My eyes shoot open and my spine straightens. I feel sweat pearls on my forehead and my heart racing. "Olivia?" Ally whispers and looks at me with her eyes wide open. I'm hyperventilating. "Breathe, Olivia, breathe." She says as she comes over to me. Luckily, no one except for us is around. We're at the very back, on the upset floor of the library. "What's wrong?" She asks and kneels down beside me. I shake my head no as I try to calm my breath. I breathe deeply in and out, over and over again, but my heart doesn't slow down.

"I have to go." I mumble and push my hair out of my face. "I-I need to call my mum."

"What happened, Olivia? What's wrong?" She asks but I shake my head no. I quickly pack my back and hug her goodbye.

"I'll explain later." I say and leave without waiting for a reply. I rush through the library and push open the big doors. The fresh February air hits my face as I walk to the main road. A taxi stops right in front of me and a guy comes out. I quickly get in and tell the driver the address to Niall's house. He nods and drives off.

"Miss, is everything all right?" He asks, seeing how heavy I'm breathing.

"Huh? Yes. Yes I'm okay. I'm just stressed and tired." I explain. He nods understanding and takes a turn to the right. My left leg is trembling up and down and my hands are sweating. I rub my palm against my jeans and ask myself what my plan is now. I just ran out of the library and I don't even have a plan. I know that I have to call my mum but what am I going to say? Mum, I have these weird dreams and I know now that I'm not sure if I knew Niall when I was younger or not, so could you please explain? I can't ask her that. I have to build up the conversation somehow. But how? She's going to change the subject like she always does. Either that, or she'll just leave and say she forgot something important. But isn't it more important that I forgot my whole childhood?

The taxi stops and I quickly pay the driver, before getting out of the car. I open the door next to the gate and close it after me before rushing to the front door of the house and opening that. Only when it's closed and I know that I'm alone, I lean against it and sink down onto the floor. My heart is still racing and my eyes are fixed on a spot in the wall. I don't think and just stare until my phone rings. I take it out of my bag and see that it's Niall.

"Niall?" I say into the phone and slowly get off the floor.

"Hey, gorgeous!" He sings into the phone. "Where are you?"

"I-I'm at home. I'm at home, Niall." I talk quickly, making him automatically notice that something is wrong.

"Are you okay? You sound panicky." He says as I sit down on the couch.

"I'm all right." I mumble and lay down. I put my hand on my heart and feel it slowing down.

"Are you sure? I can come home right this moment, if you want." He suggests and I can't help it but smile.

"You don't have to. Just-Just keep talking to me, please." I say, making him chuckle. He starts telling him about his day, making my heart calm down and my body relax. He joked about getting me a car so that I could stay longer in the morning with him without being late to my classes. I told him no, because I really don't like it when he spends money on me, and said that he can buy me a car when we're married. He laughed and promised that he'll come home with a solution. We ended the call with I love yous.

Niall's name disappears on my display and I stare out my home screen picture for a while as I decide whether I should call my mum now or later. (It's a picture of me and Niall that we took on our first unofficial cinema date back in Fall.) I press on the phone button, ready to call my mum and ask her about everything when suddenly she's the one who calls me. I pick up instantly. "Mum!"

"Olivia, are you all right? Robert told me that you were late this morning? Is everything okay?" She asks and I can hear her walking around the house.

"Yes, I just overslept." I explain. "I really am all right, mum. Don't worry about me so much, okay?" I say I fix my hair with my other hand, as if she could see me through the phone.

"Why did you oversleep, Olive? That's nothing like you." She says and I nod agreeing, but she can't see that. And I really didn't oversleep. I was overwake (If that's even a word). I woke up way too early and started worrying about... it. And when I was supposed to get ready, I was doing it with Niall. And when I was supposed to sit in class, I was only getting ready.

"I don't know. The bed just felt super comfy." I say, making her laugh.

"You really are your mother's daughter." She says and I remember the time we were an hour late for school because mum overslept. When the teacher asked why Ethan and I were both late, mum said that the bed was just really comfortable. It made everyone in the class laugh, except for the teacher who gave my mum a disapproving look. It was the first day in the new school, after we freshly moved to Dublin, and my mother was already leaving a bad impression on my teacher who then proceeded to hate me and Ethan. That didn't stop us from being class best though.

"I bet ya, Miss Moore still hates us." I laugh short.

