"Miles!"

I stopped in my track before turning to see Ryder jogging towards me.

He stopped a good 4 feet away from me and suddenly the air around us grew thicker.

My breath almost hitched as this is the closest I've been to him since the day of our argument, except for when he stopped me from falling earlier.

I gulped and gathered every ounce of courage in me to face him with a blank look.

"Hey, is- uh is everything okay?" He asked, looking genuinely concerned but awkward at the same time.

My lips parted on their own but I stopped myself as I reminded myself to be careful. I took in a breath before speaking. "Yeah. Everything's fine."

I could see hurt flash through his eyes as he saw my hesitation.

It physically hurt me to put on a facade before him. Out of all the people, he probably never expected to be the person who would make me hide my pain and pretend to be okay.

It was supposed to be real.

Everything was, in fact, not okay. I knew it. He knew it. But our hands were tied because we had our armours on.

He nodded.

"Where are you going?" He asked, which I actually found pretty funny because he out of all the people, wouldn't want to know.

"Training." I suddenly said, looking away from him. "I've got training."

I saw him nod from the corner of my eye, before he sighed and took a step closer to me. "I didn't bring her with me because I wanted to."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "What?"

"Ashley." He said. "I didn't bring her on my own. Her mom asked me to bring her with me."

My lips parted in surprise but not because of the fact that he didn't bring Ashley on his own but due to the fact that he was bringing it up now.

I shook my head with a frown. "You don't need to explain things to me."

My eyes wavered and I knew that he saw the deep sea of sadness and hurt in them.

"I do. I need to clear things up instead of doing childish things like what I just did." He said, referring to how he led Alec to Ryan and I just to cause a scene.

"Ryder..." I breathed out, placing my hands on my face in frustration.

Why is he doing this now?

This has to stop. This back and forth is not what my heart can handle.

And Ryder isn't safe as long as he's anywhere near me.

When you love someone, let them go.

I never understood the meaning of this sentence.

I remember watching 'Me before you' with Lex and she literally gaped at me, calling me emotionless, when I didn't cry. The idea of letting someone out of your life because you love them, is what I found really stupid.

But now as I stood here in front of Ryder I understood the meaning and the irony of what Lex said.

"Clear what up?" I asked, looking at him in disbelief. "There's nothing left."

"Don't." He shut his eyes and his voice cracked slightly, making my chest tighten. "Don't say that."

I gaped at him as I hung onto the last thread of control. "Do you hear yourself right now? You ended this, Ryder. You walked away, again."

"But that doesn't mean that I don't love you, Miles. I'm only doing this in hopes that you will back out of all the dangerous shit that you are in." He said, taking a step towards me, only for me to take two steps back.

I know I should've stopped talking, but I didn't. I let my shattered heart take control.

"Is this a fucking game to you?" I asked, my voice wavering.

I felt dizzy with all the emotions that suddenly flooded in my head.

"No! Oh God, no." He breathed out, looking at me wide-eyed.

Even though I know, that he doesn't know the real reason why I can't back out of the deal, I was tired and I just wanted to push him away. That would save us both the struggle of this back and forth.

My heart was broken into so many pieces that I could barely feel it anymore.

"I can't do this anymore, Ryder." I finally said with a heart heavier that what's supposed to be in a human chest.

I turned to walk away and reached the parking lot. It was dawn and the air was crisp outside.

"But you- you said you loved me." He said, his voice cracking as he followed me outside. "Why are you running away? I thought you never walked away from a fight."

I stopped in my tracks as his words cut deep into my heart.

"Why can't you fight for us?"

I suddenly snapped my head to face him.

"BECAUSE I FUCKING CARE TOO MUCH!" I yelled finally letting out the emotions building up from the past hour, maybe days.

'Maybe years...'

said a voice in the back of my head.

I can't let him in, again. I need to push him away. Because I love him, a little too much.

"Because, apparently, I'm not fucking capable of feeling anything in moderation." My voice still loud, feeling the energy and a piece of my heart slowly draining out of me. My mind swirling as I struggle to think straight.

"Because, apparently, I'm still the bloody idiot I was 3 years ago. Because -" My voice cracks as I feel a very familiar and unbearable pain in my throat. "Because, apparantly, having my heart broken once wasn't enough."

I gulped as my voice died a little with every word.

I tipped my head back to look at the sky in hopes of somehow slowing the stream of tears flowing from my eyes. A bitter smile forms on my lips at this unbelievably familiar situation as I shut my eyes before saying the next words.

I haven't really cried in years.

"Because, apparently, I hadn't learnt my lesson well enough back then." I say in a defeated tone, the teary smile intact.

It was silent for a few seconds, with the only sound being our heavy breathing and the faint music from the skating arena.

