When I hear the door slam close, I finally move. I look over to the door and see all the moments that we shared with each other disappear in front of my eyes. Everything, literally everything. From the moment I saw her carrying that box until now.

I don't want to leave, but staying here will make everything even worst. I know that she's waiting behind that door, waiting for me to leave. I know that when I do, it will be over for good. But do I have a choice?

She said that everything became too much for her. I understand it. She said that she can't cope anymore. I understand that too. But does it really have to be over?

As I start the engine, I hope that it isn't.

Once I'm half way to Mullingar, I drive to the side of the road. I have to cry out everything now, or else I won't be able to do anything. But no tears come. "Fucking shit!" I yell and hit the steering wheel with my already injured hands over and over again. "Fucking shit! Arrgghhh!"

I take deep breaths and look out of the car. Hurting myself won't do anything. I take my phone. Maybe music will help. 'You and I' starts playing and I immediately press skip . 'Half a Heart', 'Over Again','More Than This', 'Moments', 'Truly, Madly, Deeply', 'Irresistible' and lastly 'Little Things'. I click skip until anger builds up and I'm close to throwing my phone out of the car. But then I remember all the pictures and memories that I have on it. All the chats and pictures and videos that we both took over the months that we had. Then 'Tenerife Sea' starts playing and I don't skip it. I remember the time where I first kissed her, in that dance studio. That song was playing in the background and everything felt right. If I could go back in time, I would.

When I finally arrived at home, I ask myself what she did. She was already crying when she left my car and I wonder if she cried even more. I wonder if she was alone or if Ethan came home. If she feels like a weight just left her heart and if she'll be happier without me.

"Niall! How was it? Did you have fun?" Mum asks when I enter the living room. "I didn't think you'd come ho--"

"We broke up." I cut her off and to my own surprise, my voice is stable and emotionless.

"Whaat!" Mum instantly gets up and wraps her arms around me, taking me into a hug that I really need right now.

"It-It become too much for her. She couldn't cope anymore." I explain and hold my tears back.

"Awww Niall." She rubs my back and a tear rolls down her cheek.

"I'll be fine, Mum." I say not really knowing if that's even true. "I'll be fine." I repeat. "Really."

She lets go off me and I step back. "I'm going to sleep, mum. Goodnight." I try my best to smile at her, but my lips don't move a single bit.

"Goodnight, Ni." She smiles weakly and kisses my cheek before I leave the living room again. I hear mum start crying when I take the first step up. She crying for me, for Olivia and for herself. She had wished that we'd stay together forever now, that we'd find out happiness together and that after everything that happened in the past and during the last few weeks that now things would be all right. And I wished the same. But not every wish gets fulfilled.

MaybeI should have wished harder.

I stay, sitting in front of the door, until my phone vibrates. It's mum. She's calling but I can't pick up or else she'll know that I'm crying. My throat is dry, my heart is aching and my body is shivering.

I quickly press send before going into airplane mode and making my way up the stairs. My room is clean and tidied up but in my eyes it's a mess. In my eyes it's a disaster.

I go over to my bed, take my bed sheet, throw them on the floor, soon followed by my pillows. My tears have dried and but the desire to cry stayed, leaving me as a total wreak.

I open my wardrobe, wanting to find something that I could throw out. I look around and then there they are. Niall's shirt, his sweater, his sweatpants. The clothes that I took from him, that were supposed to make me feel happy and secure even when he's not with me. The clothes that I wore when we were happy together. The clothes that made me feel closer to him.

I reach my hand out for them, resit and pull my hand away, but only to reach for them with my other hand a second later. The pieces of fabric, that used to have meaning and his scent. Smell now, when I smell it, more like detergent. Only when I bury my face into it, I smell it. Him. Niall.

And that's when I break down again. For the, what feels like, billionth time today. My knees get week and I drop down. I'm kneeling on the floor and hug what used to be Niall's clothes. I guess, even though he allowed me to have them, now that we aren't together anymore, they aren't mine anymore. They are back to be his.

But not for tonight.

For tonight they are still mine. I put them down on my bed, change my bed sheet and pillow sheet, before I close the curtains and change into Niall's clothes. The only thing I don't put on is his shirt. I turn the lights off and once I'm in bed, I hold onto his shirt. It's what smells the most like him out of the pieces that I've got left and it's what makes me fall asleep, before I start to cry again.

The next morning, I don't leave my bed. Just once to pee, but only when I hear the front door close and know that no one else is in the house. I don't want anyone to see me, not like this. They will think that I'm depressed again but most importantly, I'm not ready to tell them that Niall and I have broken up. I don't want to admit it to them, to anyone and especially not to myself. I don't want to admit it to myself, even though I already did it last night, but when I have to say it out loud, it will only remind me and hurt me more than I'm already hurt – if that's even possible. Ethan and I will fly back to London tomorrow and we will drive right down to Brighton to spend New Year with dad and Sarah. Maybe they will distract me from my thoughts. And after New Year, it was planned to fly to Los Angeles with Niall, but now that won't happen. I nearly burst into tears again, when I remember the last time we were in LA. All the things that happened, all the teasing and interrupting from others. It's all gone now.