"I heard she's a Mrs now." Mum says and I can hear her sit down on our old but very comfy leader couch in her bedroom.

"Huh..." I can't imagine Miss Moore to be married, but anyway. I have to ask mum now or never. „Mum, can I ask you a question?" I ask.

"You're not pregnant, are you?" She asks. I bite my lip. Not anymore...

"No, I'm not. But I-I wanted to ask you about... my childhood." The last two words came out as a whisper.

"Olivia, I thought we already talked about it enough. Ethan never asks me about his childhood as much as you do and yours were pretty similar, except for the fact that you were the social one before it changed in your teen years, you know? There-There really isn't a lot to talk about it." She says and I can hear her moving around on the couch.

"But why can't I remember it?" I ask. It is as if I'm investigating on a murder case in which my mother is the killer and my lost memory the victim.

"Olive, I can't remember how I learned to walk either and nor can your dad or your brother. Why is it so important to you to know it all?" She asks as though not knowing anything before the age of 13 is a normal thing. I take a deep breath. This conversation isn't going anywhere.

"It just is, mum. Ethan can remember stuff that happened when he was twelve, eleven, ten and under but I can't. And all I really want to know is why?" I'm really trying to get to the truth this time. I've let myself get distracted way too often already. Every time I thought that I found out something about my past, I let it slide to the back of my head, forgetting about it until something else about my past comes up. But not this time. I won't let my mother chance the subject again, as she always does.

"Why don't you ask your brother? How is he, by the way?" She says and there again, she's trying to change the subject to my brother. "I haven't talked to him in ages. Is he doing alright? Eating well, yeah?"

"Mum, don't try to talk about Ethan now. Please. This is important to me. I really want to know why and Ethan won't tell me. Neither will dad or anyone else in the family. They all tell me to talk to you about it." I lean back on the couch and close my eyes, already knowing that this conversation is going nowhere. As always.

"Well, that's good, Olivia. And-and you should really not talk to anyone about it except for me."

"Why? Are you afraid they would slip and tell me something about my lost memory? Because if that's the case, then I'm going to call the whole family." I'm getting a bit annoyed at this moment.

"Don't. Olivia, please, just accept it and live on. You've manage to do so for so many years already, so why do you want to know the truth now?" She asks and I can hear that she's a bit panicky.

"Everyone can talk about their childhood, about the shows they watched, the stupid things they did and the stupid things they said, but I can't." I bite my lip and take a deep breath, hoping that that made her a little weak. "I'm an outcast when it comes to talking about childhood things, mum." I add, sounding extra sad about it, when in reality I'm not. It actually never bothered me when my friends talked about their childhood and I couldn't. I loved listening to them and they never pushed me tell them about mine. I'm going as far as to lying to my mother, just to find out about my past... wow, I think and instantly feel bad for lying to her.

"I'm sorry, Olivia, but you have to talk about other things, then." She says and exhales heavily.

"But—"

"Olivia, no! Please, don't bother me about it anymore." She exclaims and with that, she hangs up.

"URGH!" I groan and hold my phone tightly. I want to throw it against the fireplace, but I know that I would regret that after realizing that all the pictures of me and Niall are on it. "She's done it again." I mumble to myself. She managed to avoid talking about my lost memory yet again but I'm not giving up. I have to build up a strong defense like a lawyer and make it impossible for her to avoid the conversation again. I just have to, or else I won't be able to think about anything else.

I get up and go into the kitchen go get myself a drink. Water was on my mind, but when I open the door, my hand automatically reaches for the beer. I shrug and open it up before taking one huge sip. My body shivers. I go over to the oven and take the stack of pancakes that Niall made out of it.

"I'm home!" Niall yells from the entry way.

"Perfect timing!" I yell back and put the plate down. I open a few cabinets, looking for chocolate sirup as I hear Niall putting his keys down, then his backpack. I hear his footsteps approaching me and then feel his arms around my waist from behind. I turn around and cup his cheek. "Hello, love." I smile and kiss him softly.

"Is everything really okay? You sounded panicky on the phone." Niall asks as we pull apart.

Nothing is really ever okay, I think. "Yeah, everything's okay now, I guess."

"Good." He whispers and cups my cheeks before kissing my forehead. We pull apart and Niall finds the chocolate sirup. He puts some over the pancakes as I get us two forks. We start eating our breakfast for dinner and when he looks up from the plate and our eyes meet, I don't have any doubts anymore that he's the little boy in my dreams.