Since following mum and asking her more question, won't lead me to anywhere, I might as well drop the topic for now. Maybe I should try to talk to dad first. He's always been easier one with getting information out than mum ever was.

"Well anyways. Jazzy we should catch up." I suggest and walk pass her, knowing that she follows me. We go bedroom and as soon as we enter the room, I notice the smell of sex and open the windows. To my surprise, Niall cleaned up a bit and it's not as messy as I had left it this morning. Jazzy lays down in my bed and I take a seat on my desk chair. Chats like this used to be our weekly thing.

"So what did I miss?" I ask her before she can even mention Niall and start talking about me, when there's so much else I need to know.

"Well... not much really. The only thing that has really changed is that Aaron and Hannah are or were dating."

"Wait? Were dating?" I thought there together. Yesterday they were...

"I don't really know, honestly. Hannah and Aaron are on and off again ever since they started dating." Jazzy rolls her eyes. We both share the same opinion about on/off relationship – waist of time, that is. Either you are together or not. There can't be on and off. Not in our opinion.

"When did they even start dating?" I want to know and spin around in my desk chair.

"One day after you told us that you have a boyfriend." Jazzy says and sits up.

"For real?" I ask not believing her. She nods and my jaw drops to the floor.

"Yep. He asked her out the very next day and they went on a date – the same restaurant you guys went to, back then by the way – and, yah, they made out the same day at her house and had their first fight the day after." She explain and can't help it but laughs, making me laugh as well.

"Do they fight a lot?" I stop spinning around to face her. Jazzy nods.

"Yep. Aaron always starts fighting about small things. But that's just the person he is." She says and I nod understanding. I know exactly what she means with that. When Aaron and I were in a relationship, we never had a fight, but after we broke up and were just friends, he always started fighting with me. It always ended with both of us laughing though and were never real fights. Disagreements, would be the right word, I guess.

"Do you like Hannah and Aaron together?" Jazzy asks.

I shrug. "I don't know. I mean... I don't really care, you know?"

"Yeah, but she's your friend and then she started dating your ex." She half smiles at me and I don't really know what to say now. Does it bother me that my friend if dating my ex? Should it bother me?...

"I know... but that's her decision. If she loves him... then thats okay for me." I shrug yet again, not really knowing what to think about it. "Yeah, I mean, she's my friend, but it's not like we're the bestest of friends that it matters much to me when she dates my ex. Besides that, it's not like my ex is a bad person, or was bad to me. If anything, he was a very nice and a good boyfriend and if Aaron is that to her as well, then what can I say? I can't say that I hate their relationship, but honestly, I don't love it either, you know? If they are happy, let them."

"I would stop talking to her if she would date Ethan after we'd breakup." Jazzy admits.

"Yeah... but that's different. Between you and Ethan is so much more than there was ever between me and Aaron. That's not the same, Jazz." I say that even though Jazzy and Ethan have only been a couple for a few days. Who knows where their relationship is going. All I know is that it's much more of a real relationship than mine and Aaron's.

"I know but... still... that's like friendship-girl-code-thing." She burst out laughing and so do I.

"What in the word if a friendship-girl-code?" I laugh even louder saying it myself.

"You know like guys have bro-code and than we girls have a friendship-girl-code!" She laughs even harder as tears start to roll down her cheek. "Like bro before hoe, or something!"

I have to hold my stomach as I laugh even more. "So what's up between you and Ethan?" I ask when we clam down.

"I have the strong feeling that you already know." She giggles and I nod smirking.

"I wanna hear your side of the story though and actually all I know is that you've been on dates and are dating now." I say and think about the time Niall and I had our first date and how he asked me to be his girlfriend. The date in his house and the fairy lights in my flat and the white roses and the candles and just everything. I wish I could go back in time and live those moments again and again and again.

"Well... where should I start? And don't say 'at the beginning', Olivia."She laughs and actually mimics my voice pretty good and knew that I wanted to say that. I laugh and spin around in my chair before resting my feet on the end of my bed. Jazzy tells me about her and Ethan. It's kinda weird hearing how romantic my brother can be. The annoying, by second younger brother that I know, can be romantic and actually organized a nice fancy date for them. My heart warmed up when she told me that he drove with her to a house outside of Dublin. They were all alone and sat in front of the fireplace and just talked. Moments like this make me proud to be Ethan's sister.

"So now it's your turn." Jazzy says blushing. She feels uncomfortable talking about all this, mostly because Ethan's my brother, but I really don't feel like talking about Niall right now. It will only make me miss him more.

"But I want to hear more from you."

"Oliveeee! Just start already." She rolls her eyes.

