I couldn't figure out how I found myself here. I'm sitting in the library, supposed to be finishing my paper, and my mind is distracted by thoughts of Pharaoh. It was Wednesday and I hadn't talk to him since Monday.

We basically spent the weekend together since every day we hung out, then we kicked it Monday. Now it seemed like we were back to our own worlds. The problem though is I can't stop thinking about him.

I played off his questions about me being sad. with missing my mom and not being away from my sisters like that when I miss my mom. And all he did everything to cheer me up. I had honestly forgot my problems and being sad just being around him. I was actually missing him.

"Fuck!" I whispered putting my head down

"What's wrong chica?"

I looked up and Gianni was sitting down with two bags of Chik-Fil-A. I smiled grabbing my bag and hugging her.

"Thanks babe!"

"I know you been in here all day" she chuckled "but don't think you can ignore me. What's wrong with you?"

"I can't focus at all" I sighed

"What's on your mind? You're never distracted like this with work"

"I don't want to tell you" I looked up avoiding her stare

"Hell nawl bitch! We don't got secrets! Speak up now or I'm gone show ass"

I burst out laughing trying to calm down. I laughed harder when I saw how serious she was. Gianni was right though. Outside my past family business, we told each other everything. I didn't feel right now telling her but I didn't want her to blow it out of proportion. I sighed as I calmed down and thought about what I wanted to say.

"I don't want to admit this" I shook my head "I know you won't but Gianni you gotta promise not to tell anyone. No linesisters, no Jordan—"

"I get it!"

I sighed closing my eyes before speaking quickly "IthinkIhaveacrushonPharaoh"

"What?" She laughed

"FUCK!" I yelled the covered my mouth

People stared at us as we both looked shocked. We waited until they looked away before laughing.

"Come on just tell me"

"Fine" I spoke covering my face leaving out my mouth "I said... I think I have feelings for Pharaoh. Like a crush"

I looked at her and she looked like the damn mannequin challenge. Her eyes were bucked and her mouth was wide open with her hand slightly covering it. I put my head back down on the desk preparing for her to snap back into reality, which literally took three minutes.

"Oh Ess come on sit up"

"No" I shook my head "I hate life"

"So what you have a crush. It's no big deal"

"It is GeeGee" I finally sat up "I can't like him"

"Why?"

"Because we are supposed to be friends. I've already curved him more times than I can count. Not to mention, he slick a hoe. I just can't!"

"Every guy has pros and cons"

"I don't want to"

"But why?"

"Because it won't work out!" I spoke louder

She looked as surprised as I was frustrated.

"I'm sorry best" I shook my head "But I just can't do this. Not... I just can't. I liked us becoming friends"

"You can't stop your heart. It wants what it wants"

"My heart don't want shit but to beat" I shrugged

"Why you so opposed to being with a guy?" she looked at me confused "Like serious you've been like this since we met"

"I just... I just don't do relationship okay?"

"Are you gay?"

"WHAT?"

"Shhhh" someone said

"Bitch are you crazy?" I asked laughing

"I'm just asking a question"

"No! Okay! I'm not fucking gay Gianni"

"Then what is it?"

"It's noth---"

"Did something happen?"

"Gi---"

"Was it bad? We don't have secrets? What could----"

"GIANNI STOP!" I yelled

She shut up and we just stared at each other. I shook my head before grabbing my stuff to leave before we got kicked out. I was all the way outside before she called my name proving that she was indeed following me.

"What G?" I turned to her

"I'm sorry" she sighed "I just---"

"Don't be"

"Best friends don't have secrets" she shook her head "At least that's what I thought"

Before I could respond she walked away. I called her but she just shook her head and kept going. Gianni was my best friend. She knew that. But I also knew she had a right to be hurt.

"Fuck!"

I stomped in frustration before walking off towards the my condo. I was so flustered I forgot it was a thirty minute walk. I felt so bad and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't open my wounds just to make Gianni feel better about our friendship. Best friend or not I wasn't breaking myself for anyone. I shouldn't have to. I continue to walk and contemplate when a jeep pulled up beside me. I stopped as it parked and the driver door open revealing Pharaoh.

"I'm gone beat yo ass" he walked around the car "I know I told you to--- Hey, hey, hey what's wrong?"

He tried to wipe my face but I stepped back and shook my head. I wipe the tears I was not aware of before looking at him again.

"I'm fine. I forgot to call you when I left the library. How did you---"

"I was headed to the library to check on you and saw you walking. What's wrong?"

"I'm go---"

"Am I always going to have to remind you how this thing between us works" he smirked "I'll take you home and we can talk on the way"

"Okay" I smiled

Pharaoh took my bag before opening the door for me. Once I was in the car he put my bag in the back and got back in the car. He drove for a clean three minutes before he looked at me to start talking.

"Come on ma" he smirked at me "I know something heavy on your mind"

"You every want to just keep something to yourself? Like do you every feel like some things just don't need to be shared with other people"

"Of course baby girl"

"Even your bestest friend in the whole world. The one person who knows everything about you, Your darkest of secrets... what about then?"

"Honestly" he looked at me "No. My bestest friend, you know outside of you, is my boy Cole. He knows everything there is to know about me. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I tell him shit even when I don't want too"

"Why?"

"Because you need people to be there. The things you don't want to tell are the most stressful and hard to deal with. You don't need to keep that shit to yourself"

"Somethings just not meant to be shared"

"What's this about?"

"Nothing" I sighed "Gianni just mad because some shit I just don't want to talk about"

"What is it?"

"It's nothing for you to know either" I looked out the window "Something I don't talk about because I don't want to think about them. I don't want to go back to them.... I can't"

"You aint gotta tell me ma... but you should talk to Gianni. Clearly whatever it is bugging you. I know you more stressed about it than you making it seem"

"I'm---"

"You not even about to try to lie to me right now" we both laughed "I told you, it's cool ma. Just think about it some more today and talk to her before the end of tomorrow. You don't want to ruin a bond like that. Me and my boy Cole learn not to let shit linger when you real friends" he parked at my condo

"Thanks" I leaned over and kissed his cheek "You really are an amazing friend Pharaoh"

"It's what I'm here for" he got out and came to open my door "Plus I'm just trying to be as amazing as you"

"You're such a fucking flirt dude"

"I'm just saying"

We both laughed before he pulled me into a hug. I could help but inhale his amazing scent. It was as if we both weren't trying to let go. I chuckled as I pulled away from him. He kissed my forehead before grabbing my bag from the back. We said our goodbyes and parted way... but for the rest of the day Pharaoh lingered on my mind.

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