no, they deleted it out of solidarity with me

the closest we get to twitter is screenshots on instagram

why ???

BARTHOLOMEW

NOO

WTF

how many likes did it get...

AKJGDIYFWIYFGIDG

FLORIDA MAN

how did your seven followers blow you up that much ? jesus

you insult me >:/

and no

i genuinely don't believe more than seven people follow you on twitter

if you're like this in texts, i fear for your tweets' sanity

HA

THAT'S ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT

i like your funny words magic man

pics or it didn't happen

nice editing. i especially like the part where you block out your profile picture, username, part of the bio, and recent tweets. really sells the effect.

i'm completely convinced now

suck my dick bitch

i'm changing your contact name to pinocchio

cause your nose definitely just grew

She tapped the top of her screen to pull up his contact information. His name in her phone was quickly changed from "Sad Bart Edit" to "Pinocchio". The girl hit save and waited for her phone to accept the changes.

But the phone was old. It was a shattered iPhone 6 she'd gotten in 2015 for her birthday, and hadn't saved up enough to replace it since. With the phone's age and cracked screen, it quite often did things it wasn't supposed to do.

That was where she found herself then. Staring in horror at the words "Calling Pinocchio" on her screen. She definitely had not clicked that.

The dial tone stopped ringing. He had picked up.

"?" came his voice from the speakers. Relief flooded through her body- he sounded like he was her age. She hadn't been talking to a child or old man.

"Hi. Oh my god, I didn't mean to call you." She quickly apologized, mentally hitting herself.

Florida Man chuckled on the other side of the line. ""

His small laugh was sweet and smooth, and she found herself unconsciously smiling at the sound of it.

"What, not worried about me being too old?" She joked.

"." He sounded familiar, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. It was on the tip of her tongue, adamantly refusing to escape.

"Oh? You like em old then, eh?" She teased, trying to get into their usual banter. "Well what's your birthday? Maybe I fit these qualifications of yours."

"."

"Yes! March 2nd, baby!" She laughed. "A pisces girl and leo boy. That's pretty compatible if I do say so myself."

"." He clucked. "."

"No, wait! I'll change myself for you! I will do anything, Bartholomew sir, for your love." She gasped into her phone. "Don't leave me senpai! UWU!"

"." she could hear him shudder. "."

"Fair enough."

They both fell quiet, the only noise being faint typing from Florida Man's end of the call.

"Soooo, whatcha doing?"

"."

"And which one are you?"

"?"

"Which one are you?" she repeated. "Phineas or Ferb?"

"." he said. ""

"I'd like to think I'm Vanessa."

"."

She gasped in mock outrage. "How could you?! You just stabbed me in the back and then ripped my heart out."

"" He laughed.

"As a matter of fact I will." She harrumphed. "Drew made chicken tikka masala, and I'll happily leave you to eat that."

""

"Have fun coding, Bart." she snorted. "Goodbye."

""

They both went silent for a moment before she burst into laughter. Florida man started sputtering excuses.

""

"AHHHH BAHAHAHA!!!" she wheezed. "I loooove you too Florida man."

She hit the red button to end the call, giggling at his little mishap. It was the type of thing to keep you awake at night, staring at the ceiling as you cursed yourself.

Drew knocked on her door. "Hey Caoimhe, dinners ready. Get your ass out here."

Caoimhe smiled at her roommate, getting off of her bed, completely ready to stuff herself with Indian food and watch Criminal Minds while fangirling over Matthew Gray Gubler.

Life was good.