I woke up to the sound of my Monday morning alarm with puffy eyes and a headache. With a groan I roll over, tucking my head back under the covers. I spent so much time replaying Tyler's and I's breakup in my mind that I hardly slept a wink last night.

There's an empty pit in my stomach when I think about the way things went down. I remember Tyler's eyes looked like gray storm clouds instead of the normal sunny blue skies I used to get lost in. He was standoffish and restless which is a stark contrast to how easy and comfortable things normally feel. We've always been able to just "get" each other without trying. But not anymore, everything feels different now. He's not the same guy I was falling for. The boy I thought I knew is unrecognizable to me now.

I should have known better. How could I have been so naive to think that Tyler Johnson would choose me to begin with? He's the senior star athlete and I'm just, well, me. I shouldn't have let my girlish fantasies delude my thinking and trick me into believing there was more to us. The truth is, Tyler and I are nothing. We were just fooling ourselves before and now we are back to realty. Tyler made it clear he has more important things to do in his life and I can go back to how it's always been for me, the single one of the bunch.

It's not so bad. Nothing I'm not already accustomed to. Heck, I've pretty much mastered being single at this point. Besides, I have Payton and the girls to keep me company. I don't need Tyler or any other guy for that matter. Speaking of the girls, now I have to tell them the news. That's gonna suck. I hope this doesn't make anything weird between Payton and I. The last thing I need is to ruin the best friendship that I have here.....

I reluctantly crawl out of my bed and start getting ready for school. No point in putting off the inevitable.

***

"He didn't say more than two words to me last night when he got home. He finally showed up after we all were searching for him all day, told my parents he was sorry for being MIA, then locked himself in his room. I tried knocking but he ignored me. This morning he left early for a run before school." Payton is telling the girls when I find them standing near some lockers before first period.

"Hey Lila, did you hear from TJ at all last night? Kelly asks as I walk up.

"Yeah we spoke.....er, briefly." I do my best to keep my face neutral, the last thing I want is to get upset and start crying again.

"And? What did he say? He hasn't told me anything! He's icing me out!" Payton and the rest of the girls look at me with wide eyes.

"Well basically the short answer is...." I clear my throat and decide to just throw it all out there. Rip the bandaid off if you will. They might as well find out from me now so we don't have to wallow in this forever. Not like they won't figure it out the first time they see Tyler totally ignore my presence anyways.

"....Tyler feels like it's better we don't see each other anymore."

"Excuse me what?!" Rachel blurts in shock.

I steady my breathing and keep going "Tyler thinks it's better to not have any distractions right now. He wants to focus on reconciling his good standings with the scouts who were after him before he got suspended. Being with me is what messed things all up so I don't blame him for calling it quits on us." I trail off.

"This has to be a joke." Payton mumbles, dumbfounded.

"Are you okay?" Claire looks to me with concern in her eyes. I see the pity on all their faces immediately and I hate it. I don't want to be the girl who everyone is sad for. I don't even want to feel sad for myself. This all feels like way too much of a stupid high school cliché.

"Yeah, I'm fine, really." I lie. "Tyler and I, well.... I don't know what we were or if we were anything anyway. Maybe a lot of it was made up in my head.....but it doesn't matter anymore. He can do his football stuff and I'll go on about my regular life. I mean it's my fault this all happened anyway.....I don't want to mess anything up for him further." I try to downplay my emotions to the girls. Hopefully my brave face is believable.

"This is so NOT your fault Lila." Rachel chimes in.

"When I get my hands on him!" Payton looks at me with a blazing fire of anger in her eyes.

"No really Pay, it's gonna be ok. The last thing I want is for you to get in the middle of stuff between me and him. I knew he was your brother when I started having feelings and that was just a bad idea from the start. I never should have even let things get to this point."

Payton tries to interject and I keep talking instead.

"I promise, give me a few days and this will all be forgotten on my end....and please don't say anything to him. I don't want to make this worse than it already is. He made his choice and now I'm trying to move on..." I plead to Payton. I can't take on anymore embarrassment or guilt. I already feel terrible enough for potentially ruining Tyler's football career and the Bulldogs season, I don't need to add on causing a rift between Payton and her brother too.

"But he can't—"

"No but's! Promise me Payton. Just let this go. He's your brother, you don't need to do or say anything to him. You don't have to pick a side. You're always going to have his back just like you should. I don't want to come between you two." I give her a serious look.

Payton stares at me with sad eyes and for the first time in her life I think she's not sure what to say in the situation. Payton's a fixer, so I know this must be killing her.

"You can be a good sister to him and still be my friend too....in fact you don't get a choice. You do have to promise me that we won't let my "almost relationship" with Tyler come between us. That is something that is non-negotiable." I say with a half smile.

Payton doesn't need to say a word. She wraps her little spitfire body around me like a koala on a tree which turns into a giant bear hug between the five of us, right in the middle of the hallway.