I knew very well that he is at a loss of words, too shocked to move or say anything, and I almost wanted to laugh at the sad irony of our states.

I look down, finally opening my eyes, giving up on my flowing tears at this point.

'They're long overdue.'

"But you know what," I said, finally finding my voice. "no matter how much I hate you right now, I won't leave you standing on the sidewalk in misery, because trust me I know how that feels."

I say, looking directly at him with my lips turning into a very painful smile, as I relived those memories from years ago and I know he did too as he winced and squeezed his eyes shut as if the memory physically hurt him.

"I want you to know that, for all that happened, I don't blame you." I said, taking a step closer. An ounce of hope flashed in his eyes but it didn't last long as I continued.

"If it's anyone I blame, it's me." I said, letting out a cold chuckle. "I let myself care. I let myself become vulnerable. I let myself believe that I had a shot at the happiness I left behind. I let myself feel again."

I finished, feeling the very familiar numbness seeping into my laughably broken heart.

I scanned at the beautiful face of the man standing in front of me, wearing his heart at his sleeve, trying to comprehend my words.

I almost see flashes of the 14 year old boy with sparkling eyes with a smile showing his braces but my mind revolves around one thought only.

'My heart was broken by both of them.'

I gave him one more teary smile with as much courage I could muster.

With that, I walked away...

*****

"Woah! Someone looks rough." Jacob's voice reached my ear as I entered his office basement.

I don't know of it's his main office or just a hideout, where he meets people because I was never blindfolded while coming here, nor is there any kind of security at this place.

I walked in and take a seat on one of the couches.

Jacob had finally decided that it was safe to meet me today, after I told him the urgency of it, after my conversation with Alex.

I was not in my best condition, physically or mentally but we didn't have much time to think of our convenience.

In the room, were Jacob, standing by a small bar and Diana, standing opposite to me, eyeing my face. She was probably wondering why my hair's a mess and my eyes are blood red from all the crying before I came here.

I still managed to keep a blank look on my face.

"He wants your baby." I said looking at Diana, in no mood for games.

Her frown faltered as she registered what I said. "Oh." She said.

"Oh? That's all I get?" I raised my eyebrows. "I find information about y'all on my own and keep them to myself, and 'Oh' is what I get when I ask you head on?"

Diana sighed, looking at Jacob and I switched between looking at those two.

"How do you and your baby fit between these problematic siblings?" I asked, slowly losing patience.

Diana's eyes widened, while Jacob didn't look surprised, rather had a small smile on his face.

"Honestly, I'm not surprised, but mind telling me how you found out?" Jacob asked.

"It wasn't hard since you were the one who helped the police to get his illegal cargo busted on the docks. You've been meddling with his business indirectly and that resulted in his gang dwindling." I shrugged. "And I have some really good sources."

"Alright, let's calmly discuss this. Want a drink?" Jacob asked raising a glass.

I shook my head.

"Alright, one more question." Jacob said, pouring himself a drink. "Alex obviously promised you something huge in return. Why are you telling us all of this?"

His smile almost looked like one of disbelief as if he's finding it hard to believe that I'd choose anything over my freedom.

He doesn't know that I've been doing a lot of things that end up surprising myself too.

"I wouldn't want my stupid freedom by handing that monster an innocent baby." I said, leaning back on the couch. "Which is why now's the time to spill the secrets, if you really want to gain my trust."

I said, and automatically looked at Diana. Although I hated to put her in this position, we had no choice, if we wanted to safely get out of this mess.

Diana stepped forward, looking at me intently. "What if I tell you that he's the father of my baby?"

I kept a blank look as I expected something like this.

"Then I'd judge you a little more for your taste in men." I shrugged.

"I know right!" Jacob exclaimed, from the side but Diana and I didn't break eye contact. It was almost like we were studying each other, measuring each other for being trustworthy.

We kept the same look on our face before her lips broke into a small smirk.

I rolled my eyes before a similar smirk grew on my face.

"All right." Jacob clapped twice before straightening up and walking over to take a seat in front of me. "Now that we know that our best interests lie with each other, we need to come up with a plan, and for that, you need to tell me every single detail from the day you met Alex."

I sighed, before nodding.

*****

Jacob's booming laughter echoed through the room as he struggled to breathe.

"You- you called him Alex Knight!" He said between laughs.

"And he didn't kill you? Damn he must really like you." Diana said, while Jacob flopped around like a seal.

"Or he really wants me alive to bring him your baby." I rolled my eyes.

She eyed me for a minute before speaking. "Aren't you curious?"

"About your baby?" I raised an eyebrow and she nodded. "Of course I am, but I can't really force it out of you, unless you want to tell me."

She chuckled. "I can't believe I spent years training to beat you up."

