--- 27 ---

PAUL:

Sitting on the hard, cold bench, head in my hands, I felt nauseated because of just what I saw... blood... pain... misery... helplessness! My heart pounded harder with every passing minute and my eyes gave up every time I closed them because I had witnessed a dreadful moment and I know it'll haunt me forever if something happened today...

I felt like crying on the shoulder that could feel the pain. Curling up in the embrace of someone who could protect me... but I felt just as helpless as I sat in front of the Intensive Care Unit.

Not knowing what to think or what I should think, I forced myself to just stop thinking anything at all. Because the more I tried to think of any possibility that everything will be fine... the more I was loosing hope on it.

I ran my hands through my cold wet hair, clutching them tightly as if I'd rip them off! I would only if it'd help reversing back everything that had happened. How can a perfectly normal day turn out to be so miserable? So helpless?

I was helpless! I couldn't do anything!

I couldn't do anything but just hold her in my embrace when she cried. I couldn't even stop them both from driving away in such a crazy rain. I couldn't do anything!

I couldn't do anything when I was holding Andy's weightless body watching Austin drowning in unconsciousness in the pool of his own blood on the road.

I just stood like a statue watching them being carried away in the ambulance.

They'd rolled them both in the hospital together. Andy's face looked so calm and peaceful like she was just sleeping. Just as looking at her gave me hope that it will soon be over and they'll be alright, Austin on the other hand was taking away that feeling. Too quickly!

I couldn't do anything when they'd rolled Austin in the hospital on the stretcher, which was red with his blood. I just followed after them like a walking dead body, keeping my eyes on his distraught face because there was nothing else I could see.

And I couldn't do anything when Austin drew a long breath just before they rolled him in the Intensive Care Unit and I instantly knew that was his last one because after that were just the shouting doctors - 'we're loosing him!' - and disgruntled nurses running here and there picking and handing instruments and tubes and things I couldn't even register because all I could see was my brother's pale bloody face with no life in him.

They had ripped his wet shirt off as soon as they scooped him on the bed, attaching so many wires to his body and injecting fluids in him. One of the doctors started hammering his hands on his bare chest to get his heart start again. The other placed a hand pumping oxygen bag over his mouth, pumping wildly.

With every pump of oxygen, I felt the numbness filling in me. I tried not to hear anything but it wasn't any use.

'...too much blood loss...'

'...can't make it...'

'...keep pumping...'

I felt like shouting and tell them he'll make it through! I flinched at my own unsure thought... Everyone was so busy over him that nobody noticed me that I've followed my brother in, witnessing a dreadful scene. I couldn't feel being pushed by the nurses out of their way just as they didn't see me standing there because of the panic.

I just stood there like a statue, unable to move a muscle. I felt like my heart had stopped and my breath was gone. I couldn't even blink my eyes because I felt if I did, I'd never see Austin's face again. 'Please Austin... wake up...' my mind was whispering slowly. I was unsure why it was just whispering.

I was losing my brother... I Don't Want To Lose Him!! I gritted my teeth as I tried hard to believe that whatever it was, Austin will be fine.

'Prove me wrong Austin!' my mind pleaded again.

As the doctor hit his chest again, there was a beep and a sharp angle disturbed the dead straight line on the monitor. My heart started racing suddenly, like life was back in me. Another pump on the oxygen bag, another beep... another hit on the chest, another disturbed line on the monitor.

'Yes! You can do it! Come back Austin!' my mind repeated over and over and I felt my breath coming back to me.

Austin's chest rose and fell as his breath returned and there was a continuous beeping sound of his heartbeat over the happy sighs of the doctor. But not long before it started getting a little faster and I saw his feet flinch. His chest rose and fell heavily and he moved his head here and there, like trying to wear off the unconsciousness.

His eyes suddenly popped open and he somehow struggled to get up. "Hold him down!" the doctor shouted, pinning his arms down just as the other one got hold of his legs. Austin continuously struggled, though weakly, to get up. I felt a life filling in me to see him moving again but there was something more...

"Can you hear me?" the doctor was saying. "You're in the hospital. Just stay calm. Everything's fine."

