Soleil

Walking back from an afternoon in the cafeteria, I have the sudden urge to be alone. My feet drag on the long, shiny hallway tiles. Every person I pass annoys me to no end. I want to be out of here already.

Elodie wasn't at lunch today, so I was forced to sit by myself and ward off any souls that dare try to slither into a seat next to me. I tried to make it blatantly obvious that I desired my solitude, but it's difficult for people to take a hint.

I think the only person who could alleviate my antisocial attitude at the moment is Fray, and he's locked outside like a misbehaved dog. I groan, missing him already and wondering how that's possible. It was a tough decision to tell him that I can't see him in any context other than the glass that separates us every night, but it had to be done. I made a promise to my Momma, but above all, I worry for the stranger whom I barely know.

I will not be responsible for him getting hurt, or his friends. I've already screwed up a lot in my life. I won't do it with Fray on the line too. I can't jeopardize him, and what we have. I hold it close to my heart, it's a secret that I've kept hidden from everyone that I know.

All I hope is that I can keep this up for as long as I need. Who knows how long that will even be. I try not to think about where Fray and I's relationship is going. It's likely to crash and burn as far as I'm concerned. The Board will never budge, they'll never even consider letting the new guys into the Group. It's a hopeless case.

Fray will leave eventually, moving on from here to find somewhere else that will give him what he wants. I try not to choke at the thought. It hurts. I've already formed a sort of attachment to the enormous man. He's my friend, even if I can't understand what he says.

There's so much sympathy in his eyes, emotion that I can't fathom seeing a guy from around here show.

I head for my Mom and I's room. I just want to lay down, my head feeling light and oddly airy. Even though I haven't really exerted myself in awhile.

We usually have chores to attend to, and most still do, but I was on gathering duty before crap hit the fan. Can't exactly gather stuff when we can't go outside. I wonder for the hundredth time when this charade will end.

Entering my room, I flick the light out for my own sanity. Maybe my headache will ease with a bit of rest. I can certainly wish. I need my energy for tonight when I go to visit Fray tonight.

I smile at the thought, overjoyed when I think of him.

"Is that smile for me?" I jump at the voice. Shocked and confused, I turn the light back on, gripping the switch for dear life.

It's my Momma's husband. Paul. He's standing over my bed with an easy smile that manages to creep me out. Something about him gets under my skin, and I want to shrink away until I disappear.

"Oh, uh, hi Paul." I manage, automatically pressing my back to the door for comfort. If I have the exit right behind me, then I won't be trapped.

Paul laughs, putting his hands on his hips.

"Oh, how many times do I need to tell you, sweetheart. You can call me Dad. I am your step-father after all..." I cringe at that. He's not my Dad. My Dad left when my Momma wanted to join the Group.

At the time I was sad that my Dad left, and a little resentful, but now I get it. He didn't want to have multiple wives. He didn't want me to grow up in that environment. Momma wanted us to be safe in a community, no matter what the cost was.

I can see things from both perspectives.

"I'm alright calling you Paul." I answer, wringing my hands. "I had a Dad, remember?"

He nods, and he slowly takes a step or two forward. He's casual about it, like I won't notice, but notice I do. I clear my throat.

"Yes, that man that abandoned his family. Shameful, really. And you know, you're right, I'm not your Dad, not really." He says quietly, moving forward with a delicacy that frightens me. I nod along to what he's saying, not knowing where he's going with this.

I feel so uncomfortable, I just want him to leave.

"You really are a beautiful girl." Paul tells me, his voice a murmur as he finally arrives in front of me. His figure isn't as large as Fray's, but he towers over me since I'm so short. He's not bulky, but more slim and narrow-shouldered. His blonde hair is already thinning at 40 years old.

I flinch when his hand comes up to tuck a curl of hair behind my ear. His sneer like grin continues to prevail, and I see something unfamiliar lurking in his gaze.

"I know you have many options for a husband, but I can promise you that I'd make a great choice." Paul looks smug, I feel disgusted. "Just ask your Morher."

And that's the last straw. I duck from under his arm, pushing him away slightly so I can fling the door open and run down the hallway. Hearing his heavy footsteps following me, I push harder to be faster than him.

I have to get away before I'm trapped, before he can get to me. Terror pushes me forward. My stomach lurches. This is my worst nightmare. The most horrible scenario I could possibly think of.

My Momma's husband wants me to be his next wife? I choke back a sob. I feel so violated.

Finally, I lose Paul. He's no longer after me, I think he might have given up a while back. I try to catch my breath, glancing up as the sound of thunder reaches my ears. I whirl my head around, looking at the pouring rain outside. I'm caught off guard. I didn't know I made it all the way here of all places.

It would seem that I ended up at the window wall, my body subconsciously bringing me somewhere where I would feel safe. I wipe the tears from my face away, the salty droplets only reflecting the harsh weather outside.

I don't feel safe right now, and that's why I have to get out, I have to go outside right now. Because if I don't find Fray, than I don't know what I'll do.