I think I'm gunna stay up until 3a.m. today. Why? Because I don't have that want to sleep right now.

Like, I used to be like, "Ah, yesss, sleep."

But now I'm all like, "Hmmmm."

And that's it.

I'll look at the clock and I'm like, "Wow. It's late." And continue on with what I'm doing like I'm not gonna have a massive sleep hangover in the morning.

I know that it'll happen.

This has been happening after my siblings came to visit us for Christmas and I got to hang out with them for the entirety of their visits, and it was blasts of euphoria, all up in my face.

I viewed color, and it was amazing.

(Those greens in Seattle really stood out to me, y'know.)

But now that they've been gone for a few weeks, (2? 1 and a half?) that concert of liveliness is gone and I don't want to accept that—accept this.

They dragged me away from my house and they were family. My older siblings and I. I felt welcome, comfortable, warm.

I want them to be my new family.

And now that they're gone I'm left in this radio silence.

This gray radio silence like when your in a middle of a road and the noise is just blaring at you and when you finally get to a noise of silence the snapping of your fingers feels five feet away.

Gray.

Without them, life's a collage of scratchy picture frames. Still, low quality, and everybody's smiling this, cheesy, pasted, fake grin at the camera until the lens looks away.

I am just—NOT feeling satisfied right now.