Whatever the doctor was saying, I knew Austin wasn't hearing any of it. I concentrated on his face taking a tiny step towards him. His eyes suddenly fell on me. He moved his mouth but nothing came out. He struggled again despite of the pressure of doctors on him, trying to say something. I moved a little close and still nobody noticed I was there.

"A-" he choked. "An-dy...??" with all his strength - though there wasn't any - he spoke.

"She's fine!" I somehow found my voice which came out hoarsely. "She'll be okay. I-I... she's fine." I don't why I said it but I did. I lied but it didn't felt like a lie, because somehow I could feel that she was okay and nothing had happened to her. Nothing can happen to her!

I thought I saw a weak smile across Austin's face just for a second and then all of a sudden he choked out a lot of blood. His eyes rolled up and his face went chalk white. Before I could even catch my next breath, my whole body went numb, out of breath as his head fell back, rolling lifelessly.

"No!" I yelled, pushing away the doctor in front of me. I reached for his bloody face, taking it in my hands; I wildly scanned for life in it. "Get up Austin!" I whispered and then I yelled. "Get the freaking hell up you idiot! You can't do this to me! To any of us! You hear me!" I kept yelling, not knowing what was I saying and ignoring the hands around me that were trying to push me away. I ignored my wildly racing heart and I ignored the effortlessly stream of tears. All I wanted was him to get up. "God damn it Austin! Open your eyes! Don't do this man! Think of Andy! Think of your baby! Get the hell up! Think of me Austin!"

"Get Him Out Of Here!" the doctor shouted and suddenly there were quiet a few hands on me and they ripped me away from him.

"You can't die! You hear me! You Can't Die!" I shouted just before I was thrown out of the ICU.

"Please stay here and remain calm. We're doing everything we can." The nurse said politely and turned back in, closing the door at my face.

My legs gave up as the life got drained out of my whole body. I leaned against the wall, slipping myself down on the floor because there wasn't enough strength in me that could hold me up any longer. I took my face in my hands, trying to hide the tears that leaked uncontrollably from my eyes. I thought I was strong but there was nothing much stronger than the pain of loosing.

I didn't felt the wetness of the clothes anymore and I couldn't hear anything except for the beeping sound turning fast and suddenly fading away. I could hear Austin's voice echoing in my ears asking for Andy. A sob escaped my mouth. I wished I was right about her being okay. I wanted to see her. Look at her and tell her to stay alive but I was just too weak to face any more of that.

I've seen enough of Austin that I knew I wouldn't be able to see any more of Andy's pain. My heart was continuously praying for Austin's life because in just a few minutes I realized that I had nothing but a brother whom I've loved all my life.

I wish someone was here to help me calm down because the more I tried to ignore the sound of choking sobs of the blond girl with Seth asking for Andy and Austin, the more my heart sank at her every heartbreaking sob.

"Shh Col, everything's gonna be okay. They're going to be fine..." Seth's condolence was even more pathetic. She hides her face deep in Seth chest, cursing so many things for being responsible of this mess. I wished someone was here with me too...

I should tell mom about it... she was with dad on business tour. I wiped my face with soaked jacket I was wearing and fished out my phone but stopped instantly. 'She won't be able to take it...' I scrolled down to my dad's contact but something inside kept me from hitting the call button. He wont ever receive my call... he hates me!

But he has to know! His favorite son is fighting to live! I quickly stood up and walked down the hall to the pay-phone. I rolled in the cents, holding up the receiver to my ear I felt my legs wobbling. I gritted my teeth and dialed the number. My heart raced faster when after third ring I heard dad's voice from the other side.

"Blake Carlson speaking."

"Dad..." I let out dryly.

"Paul?" his voice was shocked.

I gulped in the lump in my throat. I didn't know how to say it. "Dad I wanna-"

"Look Paul, I can't talk right now. I'm in a meeting."

"I-It's important." I bit my lip.

"It can surely wait. I've got a very important meeting to attend." He said authoritatively, making my blood rise. Just because I wanted to talk to him he had to be in a meeting!

"No dad! Hell with your meeting! Hell with your business!" I almost yelled, punching my fist at the wall. "This can't wait!"

