I cross my arms around myself, walking faster as the cold wind cuts through me like a knife. It's starting to lightly drizzle and I jog to my car to avoid getting myself wet.

Clay is already in the passenger seat, and I hear him singing quietly to himself as he taps furiously at a game on his phone. He has a habit of humming or singing whenever he is bored, and I had found it annoying at first, but I come to love it as he flushes red with embarrassment.

"So where we going for lunch?" I say, pretending not to notice his singing as I slide into my cars driver seat.

He looks up at me hopefully. "Chipotle?"

"Nope. We're going to Rosie's Diner," I declare and put the car into reverse as Clay gapes at me with a face of betrayal. When I turn to see his shocked look, I giggle quietly as I swerve my car onto the busy street.

"You have obviously never had a girlfriend if you really think we're going to your first choice. Oh, come on dude," I say as he looks away with a hurt look in his eyes, "I kinda like how I'm your first, it's refreshing!"

Clay tries to keep up the hurt puppy look and fails as he dissolves into smiles. "Fine! But I get choice of music since you get to choose the restaurant." He shifts in his seat as he tries to figure out the dash board of the car, his eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"You need help?" I ask, trying to hold back my smile.

"No, I got it," Clay says quietly, almost as if he's telling himself more than he's telling me.

His fingers fumble clumsily across the dash and randomly presses buttons. I gasp as Clay's clumsy hand slips and slams on the "Play" button, and I nearly crash the car from what comes next.

"Here we are, the tenth tape. Double digits."

My body freezes as I almost swerve the car into a tree, and then onto the sidewalk.

"If you've gotten this far, you know it may seem like I've never had any real friends. Well, it turns out that I used to. You're about to hear why it's a thing of the past."

Clays hand is frozen, motionless in the air as all the color drains from his face.

"This one goes out to my ex best friend, the most perfect girl in school. The rich, pretty girl who could never hurt someone, right? Wrong."

"Turn it off!" I scream, clutching the wheel as I narrowly avoid an oncoming truck.

"You see, some girls don't want to share. Some do. And some just want whatever they can't have. Little Miss Perfect, with the rich daddy and the dead brother."

"CLAY FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING GOD, TURN HER OFF!" My throat aches with pain as the guttural scream escapes my lips, and I'm shocked by my own tone of panic and urgency.

"This tape is for you, Isabelle Atkins, and listen closely, cause I'm never going to repeat myself."

Passing cars honk at me as I struggle to breathe, almost causing an accident as Hannah's voice blasts from inside the car.

"You were perfect. The day that I first saw you, walking down the hall with your brother, I knew that I could never be you."

I use a free hand to smack Clay's leg in an attempt to bring him down to Earth, yet he stays totally still. His knuckles are white as his fists clench in his lap.

"And then, as if by some miracle, you decided you liked me enough to be friends. I was new, and you were the popular girl. I felt so lucky that you even gave me time out of your day. That feeling of luck wouldn't last."

"Clay, what the FUCK is wrong with you?" I screech and jerk the steering wheel to the side of the road.

"You and I were so close, you called me your sister. Jeff treated me like we were family, and your mom called me one of her own. You didn't care. And you probably don't even care now that I'm dead."

Pedestrians scream and twenty cars honk at me as I fly to the sidewalk, jumping the curb with my car and giving a sleeping squirrel the fright of it's life.

"Your life remains perfect and you now have the perfect little sob story. Your best friend killed herself, but don't forget to mention why."

My head pounds from the volume of Hannah's voice, and it fills the car as Clay stays completely frozen.

"Because you killed her."

The bones in my body scream in pain as I throw myself at the dashboard, almost breaking the "Stop" button with my entire hand.

The silence that follows feels even worse than her booming voice. Clay shakes his head as he comes abruptly away from his trance, refusing to make eye contact with me as tears spring into both of our eyes.

"Clay, I'm so sorry," I force out, wincing at the pain in my throat from screaming before, "I was listening to them yesterday and I forgot to take them out of the slot. Are you okay?"

He clears his throat and stretches out his hands, making time to formulate an answer. "I'm alright. It was just a shock."

His eyes refuse to meet mine and hurt strikes my chest as I feel him start to lie to me. I watch him furiously blink away tears and I throw my face into my hands from guilt.

"I think I'm just gonna go home," Clay says timidly, his eyes darting up to see my reaction.

My face remains still and without a response as hundreds of emotions churn inside of me; sadness, anger, regret, and most of all, guilt.

Clay's entire posture screams anxiety, with his eyes down and his shoulders pointing inward. His arms are crossed, in a sad way that covers himself as if he is shielding himself away from me, away from the damage I could cause him.

"I'll drive you home." I force myself to sound sweet and understanding as anger rises in my throat.

Why did I have to be so fucking stupid? Clay's still in love with her. He's always gonna be.

I watch as a single tear falls down Clay's face, and he nearly slaps himself as he hurriedly brushes it away from his face. I blink away my own tears as the silent car ride follows until we reach his house.

Clay goes to kiss my cheek to thank me, but his body is trembling so fast that he almost misses and collides with the side of my head. He's trying to comfort me, but that hurts even more than if he had ignored me completely.

I'm a burden to him.

As I drive away from his house, I stop my car in the parking lot of the playground where Hannah had her first kiss. I close my eyes and lean back in my seat as my shaking hand presses "Play" again.

I need to hear her voice, over and over again, until I can replay it at will. It needs to be played until it is permanently looped in my brain, until I hear it wherever I go, reminding me of what I did and who I am.

"The rest of you listening in, I'm sure this is going to be the greatest plot twist of your life, besides the fact I'm dead, but Isabelle Atkins is the least perfect person I know. Shocker, right? Though it may seem like everything in her world is going right for her, she is one fucked-up human being."

"You see, Isabelle, you want whatever you can't have. Boys fall over your feet, the same boys that girls like me would never get noticed by, but you get bored of them.

"You want whatever you can't have, and you have the power to take it. That's what scared me the most.

"So when I told you about him; the only person that felt truly there for me, who I could see a happy future with, you had to take him away from me.

"We go through life with people. When you're born, it's because two people gave you life. As you live, your entire livelihood is shaped by the people who are around you.

"So I guess that's why I trusted you, and that's why I was so desperate to stay friends with you, because you brought more people into my life. Being friends with you meant cuter boys, better parties, and more popularity. You have so many people around you, so I'm sitting here just trying to figure out why you had to fixate on my person.

"For those listening in who aren't quite up to speed, I had a crush on a boy, and Isabelle Atkins stole that one thing going right in my life."

The sky is growing darker, and my phone buzzes with hundreds of notifications from what seems like the entire school.

Something must have happened to spark all these texts, but I've lost all the energy to pick up my phone and care.

Hannah's voice fills my brain as I snuggle into my car seat, closing my eyes and slipping into sleep as the tears dry on my face.