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Dedication: Graceelizabethbell for the awesome cover on the side. Thank you! :)

Recap:

"That's Carter," I grunted through my teeth, watching him run towards us as he was on his own jog.

"Woah," she breathed. "Can we just take a second to stare at him? I don't think I've seen someone so beautiful before."

"Oh please," I laughed, but definitely agreeing that his beauty was dazzling.

I did what she said and took a moment to stare at him. I realised then, he wasn't in his jogging clothes. He was sprinting towards me urgently, his eyes wide. My feet came to a stop before I even realised I had began to slow down. I backed up slightly, nervous. He didn't stop until he was inches from me, his hands gripping my forearms. Electricity spiked through my veins at his mere touch, like always. I inhaled, his scent overpowering me, as usual. God, I had missed him. Just looking at him and being around him. I just wanted to reach up and touch him, not caring at this moment everything that has happened. I missed my best friend, more than anything in the world. He hadn't been at school today which means I haven't seen him for over a week. Doesn't sound like long, but it felt like eternity.

"Lacey," he began breathlessly, his voice automatically causing goosebumps to errupt over my skin. I swallowed, trying to not show how much he was affecting me right now. "It's not mine."

"What?"

"The baby," he said, his face red. "Mercedes' baby, it's not mine."

My mouth fell open. I stopped breathing. I felt light-headed at the sudden revelation. I don't whether I wanted to pass out with happiness or be sick.

Carter wasn't the father.

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His arms securely wrapped around me and I melted into him. I buried my face into his chest, just wanting him to hold me. My mind and body were still in shock. I couldn't comprehend what he was saying. I clung to him as though my life depended on it. I missed him. I missed his touch, his smell, everything.

"How..." I began, unsure of how to even form a sentence right now. I shook my head, my heart beating fast in my chest. "How do you know?"

"Mercedes confessed. I'm not the father. The timing isn't right for me to be the father anyway, once she explained it."

I stepped back. "You-I-what?"

"I know. We can be togeth-"

"Because you're not the father, doesn't change the fact that you slept with my best friend." I said sharply, stepping back from him.

He opened his mouth to reply, but no words came out. He was speechless, which was rare for him. It was as though this news was magically supposed to fix everything? I shook my head, stepping back from him. I kept backing up until there was at least a metre between us.

"Sorry, I just... I have to go. Sorry Anna." I stammered, turning my back on both of them. I strode back towards my house. It wasn't until I collapsed on my bedroom floor that I realised my hands were trembling. Swallowing, I ran my hands through my sweat-drenched hair.

What the hell do I do now?

***

"Get your lazy butt up and get ready."

"Go away."

"Don't make me do it."

"Do what?"

I shouldn't have asked. My toasty blanket was ripped from my body, the cool morning air nipping at my exposed skin. A dramatic groan tore from my throat. I sat up, shooting death glares at a perky, red head who was standing at the end of my bed.

"Morning." Anna beamed, revealing two rows of shiny teeth.

"Why are you here?"

"Well, I'm assuming the 'days of our lives moment' yesterday would have you pretty scattered. I can already tell how much you dislike school and assumed you would use this as an excuse not to attend."

She already knew me too well.

"You're correct, so if you don't mind..." I trailed off as I pointed rudely towards my door.

"I do. Get up before I make you."

"Why do I need to go to school?" I groaned.

"Because this is our final year! Make the most of it. Stop being a little cry baby. Read my lips. Boys don't control your life. Get a grip girl! Go to school, keep your chin up and don't let this drama get you down."

My mouth fell open slightly. She was right, not that I would openly admit that to her. I was letting boys control my life. That verbal slap in the face was enough to make me think about the way I had been acting.

"Now get up, get dressed and let's go."

Begrudgingly, I clambered to my feet and began my morning routine. I slipped into my uncomfortable uniform and ran a hand through my long, blonde hair. I stared at myself momentarily in the mirror. My face looked gaunt. My cheek bones were defined and my eyes tired. My collar bones stuck out unattractively. From a distance, I looked fine and healthy. But when you looked close, you could see how thin and frail I really was.

