I stared down at my hand blankly, wondering if I was really looking at it or through it. I flexed my fingers and curled them back into a balled fist, clenching it so hard that my long nails dug into my flesh, puncturing it to the point where it drew a bit of blood.

I felt a warm trickle on my palm, wet against my skin but I didn't care. Instead, I shoved my hand into my pocket and peered up, my eyes immediately interlocking with the person sat before me, a clipboard in her hand.

"I knew deep in my heart that one day it was gonna happen but I never knew it would happen so soon and so brutally. But I had also hoped it would never happen, I hoped that for once in my life someone would stick around, and not because they feel obligated too but because they genuinely love me."

"But it's not her fault, nor is it yours. You won't tell me the specifics Mason but you said it yourself, you did what you had to do." She said, her brows perking upwards as she stared me down. "Yeah but I didn't have to go about it like that, what I did was wrong and in the moment I knew it too, and I did it anyway. . ."

"Why?" She inquired. Why? I never asked myself why, because I knew the answer wasn't pretty. The answer showed people and myself who I really was, a selfish, damaged prick. "Mason you came to me, obviously if you did that you needed to get things off your chest. The last time I saw you, you were seven, now you're 18 with all these problems and I don't like seeing you suffer."

The last time I came to a psychiatrist was when I was seven indeed. It was to find out what was wrong with me, why I was acting the way I was until I was diagnosed with BPD. But now I'm here again 11 years later and things have gotten much worse.

"I-I was jealous and selfish, that's why I said all those things to her."

"Jealous how?" She asked, genuinely confused. I sighed deeply and leaned back against the sofa, my eyes flickering towards the chipped ceiling hanging above my head. "I was jealous because she got to break free from the toxicity and I wanted her to feel the pain I felt.

Because I wanted her to feel what it was like to be ripped from something you want so dearly. To me that was her, but for her that was darkness and it angered me, knowing she loved the darkness more than me. She doesn't realize it yet but she's good and me being around her is only feeding the darkness inside her which only brings the bad to the surface.

The thing is when I detach myself from her she has no one to feed off of. But for me? I feed off myself and the darkness in me grows stronger whether I'm with her or not. And that's why I was jealous because she may be heartbroken but eventually, even if it takes a long time she'll get over it and she won't have any darkness to leach off of.

She'll be good again, and she won't be too damaged to realize it. While I'm just here, slowly consuming myself."

I squinted my eyes tightly, in hopes that the tears would subside. I didn't want to cry again, that was weakness, now wasn't the time for me to be weak. "You also mentioned that you were selfish, do you care to elaborate on that?"

I ran my hand over my face and sighed once again, I was fighting to hold back my tears but I could feel something forcing them out as I sat upright, my gaze flickering towards the floor. "I was selfish because I didn't want to be without her. Because without her I'm alone again, I have no one.

But if I stayed with her then she wouldn't be good, she'd be her worse self and I was willing to allow her to succumb to her darkness for my selfish desires. I was selfish because subconsciously I didn't want her to be good. Because if she were, then that would have meant she left me. . .remember? No darkness to feed off of equals good. No Mason, no bad Michelle."

"You can't blame yourself for Michelle being who she is." She said and I almost had the urge to burst into a fit of laughter as I stared back at her.

"If you stop fertilizing a plant it dies, but when you take care of it, feed it, nurture it, it grows and grows until it springs to life and then there's nothing more you can do unless you decide to chop the tree down. In this case, that's what I'm trying to do, I'm trying to prevent the tree from growing to its full capacity, because I'm afraid not even chopping it down will stop it when it's too late."

And that tree is so damn close to its edge.

"Kaleb," I let out in a shaky breath when he rounded my body to stand directly in front of me. He cocked his head sideways and smiled, "cupcake."

"Stay away from me," I snapped, tumbling back on my feet as I tried to distance us. He shook his head in what seemed to be disbelief as if I was obligated to trust him. After everything that happened between us, how could I?

How could I also forgive him for leaving my sister for dead? If that's even true. "You think I'd hurt you?" He chuckled softly, his eyes penetrating through mine as he took a step forward. "It's not anything you haven't done before," I spat.

He halted in his footsteps and just stood still, gazing down at me as if I were a peculiar creature. And as I stared up at him I couldn't help but notice some strange resemblance on his face, a resemblance to someone that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

Kaleb was incredibly handsome, but that's all there is to it. He is a cold, vindictive bastard and I can't let him persuade me into thinking he loves me. Not now, not ever. "That was a mistake, Cupcake. I never wanted to hurt you, and I did anyway."

"Yeah, you boys are all the same." I chuckled humorlessly as I pivoted on my heels to leave. But before I could run away his hand enclosed around my arm and he tugged me back to face him. I sucked in a harsh breath at the proximity between us and couldn't fight the movement of my head as I peered up at him.

He was tall, but not tall enough to put a good distance between our face. He always hovered just slightly above my lips and I hated how my heart hammered in my chest, "I'm not the only one who has ever lied to you, baby. I'm trying to atone for my mistakes but Mason. . .oh he just left didn't he?"

And it was like my lightswitch of common sense was suddenly flicked on once again and I snapped out of my doting over him and shoved him away angrily, "don't compare yourself to Mason you asshole."

