"You're serious?" I ask, my voice cold and sarcastic.

"Yes I'm fucking serious," he growls. "Why would I joke about that?"

"Maybe because we aren't together anymore," I bite my lip. "Or didn't you get the memo?"

I stand up the same time he does, feeling a bit intimidated by his height and proximity. He'd never hurt me physically.

"What is your problem?" He bites out, clenching his jaw, looking more dangerous than I've ever seen. What is wrong with him?

I know what her problem is. I'm a fucking idiot, that's her problem. I'm a fool for thinking ending things would be good for either of us. I thought she would end up finding a guy - no one like me - to love and be loved by. Then I hear from fucking Brittni that she's been seeing Dustin. My first thought was to break his fucking nose, but if I did that, she'd think I still care.

But you do.

Of course I do! Fuck! This past week has been absolutely hell and I blame that on myself. Angelique has been begging for more touching and I just can't stomach it. I've already made out with her once and I don't think I can do it again.

She doesn't do it like Nikki. Her lips don't move like Nikki's and the way her tongue delves into my mouth is just plain disgusting. After that, I've been reduced to only kissing her forehead and cheek. I know she's getting slightly frustrated with me, but what the hell. I'm only doing this so Nikki can get over me, hinting that I've done the same.

I haven't, though, I'm still so in love with her it hurts. I saw her cry Monday and Wednesday and it broke my heart. I wanted to run up to her, tell her how big of a fuck up I really am and tell her how much I love her. I fear that I'm in too deep now. Dustin already has his claws dug into her, as well, I can see the way she depends on him in a way that I wish I had. Or wish I had back.

Now, all I have is a clingy, whiny girl whose slept with half the school. I fucking hate my life.

"My problem?" I ask incredulously. "I don't have a problem. I can't say the same about you."

"Why can't you just move on?" He growls, looking angry and confused at the same time.

I feel hurt by his words, my eyes blinking to relieve the string.

"Is this a joke?" I feel like he's messing with me, like I'm on some hidden camera show and people are going to jump out and say "you've been punked!" That never happens. "I don't understand what happened."

I don't want to come out as needy, like I can't live without him. I don't want to chase him around like I need him to take me back, but I just can't stop myself from asking. I'm confused and hurt and in pain and I just want this to all be a dream.

"Us happened," he says making my stomach drop. "If I didn't start coming on to you, everything would be fucking normal."

"I can't believe you are saying this right now," I shake my head, biting my lip as a distraction from the tears threatening to fall down my cheeks. "I should be the one mad. I should be the one fucking wanting to chop your head off."

"You didn't lose your best friend to a girl, Nikki!" He whispered harshly, the wind blowing my hair around blocking my view of his anger. "You didn't have to go through that. I did. I've known Jackson for over ten years and I go and betray him in the worst way possible; I fucked his baby sister."

I let out a broken sob. "You're not the only one who made sacrifices, Colten. I lost my brother, my brother, do you know how that feels? He hasn't talked to me since Sunday and that's because I love you. I fought for you, and this is how you repay me?"

I let the tears flow freely now, there really is no use in trying to stop them. He'll always find a way to make me cry no matter what, and I've openly admitted it now. Maybe we really don't love each other, I mean, is it supposed to be this hard? Am I supposed to be crying every single day because of it? Is Colten supposed to be hurting?

But this isn't my Colten, this is not the guy I fell in love with.

"I fought for you and you left," I cry. "I did everything in my power to keep this relationship up and this is what happens? You deem it a mistake and go back to sleeping with Angelique."

The bile in my stomach tries to make its way up my throat, but I swallow it down. I will not do this to myself. Why even try? If he's not going to be the one that loves me unconditionally, why am I here?

"Get this through your head, Nikki," he takes a dangerous step closer to me. "I'm done. We're done. I don't want this anymore. I don't want to turn around and get punched in the face for acting like your boyfriend. We. Are. Done."

I slap him. This time my anger rules out sadness and my hand flies up to smack him right across the face. That's the same time the door to the restaurant opens. I see a flicker of the old Colten in his eyes at this, but when his eyes cast to the door, I see the anger return.

"You're boy toy is waiting," he snarls, his voice monotone in a way. I look behind me and see Dustin standing on the curb, a look of confusion on his face.

"You're right," I sniffle. "He is."

I walk away. I walk away and when I turn back around, Colten is zooming out of the parking lot, his tires squealing on the street.

I don't cry.

•••

I leave, because if I don't I'll fucking knock every single one of that pussy's teeth out. I feel my fists itch to turn back just to bust his face open, but I talk myself out of it.

