*aye ya loike that do ya?*

*wud ya loike if ah went harder?*

*wud ya loike that ya little sloot?*

when babies first start emoting, they sometimes turn away in the middle of smiling at you because they're so overwhelmed with joy, they can't handle it. it's called gaze aversion and its used to slow their heartbeat

the actual smell of rain comes from the plants instead of the water. they produce oils when they're dry and when it rains, they get rid of the oils, hence the smell

matthew morrison is the reason everything bad has happened ever

i'm allergic to centipedes

how do you think i found out ?

one dropped into my bra during a hike and made my boobs all rashy

i didn't even know the knob was part of the agreement

but ok

IT WAS A BAD IDEA CALLING YOU UP WAS SUCH A BAD IDEA I'M TOTALLY FUCKED

sorry drew's blasting it so i don't have to hear anything happening

do you have any youtube recommendations ? i've watched every kurtis conner video there is

i'm bored if you can't tell

😏

and help you earn money ? no way

😎

isn't that like your entire job ?

so shouldn't you be doing it all the time to make money

yeah that's fair.

call me what? by your name? if so, yes.

alright lol. but you just said you were streaming

you think it's a good idea ?

do i look like a fucking incel to you ?

not my shawty baes 😔

WAIT HOW EASY IS THAT

I WANNA TRY

Incoming call from "DILF Jenkins Jr."

"What is up, motherfucker?" Caoimhe answered the phone.

"," Clay laughed in spite of himself. She could hear the clacking of a keyboard in the background.

"No, you said, and I quote 'pick up the goddamn phone you motherfucking bitch or i'll come after your kneecaps with a baseball bat. ALSO, if you get me reported on twitch, i'll pop out your eyes and suck on them like jolly ranchers.' It was a very hurtful text, and I feel scared to be here quite honestly."

Clay (or was it Dream in this setting?) was full on wheezing at that point, barely able to breathe out a protest. ""

"Yes you did!"

""

"How dare you accuse me of such gross and blatant misuse of your viewers' trust? I'm beyond insulted." Caoimhe scoffed dramatically, throwing herself on her bed, phone pressed to her ear.

""

"So rude and for what, Barty? You live alone with a cat and use reddit. Obviously aren't the blueprint role model."

"She could practically hear him shaking his head. ""

"Really? Oh." Caoimhe prepared her best frat bro voice. "Yo my dudes, I'm Kyler, I'm 21, my friends call me Lil Nug (as in little nugget) because I once went to Chick-Fil-A every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for three months because that was the shift of the person who would lightly caress my hand as they passed me my food. I am also, believe it or not, extremely touch starved. I love the Barbie Cinematic Universe and I cry a lot. Thank you."

She snorted alongside Clay as he cackled. ""

Mr Castillo banged on his ceiling again, though Caoimhe couldn't tell if it was directed towards her screaming or the blasting music. She figured it was probably both.

"!"

Caoimhe hesitated. It very much was. The guy's name had been Jun-seo and he occasionally dealt to her in the parking lot afterwards. He was now serving 8-10 years at Orange County Corrections for attempted murder. That didn't make her frequent trips for a second of human contact any less weird.

"Yeah." She blurted honestly, instantly regretting it.

Clay burst into laughter again. ""

"That's karma, baby."

Clay just kept laughing, completely used to her nicknames. If anyone had looked at the chat they would've seen 80% already fighting between shipping and hating on number girl, while the other 20% pleaded 'GUYS PLEASE NO! IT'S JUST A PHRASE!'

The two kept playfully bickering for another ten minutes, entertaining each other and the viewers with lines like ""

"I refuse to lose an argument to someone who uses 3-in-1 shampoo."

"I mean math isn't real, it's made up. But these tears rolling down my face aren't."

"I hope you get herpes."

"Woof that funky tune, white boy."

Clay got distracted by an incoming Discord call, and Caoimhe shifted on her bed, staring up at the ceiling.

"."

She perked right back up, "Hello?"

""

"Good evening to you too, my dearest soulmate."