Chapter 37

When we pull up to the trap, my attitude is worse than before. I'm praying Munch takes a hint and keeps any out-of-the-way comments to himself. If not, I'll probably spazz on him like I should have did earlier.

I climb out of Tory's truck and cross the street to the trap. Simon's sitting outside on the porch when I walk past. If he cared about why I looked so pissed, he didn't ask.

Not that I wanna hear his voice either. He's partially apart of the reason why I can't have what I want. 'Cause although I would never admit it to Tory for fear of it reaching Simon's ears in an argument, I have a stash hidden away for bail money in case he ever gets in a mood to smash cop cars again. He can tell me not to worry about him all day long. He's my brother and I'm gonna make sure he's straight even if it means sacrificing some things I want in the process. Even if it means not hearing so much as 'thanks' for all I do for him and our family.

I push through the front door. I avoid the kitchen altogether since 9 times out of ten, it's where Munch is. Instead, I head straight for the bathroom and lock myself inside.

I fucking hate the patched up work of the ceramic blue tile all around me. I hate that this is where I have to resort to as a hiding place.

I have my own room at home but the last place I wanna be is in the company of the very people I feel is holding me back.

"This is stupid, Candyce," I whisper.

Just yesterday, I was proud of myself for taking the reigns as the head bitch in charge. Now, I'm crying over a car I couldn't really afford anyway.

I sold myself a pretty dream. Now I'm blaming the very people who are the reason I can even think about buying something with that many zeros. If I hadn't had to step up and provide for my family, I never would have moved to selling drugs. If I never ventured down that path, maybe Caesar would have never felt the need to get me my own club.

All I know is, I feel like I'm working overtime to keep the fire from creeping up on our asses. It's to the point where I'm starting to feel like I'm sacrificing my wants, my mental health and my happiness so that my family can have theirs.

The sad truth is, I'll burn in a fire a thousand times if it means keeping my family out of harm's way. Knowing that doesn't make me feel heroic; it makes me feel stupid. So I call up the only person I think would understand.

The phone rings four times before Chantal answers.

"Telly's phone. The prettier sister speaking."

I laugh into the phone.

"Lori?" I ask.

"I told you I'm prettier. Even Candy thinks so," She says.

The next thing I hear is rustling in the background.

"Hello?" I ask.

"Yeah, girl. I called Lori ugly for playing in my makeup without permission and now she asking everybody we know who's cuter," Chantal says.

"For the record, I say it's her," I say.

"Thank you!" I hear in the background.

"Get out my damn conversation, ugly! Go play on your iPad before I take it from you," Chantal says.

I wait for her and Lori to finish their spat. After a minute of passing words with her sister, Chantal comes back on the phone.

"My bad, bitch. Lori in middle school now and she think she grown," She says.

"Bitch we thought we was grown at that age too," I say.

"Yeah but this new generation different. All they know is Youtube. What the fuck was she doing playing in my makeup anyway?"

"I don't know, sis. Thankfully ion have that problem with Paryis yet."

"Wait until she start seventh grade. You gon forget you ever liked her," Telly says.

I smile. Paryis is already a handful at times. I know she's gonna be lethal when her hormones actually kick in.

"But you didn't call to talk about my bratty ass sister so wassup?"

I pull in a deep breath to tell her about the car, and my family and Simon not talking to me but then, I just let it out. There's too much to unpack there. I feel like venting to her about this now will be like bringing her in, in the middle of a movie and asking her opinion.

Besides, I barely wanna talk about what's going on now. I definitely don't wanna catch her up to everything else I've left her out of.

"It's nothing. How are you and Tobias?" I ask.

"Me and Tobias are fine. The negro finally got his mind right so he's been over here like every day. Mama keep hinting that he can sleep over but I ain't ready for allat."

That's another thing about Chantal. My girl has been keeping that kitty on lock and key until the right guy comes along. I just hope this Tobias dude is the right guy cause I'd hate for her to lose her virginity to an asshole who up and leaves her for New York the next day.