Rolling my lips, I added some more make up underneath my eyes, in attempt to cover the darkness that circulated underneath them. Slowly, I spread some gloss across my lips and stepped back, my appearance having improved.

"You ready or what?" Anna asked, materialising beside me. "We have five minutes."

"Yeah, coming." I said, taking one last look at myself before turning my back on the mirror. I exhaled loudly. "Let's get this over with."

"Love your enthusiasm." she snickered, nudging me with her elbow. "Come on, I'll drive."

I slipped into her car cautiously, staring around. It was like a bomb had exploded inside it. There were clothes, wrappers and bottles scattered all around. She noticed my staring and shrugged nonchalantly at me.

"I sleep in my car a lot."

"Apparently," I muttered, staring at the blankets piled on the back seat and her pillow smooshed against the floor. I reached over and placed it on the back, spreading it out. "You have a home, right?"

"Yeah. I have a home." her voice changed. It became surprisingly sharp. I quirked an eyebrow at her abrupt attitude change. She was allowed to know every detail about my life but one question about her and she closes up? I shrugged it off and pressed my forehead against the glass, not saying anything else.

"Sorry." She muttered.

I didn't reply.

"I do have a home. I just don't get along with mum, so I crash in my car a lot."

"Do you need-"

"No. I'm fine."

"Okay." I snapped back.

"Honestly," she said, her voice becoming soft. "Thanks though. I don't get abused or anything. I just don't like her."

"Fair enough."

"And we're here, yay!" she cried out, fist pumping. "I love school!"

"It's scary that you actually do."

"Shut up," she laughed, punching me lightly. "I like the social side of it."

"Of course."

"Negative Nancy." she muttered playfully.

We entered the school hallway and my shoulder connected with someone. I stumbled backward, glancing up. Mercedes. She stared coolly at Anna beside me. She seemed almost jealous? Like she had any right to be.

I had so much I wanted to say. I wanted to scream at her, hit her, something. But that wouldn't solve anything. The way I act doesn't define what she has done. It would only define who I am.

"You know," she said, her voice low, her eyes penetrating into mine. "Look Lacey, I'm sorry-"

I pushed past her in attempt to take the high road. I don't want to hear what she has to say. I don't want someone like her in my life.

"Good choice." Anna said quietly. "Although a little disappointed you didn't hit her. But with the pregnancy and all, I understand."

Rolling my eyes, I chose not to reply to that. After collecting our essentials from the lockers, we parted ways. I rounded the corner, my head connecting with Carter's hard chest. Can a girl get a break? I stepped back, avoiding eye contact, but I could feel the heat of his stare on me. Giving in, I looked up.

"Hey." he murmured.

"Hey yourself."

"How are you?"

"Okay, you?"

"Okay."

Silence followed after and I immediately felt awkward.

"Want to go for a walk tonight?"

"A walk?" I questioned, stepping back. His tan was dark due to the consistent sunlight we had been getting. His hair was sun bleached more than ever. "Where would we walk?"

"Anywhere you want."

I stood there for a moment, contemplating. I suppose it wouldn't hurt. A walk sounds nice, actually. It would be good to talk.

"Yeah. Okay."

His eyebrows rose. "Okay?"

"Okay."

"Eat your heart out Hazel Grace."

"Don't overdo it." I laughed, pushing back against him. I felt a flare as soon as our skin made contact but ignored it. "I'll see you later."

"Okay."

"Stop it." I laughed over my shoulder, rolling my eyes. I looked up and saw Anna entering the classroom, her eyebrows raised suggestively. I made a face at her and she laughed, walking into the room.

Is it bad that I'm actually excited for tonight?

***

It was cold. I shrugged a large jacket over my skin tight shirt, doing up a couple of the buttons. I dropped to my knees and snaked my hand underneath my bed, trying to find some nice boots to wear.

A voice cleared behind me, causing a grin to automatically spread across my face.

"I thought we were meet-" my voice came to an abrupt stop when I realised who it was. Aiden stared at me. That wasn't who I was expecting. "Hey."

"Forget something?" he asked, his voice sharp.

