UPDATE: Hey guys, So im sorry Ive been lacking for a fat minute, but if you're still reading baby im back. Enjoy.

I love gus, I love him with my entire soul, But what he said after he had cancelled the tour, killed me inside. I slid my engagement ring on and off my finger as I sat on the porch swing. Gus had ran off after I cussed him out. I wish he could just understand how much I want to see him succeed. I hate that everything has been going good for so long..and then this. I look at the baby birds learning to fly in the tree in front of me. For whatever reason they remind me of the learning me and gus will have to do. It will be hard, but I hope he knows it's because I care.

But I just cant leave...no.

I stand up and take a deep breath taking my phone from my back pocket. Theres a text from Gus.

I seriously have issues standing my ground with Gus. But he's just all that I want and I cant help it. I meet gus at the car and climb into the passenger side. we look at each other, shortly, but I just cant muster to look at him. Silence or about 7 minutes continued as he got onto the freeway.

"So where are we going actually?" I asked, because we were definetely going the wrong direction for lunch.

"babe, just trust me. Please, can it just go back to how it was, please."

"Answer the question Gus!"

"We're getting out of town for a while. Fuck the tour. Fuck my management. I would go broke over you. My songs are for you babe"

I chuckled. It was only so long ago I had met him and this all began. I love him just, I didn't understand the point of his songs. but my laughter left just as quick as my reasonings for doubt came back. And then i bursted.

"YOU THNK JUST BECAUSE I LOVE YOU THIS IS OKAY? YOU JUST FUCKING TOLD ME YOU'VE BEEN LEAVING TO GET HIGH AGAIN? AND YOU DIDNT THINK TO TELL ME BEFORE YOU PROPOSED?"

gus pulled over, and looked straight ahead as he thought of what to say to me.

"I... Silvi...please..."

"No just no" I turned to face the window and crossed my arms. If only he knew how much I just wanted this fight to be over. I shook my head and began to silently cry.

Silvi crying melted me, it killed me. I can't take this anymore. I hated hiding things from her. And I hate seeing her and me like this even more. I pulled up at the double tree hotel, and ordered the best suite they had. We were on the way out of cali. I dont care that tour started 2 hours ago. Silvi will always be more important, she's come first since the day I met her.

I grabbed her hand and began walking her to our room. When I went inside she had parked the car. I swooped her up into my arms bridal style. I could see the look in her eyes. The dissapointment. I unlocked our room and carried her inside. I threw her on the bed playfully, and plopped next to her. I grabbed her face and made her look at me.

"Silvi, my love. We're gonna get through this, and I'm going to make you my wife"

"gus..." she sighed "How long?"

I was baffled at first, her questioning scared me, because I knew there was one last thing she would find out.

"I started the xans more heavily after the first time you found out..."

"And WHAT gus, quit hiding shit from me. You're killing me doing this. I love you. I FUCKING LOVE YOU you piece of shit. I LOVE you and I can't stop and I dont care what it is, just dont hide it from me"

"I'm back on coke"

silvi just looked at me with those big lamb eyes of her. and I knew exactly what I did to her. I had told her that I wouldnt mix. She knew it would kill me, It had almost taken me before. But I can't promise it won;t happen again.

"and I dont think I can stop"

Silvi jumped from the bed and locked herself in the bathroom.

I knocked on the door vigorously. "Babygirl, please just tell me what you want"

truthfully, I knew. I had followed him, one night. I caught him with the dealer. I knew the signs. He locked himself in the bathroom a long time. he told me it was allergies. but it just hurt me that he could never tell me to my face. Did he think I would leave after all we've been through?

I sat by the bathroom door as gus pleaded for me to forgive him. to come out. and I said one thing, he would either understand or he would'nt.

"Whats the plan then?"

"what?..baby, I'll do whatever it takes. We can hide together. I got money, we can start over. I'll quit music. I'll leave you alone I'm sorry, just don't hate me"

I heard him begin to walk away, then I opned the door.

"Baby come here" He turned around, fear in his eyes. He slowly came towards me and I grabbed his hand. We looked into each others eyes for a while. Just hearing each others breath. Thoughts. I felt our hearts pounding. Here in front of me is the man I've said I'd marry. And I planned on it the rest of my life. He cupped my face in his arms, and leaned in for a kiss. I began to kiss him, with the most passion I've ever had. He pushed me onto my back on the bed, and I couldn't stop myself. I grabbed at his shirt and pulled him on me. Kissing with everything.

"Please" I begged " I want you"

He breathed into my ear "I love you Silvi"

He ripped my pants off with intent and went down on me. My moans filled the room

"I love to make you cum babygirl."

"Ouu" I pulled at his hair "yes papi"

I threw my head back and gasped at the feeling of him sliding in so slowly. I wanted him so badly. He slowly stroked me.

"How do you want it babygirl?" he whispered as he came closer to me.

"hard" I smirked.

I woke up and seen it was 5:30 in the morning. Gus lifted his head feeling my being awake, and pulled me close to him. We cuddled and passed back out. I wish it could be like this forever.