Then again, bad things only happen to me.

"Take your time, Telly. You'll know when the time is right," I say.

"I know, Candy. You've been telling me the same thing since we were fifteen," Telly say.

"Cause the first time only happens once. Once your innocence is gone, you can't get that back."

Telly's end of the line is quiet for a moment.

"Candy, you okay?" She asks.

"Girl, I don't know."

I slide to the floor with my back against the door. I run my hands through my hair while I get my words together.

"How do you do it?" I ask.

"Well you know me. I never even let a nigga into my breathing room until he show he worthy."

"No, not that. I mean, how do you help your mom out and be there for Lori without feeling like you giving too much of yourself? 'Cause don't get me wrong; I love my family. I just..."

"It's hard," Chantal finishes for me.

"Yes," I say.

"I have my days too, Candy. Sometimes I'm too tired when I get off work to come home and play mommy and big sis to Lori. I hate having to share that role with my mama but I do it 'cause I have to. It be breaking me down sometimes but I'd rather me than them."

"Right," I say.

"At the end of the day, I know I can come back from not getting enough sleep 'cause I had to help Lori with some project while Mama's at work. Eventually she'll be old enough to take care of herself. And eventually Ace will come home to take the weight off yo shoulders," Chantal says.

"I hope so. 'Cause some days I feel like I shoulda ran off too."

Telly laughs.

"You say that now. Wait until he does come back. Y'all gon be fighting for that spot at the head of the table," She says.

"I doubt it. I know what it's like to have to think for everybody else. This responsibility is a burden. If Ace ever decides he wants the job back, I'll bend over backwards to give it to 'em."

Chantal's response is cut short by somebody knocking on the bathroom door. I tell her to hold on before hitting the mute button.

I stand up and brush off my pants. When I open the door, it's Tory.

"When you done crying about it, I got sum'n to show you," He says.

I press the mute button again. Telly's voice comes through clear as day calling my name.

"Let me call you back, Tell," I say.

"Aight, girl. Call me if you need me," She says.

She knew to say that 'cause we both know I won't be calling her back.

"Okay. You too," I say.

I click the line and finally step out of the bathroom. Tory looks at me with a smirk.

"What?" I ask.

"That was Telly from the club?" He asks.

I give him a look.

"That was Telly from Pandora's Box 'cause I will fuck you up if you even think about going after her," I say.

He holds his hands in surrender. I follow him into the living room where he stops to check his phone.

"What's with you and this phone? Yo face been in it all day," I say.

"I'ma busy man," Tory says.

I watch him as he steps to the window. He makes a gap in the crooked blinds wide enough to see out.

"What you looking for?" I ask.

"You know you ask a lot of questions," He says, walking to the front door.

"Not that you ever answer 'em," I say.

Tory pulls the front door open.

"That's 'cause I'd rather show you than tell you," He says.

He opens the door wider and waves me over. I walk over slowly wondering what the fuck this nigga had up his sleeve now.

I step into the doorway and see nothing at first. All I see is Munch standing on the porch and Simon sitting on the porch steps.

What the fuck is everybody waiting for?

Music traveling up the street keeps me from asking the question. It's a good thing too.

Cruising up the street is the front end of a candy apple red car. My car. At least, I can assume that it's mine since Daz is the culprit in the front seat.

I run out the door and down the steps while Daz parks the car onto the curb.

"Daz... What did you do?" I ask.

The smile is hesitant to appear on my face until I piece together what the fuck is going on.

He takes his time climbing out of the lowrider.

"You mean what did we do," Daz says.

He shuts the car door and nods towards the porch, where Tory is leaning with the same cocky smirk on his face and Munch is standing with his arms folded. Simon stares on but I could never really read his face.

"You mean..."

I turn around and Daz is dangling car keys in my face.

"It's yours," He says.

My eyes widen as I jump into his arms. He laughs in my ear as he hugs me back. By the time I let him go, my cheeks hurt from smiling so much. I turn around to attack the other two boys I know are responsible for this, but they're already walking towards us.

