His lips are soft against mine, moving slowly as if questioning as we stay pressed together. My naked front is warmed against his bare chest, his leg moving to sit between my bare thighs. I suck in a breath, his hands slipping to my inner thigh. He pauses his movement, leaning back to breath, "I need to stop, or I won't be able to." 

"Okay." My voice is barely above a whisper, his hands removing themselves from my body. I scurry from the bathroom to let him have his space, he leaves the bathroom door open. 

His shower is quick, I stay in my underwear sitting on the bed waiting for him. Raphael exits the bathroom with a towel wrapped low around his waist, the tattoos catching my eyes once more. My lips burn at the memory of him so close, I force myself to stand up and walk to the bathroom. 

The show is till running with warm water when I enter. I drop the panties, slipping into the shower. I take my time letting the warmth run over my skin. It's nothing like when he was pressing against me, but it's warm enough to thaw the cold heart I have in my chest for just a moment. 

I shut off the shower and grab a towel from the corner of the bathroom. I take note that he doesn't stand near the doorway letting the soft plush of the towel rub against my skin. I should be reacting more, I should be freaking out, crying, screaming, anything, and yet I stand here only in a towel in the bathroom of a man who ripped the heart out of my father and fed it to him. 

And I find that okay. 

Am I just as messed up? Is this how I finally succumb to the darkness that has been building in me? Is this it? 

"J'kani?" His voice is quieter then normal telling me he's across the suite. I drop the pity party running through my head and exit the bathroom. Raphael stands next to his desk space going through some files, "When you are ready I will have dinner sent up." 

"Didn't we just eat?" 

"It's been almost five hours." 

"Oh." I look for a clock anywhere but can't find one, I just have to believe him I suppose, "How long was I in the shower?" 

"Maybe an hour? I tried to leave you alone as best I could." 

Thank you. I stare at him, his hair almost dry from his earlier shower. The small pieces fly everywhere some falling in front of his red eyes, "Do I get an explanation?" 

"For what, love?" 

"Whatever this is?" I wave my hand between us tightening my hand on the towel, he smiles at me nodding. 

"Are you wanting the full explanation or the shortened version?" He mumbles setting his stuff down to walk over. I keep my back straight, and he smiles at my stubbornness. 

"The full thing. I need to know what this is, this addiction to you." Not the way I originally wanted to explain my feelings, but he seems to understand. Not once, but twice today I have chosen to kiss him and felt my world around me explode in pleasure. And while once was to distract from the death of a friend, the other was my raging desire to be with him. 

"Addiction, firefly, how so?" He muses running his hand across my face to slip a strand of wet hair behind my ear. My thoughts roll in my head trying to find the best way to save myself, but he continues, "What's going on behind those beautiful purple eyes?" 

Swoon, "Something in me has started to believe this j'kani thing. In such a short time my brain has become a foggy mess around you and I just need a semblance of an explanation so I know I'm not crazy." 

He chuckles dropping his hand back to his side, "So peculiar." 

"Are you going to answer me?" 

"Of course, love." He runs his thumb over my jaw, "A j'kani is the other piece of you soul. The one person that is meant to balance and love you. The moment I sensed you, you were mine. We have a bond that goes deeper than surface level conversation, and as soon as we give into each other, I will be able to show you." 

"Give into one another?" I tilt my head, and his eyes darken. 

"Make love." His head leans down, his lips barely above mine, "Pleasure you until you can't walk, run my tongue over those beautiful nipples until all you know is how to moan my name." 

I turn a bright red, my body heating up. This is real, "Stop that." I whisper, but he doesn't grabbing at my covered waist to pull me in. 

"Would you prefer being bent over, fucked until you see the stars?" All of it. "Or is my little firefly one that prefers to be loved slowly?" Oh please, all of it. 

"I-I-" No real words form, I slide away from his touch heading towards the closet, "You confuse me, King." 

"How so?" He calls back to me, and I stop my walk right at the doorway. 

"You can kill someone at the drop of a hat, send this darkness from your hands that suffocates the soul of out a body, but with me you have the softest touch, the kindest words... I don't know what side of you is the real side." 

"Who said there has to be sides? How I am with you is only for your eyes, your pleasure, I am not meant to be this for anyone else." 

I look over my shoulder, his hands are outstretched towards me, but I avoid his eyes, "And how am I to believe that? These orders are confusing, the slave order that I was lied to about? How to know if your books are the truth... that is another battle that isn't for today." 

"I swear to you that I will prove myself. I am yours and yours alone. This order is meant to stop the slave orders that was created by the Tazi." 

"Then why kill anyone that pisses you off?" 

He pauses, I wait, "That is the way, and I do not plan to change it. These people are under my rule and I must induce fear to keep them under control." 

"Fear is what kept me stuck in the same abusive fucking family these few years, and Myrina kept me from slitting my own throat. Think before you consider that your only option and how I am 'meant' to fall into your arms when the person that you are telling me ruined the lives of millions saved mine." 

My confidence is slowly returning, the old stubborn Sultana that owned her life. Raphael has convinced me that I am safe to speak as I need, but I still hold my tongue. Any man can and will change, this kindness isn't forever.