I groan and take a deep breath. "Let's start at the beginning then..." I tell her how we met and how our relationship grew. She knew that I'm in a relationship but didn't know with who and since when, until now. I don't mention Valerie or Adam and try to keep it short. When I come to the point of the story where Niall asked me to be his girlfriend, my heart starts to feel heavy and I start to miss him more.

"Aww you're so lucky." Jazzy smiles as she sits up. It was been a while since we had a conversation about boys. The last time was about Aaron. When I compare Aaron with Niall, which I know I should not do, so many things are just different between them two. With Aaron everything was easy, came naturally. It was the love story everyone knows. It's ordinary. Average. We met through Ethan, became friends. Both liked other people until one day we liked each other. We got together, everything went smooth. I guess a bit too smooth. There wasn't pain involved, no excitement. Everything was just comfortable and nice. I broke up because school started and I wanted to focus on nothing but school. I was such a nerd.

When I think back though, I know that handling Aaron and school at the same would have been easy. I guess I just told myself that it would be harder until I broke up with Aaron. Maybe something in me just didn't want to anymore and I never wanted to admit it. Focusing on school was just the perfect excuse to break up, I guess.

"I know... but everything is so different. Much more intense. More up and downs. More feelings involved, more pain. More to love, more to loose. Just more... you know? More happiness, more risks, more fun, more adrenaline, more... everything." As the words leave my mouth, a tear rolls down my cheek. I let it roll down and cover my mouth with my cold hands. I take a deep breath as I close my eyes for a second.

Only then I realize why Aaron is still upset about our breakup. I realize why he feels the same like few years ago. Of course he's upset. I broke up with him because of school, even though everything between us was without problems, easy, nice – like a nice warm bath after walking in the freezing cold. I broke up with him because of that and yet I'm in a relationship with Niall. Niall who is one fifth of the biggest boy band ever. Niall who gave me pain but at the same time happiness. Niall who is all I ever wanted. We have our problems, it's usually not easy and it's only nice until something interferes again. It's not like a nice warm bath, it's like someone turns the heating off and on again, but I don't want things to ever change. It's like I became addicted to him. To his laugh, voice, scent, everything he does. He's like a drug to me. I know that whatever happens, Niall and I will end up together. I know I said it before but I just have that very very very strong feeling that tells me that we can't be apart.

I understand why Aaron is still upset, I understand why he feels what he feels. It was never over for him. Being friends after our breakup was maybe fine for me, because I didn't feel anything towards him, but it was hard for him. He still felt feeling towards me and still does.

"But...?" Jazzy tears me out of my thoughts.

"But what?" I completely lost track of everything - got lost in my thoughts.

"But... everything, but...?" She explains what she means. Of yeah right, I think nodding.

"But I love Niall and I have to apologize to Aaron." I get up and change from shorts to skinny jeans. I take my phone, which isn't charged, with him, thinking that I won't be gone too long.

"Now?" Jazzy asks when I'm about to leave my room.

"Now. I can leave you and Ethan alone without a pregnancy happening, right?" I joke.

"Ha.Ha."She rolls her eyes at my – in my opinion – great joke before I run down the stairs. I get into my boots and pull my jacket on before I get out of the house. The cold winter air hits my face but I can't be bothered right now.

I'm on a mission.

When I knock on Aaron's family door, I'm happy to see him opening the door.

"We need to talk." We both say at the same time and my heart skips a beat.

"Why are you wearing your jacket at home?" I want to know when Aaron lets in. He closes the door behind me and hangs up my jacket after I give it to him. He takes his jacket off as well before we go to the kitchen where his mum is.

"I thought you're already gone off to Olivia, but she's here... Hello, love." His mother welcomes me with a warm hug and puts a strand of my hair behind my ear like she does every time she sees me. Aaron's younger sister runs in with her toys, cheerful with lots of energy.

"Can we play now, Aaron?" Zoe asks her bother.

"Well, I have to leave you guys alone, buy some groceries." His mother smiles and takes her keys form the kitchen island. "But you have fun. Bye!"She gives Zoe a kiss on the cheek, before going out of the kitchen and leaving us alone. Seconds later we hear the door fall into the door frame and I follow Aaron and Zoe into the living room. We play with the little girl as we wait for Aaron's mother to come back sot hat we can have a conversation without a little six year old running around.

I know that Aaron and I have to talk, he knows it too, and playing with Zoe only pushes the unavoidable to a later point of today. I sit on the floor next to Aaron and Zoe, holding a barbie in my hands. I can't remember the time when I had last touched one. Zoe is explaining every barbie that she has to me, tells me their names and their hobbies. I enjoy hearing her talk about it. She doesn't have problems, or up and downs in her life. She's still innocent and still doesn't really know what pain is really is.

If I could, I would go back in time and live my childhood again.

I can't remember it anyways, so why not do all again?