I frowned.

"You're just a soft hearted kid under that hard exterior."

"I can be really heartless when I want to." I said, dropping my gaze.

"I know." She said. "So, as you know, after losing that fight with you, I was devastated. I lost my title and my will to fight again, and that meant that I didnt have an income anymore. One night, I met this man on the street who offered me a place to live."

I grimaced at that, while she rolled her eyes.

"I was sceptical at first but come on, anything was better than living on the streets. So, I went to his house and fast forward just a little bit, I started growing attracted towards him."

Jacob fake gagged while I chuckled.

"We were together for only about a month when I walked down towards the basement out of curiousity and there I found him in front of a man chained to a chair with his fingers cut-off." She shivered. "I was used to all the blood because I am a fighter but the fact that he killed people for fun was something I couldn't come to terms with."

I heard the regret on her voice and wanted to comfort her.

"So, I packed my bags and left."

"Even though you were carrying his baby..." I breathed out.

"Even though I was carrying his baby." She nodded. "I don't want my baby to be anywhere near that place or that environment. I've quit fighting for good, myself."

I frowned. "But you faught with me..."

"Just to gain your attention, he made me." She said pointing at a grinning Jacob.

"How do you fit into this equation?"

He clapped his hands once, before leaning forward. "Good question. Now, because I'm a real gang leader, I keep tabs on everyone, even on Alex. Even though he was off the radar for a while because he changed his name. I found him along with this interesting information that he was involved with a girl, that girl being the former K.O. Queen."

"I hate that name." Diana and I said in unison, before we burst out laughing.

"Anyway." Jacob continued. "I found Diana on the street after a few days and took her in and we realised that we have the same target, so we might as well join forces. And I'd like to think that we grew pretty close."

Diana rolled her eyes while Jacob looked at her with an endearing smile.

Wait...

My eyebrows shot up at what I had just witnessed but I kept quiet.

"So, she told me about herself and then that led me to you. The current K.O. Quee-"

"Don't." I grimaced.

"So, here we are." He finished.

"I get it." I said, as the cogs of my brain turned. "He somehow figured out that you gave birth to his baby-"

"Keith." Diana said, making me frown. "His name is Keith."

I blinked before I smiled.

"We can't let him anywhere near Keith." I said, finally.

"We won't." Jacob said, raising from his seat and walking over to a white board.

He was back to being the no-nonsense leader as he stood in front of the board with his hands in his pant pockets.

I felt my phone vibrate and pulled it out to see a text from Lex.

;)

What's that supposed to mean?

Oh come on. You can't hide shit from me.

What?

We were just discussing how you just up and left ;) You could've at least told me. I thought you had gang shit to take care of...

You're making no sense right now.

"Alright, now we need a plan. And just a disclaimer, we won't have a lot of force since revealing a plan to so many people could be dangerous." He said, making me frown.

I rolled my eyes and kept my phone on the side as it continued to buzz.

"But we would need as many people as possible." I said. "Your brother is a very reckless person and wouldn't think twice before hurting someone."

"That's true." Jacob frowned.

"What if we don't tell them the whole plan, but only their part?" Diana said.

"Yes." I said. "I've been there twice, and even though I was blindfolded, I know that he has most of his men posted outside and only a handful inside, where his office is."

"We can easily take care of them." Diana said, looking at me and I nodded.

"But we need to do it soon." I said, making Jacob frown.

"Why so?"

"Let's just say that there are people in Alex's gang who are not very happy with him as a leader." I said, not mentioning any names to keep him out of danger. "Alex doesn't know about my alliance with you yet but- oh God!"

I let out a frustrated groan when my phone buzzed again. "Hold on."

I picked up my phone only to see several worried messages from the whole group about where I was or why I ditched them.

But one message was from an unknown number and made me frown.

It was a simple message, just two words that made my blood run cold.

He knows

I gulped and I opened Lex's message after this one, on instinct.

Sure, don't tell me. We just left the arena babe, only to see no traces of you and Ryder. You could just tell me that you were leaving together :P

I can't believe he left Ashley here jsjsksj

Since his car is still here, I'm guessing you two left in mine.

Ugh okay I'm getting ignored for a boy now.

JK have fun you two.

But not too much fun ;) P.S. Keep my car clean, please

I couldn't read any further as the phone shook in my shaky hand.

A hand held my shaky one. "Emily!"

I was startled by the loud voice and turned to see a concerned Diana looking down at me. "What's wrong? Why is your face so pale?"

I mumbled in response making her frown while Jacob leaned forward in his seat.

I handed her my phone and leaned back on the couch, finding it hard to breathe.

I heard Diana sigh as she looked at a confused Jacob.

"He has Ryder."

*Author's note*