someone grab me back by my hand.

"Look, I know I'm letting you down right now so it's gonna make what I'm boutta say next sound real fraudulent. But if you need anything, let me know. I got you as long as you ain't asking me bout Ace," Reese says.

I try to pull away from him but he stares me in my eyes.

"I mean it," He says.

Then he lets me go. I watch him resume his position at the back of the church. At the front row of the pews, next to Mama and Paryis I see Caesar watching me. He must have saw the whole interaction with Reese. I didn't even care. I didn't give a fuck what none of these niggas thought about me anymore. Not Reese, not Caesar and damn sure not Ace. After this shit he's pulling, missing Jonah's funeral, he could never tell me how to live my life ever again.

When I turn back to the church's doors, more people are coming in. Except I recognize these faces. The Hispanic woman who tried to arrest Simon and I and two other officers try to walk up the church stairs.

The audacity of these motherfuckers.

"I'm sorry for your lost, Candyce Ortiz," The woman says.

I stare her down as she make her way up the remaining stairs. She's standing one step below me now with her cops on either side of her.

"You haven't happened to see your brother in there have you?" She asks.

"Which one? You mean the one in the casket who your niggas shot and killed for no fucking reason?"

She takes a step back. She takes a look at the ground before looking back at me.

"I'm really sorry about that. Our station is handling Officer Pearson accordingly."

I scoff, "Mhm, the same way they handle all these other cops who get off on killing innocent black boys? I'll be sure to tell my mama the son of a bitch who killed her baby is getting paid leave and a suspension."

"Candyce--"

"Sorry. This is a private event. No cops allowed," I say before slamming the church's doors in their faces.

All I wanted was to find Simon. Now I had two brothers missing in action and one in a coffin.

"Excuse me, Ms. Ortiz?"

I turn around to see the Reverend standing in the doorway of the church.

"We're about to start," He says with a sad smile on his face.

I take a deep breath. I can feel the tears welling in my eyes as I take a look at the slideshow inside the church. The picture is a baby picture of Jonah. He's in his highchair with cake smashed all over his face and hands. He has a huge smile on his face with his two baby teeth showing. He only has a swoop of hair at the top of his head but he's the cutest I've ever seen. I remember when Mama snapped that photo. Daddy was there, complaining about all the mess Jonah was making. I had hopped into his lap and told him to let the baby have his fun. Mama had laughed and Daddy had said "You hear this shit? She sound just like you." We all laughed, even Ace and Paryis. That was back when Ace only admired Daddy, instead of trying to imitate him. Back when Paryis was happy to finally have a family. Back when I was happy, too.

Now that I think about it, I haven't been happy since they put Daddy in the ground. And now, here I am, four years later, feeling worse than ever having to put my baby brother in the ground.

I brace myself as the picture slides into another photo. A tear crawls down my face. I smooth down the front of my black dress and take the first few steps into what I was sure was Hell on Earth.

...

Because this is New Orleans and every death is a celebration of life, we second-line to the gravesite. People sweat out of their black stockings and Sunday wigs cutting up for Jonah. Caesar, Reese, Cam and one of my brother's soldiers, Munch, carry the casket down to the graveyard. Originally, it was supposed to be Caesar, Ace, Simon and whatever fourth hand was available but since both Ace and Simon skipped the funeral, we did what we had to. I don't second-line cause I'm too busy crying into Mama's shoulder. Paryis holds onto her other hand while we walk. The streets are filled with brass music. The trumpets pierce the air as we walk. There are so many people following us, celebrating Jonah's life. It makes me cry harder, realizing Jonah wouldn't have even been able to hear any of this if he was still alive.

At the graveyard, I spot the Hispanic woman and the two officers standing near a black SUV. They really followed us here in hopes of arresting Ace at his own brother's funeral, who they were responsible for killing. The thought makes me wanna go over there and slam her fucking head into the front windshield. But I settle for a mean mug from across the street.

At the entrance to the graveyard, we say goodbye to the brass band and the other supporters who came to deliver their condolences. The only people who remain are Reese, Cam, Caesar, Paryis, Mama, Munch and me. When we reach the plot where Jonah's body is supposed to fit the tiny hole in the ground, we meet the Reverend and the church's choir. Surprisingly, Simon is there too, squatting beside the hole in the ground.

He stands when we approach him.

"Thank you for taking my spot," He says to Reese.

"No problem, fam," Reese says before flickering his eyes over to me.

"Where do we put him?" Caesar asks the Reverend.

The Reverend points them to the groundskeeper who is gonna lower the casket into the ground. When they come back, Reese stands beside before Caesar can. He doesn't notice Caesar glaring at him, but I do. I reach out and hold Reese's hand just to spite him. He peeps that too and I see his jaw locks.

I don't know why he's tripping off us. He should be more concerned with Keyana and Amir.

The choir starts singing as the Reverend gives his final eulogy. The casket we chose for Jonah is a creamy white. We even dressed him in all white like the angel he is. On the inside of the casket I left behind a Lego. Mama taped a picture of all of us in the inside cover of the casket so Jonah can always feel at home.

