A few days passed and I still couldn't calm that nervousness inside of me. I thought that maybe it was because I was scared for Meggy. I know that I said before that the fact that she was happy mattered the most and that I wouldn't think about that anymore. But I couldn't. I decided to talk to her about that. Matt was a really great guy and it could be her chance of being with the person she wanted to be with for such a long time. It was her chance. I thought that she probably needed more time to think about her decision.

So she came to my house when I was alone and I was the one who opened that conversation.

"Hey Meggy."

"Hey Bailey...Did something happen? You kinda sound and look worried."

"I wanted to talk to you about something. About Julian."

In her eyes I saw that she didn't want us to talk about that, but I couldn't go back from this decision anymore. She lowered her eyes to the ground and sighed.

"Bailey...we already talked about that already. I don't want us to have the same conversation over and over again.

"I don't want us to have the same talk, I just want to remind you to think about that decision one more time," I said approaching her and taking her hand into mine.

"Bailey what made you think that I didn't think this decision over and over again for thousand times? I've thought about it so many times that sometimes I thought I would go crazy."

"I'm sorry Meggy, I'm sorry if I offended you in any way.I just wanted you to rethink because you could have what you have wanted to have for such a long time. Matt isn't with Brittany anymore and he actually doesn't seem to mind it at all. Haven't you thought that his heart might be available now, that you might be able to have a place in his heart?" I said looking into her eyes and I saw that tears started forming in her eyes.

"No, no I haven't thought about it," she said taking her hand out of mines and turning away from me.

"Why?"

"Because...because..."

"What Meggy? You can tell me everything, you know that."

"Because he loves YOU. Because he has always been in love with YOU and only YOU," she turned back to me crying.

"What are you talking about Meggy? No no no, that's nothing, we're best friends, we're like siblings. Whatever you're telling me is bullsh*t."

"No Bailey, it's not," she said wiping her tears, "it's not bullsh*t and you'll know that if you think about it more. Yes, I loved him and yes I love him now too, but I just can't...I just can't continue loving him for years expecting that some day he might love me back...I'm tired Bailey I'm so tired of waiting that one day he might notice me...but there's also a possibility that he never will right?"

"No Meggy, it just can't be true. Why would you even think that?"

"Bailey, you're the only one who doesn't know about that and who hasn't noticed that. You haven't noticed how he looks at you, how he's worried about you every second of his life, how he got jealous every time you were with Damon...at some point I just realized that I couldn't continue like that and that I had to move on...I'm working very hard to forget him...I'm trying very hard, because..."

"Because?"

"Because if I don't get rid of my feelings for Matt I might start disliking you Bailey, because I don't know why he keeps doing that if he doesn't see any reciprocity in you..." she continued crying loudly.

"M-Meggy...I-I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry to hear all of this, I didn't know that I caused you so much pain by talking about it and by not realizing Matt's feelings towards me. I actually don't want to believe that he has feelings towards me and we have to make sure that you're right about his feelings...I'm sorry," I said with tears in my eyes too.

My heart hurt so much. I didn't know about any of this and I was constantly pushing her towards him. I was so pissed at myself for not noticing all of that. How? How did I not notice it? I came closer to her and hugged her. She started crying and I cried too, I couldn't bear seeing her cry. We wet each other's shoulders and we couldn't even talk for a while.

"I don't want to hate you Bailey...I really don't want that...You mean so much to me," she said still crying on my shoulder.

"I don't want that either Megs, I love you so much," I answered.

We didn't talk for a while. We just cried and stayed in each other's arms.

I helped her calm down by making her a hot chocolate with marshmallows. I hugged her for a long time, caressing her hair. I didn't know that her little pure heart had so much pain in it and felt that hopeless.

"Bailey?"

"Hm?"

"I actually like Julian. I feel good with him...He makes me feel loved and appreciated. I needed someone like him in my life now, I really wanted someone to love me without my trying so hard to deserve his attention."

"I'm so happy for you Megs. The only thing I was afraid of was that he might hurt you."

