you know you never followed up on your burning union jack

never even gave me a shred of proof

you're on thin ice for march 17th

sorry but i refuse to open twitter

not after the dua lipa stan incident of '19

she does. and they're vicious.

i liked one (1) tweet about how dua lipa, zara larsson, and charlie xcx are basically the same person and next thing i know, i'm getting called the human equivalent of a participation award.

i deleted the app and haven't redownloaded since.

my ego is all i have going for myself at the moment.

i can't lose it over petty fifteen year old girls.

yeah, yeah. use my pain for your own benefit

don't laugh at my misery >:((

just when i thought we were friends...

heart been broke so many times

those emojis are ugly

im changing the subject because i can't stand anymore bullying

did you know that when you look up "nick from houston texas", you just get a bunch of articles about a dead baby ???

it's almost valentine's day soooo

don't worry, i have plenty of time to scroll :/

my god, you are an incel

then you're probably alone on v-day too, huh florida man ?

what if we like met up? it's a win-win situation.

either we meet, and you're cool and i have a new friend.

or we meet, and you're a murderer, and i'm on the next episode of buzzfeed unsolved

win-win

unless you somehow manage to get caught, then we'd both lose

my dearest incel

i have watched all fifteen seasons of criminal minds. all 299 episodes.

don't interrupt me

shut it.

ANYWAY, if i were going to lure you into a trap that ultimately led to your demise, i would definitely be a lot more creative with it.

you wouldn't know what hit ya, until bam!

and i know how to not get caught

i dispose of your fingertips and hair, mess up your dental work, and scratch your face. then dig a six foot hole, drop you, cover up three feet, drop a dead animal, and then finish covering.

you'll just be another unsolved missing persons case in orlando.

what ?! noooooo !!!

don't worry, i don't have enough money to go through with it

it requires a lot of supplies, and i'd much rather eat ramen and drink boxed wine

the college life, you know ?

really? oh sorry

what do you do?

you're no fun

i'll just start guessing

mailman?

secretary?

plumber?

prostitute?

i give up, florida man