"Strangers, filling my lonely nights with strangers."

--- Lauv & Troye Sivan

okay if we stop at the pharmacy?"

"Yeah, is everything okay?" He asks.

I nod my head knowing he is glancing at me. We are on our way to the house from the cancer hospital. Christian is driving.

In five, we are parked outside a pharmacy. I take my handbag and get out of the car, Christian follows behind. I enter and go to the counter to get my sleeping pills.

"Hello. Please can I get the soporific drugs?" I tell the middle-aged man.

"Can I see the prescription, young lady?" He asks with a small smile.

I take it out of my handbag. "There you go."

He reads it and goes to the cabinet to get them.

"Are you still not sleeping?" I voice asks from behind.

I sigh. "Yeah, I haven't slept properly in a while, though I will it a try again."

"Again?"

"Yeah, the last time was not pretty" I let out a non-humorous laugh.

Before he can ask anything, the man comes with my pills. "You know how to use them?" He asks.

"Yeah, I am a doctor in training. I am sure I can handle a few sleeping pills." I give him a forced smile. The same smile I have been giving people for years.

"But I am still reminding you, the pills your doctor gave you are strong. If you use more than two, things can go bad." He tells me. "Boy take care of your girl." He says to Christian.

I blush when he says 'Your girl.'

"Don't worry, I got her." He puts an arm around my shoulder which makes me glance up at him and he winks at me, which causes me to blush even more.

I pay for it and we are off.

A few minutes of silence in the car Christian breaks it.

"How much sleep are you getting?"

"9 hours maybe or less." I shrug

"9 hours every day?" He glances at me.

"Every week. When I should at least sleep 42 hours if I get 6-hour sleep every day. But some nights I do not even sleep for a minute." I play with my fingers on my lap.

"It's so not healthy." He says. Worry evident in his tone.

"Hmm." I hum.

He gets the hint I don't wanna talk about it, anyways he will find out tonight. I turn on the radio and 'I'm so tired' by Lauv and Troye Sivan comes on. One of my favorites. I sing along.

'I'm so tired of love songs, tired of love songs

Tired of love songs, tired of love

Just wanna go home, wanna go home

Wanna go home, whoa

So tired of love songs, tired of love songs

Tired of love songs, tired of love

Just wanna go home, wanna go home

Wanna go home, whoa'

'Party

Trying my best to meet somebody

But everybody around me's fallin' in love to our song

I, I, oh I, yeah

Hate it

Taking the shot 'cause I can't take it

But I don't think they make anything that strong

So I hold on

I, I, oh I, yeah'

I am getting louder verse by verse. Christian laughs at me I tell him to join me and he does.

'I'm so tired of love songs, tired of love songs

Tired of love songs, tired of love

Just wanna go home, wanna go home

Wanna go home, whoa

So tired of love songs, tired of love songs

Tired of love songs, tired of love

Just wanna go home, wanna go home

Wanna go home, whoa'

I look at him with wide eyes. His voice, it's so amazing. He doesn't notice me staring at him. He looks so carefree and he has been warming up to me, at first always had his guard up ad he tries to know everything he can about me, but always doges when I ask him.

Today he said something about someone close to him having cancer. It was the first thing he told me about his life.

He already lives with me now and knows much about my life because whereas I know nothing. And the thought of him leaving is always on my mind. He has healed and he has not talked about leaving. Yet. But I know he is going to leave.

But I don't want him to.

Is it bad?

It's good to have someone around and only want him around.

What the fuck does it even mean?

'Strangers

Killing my lonely nights with strangers

And when they leave, I go back to our song, I hold on

I, I, oh I

Hurts like heaven, lost in the sound

Buzz-cut season like you're still around

Can't unmiss you and I need you now

Yeah, I, I, oh I, yeah'

'I'm so tired of love songs, tired of love songs

Tired of love songs, tired of love

Just wanna go home, wanna go home

Wanna go home, whoa

So tired of love songs, tired of love songs

Tired of love songs, tired of love

Just wanna go home, wanna go home

Wanna go home, whoa'

'I'm so tired of love songs, tired of love songs (someone take me home)

Tired of love songs, tired of love

Just wanna go home, wanna go home ('cause I can't be alone)

Wanna go home, whoa

So tired of love songs, tired of love songs (I'm so tired)

Tired of love songs, tired of love

Just wanna go home, wanna go home

Wanna go home, whoa'

"I did not know you could sing that well." I compliment him.

"It was not that good."

"Are you serious?" I exclaim. "You are amazing."

"Well thank you I guess." He answers with a light blush on his cheeks.

"Aw." I pinch his cheek. "You are blushing! so cute." I coo.

"I'm anything but cute." He swats my hand away.

"Yeah, you are adorable as a puppy." I grin.

"I am not adorable." He whines.

"And now he is whining." I laugh.

Before we could bicker any further, Christian pulls up in the driveway of the house.

We go inside and crash on the couch and decide to order pizza since our lazy asses are not in the mood for making dinner.

We have our amazing pizza in comfortable silence and we get ready for bed. I put on baby pink silk pajamas with spaghetti straps and shorts on.

I go to the kitchen where the bag of my medicines was. I fill a glass full of water and open the bottle.

No more than two.

I recite in my mind again and again.

If I don't eat three I will have nightmares but I need something to knock me out. I want to have a dreamless sleep. But I can't do this to myself.

YOU NEED SLEEP VICTORIA!

The voice in my head says.

But I can't take two.

Stupid head voice. Fuck it. I look at the 3 sleeping pills in my hand. Before my hand goes to my mouth someone holds my wrist stopping me.

"Christian..."

●●●

●●●

●●●