I thought for a moment but came up blank.

"We were going to the movies tonight."

Not so blank anymore.

"Oh crap. I'm so sorry, it slipped my mind."

"Our date 'slipped your mind'?" he questioned, arms folded across his chest. "What's going on?"

"Nothing is going on."

"You going somewhere?" he asked, staring at my clothes and ignoring my previous response.

"I was going for a walk."

He nodded slowly, his jaw clenched. "By yourself?"

I didn't reply.

"Why aren't you happy? Why am I not enough for you?" he whispered. "What can I do to make you happy?"

"You do make me happy," I whispered back.

"Not enough. Not as much as him."

My eyes drifted close.

"I can't keep doing this. I can't keep waiting around for you."

I bit the inside of my cheek, my eyes stinging. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Not as sorry as I am."

"Aiden-" I tried one last time but he stepped back.

"I just can't do this anymore. See you around, Lacey."

I stared at the ground, rolling my tongue across my teeth. It was the right thing to do and I'm glad he broke up with me. I sighed, sitting back on my bed. I sat there, just thinking for a long time. My body jumped in alarm as my phone vibrated against my leg. Carter was waiting outside. Getting to my feet, I wandered out the front, the cool air slapping me in the face.

"Hey. You okay?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

I looked at him warningly and he held his hands up in a peace gesture. "That was unintentional that time."

"Sure it was."

"How's your counselling sessions been?" he asked when silence fell. I hugged my jumper closer to myself, feeling a little numb.

"Not too bad. Mainly revolve around you." I answered honestly.

"Understandable. I'm often a hot topic."

"Get over yourself," I scoffed, rolling my eyes. "How's life been for you?"

"Alright. I have been surfing a lot. That's mainly it really."

"I can tell. You're very bronze."

"I'm always bronze."

"Have you met Anna yet?" I asked, taking the initiative to keep the conversation going.

"Briefly. She seems cool."

"Yeah, she is." Our arms brushed and I held my breath slightly.

We continued to talk for quite some time. It was nice. It was just us, the way it used to be. We had circled the block twice and were back in front of my house. Admittedly, Aiden had slipped from my mind a while ago. It occurred to me that I had been waiting for him to do it. To finally end it. Deep down I think I knew he needed to be the one to do it for good, so that it was officially over. And honestly? I felt relieved. I'm glad he finally realised I was broken. That he could not fix me. He could do better.

"I should probably go." I found myself saying. The words tumbled from my mouth before I even knew they were going to.

"Yeah me too," he agreed, studying my face slightly.

He leaned forward and I held my breath involuntarily. Gently, he pressed his lips to my forehead.

"Goodnight, Lacey."

"Goodnight Carter." I whispered, not moving.

He stared at me for a moment, before dragging himself away. He turned, striding toward his house. I watched him go, a small smile on my face.

It were moments like this that made me appreciate having Carter in my life, despite everything that has happened.

***

The liquid burned my throat on the way down, but I didn't care. I stared down at the vodka with a sour expression planted on my face. I was glad I was drinking with another person right now. Last time by myself... didn't end so well. The taste reminded me of that dark time in my life. I didn't really want the flash back. It was too soon.

Anna, had convinced me to tag along to a party with her. It had been a little under a week since she started at school and already she was off with a bang. Sure, I was invited to parties but I never went. Too much drama when Carter was there. I didn't want to see him sucking faces with girls I have to face every day, not that I've seen him do that for a few months now.

I think I just needed some fun. And possibly the fact that I now actually have a friend to go to a party with made me actually want to go this time.

We looked pretty good, if I do say so myself. Anna's fiery red hair was straightened to perfection with a tight, black playsuit securely wrapped around her body. She had tall heels on and a clutch firmly planted in her palm, a vodka shot in her other.

I, on the other hand had settled with one of Anna's pretty red dresses that tied up at the back. Anna had taken it her duty to 'glamour' me up, so my hair was in ringlets shaping my face and my eyelashes longer than they'd ever been. I wore minimal make up on a daily basis, so seeing myself done up like this was actually pretty cool.