I jump on Tory first.

"Oh now she love me again. You see this shit, Munch?" He asks.

I look over at Munch. I stretch my hands out for a hug like he did earlier.

"Don't come over here with that fake shit. You don't fuck with me nomore remember?" Munch says.

I ignore him and curl up against him anyway.

Munch is a big softie so it doesn't take long for him to hug me back.

"Bet you glad I dragged yo ass out the house now," He says.

I step out of his embrace.

"Wait, this is why you got me to come out? So y'all can surprise me with a car?" I say.

"A nigga did a good deed and got yelled at for it," Munch says.

I open my mouth to defend myself but close it right away. I was a little out of line today. Coming at Munch as if he didn't agree to work for me as a favor. Even still, he didn't let that stop him from buying me a car.

I hug him again, simply 'cause I know he probably put up the most money. He was eager to give me money to hold us over until Ace came back. That showed me he'll spend whatever to make sure I'm straight out of loyalty to Ace.

This was done because of how much he fucks with me.

"You asked me why I been in my phone all day. I been checking in with Daz. He was at the lot when we pulled up," Tory says.

I look back at Daz.

"Foreal?" I ask.

Daz confirms by nodding his head.

"I didn't even see you!" I say.

Tory taps me on my head.

"That's cause you don't pay attention to yo surroundings," He says.

"I do pay attention!" I say.

"Can't be. How you let a nigga drag you out the city before you realize?" Daz says.

I open my mouth to object then close it back. They've gotta point.

"You can go ahead and delete that Lyft shit out ya phone. If you can't tell when you've been riding too long, you don't need to be riding passenger to nobody," Munch says.

"Then you got too many eyes on you to be hopping in and out of people's cars you don't know," Tory says.

I know he's hinting at my unfinished business with Angel. I kept that in mind every time I rode with someone, but without my own whip, there was nothing I could do but hope for the best.

Their scolding reminds me of what it was like to have Ace breathing down my neck. Back then, I woulda told Ace to go to hell for clocking my moves the way they're doing. That's when I could afford to be the bratty little sister. I've been through too much in the past months to see their intentions as anything other than them looking out for me.

It's funny, it took me gaining three brothers to understand what one was trying to teach me.

All I can say is it feels damn good to know other people are watching my back. Gifting me this car just gave me one less thing to worry about.

I dangle the car keys and let out an excited squeal.

"You gon take this bitch for a spin or what?" Munch asks.

"She rides smooth as a motherfucka," Daz says.

I look back to where he's leaning against the car. Then, I look at Simon sitting on the porch alone.

Since everything has turned around for me, I can't help applying that good faith to Simon too. I figure now's as good a time as any to extend an olive branch.

Simon doesn't look up at as I approach. I know he sees me since I'm casting a shadow over him where the sun just was. I set my pride aside anyway.

There's no harm in trying.

"You wanna take a ride with me?" I ask.

"No."

"You sure? I'll let you drive," I say.

"I'm good."

I try a different approach since this clearly ain't working.

"Well since I got this car, you don't have to depend on Cam for rides anymore. I can pick you up and drop you off or you can drive yourself. It'll be like ours."

Simon lifts his head to stare me in the eyes.

"I don't want shit from you, Candyce," He says.

I'm not even ready to talk about what that blow does to my heart.

"Since when am I the person you not want shit from?" I ask.

Simon stands up. He looks down at me since our fraternal genes blessed him with a more intimidating height.

"Since you started acting like Ace."

He doesn't offer up any other explanation. I guess he's said it all though, considering how he feels about Ace.

So much for him coming around.

I'm stuck in position watching him go inside the trap and slam the door.

"We doing this or not? I gotta house to run even if it means just babysitting ya boy," Munch says.

I dangle the keys and catch them in my hand.

"Yeah," I say.