Once again I pivoted on my heels to leave, thinking I'd get away this time before he said something, something that halted me in my footsteps in disbelief and only what I could describe as the ultimate betrayal.

"I may have cheated on you Michelle, but there's one thing you can say about me that you know is true. It's that I tell you everything, but I can't say the same thing for Mason. My brother is and has always been a dishonest, unhinged idiot, something he took from our mom."

And then suddenly it all made sense. His words came rushing back into my mind like a bloody flood, "he's like a brother to me," he use to say, as if he were speaking in terms of having a fall out with his best friend or something.

That brother of his that he only spoke about once, it was Kaleb? All those times they'd interact I could tell Mason had a pure hatred for him, and I never knew why he could hate someone so much as if they had killed someone he loved.

And now it all made sense.

He lied to me. He knew that for months I've been paranoid about seeing Kaleb, knowing that he did or had something to do with Deborah's murder. Knowing that I suspected he was after me, he never told me. All that talk about protecting me and bullshit. . .he was leading the lion right to its prey.

"I want to explain everything to you, Michelle. But I need you to trust me. I need you to trust me one last time. I promise I don't want to hurt you, you may not believe it and you may never will but I love you and losing you was one of the worse things that have ever happened to me. Please give me a chance to explain everything."

It seemed as if time had stilled as we both stood there facing one another, the tension between us so thick I could slice through it with a knife. Something in me ached to leave, but the angry part of me, the not so sensible part beckoned me to follow him.

Maybe it was the part of me going through withdrawal from its drug; unstableness, darkness, danger. I didn't want to go, but my body moved on its own accord and I found myself standing beside the limo's door he had propped open, waiting to see if I would enter.

And then I did.

And then the doors slammed shut and he was beside me, a smile etched on his lips. "I'm happy you decided to give me a chance to explain everything," he said. The limo began to roll off the curb and I sucked in a harsh breath at the chill that ran down my spine.

What was I doing?

"Explain yourself, Kaleb, I didn't come here to cozy up to you. I'm infuriated, I-I'm boiling with anger because all you and Mason and everyone in my fucking life has done is lie to me constantly and I just want someone to be honest for once!"

I didn't realize that tears were trickling down my cheek until Kaleb's cold fingertip swiped against my cheek, brushing it away. I didn't flinch away like I'd expected to but instead stared him dead in the eye, wondering how someone who appeared so calm and collected on the outside had all these secrets on the inside.

I guess no human is perfect. How could they be?

"I want to be honest with you too, Michelle. But it's a long story, and it's complicated and messed up. Just know that I really did have nothing to do with Deborah's death. I admit I was I-I am a selfish bastard for leaving her behind to save my own ass but Michelle one more strike and they weren't gonna send me to Juvenile detention center, I would have gone to prison.

They would have found a way to pin her death on me. The system doesn't like me, nor do they like Mason. And you'd think our dad being successful and all would help us but it didn't. Going to prison at this point is inevitable and that's why I ran, Michelle.

My dad got me a ticket to England and I went to boarding school. I couldn't stay here, stay a-and face you after what I did because I knew you'd hate me more. I wouldn't blame you, I cheated and then your sister says my name on her last dying breath. . .God, I'm so fucked up.

I-I don't want to make myself seem like this poor defenceless guy Michelle, if you continue hating me after this I don't blame you. You deserve so much better, not me, not Mason, not this whole mess. Y-you're in this whole mess because of me.

If you never met me the gang would never have had any interest in you and Mason wouldn't come into your life and make it worse. His 'friends' want to kill you, Michelle, to get to me and my boss because they know how much I love you."

Can I trust the boy I loved a year ago after thinking he killed my sister?

Could I possibly sit here and say, I believe you, Kaleb. After everything that's happened over the past year, how could I trust what he says? How could I trust what anyone says at this point? "Look me in the eye, cupcake. You could always tell when I was lying, tell me if I'm lying now."

I flickered my eyes towards him hesitantly and stared into them, and now that I knew that he was Mason's brother I could see the resemblance as clear as day. They had the same eyes, but if you looked closely you see could the little difference.

What was I doing?

"I never hurt Deborah and I'm so sorry for not helping her when I had the chance that day. I love you, cupcake, more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life. You mean so much to me and I only realized that after I messed up. You don't need to forgive me but I just needed you to know that."

I stayed silent, unable to form any words, unable to even part my lips as we sat in complete silence, the tension building up between us. My mind told me to get away from him, pop the handle of the door open and jump out.

But my body said stay. And then his fingers lightly brushed my cheek then trailed downwards until it tickled the nape of my neck, "Michelle-" he whispered, the sentence barely passing his lips before they were pressed down onto mine in a desperate kiss.

What are you doing?! My mind screamed at me as I flickered my eyes shut, ignoring the way his hands trailed down my hip and rested just on the small of my back. In one swift motion, he pulled me onto him and I gasped at the way we were pressed up against one another, so intimately.

And in a flash, all the memories of us together came flashing back in my mind and I couldn't help but deepen the kiss. I didn't know if it was because I was angry, angry at him, myself. . .Mason.

I just knew that at that moment I was getting a dose of what I missed and I didn't care from who.

I just needed it.