"It's fine. We just can't constantly be afraid of pain or try to avoid it. We can't foresee all the moments that will cause us pain and try to get rid of them or change them. I understand it very well. My heart is pretty used to pain."

"Megs and why didn't you think that Matt's crush on me could be short-time? You know he gets in and out of love pretty easily and quickly. Maybe mine is a short-time one and yours is the long-term one?"

"Yes, but he did that because he hasn't found the right person, because you are the right person he wants to be with. I think that he always tried to find you in the girls he dated and when he realized they weren't completely similar to you he "unexpectedly" fell out of love."

I thought about these words of hers a lot when she went on a date with Julian. Now I finally understood what my uneasiness was about. It's so hard that we can't control who we love and who loves us, maybe that way the suffering would be less in the world. Or maybe not? Who knows...I didn't know what to do now. I wasn't sure if Matt really liked me, but I couldn't ask him about that. I also didn't want Meggy to get hopeless just because she supposed something.

Then someone knocked on my door. I thought it was Shay because she went to try and meet Elijah, she still tried to talk to him. But I was surprised to find out that it was Brittany.

"Hey," she said with an indifferent tone.

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

"You know you act like you like me, but you gossip behind my back and you look at me like I'm a criminal or something."

Why isn't this day ending finally? What is she talking about? Why is she even here? Come on Bailey, don't get pissed and calm down.

"I don't know what you're talking about Brittany. I have nothing against you and I'm sorry, but I don't care about you now that you're not with Matt. We don't have any reason to communicate with each other."

"Oh you act like you're a saint when you look at me like I'm a stupid idiot to have broken up with Matt."

"It's none of my business Brittany. I don't know why would you think that I tried to look at you someway to make you understand something," I said putting my face in my hands so tired of all of these talks.

"So you're really gonna act like you don't know? Okay, well let me tell you. It is of your business, because we broke up because of you. Because that idiot's in love with you and don't act like you haven't noticed it before."

I didn't expect to hear that from her at that moment. Yes, Meggy told me that Matt liked me, but I didn't know I would even be a reason for a break up.

"I didn't know that Brittany he told me that you two broke up because you just got colder towards each other and that's everything I knew."

"We got colder because of YOU. Because he loved you and he didn't want to admit it, because he didn't want to be away from you and because I got less attention than you did. When you got with Damon he didn't even want to be around me, he didn't want to kiss or hug me. Do you even imagine what that feels like when your boyfriend doesn't want you at all?"

"I try to imagi-"

"Stop it! I don't want you to act like you care about me or you care about our break up. You go flirting with all the guys and then act like you didn't know they fell for that. I told him that he had to be less close with you because it bothered me. He didn't do anything about it. And when I told him to choose between me and you...you already know the answer, don't you?"

"I...uhm...I'm sorry you've felt like that, but I didn't know anything about that. I haven't ever thought of him like that. "

"I didn't come to hear that you're sorry for me, I wanted to tell you to stop glaring at me just because I started dating Owen. Bye."

I realized that convincing her would be useless because she wasn't listening to me anymore. She was just saying whatever she wanted.

"Bye," I said closing the door.

I decided to take some rest and watch something on the TV, but someone knocked on the door one more time. This time I knew it for sure that it was Shay, I wasn't waiting any other guests, but once again I wrong, as this time it was Matt.

"Bailey I need to talk to you."

"Not you too," I said face palming myself. What's with everybody's desires to talk to me today?

"Did something happened? Who else talked to you today?"

"Never mind. Just tell me why are you here?" I asked gesturing for him to come in.

"I know this might seem unexpected for you or too sudden for you, but I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I just couldn't really."

I really really hoped it wasn't what I thought it would be or else I'll just kill myself today. Did everybody decide to mentally kill me today? WHY? WHY ALL OF THEM DECIDED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT IT TODAY?

"Are you sure you want to talk about whatever you want to talk about? You're trembling," I asked trying to hint him that he shouldn't do it right now, he would literally ruin our friendship.

"Yes I am. I waited for too long. I...I-I like you Bailey...No! I love you Bay! I've loved you for years now, I just couldn't get over you."