School hadn't been as awkward as I thought it would be. Aiden and I seemingly have mutually accepted the fact that we just don't work. We're not meant to be together. So he was back with his guys and I was with Anna.

I'd been talking to Carter more, which had been nice. Nightly walks had become an every night occurrence. He hadn't tried anything and I appreciated that. It was nice to just get to know each other again. Didn't stop me hoping that tonight would be different...

I slipped into some heels, again belonging to Anna, and grabbed my bag. Double checking that I had everything, I gave Anna the nod she had been waiting for. We decided to have pre-drinks an hour ago, which meant we were pretty much drunk already. That was good though, I didn't want to be in the 'awkward still getting on it' phase when arriving like most people do. I was focusing on walking straight and making sure I appeared sober, I carefully wound down my stairs.

"Ready to go mum?" I asked her.

She was perched on her back, legs folded over the arm rest. She gently placed her book down and slid her glasses back into her hair. It was nice to see her relaxed. She was usually bustling around the kitchen and organising forms for work. And yet, here I was disturbing her to drive me to a party.

"Yep. You girls look nice." She commented with a smile. "Whose party is it again?"

I didn't even know.

"Peter from school." Anna smiled. She spoke well but you could tell by her eyes she was drunk. Mum either chose to ignore this or was actually oblivious. "He's a bit shy so we're all going to try and make him actually have a good time."

"Aw, that's nice of you girls."

"Who?" I muttered when she came closer.

She shrugged at me. "First name I thought of."

I breathed a laugh, rolling my eyes. I followed them both out towards the car. I glanced over my shoulder, seeing Carter's bedroom light off. He was out. Out at the same party? I couldn't help but be curious. Did I want to see him? Yes, obviously, but what would I do if I saw him? Who knows what drunk Lacey is up too.

Trying to walk properly, I climbed into the car, my head spinning slightly. A smile made its way onto my face and I rested my head back. It was nice to feel this free again. It didn't take long before we were there. You could already hear the music. The bass vibrated against the floor. I quickly thanked mum and slipped out of the car, Anna not far behind. We waved as she left and stared at each other, smirking.

"Let's do this."

We linked arms childishly and made our way in. Our arrival instantly got attention, everyone already in love with Anna. Having her by my side made me feel more confident in every way. I was beginning to talk to people in my year again, that I hadn't in so long. It was nice. She gave me the push I have been needing. I was starting to actually make some friends again. I came to realise that being anti-social isn't as fun as I originally thought.

Straight away, we went to the beer pong game and began playing. I was pretty terrible, already too gone to focus as much as it is necessary in this game. I stumbled to the side, throwing my head back with laughter. I gripped the table and stared down at the jagged lines on my arm. They were still pretty fresh. I squeezed my eyes close, attempting to pretend they didn't exist.

"BRB girl," Anna called over her shoulder, sauntering towards a boy I've seen around school a few times. She didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around his neck and go in for the kill. I raised my eyebrows, a little impressed at her confidence. Well there you go. I couldn't help feel a little disappointed that she left, but I turned and continued a few more attempts at beer pong to kill time.

When I looked back up, both her and the boy were gone. I exhaled. Suppose I should go grab another drink. Watching the floor carefully, I waded through the small crowd of sweaty bodies toward my bag. I was almost there when a hand clutched mine. I was tugged roughly, hitting a couple of people on my way. I staggered outside, my head spinning.

"Hey," Carter said, his breath fanning my face. I could smell the alcohol on him. "I've been waiting for you."

"Have you?" I breathed, feeling a little exhilarated. "Why's that?"

Without warning, he cupped my face and kissed me. Tingles erupted through my body. With no moment of hesitation, I grabbed a fistful of his shirt, tugging him closer to me. Our lips moved together in synchronisation. I loved the taste of him and the feeling of his lips against mine. With ragged breathing, we parted. My chest was rising and falling, my cheeks flushed. He grinned at me, our noses still brushing.

"I have missed you so much."

"I have missed you too."

"You don't understand," he murmured, his lips brushing mine but not enough to be a kiss. "My body aches for you."