I walk back over to them with my heart weighing a ton. Daz walks around the car to get to the passenger side. Tory doesn't bother with the back door, hopping over it instead. Munch makes him push over so he can climb in too.

I get in last. Once I turn the key in the ignition, I do my best to forget all about Simon. The further I drive, the better my mood returns.

...

After we took a few laps around the block, everybody agreed it was time to go back. Tory wasn't technically supposed to leave Simon's side. Munch didn't trust Simon alone in his house and Daz was using today to make up for not going home to Vee on most nights. Plus, Kareem was complaining about missing him.

He parted ways with us saying he'd be back tonight to collect the weekly input from the trap. Normally he did it on Saturdays but Munch didn't want to take any chances with Christmas tomorrow.

People in the hood got desperate round the holidays, especially our strung out visitors. If any junkies were bold or high enough, our house would be like a one-stop shop for drugs and money.

None of us would be here, and none of us wanted to have to come in on Christmas Day to deal with that headache. So we've all been waiting at the trap for Daz to come through.

I check the time on my phone again.

"It's 2:01 and he still ain't here yet," I say.

"Hit him again, Munch," Tory says.

His voice vibrates against my back.

We're sitting on the sofa with my back against Tory's chest. My legs are stretched out on the remainder of the sofa. I'm so close to sleeping right here. I probably would be if Munch wasn't seated across from us counting money aloud in a brokedown computer chair. The chair is already leaning without Munch adding his weight on it. I'm waiting to see his stupid ass fall through the floor.

We closed up shop a few hours ago so Munch sent Simon on ahead. There was no use in us putting up with his attitude any longer than we had to.

Now I wish I had jumped ship too. I was tired hours ago but it seemed rude to leave after they just bought me a car.

Speaking of, I've been having separation issues from the moment I got out the car. No doubt I would have drove around the whole city if the boys wasn't pressuring me to turn back.

I sit up now to check the blinds to make sure the car is still there.

"Girl you check for that car more than you check for the time. It ain't goin' nowhere," Munch says.

"I can't believe nobody came for it yet," I say.

"Who the fuck gon' come for it?" Munch asks.

I lean back against Tory's chest.

"The repo man. Or the cops. I'm still not sure I believe y'all got it like that to be getting same-day delivery," I say.

Munch scoffs.

"Nigga just bought her a car and she questioning if we got it like that."

"They was gon' give me that fuckin' car one way or another," Tory says.

I point my thumb at him.

"See what I mean? That's what I'm afraid happened," I say.

Munch snaps a rubber band around a stack in his hands. He tosses it into an open duffle by his feet. This makes the second bag he's gotten started on. The other one is zipped up and ready to go if Daz ever decides to show up.

"Don't listen to that nigga. Them people at the dealership ain't talkin' to Tory without a credit history," Munch says.

"Fuck you, nigga," Tory says.

"It ain't my fault you don't exist on paper," Munch says.

Tory uses one hand to wipe the sleep from his eyes.

"It's called being smart, nigga," He says.

"It's called being a felon, nigga."

Tory smacks his teeth.

"Only a muhfucka adapted to jail gon' run around and not leave a paper trail. Bruh ain't got no credit cards, no bank accounts. He prolly don't even got a ID," Munch says.

"I got an ID nigga, fuck you."

Munch gives me a skeptical look.

"He lying to impress you. He want you to think he a real boy," Munch says.

It automatically makes me think of that scene in Pinocchio. I start laughing as Tory grabs the sofa pillow and aims it at Munch's head.

He blocks it with his arm. At the same time, a sharp trill sounds from his pocket. Munch pulls the flip phone out and checks the caller ID.

"It's Daz," He says, "He bet not be letting no bitch get in between him and business."

We watch as he snaps the phone open.

"It's about time," I say.

I cover my mouth while a yawn sneaks out of me.

"You know you ain't have to stay. Munch was just fuckin' with you earlier," Tory says.

I sit up and stretch my arms above my head.

"I know. I wanted to," I say.

"T!" Munch calls.