"Matt, please stop it, you can't do this to me, to us..." I said showing him to stop with my hand.

"Don't stop me Bailey, I am so tired of keeping it all to myself. I know you don't have feelings towards me, but it doesn't matter to me, just let me be close to you that would already be enough for me. Just give me a chance to make you love me," he said coming closer to me and putting his hand on my cheek.

"Matt...don't," I said turning my face so his hand doesn't touch it anymore, "I can't. I don't want to Matt. I've always been best friends with you, to me you're like a sibling. I haven't ever thought of you like that and I thought you did the same, but apparently you didn't. I can't do this to us, to our friendship to M-," I didn't continue because I didn't know if I had the right to tell him that.

"To who? Who else are you worried about?" he said looking me in the eyes with sadness.

I decided to tell him that piece of information after all.

"I can't do this to Meggy too."

"What does she have to do with this?"

"She loved you for a long time and she could be also one of the reasons why I never thought of you as an option for a partner. She loves you like no other girl could...genuinely, purely, and deeply."

"Stop it Bailey, I don't want to hear about her feelings...I want to talk about my feelings and your feelings."

"See? You don't want to imagine a relationship with her because you love me, but why can't you understand that in the same way I can't imagine a relationship with you because I love Damon?"

He sat on the couch and put his head in his hands. He was silent, he didn't even move.

"You know what? I'll leave or else I'll be so pissed."

"Pissed? What are you that pissed about?" I asked completely surprised at his statement.

"I'm pissed that that jerk Damon gets a chance after playing with your feelings, after kissing other girls, after doing God knows what and I don't. WOULDN'T THAT PISS YOU OFF? I really don't get it. I have always been so kind, caring and understanding towards you, but why doesn't my attitude get appreciated? WHY??"

"Matt, you need to calm down," I said putting a hand on his back, but he pushed my hand away.

"I'll just leave. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Love's such an ungrateful thing," he said and left closing the door behind him.

I nearly passed out after all of these talks. I was so emotionally tired that I could barely walk. Shay called me and I was happy to hear that at least someone's voice was joyful. She told me that Elijah finally agreed to talk to her and that they decided to be friends for a while and see what will happen. Apparently he still had feelings towards her. I didn't tell her anything about Matt, Brittany and Meggy because I didn't want her to think about my problems today. Let her be happy for even a couple of hours without having any negative thing to think about.

I called Meggy to see what she was doing, but she whispered to me that she was with Matt. He went to her for consolation. It was a very unexpected and shocking thing for me to hear, but I was happy he was with someone at the moment, because it might be dangerous for him to be alone.

I was so tired, I knew that I had to eat to regain my energy, but I didn't have the appetite to, so I didn't. I heard a knock on the door and prayed for it to be someone I wanted to see today.

It was. It was Damon. He asked me what happened, but I asked him not to talk about it today, I was too tired and sad for that talk. The guilt was killing me for multiple reasons. I asked him to lie on the couch and I made my way to between his legs and put my head on his chest. I took my computer from the table to review some exam material, but I didn't even realize how I fell asleep in his arms. I was so thankful that he didn't ask me anything, he probably saw it on my face.

The only good thing of this day was falling asleep in his arms and try to feel protected from the bad emotions with the help of his strong, caring and loving arms.

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Guuuys I'm literally dying from writing so many chapters😅😅I'm soo tired😓🔫🔫kill me

If any of you has forgotten why I'm struggling so much, it's because I want to finish the book until the 30th of September to participate in the Wattys😩😩😩

Have 3 days and 8 chapters to go😂I have no idea how I'm gonna manage it🤓

Anyway, this chapter was a very emotional one for me because in involved so many people, emotions, relationships and I actually loved writing it...I really wanted you all to deeply feel these scenes through my words and I really really hope you did🥺❤️

Love you guys❤️please keep reading my book because I'm eternally grateful for that!!!

I just opened a new account where I'll post news about my next book and schedule😄❤️

Follow me on Instagram @loveorrunaway_wattpad

Published on 26.09.20