I could fly to New York with my relatives and forget everything. But I don't think that that's possible. I will never forget the things that happened. Never. Not even a trip to a wonderful place like New York could make me forget. Besides that, if I said that I was going with them, they would know that something must have happened between me and Niall. They would instantly know that things aren't like they were just few days ago.

I take a deep breath and sit up in bed. My hands are shaking and my lower lip is trembling. I pull my knees up, wrap my arms around my legs and rest my head on my arms. I feel the tears coming, but none rolling down my cheeks.

The worst thing about everything is that I'll never be able to forget him. Maybe one day, I'll forget the memories that we shared, but never him. Not just because he's in the news as Niall Horan from OneDirection, but because he will always be in my heart. I'll never forget him. Never.

And then the tears come again. I'm surprised that my body is able to even make tears.

The next day, mum knocks on my door. She has noticed that I didn't went out or ate anything yesterday and I know that she's worried now."Olivia?" She slowly opens the door and turns the lights on. I instantly roll onto my stomach and bury my face into my pillow.

"Are you awake?" She asks and I hear her walking towards me. I feel the mattress going down a bit and then her hand on my back.

"What's wrong, Olivia?" She asks and rubs my back. I take a deep breath and slowly sit up. Mum sees the redness in my eyes right away and instead of asking questions and telling me that whatever it is, crises can be overcome and everything will be fine again, she wraps her arms around me and the tears stream down my face yet again. I knew that break ups are worst, even worst when you really really love that person and still do, but I didn't think, until now, that it would hurt so much.

"We broke up." I gasp and she just nods as she still hugs me.

"Shhh, don't cry anymore, Olivia." She says and we pull apart. Mum has tears rolling down her cheeks and quickly wipes them away. "I-I can't... as much as I would love to, I can't say that things will be all right, but Olive, believe me please... it will get better." She softly kisses my forehead and rubs my back. "Maybe not all right but better." She says and I don't have anything to answer. It's quiet and she slowly gets up and leaves my room. When the door falls into the door frame I shut my eyes again and lay back down.

I don't know how many minutes or hours pass by until it knocks on the door again. "Olive?" It's Ethan. He comes in and opens a window. "Did you fart in here?" He asks, trying to make me laugh and to cheer me up, but I bury my face into my pillow and don't even flinch.

"Okay then." He takes a deep breath and sits down on my bed. "We're flying in 3 hours, Olive. You should pack and eat." Ethan says rubbing my back just like mum did earlier.

"I'm not hungry." I mumble into my pillow and hold the sudden urge fors omething to eat down.

"And I'm a Justin Bieber." He chuckles and I can't hold it back but smile into my pillow.

"What are you talking about?" I sit up and give him a questioning look. He shrugs.

"I thought we're saying things that are not possible. Not even in our wildest dreams... and I know that you are hungry, you can't be not hungry, Olivia... Come down and eat something, okay?" He places his hand on my head and make sure to make my hair extra messy, before he stands up and leaves my room. When the door closes, I finally get out of my bed. I take leggings and a oversize sweater out of my closet, before I go into the bathroom and make myself a bit decent looking. After a hot shower, I dry my hair and wash my face with cold water over and over again, until I tell myself that I don't look as bad as before anymore. Dressed and slightly more ready for the day, I go into my bedroom and pack my suitcase. I put Niall's clothes into my backpack and the rest of my stuff in my suitcase. When my stomach growls, I know that it's time to eat. I haven't felt hungry until now. I haven't felt anything actually.

Downstairs, in the kitchen, Mr.McAllister reads the newspaper and mum sits across from him, looking through a fashion magazine. As soon as I enter the kitchen, they each put their reading material down and watch me as I get a yoghurt with chocolate chips out of the fridge and a glass out of a cabinet. I can feel them both looking at me and from the corner of my eye, I see mum opening her mouth and closing it a seconds later. I'm about to take a spoon out of a drawer but then rage suddenly builds up in me.

"If you've got something to say, say it." I exclaim and look over to them. Both are surprised and shocked.

"Olive..." Mum starts as she slowly stands up.

"Just say it!" I cut her off, my voice being louder than I had expected it to be. Suddenly the glass in my hands shatters. I held it too tightly. I didn't even know that that is even possible. I didn't even know that I'm so strong. Mum lets out a scream and tears stream down my face. I don't move, take a deep breath and then see blood dripping down my hands.