"Watch your toun-"

"Austin's been in an accident dad!" dad's grasp sucked my breath out. My helplessness was obvious and so was dad's shock in the silence that was stretching longer. I bit my lip to keep the tears in. "Austin and Andy both got in a car crash..." I started, feeling my voice dry, trying to break the silence. "...you need to be here. I'm at-" before I could even finish the line went dead from the other side.

I held the receiver for a long time staring at it blankly. I needed to hear his words. I needed his condolence but all he did was hung up on me! I felt I'd break in thousand pieces. Never in my life have I felt as helpless and miserable as I felt right now. I slammed back the receiver and started dragging myself nowhere in particular.

Someone stopped me in the middle, calling my name but I couldn't understand anything. My head was heavy and breakable. It was a doctor saying something to be but all I could do was to stare at his face. "...fine... shifted... private room... sedated.. wear off concussion... baby's save... both out of danger..." the doctor kept on saying until he patted my shoulder and walked away. I blinked my dry eyes and started dragging myself to the ICU where Austin was. But why was I going there? Didn't the doctor say he's fine and in a private room?

It was until then that I realized the doctor was talking about Andy. She was alright and so was the baby. A relief washed through me but I still sat on the bench in front of ICU because nothing seemed alright until Austin was in there. I took my face in my hands, ignoring everything as I felt the nausea building up in me, shedding dry tears over my misery...

I wish I could've done something... anything...

*************

It seemed like thousand days that I'd been sitting on the hard bench, trying to fight back the hopelessness when I heard a familiar voice calling my name through broken sobs. I opened my eyes straightening up, my neck was stiff and eyes heavy. I guessed I slept a little. Or maybe a little too much because mom was sitting beside me, scanning me through wet, worrying eyes.

"When did you came?" my voice came out hoarsely. I meant to ask how long I have slept, which I didn't felt like I've slept at all.

"Just a little while ago." Her voice was drained.

I quickly looked at my watch, noticing that my clothes were completely dry now. It had been more than five hours they'd brought Austin and Andy in.

"How did this happen?" mom whispered, forcing back her tears.

I didn't know how to tell or what to tell so I looked around and found Seth and that girl sitting at a distance. Dad stood opposite, hands in the pocket, wearing a distant expression. I gritted my teeth as he locked his sight with mine like it was all my fault this had happen. "They were driving fast and the car slipped..." I lied truthfully and stood up as I saw a doctor walking out of the Intensive Care Unit.

"How's he?" dad fired immediately as he came near. Mom quickly stood up beside me and Seth and that girl came running to us.

"He's stable now but still under observation." All of us let out a relieved sigh. "He's got a broken wrist and a broken rib but there's no serious internal injury. The injury on his head wasn't a major one but had caused a lot of blood loss..." he looked around, like carefully weighting his words. "...we're afraid he might slip into coma..."

His words pierced through me and so did my mom's deadly gasp followed by a sob.

"...still we're not sure because he's heavily sedated and until the medication wearies off, we can't say anything."

"Can we see him?" Dad asked slowly.

"It's better to let him rest Mr. Carlson." He patted dad's shoulder and turned to leave but mom quickly spoke shakily.

"H-how's An-Andy?"

The doctor looked at me with a weird expression and I recognized him instantly. He was the one who told me about Andy. "She's fine. There wasn't any injury but still we need to keep her under observation. We've shifted her in a private room." He stopped, shifting his gaze from me to mom whose expression was still worried. "There's nothing to worry Mrs. Carlson. The baby's fine too." He smiled but it died away as mom gasped.

"The ba-baby?" every eye around me got wide with shock. Oh yea I forgot this was the news for them.

"That's all Doc. I'll take it from here." I quickly said, shaking his hand walked him off. I walked passed dad, feeling his sight fixed on me. The girl with Seth seemed like she's faint and mom looked like a breathless corpse.

"Andy's pregnant?" Mom's voice didn't exactly come out but everyone heard it because it was the question of the day!

"Yeah..." I didn't exactly look at anyone.

"And you knew it Paul?" Mom grasped my arm.