"Alright alright, you guys are squeezing me too hard, I can't breathe!" I yell from the middle.

"You didn't really think you could get rid of us that easily now did you?" Kelly questions and we all laugh, squeezing each other even tighter.

***

My first three classes of the day served as a nice distraction from my broken heart. I channeled all my sorrow into being hyper focused on each lesson. If I just keep my mind occupied it can't wander back to Tyler. Yet, I find myself getting clammy hands and heart palpitations as I walk to Mrs. Sanders Advanced English class. I haven't seen Tyler since last night and I won't be able to avoid him anymore since this is the class we are partners in.

I decide to get to class as fast as possible so I can have a word with Mrs. Sanders privately about the possibility of switching groups for the project. Maybe if I explain what has happened she'll take pity on me and let me work with another person. As I walk in I find Tyler has beat me to it. He's standing over by Mrs. Sanders desk pleading with her to change his partner to Mason. Something about watching him explain why we aren't a good fit together anymore to our teacher feels like another stab to the heart. Even if I was going to try and do the same, it hurts more hearing Tyler tell another human he doesn't want to be with me. The wounds are still fresh.

"I'm sorry Mr. Johnson, but you know the rules. I told everyone at the beginning of the semester that partners were final so you and Ms. Daniels are going to have to tough this one out." She looks from Tyler to me standing in the doorway, her opinion unwavering.

I audibly gulp down my nerves and turn to take my seat. There's no point in fighting with Mrs. Sanders on the issue so I don't even try. Tyler grabs his notebooks from under his arm and throws them down to his desk next to mine. Besides Mrs. Sanders, we are the only two in class so far. The tension feels suffocatingly thick in the air. I pretend to be extremely fascinated with my cuticles and pick at my nails.

"Listen....about last night.....I—" Tyler starts.

"Please don't. Not here." Our classmates are starting to tickle in now. I feel a slow creep of embarrassment or maybe it's anger rising up my neck. I know if we continue talking I won't be able to choke back the tears that are barely being suppressed.

"Let's just do what we need to do for this class. We don't have to make this harder than it needs to be." My voice is short and to the point.

"Fine." Tyler says angrily and leans back in his chair.

A moment later Quinn, the leggy redhead with a notoriously bad attitude towards me saunters into class and sits down at the desk in front of me.

"Well well well, if it isn't Mr. Benchwarmer himself." Quinn turns to Tyler with an arrogant smirk.

"Not now Quinn." Tyler shoots back with a scowl.

"What?! Somebody still feeling a bit salty over your suspension?" Quinn laughs.

Anger is bubbling up inside me. Even if Tyler rejected me and we aren't in a good place right now, I still don't want to listen to Quinn taunt him. Especially not over something that I caused.

"Why don't you just turn around and shut up?!" I clap back.

"I know you're not talking to me like that." Quinn's eyes dart to me "You're the whole reason our two starters can't play right now anyway. So thanks a lot Lila for basically ending the season." She starts to clap sarcastically.

"Don't talk to her like that Quinn!" Tyler slams his fist on his desk, the words pouring out like venom. All the students who had been filtering into class stop and stare, startled by the outburst.

"That's enough! Do you three need to go see Principle Ford?" Mrs. Sanders calls to our corner of the classroom.

Quinn rolls her eyes at me in disgust and slowly turns back to face the front of the room. I know that with her this isn't over but she concedes for the moment. We are all silent. I shake my head at Mrs. Sanders and sink lower into my seat. Mason comes walking down the row and gives me a pathetic smile that I don't reciprocate. When the bell rings to start the period I try to discreetly wipe away a silent tear that managed to escape the corner of my eye at some point. I can't bring myself to look to my left at all. I'm afraid if I see Tyler's face I'll completely lose it all over again.

Mrs. Sanders lectured the whole hour and I pretended to jot down notes. In reality I didn't listen to a word she said. My mind was spiraling uncontrollably. Quinn is a jerk that I can't stand but that's not really anything new. What bothers me more is that Tyler can't even look at me without hatred and disdain. Deep down in my subconscious I was holding out hope that maybe after some sleep he would change his mind. Like if he had enough time to cool off he was going to realize what he's giving up in us and come back to his senses. I know, completely pathetic way of thinking, right? Why am I still holding out hope for a guy that clearly feels nothing for me anymore? I thought my heart would be able to let him go, but for reasons outside of my control it's a lot harder than I realized.

When the bell rings I dart out of class as fast as I can. I run into the nearest bathroom to collect myself. Standing over the sink I look at myself in the mirror. My eyes are red rimmed from fighting back tears and my face is hollow. I don't recognize the girl standing before me. I take a few deep breaths and run some cold water on my cheeks.

"One step at a time Lila, you can do this." I tell myself and walk out the door to find my friends.