God, I can't believe I just fucking did that. I hate myself. The look on her face...the look on her face when I said we were done keeps playing in my memory, distracting me from driving. Only a few more blocks.

I don't want us to be over, she has to know that, right? I'm doing this for her, only for her. It's time she has someone who can love her without the drama. She's been through a lot of shit in her life and she deserves something better. Better than me and my selfish and possessive ways. Better than her brother and I always fighting. This is all for her, it always has been.

I know she doesn't know it, but she'll thank me later. Hopefully.

I drive my truck all the way to James' feeling like I need a drink and a hit of something. James knows how to get the shit.

I don't knock before I barge into the house. James is eighteen now and moved out of his parents house for many reasons. He does fine with money, so whatever suits him, I'm okay with.

I see him sitting on the couch, nursing a beer he somehow got, and a game on tv.

"Hey buddy," he greets without looking at me.

"Hey," I breathe out, sitting on the opposite living chair as him and grab a beer from his case.

"Help yourself," he sarcastically remarks making me roll my eyes. "Troubling night?"

I take a swig. "Can't you tell?"

"Actually, yes," he finally looks over at me. "Besides, anyone who willingly takes Angelique out is bound to need it." (Oh the irony #LWMBBF)

"Don't even bring her into the conversation," I growl, taking another sip.

"So I take it you saw Nikki and Dustin finally?" Always the stupid person.

I look over at him lazily, my mood not the best right now. "Yes. Makes me want to fucking puke."

"I thought this is what you wanted?" He questions. "You know, her finding someone else."

"Yeah, but not fucking Dustin Capri," I snarl. The thoughts of punching him repeatedly in the face flash through my mind, but I know I can't do that. If he so much as touches her-

"Why can't you be smart?" James groans.

"Excuse me?" I growl, my glare fixated on James who doesn't seem to care.

"She's fucking it for you, man!" He shouts, making my eyes widen in shock. "Can't you see it! You're it for her, too. You guys have that strange relationship that no matter what, you'll always end up together."

I want to cuss him out, or hit him, but some part of me believes him. Maybe this is it for us, maybe we are the last for each other. Well, I know she's it for me, but what if I'm actually her last too? I guess it's too late now, she probably with Dustin, and he's probably making her feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Too bad I couldn't give her that.

"You guys are going to fucking get married," James takes a swig of his beer. "I bet money on that shit."

I doubt that. (Again! #LWMBBF)

Dustin drove me home, but that's it. The words to invite him in were on the tip of my tongue, but I'm not Colten. I don't find other guys to mess around with just because my boyfriend just dumped me.

Colten dumped me. Wow. The bitterness on my tongue is enough for me to start screaming and throwing crap around. I thought he was the one, I really did. I guess I was wrong. I didn't mean as much to him as he did me. I understand that now.

I take a shower before getting into bed, the darkness leaving me alone with my thoughts. Despite all that went on today, my eyes close from exhaustion, and I let them.

"Colten!" I screech. "Stop!"

"I know you don't want me too," he grins, his fingers moving against my sides again making me squirm and laugh.

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't want you too," I try to pry his hands away from mine, but they're too persistent and I'm too weak.

Suddenly, Colten blurs away and I'm left in the dark. The only thing that makes me sit up are the noises coming from close by.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." Over and over again, the same squeaky voice saying the same word. I kick the sheets off of me and head towards my door. When I open the wooden slab, the voice gets louder, saying the same thing.

My eyebrows furrow and I start walking in the direction of the noise. I get to a particular door and that's where the sound is the loudest. I push my ear against it, trying to get a better understanding of what may be going on, but when I get nothing, I open the door.

A sob immediately racks through my throat at the sight of my boyfriend and Angelique together. He's fucking her. She's loving it. He's loving it. I watch as he thrusts into her, my throat becoming hoarse of my screaming. They don't even notice me.

"Colten!" I scream-sob. I keep saying it, hoping he'll listen, but he never does.

"I love you," he strains. "So much."

"I love you."

"Oh my god," I sob, sliding down until I'm at my knees, my ands moving to my ears trying cover up the sounds but to no avail. I cry and scream, wanting it all to stop.

"Nikki!" No. "Nikki!" No, no. "Nikki!"

I jolt awake, a sob racking through my throat. Jackson wraps his arms around me and I just continue to cry. It felt so real, so vivid and life like.

"I'm so sorry, Nikki." He crying too. "I'm so sorry for everything."

I cry even more.

____________________