Jonah's casket sits above this green tarp that's there to help lower him. Each of us carry a colorful rose to lay over his casket. I resist the urge to pluck the beautiful petals while I watch everyone go up and place a rose. As I walk up, I can't help but look around for Ace. I was hoping he would show his face at least once before they shoveled dirt onto Jonah for the last time. But he never shows.

We bury Jonah and Mama loses her balances, trying to crawl into the hole with him. Caesar keeps her on her feet, pulling her into his chest. Simon holds Paryis as she cries into him. Afterwards, we all head towards the black limousines lined up for us. I don't remember contacting any limousine companies so I know that was Ace's work, reaching out from wherever he was.

I hold onto Reese's hand. I had already made up my mind that I was gonna be going back home with him today. Before we could climb inside of a limousine, Caesar taps him on his shoulder.

"Let me holla at you for a second, bruh," He says.

Reese lets my hand go and tells me he'll catch me later on tonight. I really don't want to leave without him, but I let go of him anyway. I was just gonna have to drown in sadness until Reese made it around to rescue me later.

I wait until the limousines pull away to hack Reese up. I choke him up by his collar before he pushes me off of him.

"Nigga what the fuck is you doing?" I say.

"Me? Nigga the fuck is you doing grabbing on me like you fucking crazy. I'm not yo son nigga. I got mad respect for you Caese, but don't ever try that shit again," Reese says.

I ain't even a lil bit flustered at his threat. I taught this nigga everything he knew. I knew him back when he was just a corner boy working for me trying to make a hustle to feed his moms and lil sisters. I'm not phased at all.

"Yeah, whatever nigga. What the fuck is it you think you doing with Candyce?" I say.

Reese laughs, "So let me get this straight. You coming at me stupid behind a bitch?"

I step closer to him. I'm all in his face now but Reese ain't no hoe ass nigga. He don't back up or even blink as I mug him.

"Call her a bitch again," I say.

"Nigga you know what I mean. Nobody tryna disrespect Candyce. I get she like ya lil sister but you coming a lil too hard right now. If I ain't know no better, I'd think you was fucking her."

"You don't know shit nigga," I say, even though I'm caught red-handed.

I knew approaching Reese was gon make it obvious I had feelings for Candyce, but I couldn't let him take advantage of a messed up situation. He's trying to get with Candyce cause she grieving right now. I have real feelings for girl and even though she think I play mind games with her, shit is more complicated than that.

A part of me grew up with her. I saw her body change and grow, so yeah in some aspects I did see her like a lil sister. But once she grew up and we really started kicking it, I saw her as something more. After we had sex, shit got even more confusing for me. I cared about shawty, but I really regretted doing that. Not only cause it made shit even more complicated with her but cause in the process I risked my brotherhood with Ace.

Santana did too much for me to come through and fuck up his family dynamic like that. So I had to bounce and get my mind right. In the meantime of all that, I met Keyana. All that distance between Candyce and I made it too easy to fall for Keyana.

Now shit is fucked up cause she starting to hang with Reese and I'm in my own family with Keyana and Amir. I don't have any idea of how to manage all this shit without Ace finding out but I'm gonna do what I can to keep Reese from up off her. He's my dawg but I care more about Ace and Candyce than I do this nigga.

"Yeah, well you don't know me either Caese. I ain't tryna play on Candyce. If I was gon do that, I woulda been did it. Believe it or not nigga, you ain't the only one interested in her. And if you too pussy to get at her, then I'ma man up. My loyalty is to you, Caesar, not Ace. This is only business between me and him," Reese says.

"You really think Candyce gon fuck with you if Ace don't sign off on it?" I ask.

Reese chuckles again, "Nigga she fucked with you without Ace knowing right?"

I mug the shit out him as he backs up and hops in his car. As he drives away, I can't do shit but tense up. I didn't even have time to really think back to what the fuck just happened cause Ace was hitting my line through an unknown number.

"Wassam?" I ask.

"How the fam looking man?" Ace says on the other line.

I can hear it in his voice how fucked up he is about all this. I know it ate him alive having to leave his family to deal with all this pain on their own but being in a jail cell would do nothing for them either. The Feds had it out for Ace. It was only a matter of time before they came after all of us too with a RICO case. I'm tryna stay ahead of the curve to make sure it don't get that far.

"Shit how you think nigga?" I say, looking around.

Those fucking Feds was still across the street watching me.

"Damn man, I can't have them going through this shit. The Feds still there?"

"Mhm. They watching me as we speak," I say.

"Fuck. We shouldn't have killed Gecko bitch ass," He say.

"Nah, it had to happen. The best thing we can do now is figure out who the fuck was helping Gecko. Gecko kept saying the Feds was setting him up and it looks like he was right. They used his ass as bait, knowing what was gon happen. But that don't explain who told them bout the Galvez shit to begin with," I say.

"I'll do what I can from my end. But Caesar, you gotta be my front man now that I'm in hiding. The business can't stop."

"Yeah, I know, bruh. I got you," I say.