"Yeah." I gulped in the lump in my throat.

"Oh my!" mom's voice was followed by the "God!" from that blond girl.

The little silence for the intake of shock was disturbed by dad's commanding voice. "How far along is she?" he asked like he was planning to kill it!

"Over two months." I clenched my fist as mom's grip got tight.

"Why didn't you tell us before?"

"Try sticking around here more and you'll know everything!" I broke away from mom's grasp and walked away.

I needed some fresh air. Every thing around was making me nauseated. Hospital's coldness. Unwelcoming walls... Medicines. Needles. Austin's bloody choke. Soundless sobs... dad's stare... my disappointment and his obvious hatred to me!

**************

Her low uneasy mumbling grew a little louder waking me up roughly like I'd been jolted out of my deep sleep. I tried to remember when I even closed my eyes but all I could remember was lying awake on the couch next to Andy's bed, staring at her delicate pale face. I was careful not to sleep even though it was three in the morning and it had been a long day, I didn't want to sleep because every time I closed my eyes, Austin's life-less face came flooding to my mind.

It horrified me. I was scared. Scared of what could've happen! But I guess my exhaustion took over me and I drifted to a rough dreamless sleep, full of darkness and misery!

Andy's troubled mumbles made my heart pound so hard against my chest that I thought the sound of it might wake her up. I forced myself up, dragging towards her bed. Her brows were fumed together and sparkling perspired droplets were hanging on her forehead. Her lips moved as if she was trying to speak or scream. Her mumbles were growing loud and clear.

"...out... no... die... won't let... Aus..."

I leaned to her taking her right hand in mine and brushed the other on her head. "Andy, wake up. Everything's fine." I slowly forced my voice out.

"...it's hurt... no..." she shut her closed eyes tightly.

"It's okay princess. Wake up. You're okay..." I squeezed her hand as she slowly started moving her head.

Her breathing grew a little vigorous, eyes tight shut, face turning here and there, she mumbled loudly. "Get out of the way!"

"Open your eyes Andy!" I yelled, as my heart pounded in my ear. Her face twitched and she popped opened her eyes, staring at the ceiling. Her face went paler as she held her breath looking around, confused and blankly. Her sight went through my face but she didn't seem to see me there. She didn't knew where she was or why and I doubt if she could feel my grip on her hand or hear my voice calling her name lightly.

"Look at me Andy..." I pleaded as her eyes rolled everywhere but me. "You're okay... everything'll be fine. Look at me..." I brushed my hand through her soft hair and she finally found my eyes. She locked her confused stare with mine for a little longer than a minute until her eyes got wide and she quickly sat up almost knocking me over.

"Car crash... Wh-what happened?" her voice was panic struck.

"Nothing happened." I sat across on the bed, squeezing her hand in assurance. "Everything's fine..." I tried to force a smile. She just stared in my blank eye, maybe not believing what I just said, until her dry eyes became wet.

She took a long breath, dropping her gaze at her stomach. "Is it d-dea-?"

"No! no." I slipped my hand to her cheek, pulling her face up so she could look at me. "Nothing happened to the baby. You'll soon be fat with it..." I let out a dry chuckle but she didn't even smile. I gulped the lump in my throat because I knew she'd ask me about Austin and I wasn't sure if I would be able to say anything so I tried to change the topic. "You know princess; this little buddy gave mom and your friend a heart attack... we shouldn't have kept this from them-"

"Where's Austin?" she asked abruptly.

I suddenly felt my mouth dry. "H-He's... fin-Alright..." I didn't know what word to use which would make her believe that I wasn't lying. I wasn't lying but I wasn't even telling the whole truth. I tried not to blink.

Her wet eyes wandered in mine. "I-I... the brakes... I hit him..." I pulled her to me as I saw the tear oozing out from the corner of her eye. "I'd hit him Paul!"

"Shh... it wasn't your fault. He's fine." I pulled her back. "Believe me. He'll be up and fit tomorrow." I wanted her to believe my lie.

"Where is he?" she looked around as if to find him sitting next to her.

"He's in the Inte- the other room, sleeping."

Her brows fumed together. "I want to see him."